Posted in Monday Mayhem

What If Zombies Knock?

It’s Monday Mayhem and you know what that means—yep, zombies running amok making life miserable for all humanity.

Los Angeles
Los Angeles

If you’ve read my Zombie Apocalypse: Revisited post last week, I wrote how I believed if a zombie apocalypse were to take place it would happen in a large urban area. Some have mentioned to me later that it would be more difficult to detect the event in a rural area instead, thus a challenge to contain.

Regardless of where it happens, we’d still have to find ways to defend ourselves. In my post Zombie Kill of the Week II, I wrote a detailed list of how I’d like to see zombies killed. As amusing as it was writing that post, some truth remains: If a zombie were to enter our house, what would we do? It’s fun saying we’d love to jam an ice pick in the soft part of its temple but if we didn’t have an ice pick, it ain’t goin’ die by lookin’ at the thing and screamin’. That’s a fact.

So, what are we to do? What would you do?

Here are a few tips you can use in the event the world collapses and the zombies begin knocking on your door.

  1. Doorway
    Doorway

    Do not open the door. Simple, right? Wrong. Those resilient maggot bags will stop at nothing if they hear life creaking inside your house. Don’t assume they’ll show up in the middle of the day either. Expect the unexpected. They can appear anytime. If you have a snorer in the house, lock ‘em in a windowless room in the basement. You don’t need those miserable gut suckers chomping on anyone in your household at three in the morning. Bar all the doors with deadbolts and chairs. Board up your windows and make only one door your access point. Dictate which door they can use.

  2. Keep weapons handy. If zombies make it into the house, let their first greeting be a bullet to the head. Nothing says hello like a .357 Magnum. Be careful though, a gunshot will alert the others and instead of fending off one, you’ll have to deal with a whole neighborhood full of scab festerers. That’s why it would be a good idea to keep an assortment of garden tools interspersed throughout the house. A shovel can perform the duel role of cracking skulls and burying the remains. A hoe can function in a similar manner. Again, always think of the multiple uses for these tools. Now let’s say one of these brain eaters chases you around the house. What are you going to do? Sporting equipment works good too. Wouldn’t it be a relief to know at the end of a hall you can grab a baseball bat and beat the living tar out of these zombies? There’s nothing like hearing the crack of a Louisville Slugger upside the head of an undead.
  3. Plan an escape route. If worse comes to worse and the whole house gets overrun with those walking fly heaps, the next and best course of action is to—RUN! Don’t stick around. Don’t even look back. You cannot afford to stay in the house any longer. Take what you can carry and head for the hills. Your life depends on it. If you’d planned ahead, you would have left a loose bottom board to one of the ground floor windows to make it easy for you to kick in and crawl through. Better still, you could have rigged the whole house to explode with you and your family safely halfway to the woods. This would ensure the zombies would remain in the house and you wouldn’t have to worry about stragglers chasing you.
  4. Prepare a secondary home. As with any plan there should always be a Plan B. If something should happen to your primary residence, it would be beneficial to have a secondary residence in mind to act as your temporary home. This could be anything from a barn, a tent in the woods to a shed. Anything that will function as a place where you can lay your head without worrying if you’ll still have a head by morning.

These are only a few tips to keep those vermin beasts at bay while you plan your escape for the coast and hop on a boat for the nearest island away from it all.

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What are your plans for the zombie apocalypse? Have you figured out an escape route? Will you be heading to an island somewhere in the Caribbean?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombies Everywhere

Have you ever walked in the dark with your hands leading the way hoping not to hit a wall? Of course, you could be looking for the light switch or better still, attempting to find your way to the fridge. I know I’ve done it. Late night snacks are a specialty of mine. There’s a moment in time, however, when you’re standing there thinking if anyone were to attack me from within the darkness, I will swing as hard and as wildly as I can to maim the intruder.

Milwaukee Brewers Stadium
Milwaukee Brewers Stadium

Have you ever thought of zombies that way?

Let’s take a moment out of Monday Mayhem to talk about the least likely places you would find zombies, as I know I think about this, and well, perhaps others may think the same thing.

Okay, so the darkness would be somewhere you’d find a zombie. Maybe that wasn’t the best example in the world. You gotta admit, it is scary to find one of the rot breeders stalking you as you prepare to have a midnight snack.

How about going further with it? How about a ball game? Do you think you’d find a zombie at a ball game? It is after all a least likely place to find the undead. Can you imagine the home team leading three-two, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, one more strike and the umpire is ready to call the game? Then, out from the dugout a zombie appears in all its monster glory—pale eyes, bruised face, and an attitude only a zombie slayer would love to put in its place.

It wouldn’t cause panic, but it would sure give the ballplayers the onus to do something about it. I mean, think about it. Baseball bats, baseballs that can fly at about 100mph. No way would a zombie be able to survive in a ball field with professional baseball players.

The Disney Magic in Key West, FL.
The Disney Magic in Key West, FL.

What about a cruise ship? It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase Caribbean cruise lines. You’re enjoying the sunset, taking in the sea air, romance is sparking between you and your other half, then, as quickly as the last ray disappears over the horizon, a groan coming from behind alerts you of something evil heading your way. I’m sure cruise lines have exterior lighting, I don’t know, I’ve never been on one, but wouldn’t you think twice before booking that reservation to that all-inclusive? It would give a completely new meaning to the phrase, “A bad day at sea is better than a good day at the office.”

I would consider that a really bad day.

The last one has to do with commuting. You take the train into the city and discover a foul smell as part of your morning commute. Unlike other foul smells you’ve attributed to that of hitting a skunk or the tinge of diesel in the air, this has the odor of death. When you turn to the entrance of the carriage, you see seated in the last row of the train, a sight you’d rather forget—a zombie of unsuspecting demeanor ready to take the life of its next victim.

On a Monday, no less.

What about it? Where would you least find a zombie appearing in your day?

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Where would a zombie scare you the most if it appeared out of nowhere?

Posted in Freedom Friday, Photo Opportunities

Our Dates

Once a week my wife and I do something special. Something unique to reflect what we like doing as a couple. It may be going out to eat, watch a movie or just sit outside and talk. Whatever we choose, thank goodness the kids have nothing to do with it. For this edition of Freedom Friday, I’d like to give you a peek at what we enjoy doing on a date.

One of our many walks through our neighborhood
One of our many walks through our neighborhood

My wife and I have been married forever, although it doesn’t seem that way, given I still think it was yesterday. But yeah, we’ve been married for a long, long time. During the course of our life, we’ve done almost everything together. We visited Disney World, Disneyland, the Caribbean, Nova Scotia (oodles of times)—suffice it to say we’ve traveled a fair bit. However, what we enjoy the most are the simple things in life. No matter how busy we get throughout the week, we always try to spend some time away alone. It’s difficult with the kids, but we’ve managed quite fine.

Our big night is movie night. Every weekend, we pick a movie we’d like to watch, get some snacks, plop on the couch into a cuddle, and become entranced by the images on the screen. Sometimes the movie’s great. But sometimes, ugh, it’s awful. This prompts us to heckle the characters, which usually leads me to throw unknown projectiles at the screen. I can’t say how many times I have found popcorn, toys and socks behind the TV. It makes for some interesting conversation the next day, though. That’s what’s important, right?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve taken an opportunity every week or so to ask my wife out at our favorite eatery. Down the street from us, we visit a cozy, little restaurant called Mr. Greek. We call it “our place”. This is where we talk about life in general, in the warm setting of Greek food and music. It also provides some much-needed downtime in the middle of the week between tossing the kids between activities and the regular daily chores. We look forward to these impromptu dates. We really don’t know what our conversation will be like, but we know we’ll have lots to say.

Weekend Getaway to Barrie, Ontario
Weekend Getaway to Barrie, Ontario

Another fun thing we like doing together is to take weekends away from it all. We’re rather blessed because our town is located in and around resort country. A few minutes drive, we’re into beautiful vistas of lakes, streams and forests. One of the most memorable weekends we had without the kids was last spring when we traveled to Barrie, Ontario. We reserved a hotel room for a couple of nights and had fun in the pool, restaurants, walks, talks—it was so great. We had a fabulous time. You know, there’s nothing like being alone together without the cares of the daily grind.

I’m going to let this post fade with our most favorite thing we enjoy doing (besides that). We’re walking enthusiasts. Yep. We love walking around our neighborhood, hand-in-hand, talking, laughing, joking—gosh, I just noticed we seem to talk a lot with each other, huh? In the summer, our usual jaunt begins from our house and covers about two kilometers (a mile). As we take in the aroma of BBQ drifting in the air, we love seeing our neighbors’ kids having fun kicking a soccer ball in their yard.

What are your favorite things to do on a date? Do you have some place special you like to go?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Saying No to Zombies

It’s Monday Mayhem and you know what that means—yep, zombies running amok making life miserable for all humanity.

Large Urban Area
Large Urban Area

If you’ve read my Zombie Apocalypse: Ground Zero post last week, I wrote how I believed if a zombie apocalypse were take place it would happen in a large urban area. Some have commented that it would be more difficult to detect the event in a rural area instead, thus a challenge to contain.

Regardless of where it happens, we’d still have to find ways to defend ourselves. In my post Zombie Kill of the Week, I wrote a detailed list of how I’d like to see zombies killed. As amusing as it was writing that post, some truth remains: If a zombie were to enter our house, what would we do? It’s fun saying we’d love to jam an ice pick in the soft part of its temple but if we didn’t have an ice pick, it ain’t goin’ die by lookin’ at the thing and screamin’. That’s a fact.

So, what are we to do? What would you do?

Here are a few tips you can use in the event the world collapses and the zombies begin knocking on your door.

  1. Typical Front Door
    Typical Front Door

    Do not open the door. Simple, right? Wrong. Those resilient maggot bags will stop at nothing if they hear life creaking inside your house. Don’t assume they’ll show up in the middle of the day either. Expect the unexpected. They can appear anytime. If you have a snorer in the house, lock ‘em in a windowless room in the basement. You don’t need those miserable gut suckers chomping on anyone in your household at three in the morning. Bar all the doors with deadbolts and chairs. Board up your windows and make only one door your access point. Dictate which door they can use.

  2. Keep weapons handy. If zombies make it into the house, let their first greeting be a bullet to the head. Nothing says hello like a .357 Magnum. Be careful though, a gunshot will alert the others and instead of fending off one, you’ll have to deal with a whole neighborhood full of scab festerers. That’s why it would be a good idea to keep an assortment of garden tools interspersed throughout the house. A shovel can perform the duel role of cracking skulls and burying the remains. A hoe can function in a similar manner. Again, always think of the multiple uses for these tools. Now let’s say one of these brain eaters chases you around the house. What are you going to do? Sporting equipment works good too. Wouldn’t it be a relief to know at the end of a hall you can grab a baseball bat and beat the living tar out of these zombies? There’s nothing like hearing the crack of a Louisville Slugger upside the head of an undead.
  3. Plan an escape route. If worse comes to worse and the whole house gets overrun with those walking fly heaps, the next and best course of action is to—RUN! Don’t stick around. Don’t even look back. You cannot afford to stay in the house any longer. Take what you can carry and head for the hills. Your life depends on it. If you’d planned ahead, you would have left a loose bottom board to one of the ground floor windows to make it easy for you to kick in and crawl through. Better still, you could have rigged the whole house to explode with you and your family safely halfway to the woods. This would ensure the zombies would remain in the house and you wouldn’t have to worry about stragglers chasing you.
  4. Prepare a secondary home. As with any plan there should always be a Plan B. If something should happen to your primary residence, it would be beneficial to have a secondary residence in mind to act as your temporary home. This could be anything from a barn, a tent in the woods to a shed. Anything that will function as a place where you can lay your head without worrying if you’ll still have a head by morning.

These are only a few tips to keep those vermin beasts at bay while you plan your escape for the coast and hop on a boat for the nearest island away from it all.

What are your plans for the zombie apocalypse? Have you figured out an escape route? Will you be heading to an island somewhere in the Caribbean?