Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs IV

If you’re new to Monday Mayhem, you’ll appreciate that I not only delve on the dark side of zombiehood, but also on the lighter side. And if you’re one of those folks who’s been reading me for a while, then by today’s title you’ll recognize where I’m going with this post.

Zombie Hunting License
Zombie Hunting License

That’s right. It’s that time again, folks. It’s time to put your thinking caps on and help me escape the zombies. Are you ready to indulge in some serious undead running? It ain’t gonna be pretty. Not today.

How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide. And if you missed them, here are the first three parts: I, II, III.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: Zombies have trapped twenty of your friends in the school gymnasium. The evil maggot bags are slamming against the door trying to get in. Your friends have barred the only entrance with a fire hose wrapped around the handles. They have minutes before the horde makes them meat. You’re alone in the hall on the opposite end, unarmed. Do you save your friends?

My Answer: My answer to this question will always be yes. At the same time, I’ll try to find something I can use to defend myself. If anything, I’ll try to draw them outside, giving my friends a chance to escape. Call me noble.

Zombie What Ifs IVScenario #2: You’re on a boat and you’ve run out of supplies. You have to get back to shore, but the undead have overrun the docks. If you land, you might as well say good-bye. What do you do? Do you take a chance at docking? Or do you attempt to sail to another port?

My Answer: Not knowing where to find another port will deter me from looking. Then again, I can try fishing to see if I can catch my dinner without sharks eating me. I’ll probably search the coast for a place where I can dock, then look for fresh supplies. This is a tough one.

Scenario #3: Your car ran out of gas in a small town. A service station rests two miles down Main Street. It’s dusk and soon you will not know what the evening will bring. Your passengers are shivering with fright. The two-mile hike is not far, but you’re afraid if you make the journey, your passengers will fall into the hands of the undead. Do you stay in town for the night; hoping shelter will provide the safety you need before dawn? Or do you take a chance, make the trek to the service station and when you return you hope to find the car and the passengers in one piece?

My Answer: I don’t know about you, but I’ll try to find a place to rest until morning, then I’ll make the journey to get gas in broad daylight. If anything, I want to see what will attempt to make me into a brunch dessert before I flee.

Scenario #4: On foot, you’re alone, running from the horde. You come across a bridge. Perfect. But you wonder if you cross it, will there be another horde on the other side waiting to turn you into its dinner. You take a chance, you cross the bridge. Halfway, another crowd of zombies appears at the opposite end of the bridge, just as you had suspected. What do you do? Do you turn back and take a chance hoping the original horde is not as gruesome as you might think? Or do throw yourself off the bridge to the water below, not knowing if the impact alone will kill you?

My Answer: I’d take a chance and go for the plunge. I’d rather die upon impact than to slowly waste away in the jaws of devouring zombies.


What would you do?


Jack Flacco is an author and the founder of Looking to God Ministries, an organization dedicated to spreading the Word of God through outreach programs, literature and preaching.

14 thoughts on “Zombie What Ifs IV

  1. Boat and docks are overrun…Proposed plan:

    Okay, out of supplies and need to get to shore. With the apocalypse in full swing there must be other boats that have moored out of range of zombies.

    I say go to the docks with one such commandeered boat. (Of course after clearing it of dead bodies and or other zombies.) Use the other boat to divert attention away from a small dingy rowing to shore somewhat away from the docks. Diversion tactic have members jumping up and down and making all sorts of noise to cover up the rowing from the dingy. So that other members can go get supplies.

  2. This seems quite fun.

    #1 I’d try to deter them, though it mtay be useuful since in a school- Janiter’s closet and Chemistry classroom. Find everything you need to light em up (and keep em that way).

    #2 Find a remote coastal spot to bring the boat to (I’d try my hand at fishing though if you have no supplies, get to coast find bugs, etc. to use as bait… or eat. Figure things out from there where to port and possbily re-supply.

    #3 Have to find a place to stake-out for the night. This one is all a matter of the town/situational set-up, i.e. places that would be safe to stay at. See what types of stores/shelters are around, pick one suitable (ample supplies hopefully).

    #4 This is tough (you give little insight into the “plunge.” However dependent on type of bridge could possibly climb to the underside and wait out for a bit first and then decide plunge or other options.

  3. Are you absolutely positive that becoming a zombie isn’t the best response to this? I mean, they might find it a pretty pleasant experience after some initial settling-in difficulties, and if we rule out an experience just because there’s difficulties setting things up, we’re ruling out a lot of life and afterlife.

  4. As you are the expert, Jack – I would follow your survival tactics.
    Part of my equipment would be a working flame-thrower.

  5. Scenario 1- I’d do the same. Find a weapon and make some noise to draw the zombies away from the gym. If I had time, I’d find a way to make an explosion or something really loud to bring them over. Preferably to a spot where I’m not trapped.

    Scenario 2- Barring that I don’t have a raft or smaller boat to take to shore, I’d try fishing. Maybe even go somewhere else and get close enough for an easy swim to shore. I’d only grab canned and other sealed foods in a backpack, so nothing would be ruined on the way back.

    Scenario 3- Look for shelter. If I was to get trapped at the service station then I’d be dead. They’re terrible defensive locations. A good night’s rest or seeing how bad the situation is might even relax the others.

    Scenario 4- I’d try to get as close to the water as I could before dropping. Probably climb over the edge of the bridge and get underneath. This really depends on the bridge too. If it has struts or something that runs to the river below then I would do that. Given the height is possibly lethal and it sounds like a long bridge, there would have to be something in the middle like this. Better to climb down and survive than leap, get horribly injured, and be snacked on when I was up on shore.

    1. In #4, it depends on the bridge. I left it open for interpretation on purpose to see how creative readers would be with the scenario. Love your ideas, Charles!

      1. Thanks. I was torn on the bridge one. The other idea was that it was a simple, wooden bridge. So I’d get as many zombies on there and burn it to the ground with them on it. After climbing down for safety, of course. Though, the water might save them and fire isn’t 100% effective against zombies. Probably a bad idea now that I think about it.

  6. Nice scenarios, Jack. Here’s what I’d do:

    Scenario #1: Any school gymnasium should be full of possible weapons, but I’d probably find somethiing else to use to bar the door, freeing the fire hose to be used for defence. Wait for the zombies to break in and then turn it on. A fire hose on full blast would be more than enough to rip through the decaying flesh of a horde of zombies leaving nothing but a rather clean pile of bones.

    Scenario #2: There’s plenty of food in the sea (fish, lobsters, mussels, sea urchins and so on), so no need to risk going ashore for it. Water is a different matter though. I’d keep looking for another port which might be safer until there was no other choice but to go ashore for water. Finding the next port should simply be a matter of keeping the coast in view and following it until you get to it. You’ve probably got about seven to ten days to get there before you die of dehydration – more if you’re willing to drink the blood from fish.

    Scenario #3: If there’s a car-full of people, I’d make them get out and push it to the gas station. Two miles isn’t far, and with five people pushing it wouldn’t be too difficult (I spent a lot of my student years pushing old bangers around as these were the only cars any of us could afford and it’s easier that it looks as long as you have enough people). If any zombies appeared, could always hide in the car for safety.

    Scenario #4: For some reason I pictured a rope bridge here, and if that was the case, I’d take an Indiana Jones-style approach and cut through it witth a machete. This would allow you to swing down, getting closer to the water and minimising the distance to fall into the water. If it was a proper bridge, you could climb over the side and crawl along the underneath (we used to do this type of thing as a kid just for kicks, and it’s surprisingly easy on most types of bridges) until you get to the other side where you can hopefully find a point where the drop isn’t going to kill you and you can escape without the undead seeing you.

    Anyway, fun stuff to be thinking about while procrastinating over work on a Monday afternoon!

      1. I figured this might be why you specifically mentioned a fire hose, and it got me thinking that fire hoses, and indeed things like water cannons, pressure washers etc would be exceedingly powerful weapons against the undead as they would strip flesh from bones with remarkable ease (this is, after all, how they mechanically recover meat to make hamburgers!)

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