undead – Looking to God

Zombie Theories

Posted on November 16, 2015November 15, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Sometimes I wonder where these zombie theories come from in this age of scientific advancement. Humanity is not an idiot, but some of the lesser-known theories deserve to die a quiet death with little to no fanfare whatsoever. These Monday Mayhem posts have been a staple around here at JackFlacco.com, so why not talk about them, giving them the proper respect they ought to have? Perhaps there is something to learn for everyone involved.

Witch Doctor [Photo Credit: Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.]

The very first theory is that voodoo will bring back the dead. For that to happen, there would have to be a witch doctor willing to bring back the dead. Unbelievably, such a case in Haiti existed where a man had died and a voodoo doctor had brought the corpse back to life. What is now known is the good doctor had poisoned the victim to deceive the family into believing the man had perished of an aliment of some sort. When the family had buried the victim, the voodoo doctor had exhumed the body, fed it another cocktail of hallucinogens and made the man a servant keeping him drugged for decades until the doctor’s death. The case was nothing more than a charlatan taking advantage of the poor in order to gain free labor from its intended victim.

Going further with the case, should zombies truly rise from voodoo, civilization would be in a quandary. Who would administer the drugs? What will be the effect of these victims on the economy? Should it really happen, where would it take place? Certainly, it couldn’t happen in the developed countries of North America.

The other theory, which far surpasses reality, has to do with aliens. This theory is so farfetched that it isn’t even worth documenting. However, an element of fun exists in this theory that no one can really resist not documenting it.

Consider an alien race that has come to Earth as a means of populating it with its kind. The aliens utilize ray beams to change the masses into obedient servants, thereby rendering the population vulnerable to conquest. Sounds ridiculous, yet George A. Romero‘s Night of the Living Dead has a variation of the theme where an accident from space changes a quiet town into a zombie feeding ground. Gone is the audience’s sense of intellect, replaced only by the acceptance of sheer fiction in a situation that is as likely to happen as the earth standing still for forty-eight hours.

Lastly, no zombie apocalypse would be complete without the dreaded virus that turns humanity into bags of roaming nut jobs. Who can dispute that above all the outlandish theories, this is the one that has remained in the forefront as the one-and-only that makes the most sense. However, the reality is far from perfect. For this theory to work, the virus’ victims would have to succumb to yielding their inhibitions to consuming human meat, not only from an individual standpoint but also from a community perspective. Unless plied with a crate of dopamine, it would appear that such an event would fall in the realm of “hardly unlikely”.

With that, the forum is open for discussion. What do you think of zombie apocalypse theories?

Get the Ranger Martin trilogy now!

What other theories are so outrageous that they aren’t worth the time reading?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs VIII

Posted on September 7, 2015September 4, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Today’s Labor Day weekend is all about fun! That’s right. It’s Monday Mayhem again, folks. It’s time to put your thinking caps on and help me escape the zombies. Are you ready to indulge in some serious undead running?

How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide. And if you missed them, here are the first seven parts: I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: You’re in the woods looking for a place to sleep. In an hour, you’ll lose the light and will have nothing but the night to keep you company. You’ve discovered by some of the others who used to be part of your group that you are a loud snorer. In fact, you’re so loud that your entire group fell to the undead because of your obnoxious condition that had alerted a crowd of fly-breaders to your location earlier in the day. You manage to find a cabin. Inside, you also find it cozy if you were to leave the lights off. The shutters will do well with keeping the changed away from the area. Now the dilemma. Knowing of your condition, how will you guarantee to get a good night’s sleep without hinting at where you’re sleeping? Will your snoring be the end of you this time around?

My Answer: Apparently sleeping on one’s side is the best solution. Then again, so is sticking your head under a bucket. I’m not sure if that would help.

Scenario #2: Running several miles from a horde on the city street, you don’t notice the manhole ahead as you sprint toward a building. You fall in and injure your leg. You’re knee-deep in sewage and you can’t stand for long. If you stay where you landed, the zombies won’t touch you. It could be the zombies hate the smell of filth coming from the hole. Who knows? At the same time, because you fell into raw sewage, your injury will become susceptible for infection and you might pass out from the stench, thereby drowning in the only place where you find it safe. What are you going to do? Do you climb the ladder, take a chance by running to the building you wanted to get to before you cross paths with the crowd, or do you wait them out, hoping that in the meantime you won’t die in the bowels of the city?

My Answer: Get me out of here. The quicker I get to that building, the faster I can find clean clothes—I hope.

Scenario #3: The store at the end of the road is the only thing keeping the zombies from having their time with you. You duck through the door, lock it tight and run to the back where you find a rear exit. Before you can make it through though, three draggers pile from the entrance and chase you through the aisles as you try to avoid their paws from grabbing a hold in order to sink their teeth into you. Next thing you know, the front door bursts open and the rest of the crowd that was chasing you appear once more, marking their territory with their putrid smell. The way to get out of this alive would be to find a weapon, cut a path though the store and escape through the rear entrance. The only real problem is that it’s a dressmaking shop. Where are you going to find a weapon that would put those miserable rot-bags in their place?

My Answer: I figure a dressmaking shop will have scissors, but with a horde after you, it will take more than scissors to get out of this mess.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What would you do?

Monday Mayhem

Cottage Zombies

Posted on August 3, 2015August 2, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Given it’s a holiday where I live, and most townsfolk around these parts have gone away for the weekend, I thought for today’s Monday Mayhem feature I’d talk about zombies in cottage country. As weird as the subject sounds, I would find it interesting should the zombie apocalypse occur on a long weekend in an isolated area. Let me explain what I mean.

What if you’re sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake fishing to your heart’s content while you hear awful noises coming from the woods? Would you row the boat to investigate or would you simply sit there hoping no one or anything notices you? The idea that the zombie apocalypse could occur in a rural area is remote—no pun intended. In a city, if there is an infection of undead proportions, not everyone would have a chance to make it out alive. The infection would spread from person to person, and those caught by the the roaming hordes will become part of the crowd.

However, in rural areas, there is a slim possibility that whatever happens in the city will also happen on the farms. The likelihood of that happening is slim, since people would be further away from each other in order for anyone to infect others.

What about cottage country? Wouldn’t the zombies have the time of their lives hunting humans, since the environment would be quieter than the city and anyone making any noise would alert the chewers to their location? What if it were a long weekend?

To me, if such a scenario does take place, I can only relate the incident to one thing—those caught on the beach on Amity Island in the film Jaws. In the film, the small island becomes a feeding ground to a great white shark. The town is small and it relies on summer dollars from tourists to keep the economy afloat. Similarly, many of cottage towns in our vicinity thrive on summer dollars to stay in business, therefore, there is a heavy push for towns to bring in city-folk into the region.

Again, I ask, would it be possible a zombie apocalypse could occur in cottage country?

My answer is a resounding yes. An ordinary cottage town of a thousand people mushrooms in the summer to ten to fifteen thousand. If one should have the zombie infection, the whole region could come under scrutiny. Furthermore, since many of these cottage towns border on a lake, most if not all the people will be on the beach enjoying the sun while the rampage occurs.

Ah, yes. But someone may ask, how could it affect other towns?

Remember that guy in the boat? Do you think he has a chance of getting out if he knows the whole town has turned zombie? Would he row to another area of the lake as a means to escape? He could. It is possible. Unfortunately, it isn’t probable. He has one of two decisions to act upon. Either a) he stays in the boat hoping he has enough provisions to outlast the apocalypse, which I doubt, or b) he could land his dingy ashore, take a chance and run through the woods for an escape.

Either way, he won’t make it.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend, folks!

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Do you think a zombie apocalypse could take place in the rural backwoods of cottage country? What do you think would be the best way to prevent such an event from occurring?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: A Survival Guide

Posted on July 13, 2015July 14, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Two years ago, I wrote an article called Zombie Emergency Kit based on the CDC‘s Zombie Preparedness page. In the article, I go on in detail about what kind of items people should keep at their disposal in order to survive a zombie apocalypse. I thought for today’s Monday Mayhem feature, I would revisit the topic and add a few more points to the already long list of items.

Let me be clear about one thing: If there ever was a zombie apocalypse, I hope I’m dead and buried way before then. I don’t know about anyone else, but if I see a zombie roaming about my property, no amount of convincing will deter me from my main course of action—and that is to run.

Right, but what if you make it through the first wave of zombie attacks? What then? You’ll need to make do with what you have on hand. That’s where this list comes in handy.

Jack Flacco’s Zombie Emergency Kit

Water, food, clothing and any other miscellaneous items—your neighbors will have many of these items available once they’ve turned into zombies
The only item on the CDC list left untouched: first aid kit (whistle, antibiotic ointment, bandages, face masks, gloves and reference book)
Multipurpose supplies (Louisville Slugger baseball bat, golf club, screwdriver, hammer, butcher knife, darts, picture frame wire, shards of glass)
Real paper map(s) of the area

Having the supplies is one thing, knowing what to do with them is another.

Finding a place to hide for a few days at a time will be the key. If a one-gallon ration of water per day per person is doable, then hiding in a basement will be comfortable. Food can be hard to find, given much of the supply chain will no longer exist. But if you can muster canned goods from your now-undead neighbor, life will be good. You can live for months in the same neighborhood going from house to house living off supplies stashed in cupboards and pantries.

Getting your hands on a first aid kit will also be critical for survival. Zombies love the smell of blood. One nick from a razor could mean death. Make sure you have plenty of bandages and lots of antiseptic. You don’t know what germs will be floating around when the undead walk the earth. My rule of thumb is never to touch your face. Germs tend to live on surfaces for a long time, up to twenty-four hours. Best keeping your hands where you can see them. You never know when touching something can lead to unintended results.

Now comes the fun part. As a means of keeping your friends and family safe, you’ll need a few things. My personal choice, as it should be in any zombie survivor’s bag of tricks is the Louisville Slugger baseball bat. It’s portable, you don’t run out of bullets, and you can make a mess of things from a fair distance. A golf club will do the same thing, but I prefer baseball to golf. Again, that’s a personal choice. A screwdriver, hammer, butcher knife will take care of things as well, however you’ll have to get close to the undead to unleash your brand of justice. Suffice it say, there is no end to the creativity a zombie slayer possesses in the throes of an apocalypse.

Last thing on the list is sporting around a real paper map. Can you still find one these days? If you don’t know where you’re going, you certainly don’t know where you are. Having a paper map will help with finding supply stores that may still hold stock. However, should a good portion of the population have survived a change into zombiehood, it would be better to hunker down in some farm, grow your own food and live the life of a nomad.

In other words, and this is my final advice—stay out of the cities.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What is your strategy for surviving a zombie apocalypse? What supplies would you look for when scavenging for good?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Problems

Posted on June 1, 2015May 31, 2015 by Jack Flacco

I wouldn’t want to be a zombie. Although some may not agree, a zombie life seems much too complicated a life to live. What’s complicated about it? Okay, I’ll agree that roaming about seeking of whom they may devour sounds simple. It’s not. There are elements that zombies have to take into consideration when doing the roaming about.

For Monday Mayhem, let’s have a look at what those elements are.

Predators—As strange as it may seem, zombies have a natural predator. The hunted is the hunter. Humans do not take kindly when the undead mess around with their turf. Even if zombies can tear human’s apart, humans can pose a great risk to zombies. Humans can band together to destroy zombies permanently.
Water—As much as zombies could rule the earth, toss them into water, they’re useless. They might float but more than likely they will sink to the bottom. If anything, they will walk the depths until they find a place to climb out of their watery grave.
Walls—Zombies don’t do well with walls. Unless they’re like ants, as depicted in World War Z, they can’t climb. They might do well with ladders, but they’d have to figure out how a ladder works.
Guns—Nothing scares a zombie more than a shotgun pointed at its face. That is to say, if a zombie had any fear whatsoever. Most of the time, it’s charging and not worried about the huge hole it will have in its head if a human were to pull the trigger. Guns and zombies do not make for a good combination to the undead.
Knives—Equally as devastating as a gun is the knife. One good thrust in the undead’s temple and it’s lights out Mr. Chewer. The positive side in the knife battle issue for zombies is that humans have to get close to inflict damage. By then however, one bite is all they need to make it a fair game for everyone.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles—Zombies would have a hard time defending themselves against a semi-truck headed in their direction. The impact alone would kill them, let alone the mess it would make all over the highway. Any transportation device really would count as a weapon against the undead.
Tight Alleys—You either get or don’t get this. With a horde of zombies trampling their way through a city, a group would surely get stuck in an alley somewhere because of them piling in there all at the same time. Shoulder to shoulder, crunched in a small space, can anyone deny their stupidity for having done such a silly thing?
Fire—If life teaches humans anything, it’s that fire is a great equalizer. Nations use it to subdue other nations, why not human use it to subdue zombies?
Winter—Canadian winters are brutal animals. They drag from the Arctic, cover the cities and freeze everything in their wake. A zombie would do well moving to Florida when a Canadian winter hits.
A Samurai Sword—Given the Samurai sword has made debuts in feature films and TV shows as a weapon of choice for zombie slayers, no doubt the undead would feel the threat of its cold steel gleaming in the sunlight. The undead would do well running as fast and as far away as they can.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What other problems do zombies have to face when chasing their dinner through an alley or a library?

Monday Mayhem

Zombies Everywhere

Posted on May 25, 2015May 18, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Have you ever walked in the dark with your hands leading the way hoping not to hit a wall? Of course, you could be looking for the light switch or better still, attempting to find your way to the fridge. I know I’ve done it. Late night snacks are a specialty of mine. There’s a moment in time, however, when you’re standing there thinking if anyone were to attack me from within the darkness, I will swing as hard and as wildly as I can to maim the intruder.

Have you ever thought of zombies that way?

Let’s take a moment out of Monday Mayhem to talk about the least likely places you would find zombies, as I know I think about this, and well, perhaps others may think the same thing.

Okay, so the darkness would be somewhere you’d find a zombie. Maybe that wasn’t the best example in the world. You gotta admit, it is scary to find one of the rot breeders stalking you as you prepare to have a midnight snack.

How about going further with it? How about a ball game? Do you think you’d find a zombie at a ball game? It is after all a least likely place to find the undead. Can you imagine the home team leading three-two, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, one more strike and the umpire is ready to call the game? Then, out from the dugout a zombie appears in all its monster glory—pale eyes, bruised face, and an attitude only a zombie slayer would love to put in its place.

It wouldn’t cause panic, but it would sure give the ballplayers the onus to do something about it. I mean, think about it. Baseball bats, baseballs that can fly at about 100mph. No way would a zombie be able to survive in a ball field with professional baseball players.

What about a cruise ship? It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase Caribbean cruise lines. You’re enjoying the sunset, taking in the sea air, romance is sparking between you and your other half, then, as quickly as the last ray disappears over the horizon, a groan coming from behind alerts you of something evil heading your way. I’m sure cruise lines have exterior lighting, I don’t know, I’ve never been on one, but wouldn’t you think twice before booking that reservation to that all-inclusive? It would give a completely new meaning to the phrase, “A bad day at sea is better than a good day at the office.”

I would consider that a really bad day.

The last one has to do with commuting. You take the train into the city and discover a foul smell as part of your morning commute. Unlike other foul smells you’ve attributed to that of hitting a skunk or the tinge of diesel in the air, this has the odor of death. When you turn to the entrance of the carriage, you see seated in the last row of the train, a sight you’d rather forget—a zombie of unsuspecting demeanor ready to take the life of its next victim.

On a Monday, no less.

What about it? Where would you least find a zombie appearing in your day?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Where would a zombie scare you the most if it appeared out of nowhere?

Monday Mayhem

The Roamer

Posted on May 18, 2015May 17, 2015 by Jack Flacco

What would you do if one night you awoke to the sound of a zombie ambling through your house? Would you attempt to find and kill it? Or would you run as fast as you could to evade its ferocious appetite?

Occasionally I ask these hypothetical questions for my Monday Mayhem series as a way to explore what my readers are thinking. I don’t ask these questions all the time, but this week I thought it would be fun thinking through the scenario with the understanding that whatever anyone says, it does not leave this site. We might actually get something done today.

Right. Moving along.

The scenario also works if you hear a zombie at three in the morning moaning in the middle of the hall of the apartment building. The scenario doesn’t need to take place in a house. And, if you’re living in the woods somewhere, well, then you’re free to do whatever you want.

Again, I’ll ask the question. What would you do if a zombie awakens you from your slumber in the safety of your domicile? Would you run? Or would you fight back?

This is what I would do—it’s all hypothetical anyway. I would first find out about the moaning. If it were during a time when the zombie apocalypse has just taken over the world, then I’ll know it’s the undead coming to claim a victim. However, if the zombie apocalypse has yet to spring into action, then I’ll have a number of things to consider.

Things for me to consider will be to understand if the thing in the house was real. It could be that the water tank was making noises again. But if it wasn’t the water tank, then I’m the type of guy who would have to see with my own eyes what was causing the chaos.

Once I’ve determined I can see it, I have to know if I can kill it. Then again, it could be human, and he/she was simply breaking in. Although if the thing was moaning I doubt it would be human. The point being, I want to know if it truly is one of those rot chewers whose life has disappeared in a mangled array of decomposing sinew and tissue. End of my rambling.

If it is one of the undead, then I can’t let it go roaming about the house without doing something about it. As someone familiar with zombies, I have to get it out of my home much like chasing a bat out of the bedroom with a broom. In the outdoors, I can then deliver some heavy Old Testament retribution.

Luckily I sleep with a baseball bat next to the bed. Oh, wait—that was in the other house I was living in. Well, from now on I will be sleeping with a baseball bat next to the bed.

This is my plan: I’ll retrieve my Louisville Slugger, run past it down the stairs and outside to the backyard. If it takes the bait, it’ll come after me. But I’ll be ready for it. All I need are a few quick swipes and it’ll be eating lumber in no time.

Okay, so that’s what I would do. What would you do?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Do you think you can defeat a zombie in real life?

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: