Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombies Everywhere

Have you ever walked in the dark with your hands leading the way hoping not to hit a wall? Of course, you could be looking for the light switch or better still, attempting to find your way to the fridge. I know I’ve done it. Late night snacks are a specialty of mine. There’s a moment in time, however, when you’re standing there thinking if anyone were to attack me from within the darkness, I will swing as hard and as wildly as I can to maim the intruder.

Milwaukee Brewers Stadium
Milwaukee Brewers Stadium

Have you ever thought of zombies that way?

Let’s take a moment out of Monday Mayhem to talk about the least likely places you would find zombies, as I know I think about this, and well, perhaps others may think the same thing.

Okay, so the darkness would be somewhere you’d find a zombie. Maybe that wasn’t the best example in the world. You gotta admit, it is scary to find one of the rot breeders stalking you as you prepare to have a midnight snack.

How about going further with it? How about a ball game? Do you think you’d find a zombie at a ball game? It is after all a least likely place to find the undead. Can you imagine the home team leading three-two, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, one more strike and the umpire is ready to call the game? Then, out from the dugout a zombie appears in all its monster glory—pale eyes, bruised face, and an attitude only a zombie slayer would love to put in its place.

It wouldn’t cause panic, but it would sure give the ballplayers the onus to do something about it. I mean, think about it. Baseball bats, baseballs that can fly at about 100mph. No way would a zombie be able to survive in a ball field with professional baseball players.

The Disney Magic in Key West, FL.
The Disney Magic in Key West, FL.

What about a cruise ship? It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase Caribbean cruise lines. You’re enjoying the sunset, taking in the sea air, romance is sparking between you and your other half, then, as quickly as the last ray disappears over the horizon, a groan coming from behind alerts you of something evil heading your way. I’m sure cruise lines have exterior lighting, I don’t know, I’ve never been on one, but wouldn’t you think twice before booking that reservation to that all-inclusive? It would give a completely new meaning to the phrase, “A bad day at sea is better than a good day at the office.”

I would consider that a really bad day.

The last one has to do with commuting. You take the train into the city and discover a foul smell as part of your morning commute. Unlike other foul smells you’ve attributed to that of hitting a skunk or the tinge of diesel in the air, this has the odor of death. When you turn to the entrance of the carriage, you see seated in the last row of the train, a sight you’d rather forget—a zombie of unsuspecting demeanor ready to take the life of its next victim.

On a Monday, no less.

What about it? Where would you least find a zombie appearing in your day?


Where would a zombie scare you the most if it appeared out of nowhere?


Jack Flacco is an author and the founder of Looking to God Ministries, an organization dedicated to spreading the Word of God through outreach programs, literature and preaching.

9 thoughts on “Zombies Everywhere

      1. To fit into the glove box of a car, a zombie would’ve had to have been a contortionist or expert at origami, or both. 🙂

  1. Zombies are mindless, non communicating protoplasm which need nourishment. I therefore avoid Taco Bell, Subway and McD’s for they are for mindless entities seeking food.

  2. If it popped up in a men’s washroom. What do I do – Throw soap in its eyes ? Hit it with a blow drier ? Give it a high school swirlie ?

    A hospital. At least there would be chemicals that would cause fire & electrical devices that I could jury – rig to zap it with several thousand volts.

    A meat – processing plant. Blades & conveyor belts. The poor mindless entitity wouldn’t know when to jump off of a conveyor belt headed towards a meat slicer.

    Ikea – I would be so DEAD.

    A used car dealership. If zombies learned to drive……

    A morgue / mortuary, OBVIOUSLY.

      1. All those blades – A zombie would get turned into Soylent Green. Spoiled Soylent Green, but still….

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