undead – Page 5 – Looking to God

Zombies at Sea

Posted on March 17, 2014March 19, 2014 by Jack Flacco

The safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse is at sea. Last summer’s blockbuster hit World War Z proved this by setting the story’s base of operations on a battleship stationed off the coast of the United States. For my Monday Mayhem series, let’s have a look at a few reasons why it would make sense to live on the ocean during the undead’s reign of terror on dry land. Similarly, we can’t ignore the one problem that would exist should someone think about employing such a survival strategy.

Yacht [Photo Credit: This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.]

Becoming a castaway at sea during the course of a zombie apocalypse would entail many hours of planning and plenty of resources. Much of that planning would involve lists of supplies, access to waterways and the type of boat used for the expedition. Let’s not forget the most important aspect of such a venture—security. How will a survivor defend the ship should a sudden attack take place, by military or otherwise?

First off, what kind of supplies should a potential survivor plan to take with them should a zombie apocalypse take over the world? To answer this question, we’ll have to know what kind of boat will become the home away from home at sea. Will it be a sailboat, motor boat or yacht? As luxurious as the idea of purchasing a yacht is, the cost for a twenty-five to thirty-five footer can go for more than $20,000. That price does not include docking fees and crew. The price for motor yachts jumps dramatically once fuel and mechanical maintenance comes to play. Of course, someone will have the bright idea of stealing a vessel once the apocalypse goes full swing, but we’ll see why that won’t work in the real world.

Yacht [Photo Credit: This file is made available under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication]

After determining the boat we’ll take to sea, we’ll need to head over to the mall for some supplies. From the onset, this is not going to be pretty on the pocketbook. Are you ready? Here we go. Depending how many passengers travel with you, you’ll need paddles and oars in case the motor has a bad day and you’re stuck wondering what to do next. On the list go life vests, boat seats, fishing rods and racks, anchoring equipment, boat lighting, first aid, and pumps in case you hit something and need to get rid of the water flooding the hull. In addition, guns and ammunition will come in handy when defending your floating paradise. That’s why it’s a bad idea for some geniuses to think they can steal a boat from their owners, not knowing if said owners are packing heavy.

This is all very well and fine, but why would it be a good idea to dock in the middle of the ocean during a zombie apocalypse anyway? I can think of several reasons. The big one is zombies can’t swim. Try as they may, they can walk the ocean floor and that’s as far as they’ll get to coming close to your boat. Also, in the ocean there are no zombie viruses to fight since that would constitute someone already being infected with the contagion and spreading it onboard. Easiest way to combat the spread of contamination is to throw the infected off the ship. Problem solved. Lastly, other than storms surprising us in the middle of the night, a certain peace comes with living on the ocean. We can have a good night’s sleep without worrying the undead will have a field day on our bones during our slumber.

As promised, the one big problem facing those choosing the ocean as their refuge is food, or rather the lack thereof. After several months at sea without a grocer in sight for miles, the fresh fruits and vegetables will be gone. More than likely, so will the meat, if the vessel does not feature a freezer in the galley. Dry goods will eventually disappear as well. As much as anyone would enjoy living out at sea, food supplies will dwindle, tempers will flare and someone will want to go back to shore for a fresh supply of avocados.

Surviving at sea during a zombie apocalypse is a great idea, but it comes with its costs and challenges. Knowing what those costs and challenges are will aid with the decision making process. Are we ready?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you thought of what it would be like surviving at sea during a zombie apocalypse?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Strategies

Posted on March 10, 2014March 17, 2014 by Jack Flacco

How important is strategy when fighting zombies? I’m sure most would say zombies’ lack of intelligence gives humans an edge against them. However, if fifty zombies trap you in a room and they’re pounding at your door, some strategy would go a long way. Perhaps running into a room with no way out wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Zombie playing chess [Photo Credit: Unknown]

Writing this post from the perspective of a chess game, let’s see what strategies a potential victim of a zombie attack can employ to defeat the undead for my Monday Mayhem series.

One of the strategies prevalent in a good chess game is the sacrifice. To be specific, giving away a piece on the board in order to obtain an advantage of the enemy later in the game. As I explained in my Zombie Animals post, the zombie virus hops from human to human without infecting animals in a process called zoonosis. What better way to distract a zombie horde than to give away your future dinner. It’s a good idea to carry around a chicken to use as bait for zombies to chase while your group takes the high road. If chickens are not around, then I’ll refrain from suggesting the obvious.

Another chess strategy is castling. The way this works is the player tucks the king away behind an impregnable wall of pawns with a rook used as the anchor to the move. In a real-life zombie situation, the term “hunkering down” may prove to be the best option with a crowd of zombies knocking at your door. The caveat being, whatever happens no one stops shooting. You’ll need plenty of ammo and lots of patience to execute this strategy successfully.

Up next, the pin. The general idea behind a pin lies in trapping a piece on the board so it can’t move from its position. Same goes for zombies. Trap them, then scrap them. Bear traps work great for those persistent undead who just won’t leave you alone. Holes in the ground with sharp sticks at the bottom can prove to be a survivalist’s weapon of choice. Let’s not forget the snare made from netting and a trip wire to set it off. A good strategy is a planned strategy, at least that’s what I say.

The last tactic involves the king. When the king has lost all of his army, his main goal is to keep alive for as long as possible. In the game of chess, the king has fifty moves to avoid a checkmate by its opponent. Part of this tactic includes attempting to force a stalemate where both sides can’t reach a realistic conclusion. Similarly, in a zombie apocalypse, when all hope seems lost, never give up. There’s always hope. No matter how bad things seem, there is that one chance the zombies will mess up and you can get away. This means maintaining a positive outlook, looking forward to a better tomorrow and remaining filled with the optimism that things will work out.

How different is it from the way we should live our lives today?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Are you a chess player appreciating strategies that may one day save your life? If not, what strategy would use to defeat chasing zombies?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs III

Posted on January 20, 2014January 28, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Lock your doors. Board your windows. Run and hide. This week’s Monday Mayhem series post brings you another Zombie What Ifs segment designed to challenge all you would-be undead slayers. If you haven’t worked through the first or second parts, no worries, you can have fun any ol’ way you want. Remember one thing—there isn’t any right answer to these. The point is to have fun, enjoy the moment and allow your creativity to run free.

How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: Trapped in a locked car, windows rolled to the top and the keys having slipped to the floor of the passenger side, you dive for them. That very moment, one of the undead smashes through the passenger side window, and swipes its paws through the air to get at you. The keys are not on the floor as you originally had thought, but ended up under the passenger seat instead. What do you do, considering three more zombies are on their way and may smash through the other windows surrounding the car?

My Answer: Rise quickly, beat the tar out of the zombie’s face with the heel of my shoe, then dive for the keys hoping I’ll grab them in time before it attacks again.

Scenario #2: A horde of maggot bags chases you into the woods. You sprint, zigzag and find you haven’t lost them. In a desperate attempt to thwart their sensitive noses and ears, you find the carcass of a dead deer. A quarter of its torso is missing, but it gives you an idea. You saw it in a movie once. Do you squeeze into the remains of the deer in hopes the undead will pass you by or do you take your chances and keep running knowing sooner or later you may collapse from exhaustion?

My Answer: Keep running. No way would I want to slip into the guts of a dead deer.

Scenario #3: You run down the stairs to the hotel’s main lobby where you spot another group of undead waiting for you. You escape by making your way through the First Floor corridors rattling every door you encounter. All of them locked, you dash to the Fire Exit. Even there, another crowd awaits for its dinner—you. In a desperate move, you double-back pulling on all the doors again. Your luck changes when you find one of them unlocked. Sprinting inside you negotiate the adjacent rooms to fling the door open to the hotel’s indoor pool area. At this point, the gang of rotting flesh mongers plow through all the doors in the area, surrounding you. If you’re not a good swimmer, jumping into the pool will surely mean the death of you. But if you stay and try to outwit them, sooner or later you’ll get eaten alive. If you’re a good swimmer, eventually, you’ll tire and drown. What do you do?

My Answer: I’d rather drown.

Scenario #4: The mass chases you into a garage complete with a set a tools (ie. screwdrivers, hammers, a nail gun, compressed air, etc.) and a few parked cars, which were waiting for repairs. Do you stay behind and fight with the tools on hand or do you take a chance with one of the vehicles (keys are in the ignition)?

My Answer: I always go for the quickest way out—the cars.

Scenario #5: From the barn to the woods is a fifty-meter dash. You can make it, you think. Without a second thought, you run as fast and as hard as you can, hopping the wooden fence to make it to the open field. Twenty-five meters to go and from the woods you see them appear. First, there are twenty. Next, there are forty. By the time you finish your scream, a hundred of them have popped from the woods. You begin to run back to the barn, but it’s too late, the zombies that were chasing you earlier exited the barn with the smell of your flesh in their nostrils. Luckily, the farmers who had been working the field before the apocalypse left a hoe, a sickle and a scythe leaning against the fence. They’d also left the tractor with the keys in it, perhaps evidence zombies had attacked them right there. So, what’s your move? Keep running through the field hoping you won’t get caught? Stay and fight? Or do you try to hop on the tractor to see if it’ll start?

My Answer: Grab the sickle and run. I don’t know if I’ll lose valuable time attempting to start the tractor. I mean, I don’t even know how long it’s been out there.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

How did you do? What’s your best answer to any of the scenarios?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Assumptions

Posted on January 6, 2014January 8, 2014 by Jack Flacco

What if everything we’ve read about the zombie apocalypse is true? What if there is a dreaded undead virus that will render the dead as living corpses, what then? What about all those movies about survival in the end times? Does this mean it would be wise for us to heed their advice and treat everyone as an enemy? As part of my Monday Mayhem series, let’s explore zombie apocalypse assumptions and determine if we really do have a chance or not.

Let’s assume a zombie apocalypse is possible. That somewhere in this finite world we call earth, there’s a virus capable of turning ordinary humans into raging monsters bent on sucking the life out of humanity.

Let’s assume a science experiment can and will go horribly wrong. Or a culture exists in the nether-reaches of some forest somewhere that can raise the dead in some mysterious incantation meant to bring loved ones back from the grave with absolute terrible consequences.

Let’s assume those initial victims (patient zeroes, first fruits, etc.) begin to wreak havoc with society. That the whole thing might occur in a deserted place or a populated city somewhere, which then spreads from animal to human, human to human, curse to human, all in a wave of terror that sweeps civilization as we know it today to bring a catastrophic onslaught of destruction on everything we know and love.

Let’s assume measures we’ve taken to protect ourselves from the cataclysmic event fails. Our water supply dwindles, our food disappears, our homes become unlivable, and our culture vanishes before our very eyes, what then? After all, all it takes is one bite, one drop of blood, one secretion of saliva to spread the condition to someone else. Who’s to say we’ll be safe?

Let’s assume the government has an exit strategy in place for all those deemed valuable to bringing about the replenishment of humanity in a new society. Will it survive? What if the rebuilding process involves creating a walled city strong enough to protect the last of us from harm’s way? What if the city has checkpoints in place, guards at every corner, cameras to monitor residents, daily and weekly spot checks to ensure no one—absolutely no one—poses a threat to the rest of society. What then, will we be safe?

And let us assume we do have a chance at survival. That we do end up fostering the new birth of the ideal society. That we will lead those less resilient on a quest to bring about the change we so much desired before the zombie apocalypse occurred. Will we manage?

If society has taught us anything, it’s Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. No amount of planning will change the inevitable outcome we will experience at the hands of zombies. We may run, we may hide, and we may believe we’re safe behind walls of stone fashioned to keep the undead at bay, but if it’s going to happen, it will happen. Nothing can prevent it. It’s a law of nature to deceive ourselves into believing we can survive.

Then again, maybe it’s all fiction and we can laugh at those who believe otherwise. Just a thought.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What do you think? Can a zombie apocalypse occur? What are our chances at survival?

Monday Mayhem

Classic Films Zombie Style II

Posted on December 9, 2013December 11, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Remember the movie Jurassic Zombieland? How about Star Wars: Attack of the Zombies? Tell me you remember Zombies of the Lost Ark. Well, I don’t remember them either. They don’t exist. However, for a short time in August, I wrote about these fictitious films in my post Classic Films Zombie Style. I wrote about them as a fun way to enjoy Monday Mayhem.

How does it work? Well, I pick a film everyone ought to recognize, then I add a few zombies, amp up the violence, throw in a generous splattering of gore and voilà, you have yourself a zombie classic. Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

Let’s see what Part Two of this series holds for us adventurous hunters of the undead.

Zombienator XVII—Sent from the future, a zombie hunts a boy named John Kenner in an effort to ensure the zombie apocalypse occurs as planned. The eater, an undead beast fitted with an indestructible endoskeleton coated in mimetic polyalloy, hungers vast quantities of human meat. In its mission to find the young man, zombienator leaves behind a vast swath of death and chewed bodies in the wake of its attacks, from one side of Los Angeles all the way to when they first meet. Unknown to the evil maggot bag, another zombienator makes an appearance. This one, as John’s protector. A cat and mouse game ensues until the zombienators clash in a final battle that will determine the fate of humankind. Regardless of who wins, will there be a zombie apocalypse?

Planet of the Zombies—When a U.S. spacecraft breaches the atmosphere and crash lands on what first appears as a uninhabited planet, the astronauts on board have all they can do to escape the destructive inferno. On their trek to find life, they encounter a band of primitive humans grazing in the corn. Without warning, a hunting horn sounds and the humans scatter. The hunters ride on their stallions shooting and tripping snares, capturing the humans as they storm through the cornfields. Within a matter of minutes, the former astronauts discover the riders’ identity is none other than zombie. On this planet, the undead have evolved to become the top species on the food chain, and their plans involve nothing more than to serve human as their main course. Can someone please pass the salt.

Close Encounters of the Undead Kind—Ships from another planet visit Earth with the seedlings of a zombie apocalypse. Their mission to conquer humanity from the inside out propels ordinary citizens into extraordinary actions of courage. Who knew tearing apart a garden would lead to the central headquarters of the alien invasion. Zombies functioning as the aliens’ protectors take to the streets killing all humans who dare stand in their way of total world domination. Only one species will survive, but the aliens may have underestimated the zombies’ ability to yield to their commands. No one knows who will win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What classic movies would you like to see done with a zombie makeover?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie

Posted on November 18, 2013November 22, 2013 by Jack Flacco

How horrifying would it be if your brother became your worst nightmare? You’d fall asleep with images of his biting face in front of your eyes, his lifeless stare giving you chills, and his painful gurgles echoing in your ears. Yet, you know you did everything you could to save him from his empty life of despair. How would you rest knowing he’d be out there taking the lives of others in the same way he had tried to take yours?

It’s not every day your brother becomes a zombie. Maybe today is one of those good Monday Mayhem mornings where everything goes right in spite of knowing that whatever you did to help your brother, you couldn’t have stopped what would have happened anyway.

After all, your brother was there for you through some of the happiest times in your life. He was there those summer nights spent chatting on the porch about everything from the cost of gas to how beautiful the rain is when it trickles down a windowpane. He was there when you celebrated one of the most memorable birthdays and he gave you that baseball cap—that same baseball cap you no long possess because it reminds you too much of how it used to be and what you had lost.

And who can forget that fateful day at the game when he told you about wanting to marry his girlfriend of three years making you feel privileged, since he also asked you to become his best man.

But you noticed the changes before he even knew what was happening. The disease began drawing his life away months before his happiness disappeared. It started in the heart and grew slowly over the course of time. You couldn’t put your finger on it. He was different. His eyes began to grow icy, his skin limpid and pasty. His hair had lost its shine. Whatever it was he suffered, he didn’t look good. Most of all, his personality had changed.

What once was a strong, healthy, outgoing man became a shell of a human. Empty. Without form and void.

That’s when you noticed the snapping. You heard of this occurring to others, but you wouldn’t have believed it occurring to your own brother. Never. How could it? You’ve been through so much together. There’s no way he’d turn on you. What about the times you were there for each other? What about those moments of brilliance you thought he could repel anything, should an external force wreak havoc on his brain?

When the snapping took over it was too late. Just like the others you saw turn on their loved ones, your brother did so as well. You tried to save him. You tried to get him help. You tried to show him through example that what he was becoming was something unrecognizable. Something that if not fixed, would destroy his life forever.

Every so often, he’d snap his jowls. You didn’t know what it meant. Yet it came about because his life was deteriorating before your eyes and the disease that once took hold of his heart slowly seeped into the rest of his body making his skin cold to the touch and his soul filled with unbridled rage. All he wanted was to hurt you. All you wanted was for things to go back to a time when joy coursed through his veins.

The disease had no mercy on your brother’s soul. It ravaged it, sucking all the goodness and replacing it with a bitter spirit that shook the ground where he walked and numbed his bones.

You couldn’t bare watching anymore. One day you drove him away and released him in the wilderness. You said sorry for anything you may have ever done to have caused him pain, and left him lost to his own hate—dead.

But you hold on to hope that one day he will find his way through the wild and come home to you cured of his malady. You hold on to that very little chance his mind hadn’t completely turned to stone. And you hold on to the hope his heart sparks with life again to restore who he once was.

Not what he is now—zombie.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What would you do if one of your friends turned into a zombie? Would you try to save or kill them?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs II

Posted on November 11, 2013November 13, 2013 by Jack Flacco

A couple of months ago for my Monday Mayhem segment, I played a game of what-ifs. I thought it would be fun to do that again today. The rules are simple: I present a number of zombie scenarios and you come up with the answers. Don’t worry I’ll also give my own solutions to the problems. This way you won’t feel so lonely answering.

Are you ready to have fun? All right, let’s do it!

Scenario #1: A zombie appears at the top of the basement stairs. You thought taking your family to the subterranean dwelling was a good idea at the time—until it showed up. Now trapped with nothing to defend your family except your bare hands, you have to choose between either taking a chance with getting bit by attacking the monster or locking yourselves in the bathroom, starving to death.

My Answer: I’d lock us in the bathroom, but once hunger makes its appearance, I’m sure I’d attack the undead by attempting to poke the beast’s eyes with my thumbs.

Scenario #2: You run out of gas on the highway while attempting to flee the city of the zombie infestation. Unbeknownst to you, a horde of the undead is roaming ahead, marching to your position. Once you realize this, what do you do? Do you stay in the car and take a chance they will get bored and leave you alone? Or do you run as fast as you can, even though a few of the back ranks of the crowd are those fast zombies?

My Answer: I always run.

Scenario #3: You’re in a barn shooting at the zombie pack from an open window as it approaches. With a few shotgun shells remaining, you’ll have to decide what to do next once the crowd overtakes the barn. A ladder sits waiting to bring you to the loft. But you can’t stay there forever—you’ll die without food or water. A window holds the answer, yet the drop alone will kill you. What do you do?

My Answer: If I can find something to land on, like a bale of hay, I’d jump but not before setting the whole place ablaze.

Scenario #4: Target is having a sale on mouthwash (it’s the best I could come up with in the time available). When you arrive in the store, the crowd has changed. You parked your car at the back of the lot and you know if you make a run for it, sooner rather than later, the undead will catch up and tear you apart. Which department is your destination (sporting goods, the food court, electronics, etc.)? Why?

My Answer: I’d head to the food court and see if I can grab a butcher knife from somewhere. With a knife, I don’t ever have to worry about running out of bullets.

Scenario #5: This is an easy one. A resilient maggot bag chases you into the garage and soon breaches the door to head straight for you. Sitting on the workbench next to you is a gas powered chainsaw, hedge scissors, an old baseball bat, and a hoe. This is more of a philosophical question. Which item do you use to kill the predator? Why?

My Answer: The hedge scissors—I don’t like messes.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you have any scenarios you’d like to add?

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