Zombie Problems

I wouldn’t want to be a zombie. Although some may not agree, a zombie life seems much too complicated a life to live. What’s complicated about it? Okay, I’ll agree that roaming about seeking of whom they may devour sounds simple. It’s not. There are elements that zombies have to take into consideration when doing the roaming about.

For Monday Mayhem, let’s have a look at what those elements are.

1. Predators—As strange as it may seem, zombies have a natural predator. The hunted is the hunter. Humans do not take kindly when the undead mess around with their turf. Even if zombies can tear human’s apart, humans can pose a great risk to zombies. Humans can band together to destroy zombies permanently.
2. Water—As much as zombies could rule the earth, toss them into water, they’re useless. They might float but more than likely they will sink to the bottom. If anything, they will walk the depths until they find a place to climb out of their watery grave.
3. Walls—Zombies don’t do well with walls. Unless they’re like ants, as depicted in World War Z, they can’t climb. They might do well with ladders, but they’d have to figure out how a ladder works.
4. Guns—Nothing scares a zombie more than a shotgun pointed at its face. That is to say, if a zombie had any fear whatsoever. Most of the time, it’s charging and not worried about the huge hole it will have in its head if a human were to pull the trigger. Guns and zombies do not make for a good combination to the undead.
5. Knives—Equally as devastating as a gun is the knife. One good thrust in the undead’s temple and it’s lights out Mr. Chewer. The positive side in the knife battle issue for zombies is that humans have to get close to inflict damage. By then however, one bite is all they need to make it a fair game for everyone.
6. Planes, Trains and Automobiles—Zombies would have a hard time defending themselves against a semi-truck headed in their direction. The impact alone would kill them, let alone the mess it would make all over the highway. Any transportation device really would count as a weapon against the undead.
7. Tight Alleys—You either get or don’t get this. With a horde of zombies trampling their way through a city, a group would surely get stuck in an alley somewhere because of them piling in there all at the same time. Shoulder to shoulder, crunched in a small space, can anyone deny their stupidity for having done such a silly thing?
8. Fire—If life teaches humans anything, it’s that fire is a great equalizer. Nations use it to subdue other nations, why not human use it to subdue zombies?
9. Winter—Canadian winters are brutal animals. They drag from the Arctic, cover the cities and freeze everything in their wake. A zombie would do well moving to Florida when a Canadian winter hits.
10. A Samurai Sword—Given the Samurai sword has made debuts in feature films and TV shows as a weapon of choice for zombie slayers, no doubt the undead would feel the threat of its cold steel gleaming in the sunlight. The undead would do well running as fast and as far away as they can.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What other problems do zombies have to face when chasing their dinner through an alley or a library?