Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Problems

I wouldn’t want to be a zombie. Although some may not agree, a zombie life seems much too complicated a life to live. What’s complicated about it? Okay, I’ll agree that roaming about seeking of whom they may devour sounds simple. It’s not. There are elements that zombies have to take into consideration when doing the roaming about.

World War Z
World War Z

For Monday Mayhem, let’s have a look at what those elements are.

  1. Predators—As strange as it may seem, zombies have a natural predator. The hunted is the hunter. Humans do not take kindly when the undead mess around with their turf. Even if zombies can tear human’s apart, humans can pose a great risk to zombies. Humans can band together to destroy zombies permanently.
  2. Water—As much as zombies could rule the earth, toss them into water, they’re useless. They might float but more than likely they will sink to the bottom. If anything, they will walk the depths until they find a place to climb out of their watery grave.
  3. Walls—Zombies don’t do well with walls. Unless they’re like ants, as depicted in World War Z, they can’t climb. They might do well with ladders, but they’d have to figure out how a ladder works.
  4. Guns—Nothing scares a zombie more than a shotgun pointed at its face. That is to say, if a zombie had any fear whatsoever. Most of the time, it’s charging and not worried about the huge hole it will have in its head if a human were to pull the trigger. Guns and zombies do not make for a good combination to the undead.
  5. Knives—Equally as devastating as a gun is the knife. One good thrust in the undead’s temple and it’s lights out Mr. Chewer. The positive side in the knife battle issue for zombies is that humans have to get close to inflict damage. By then however, one bite is all they need to make it a fair game for everyone.
  6. Planes, Trains and Automobiles—Zombies would have a hard time defending themselves against a semi-truck headed in their direction. The impact alone would kill them, let alone the mess it would make all over the highway. Any transportation device really would count as a weapon against the undead.
  7. Tight Alleys—You either get or don’t get this. With a horde of zombies trampling their way through a city, a group would surely get stuck in an alley somewhere because of them piling in there all at the same time. Shoulder to shoulder, crunched in a small space, can anyone deny their stupidity for having done such a silly thing?
  8. Fire—If life teaches humans anything, it’s that fire is a great equalizer. Nations use it to subdue other nations, why not human use it to subdue zombies?
  9. Winter—Canadian winters are brutal animals. They drag from the Arctic, cover the cities and freeze everything in their wake. A zombie would do well moving to Florida when a Canadian winter hits.
  10. A Samurai Sword—Given the Samurai sword has made debuts in feature films and TV shows as a weapon of choice for zombie slayers, no doubt the undead would feel the threat of its cold steel gleaming in the sunlight. The undead would do well running as fast and as far away as they can.


What other problems do zombies have to face when chasing their dinner through an alley or a library?


Jack Flacco is an author and the founder of Looking to God Ministries, an organization dedicated to spreading the Word of God through outreach programs, literature and preaching.

14 thoughts on “Zombie Problems

  1. Natural disasters would be a problem. Zombies wouldn’t know to take cover during a tornado or earthquake. Flash floods would be devastating, especially if it has a lot of debris. One thing I always wondered is if natural scavengers like crows and rats would be attracted to zombies. They smell dead and those that are on the ground might get eaten.

    1. Imagine a tornado picked up a bunch of zombies? It could drop them anywhere – now that would be terrifying. I liked the swamp in The Walking Dead where zombies got stuck in the mud. Seems such a mundane problem for such a fearsome creature. Stairs often seem a problem (are their legs too stiff to climb properly?) and I wonder about deserts – without sweat to cool them down, would they just dry into papery skeletons?

      1. I’d think a lot of the zombies would get torn apart by wreckage within the tornado or get smashed on impact. The desert is an interesting one. Would dehydration be a big factor to them?

      2. There’s definitely a bad horror/disaster film to be made here…
        I can’t remember seeing too many dehydrated zombies, guess its effects depend on the science of how whichever kind we’re facing have been infected…

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