Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs II

A couple of months ago for my Monday Mayhem segment, I played a game of what-ifs. I thought it would be fun to do that again today. The rules are simple: I present a number of zombie scenarios and you come up with the answers. Don’t worry I’ll also give my own solutions to the problems. This way you won’t feel so lonely answering.

Zombie Hunting Permit 2013-2014
Zombie Hunting Permit 2013-2014

Are you ready to have fun? All right, let’s do it!

Scenario #1: A zombie appears at the top of the basement stairs. You thought taking your family to the subterranean dwelling was a good idea at the time—until it showed up. Now trapped with nothing to defend your family except your bare hands, you have to choose between either taking a chance with getting bit by attacking the monster or locking yourselves in the bathroom, starving to death.

My Answer: I’d lock us in the bathroom, but once hunger makes its appearance, I’m sure I’d attack the undead by attempting to poke the beast’s eyes with my thumbs.

Scenario #2: You run out of gas on the highway while attempting to flee the city of the zombie infestation. Unbeknownst to you, a horde of the undead is roaming ahead, marching to your position. Once you realize this, what do you do? Do you stay in the car and take a chance they will get bored and leave you alone? Or do you run as fast as you can, even though a few of the back ranks of the crowd are those fast zombies?

My Answer: I always run.

Keep Calm
Keep Calm

Scenario #3: You’re in a barn shooting at the zombie pack from an open window as it approaches. With a few shotgun shells remaining, you’ll have to decide what to do next once the crowd overtakes the barn. A ladder sits waiting to bring you to the loft. But you can’t stay there forever—you’ll die without food or water. A window holds the answer, yet the drop alone will kill you. What do you do?

My Answer: If I can find something to land on, like a bale of hay, I’d jump but not before setting the whole place ablaze.

Scenario #4: Target is having a sale on mouthwash (it’s the best I could come up with in the time available). When you arrive in the store, the crowd has changed. You parked your car at the back of the lot and you know if you make a run for it, sooner rather than later, the undead will catch up and tear you apart. Which department is your destination (sporting goods, the food court, electronics, etc.)? Why?

My Answer: I’d head to the food court and see if I can grab a butcher knife from somewhere. With a knife, I don’t ever have to worry about running out of bullets.

Scenario #5: This is an easy one. A resilient maggot bag chases you into the garage and soon breaches the door to head straight for you. Sitting on the workbench next to you is a gas powered chainsaw, hedge scissors, an old baseball bat, and a hoe. This is more of a philosophical question. Which item do you use to kill the predator? Why?

My Answer: The hedge scissors—I don’t like messes.


Do you have any scenarios you’d like to add?


Jack Flacco is an author and the founder of Looking to God Ministries, an organization dedicated to spreading the Word of God through outreach programs, literature and preaching.

29 thoughts on “Zombie What Ifs II

  1. Okay for the record I am in no way a Zombie expert. I’ve only ever played one video game where you shoot zombies and never watched any zombie flicks. So….

    #1-Use soap on stairs then grab his ankles from underneath sending him tumbling down unconscious. Then Run fast.

    #2 Run faster of course. Can I set my car to blow up as a deterrent? I might be McGiver.

    #3- This is a no brainer. Use the ladder to go out the upper window. Climb into loft and pull it up. Besides you would need to remove the Zombie’s loft access.

    #4-Sporting goods. There has to be a crossbow or two, fishing knives, climbing spikes and rope to set trip wires. Tent spikes would help even though they tend to be useless plastic ones these days. Now this sounds more like REI then Target. Hmmmm.

    #5 The hoe- Chainsaw is was too messy though if desperation sets in I might change my mind. The hedge clippers let him get to close and the bat is like the Hoe but without the sharp edge. So definitely the Hoe.

  2. 1. Always take on a single zombie. Knock it down and stomp on its head. This never fails on the Walking Dead. Zombie heads must be incredibly fragile.

    2. Run and hope another driver will pick you up.

    3. Now that I’ve seen the best ladder answer (use it to climb up the inside and down the outside – brilliant), I’ve got nothing.

    4. I’d get lighter fluid and matches and set the whole place on fire. Then I’d make a run for it. This also would work on Black Friday.

    5. The chainsaw. Carrying a few zombie body parts around might fool them when they do their sniff test. If it smells zombie, move on. If it smells human, enjoy your meal.

  3. Reblogged this on Trip Through My Mind and commented:
    One of the best parts of writing a blog is discovering others who are also sharing their creativity on the internet. I take some time each day to sift through blogs that I follow and discover ones not yet explored. Many of the best gems are shared on my other social media. I send messages to my friends urging them to spend some time a particularly interesting site. Through my travels in cyberspace, I have discovered new artist, editors, poets, and authors.

    One of the rewards for my exploration was coming across a website by today’s spotlight post. I found author, Jack Flacco, early in October as I was doing some research for Zombie Month. After spending more time on his site, I knew I was on to something. His site features three different articles a week: Monday Mayhem (all things zombies), Women Who WOW Wednesday (dedicated to heroines), and Freedom Friday (an anything goes launch to the weekend).

    I chose this article by Jack Flacco for this week’s Weekly Repost out of pure fun. “Zombie What Ifs II” is an interactive piece that allows the reader to give what they would do in the situation presented. It is reminiscent of my childhood “Choose Your Own Adventure”. Take some time today to explore the site after you answer the question in the comments section at the bottom. Do not forget to look for my responses to the situation in the comment section. I hope you enjoy this week’s Weekly Repost featuring Jack Flacco.

    [If you enjoy what you see, make sure you sign up for email notification in the upper right corner of the Jack Flacco’s webpage under “Follow” area.]

  4. I would do whatever you told me. I never question the experts. I don’t have any Zombie scenarios. Right now I’m thinking of what I would do if a gator from the fifty foot away pond came and attacked me. YIKES!

  5. 1. Why the hell would I be stupid enough to hide my family in the basement without a weapon? I’d charge at the geek and try to throw it down the stairs, hoping to crack its skull on the way down.

    2. Run. The car is useless without fuel. Let’s say you’re just stuck in traffic though, then I’d say stay put for a while. Some other idiot will make a run for it and then I’ll try to use that as a distraction to go the other way.

    3. It’s probably wasteful to use a shotgun (since the shot scatters from a barn window into a crowd of the dead below. I’d save my ammo, and wait for them to climb up the ladder after me. Pick ’em off one by one. Hopefully some of them will fall and take out the others. If there are too many though, then I’d save the last shell for myself.

    4. Head towards the back warehouse. Maybe there will be a forklift, maybe there will be a crowbar or something. Anyway, most of the handiest workers will be the guys that unload everything, so those are the ones I’d want to be around. Plus, you might get lucky and find a semi-trailer parked at the loading doors.

    5. Baseball bat. The other options would be too slow and/or unwieldy. Though, if I had the choice I’d prefer to wield an axe . . .

    Here is a whatif: Let’s say you make it out of the city. You’re and your group are in a stockpiled automobile, and though a little frazzled, have managed to survive all the close-calls. Now, on your way out of the city into the unknown safety of the less populated countryside, you hear an announcement on the radio. The military to picking up any survivors from the helipad on the top of the tallest building in the city. They’ll fly you to a zombie-free aircraft carrier. Do you carry on into the countryside, or do you turn back and make a go for the chopper?

    1. Great question! I think I’d keep going into the countryside without further looking back at the city. My reasons? Twofold. First, who’s to say I will be successful reaching the roof of the tallest building in the city? I’d have to fight all those close-calls again to get back into the frying pan. That’s a no-go in my mind. Second, I would think out in the countryside it would be a safer environment considering there wouldn’t be that many zombies to fight. Also, we can take over a farm and feed off the land for years without any interference–that’s to say if all the survivors play nice. But seeing how people tend to think for themselves, it’ll be some doing defending the land from intruders. Yet, I’d rather fight the devil I know than the devil I don’t know!

  6. #1.) I would break the mirror in the bathroom and use a large shard to kill the zombie (who cares about bad luck at that moment?).

    #2.) If I am driving an SUV, I will go lay down in the back/trunk area with my weapons. Hopefully the zombies will think the car is empty and keep moving. If I am driving a regular car, I will try to make a run for it. However, I will be terrified and probably get killed by the zombies.

    #3.) I’d go up to the loft and pull the ladder up there with me. Once all of the zombies are inside, I will use the ladder to climb out through the window.

    #4.) First I’d get mad at myself for choosing today to go to Target instead of Wal-Mart. Then I would go to the sporting goods section and see what I could use as a weapon. I’d also take one of the bikes with me.

    #5.) I would use the hedge scissors just like you.

    This was fun! I love scenario games, especially when they involve zombies 🙂

  7. Number 1 : Remove the treadboards from two consecutive stairs and wait at the bottom for the zombie. It will stagger towards you and fall through the hole, meaning you can run up and escape without the risk of getting bitten.

    Number 2: Make a bee-line for the nearest river without a nearby bridge. Swim across the river and no zombies will be able to follow you (fast or slow, they’ll get swept away if they try).

    Number 3: Climb into loft and pull ladder up after you. Use shot-gun to blast hole in the side of the barn at the same level as the floor of the loft with one of the remainig cartridges, push the ladder though and climb down (it will be exactly the right height since it got me up there).

    Number 4: Turn and drive away immediately. Being sensible, I carry a well-stocked bug out bag in the trunk with everything I might need in case I ever run into this exact type of situation. Anything else risks imminent death at the hands of the undead. Remember the boy scout motto: Be Prepared (although I don’think Baden Powel was really thinking about zombie apocalypses when he came up with it).

    Number 5: Empty gas from chainsaw onto the zombie, strike the hedge scissors against the metal blade of the hoe to get a spark and watch the crispy critter fry.

  8. I love these!!

    1. I’d send my family in the bathroom and tell them to lock the door. Then I’d edge around the stairs and grab the zombies feet from where I was standing on the ground floor. It would trip, fall to the bottom of the stairs and give me just enough time to smash its head in with my boot. Voila.

    2. Run, run, run. The wilderness is always better than an oncoming horde.

    3. That ladder seems to be promising. I’d head up to the loft, pull the ladder up behind me, and lure as many undead in as I could. Then I’d use the ladder to climb out a window—after setting the lot ablaze. Because nothing burns better than a barn full of zombies.

    4. Yeesh. This one is hard. Our Target doesn’t even have a promising garden department. I’d go for the sports dept and grab a baseball bat. While fighting off the horde, I’d stock up on supplies. Sure as heck won’t be in another Target anytime soon.

    5. I would opt for the baseball bat simply because I’m not confident in my ability to use hedge scissors in an adrenaline fueled situation. The handles are strange and you really need both hands on it at all times. I also like the distance between me and the walker when a baseball bat is present. Is there a screwdriver? I’d stick one of those in my belt before getting the heck out of there.

    These are so fun! I’m ready to seize the day now. May not even need coffee. 🙂

    1. #1 Smashing its head with your boot. Voila. I see you like Ranger Martin’s style 😉

      #5 Seems the baseball bat is a popular weapon. Next time I think I’ll add a samurai sword and see who’ll go for that!

      Ack, and who needs coffee when thinking of fighting zombies? Not me!

  9. This is a fun post for a Monday. I am looking forward to see some of the creative answers to the questions. I missed the previous “What if” and will go back to read it. Without delay, here is my gut response to the situations. I might re-think them if given time, but I have to go with my first impulse.

    What if #1: I would have to say that I would rush the zombie to protect my family. If I can get him as he comes down the steps, I might have a chance. The strength of zombies in numbers and as single one is at a disadvantage.

    What if #2: I would run for it. Chances are better that you could evade the horde and not be trapped.

    What if #3: Grab whatever I could from the barn as a weapon, toss any soft items out the window to help break the fall, and lure the horde inside. Once you have as many as possible, light the place up and hang as low as possible from the window and dropping to the ground. It is a risk but better than become a snack for the horde.

    What if #4: This answer depends on the last time I ate. Most of the food court meals are barely edible. I would head for the sporting goods to find quiet, hand held weapons. I am more of a fan of lawn and garden, but that is not an option in the scenario.

    What if #5: Baseball bat would be my choice. Less likely to break than the hoe, more blunt and resuable than the hedge scissors, and does not require petro. It is also less likely that it will tire me out if there are many of them.

    Thank you for another great post.

    1. The baseball bat for #5 would have been my first choice as well, but you see, I’d hate to have their innards spill all over me as their retribution for my impatience! 😉

  10. #1- Coax the zombie to start coming down the stairs and rush to pull its legs out from underneath it when it gets close. If possible, yank and toss zombie to the side then run while it tries to get up.

    #2- Grab a weapon of some kind and run into the wilderness. The slower zombies will hopefully have trouble with the bumpy terrain, which allows the faster zombies to pull ahead of the pack. Leave traps and barriers behind if possible.

    #3- Climb up and take the ladder with me. Wait for most of the zombies to get inside and use the ladder to get out a higher window. If need be, drop with ladder to plant it and slide down as it falls or aim for a bale of hay.

    #4- I’ve been to my Target and I’m going to assume I’m doomed. If they have an area with a chainsaw on a pole and machetes, I’d go there. Failing that, I make myself look like a zombie and depend on my obviously horrible breath to make them think I’m one of their own.

    #5- Use the hoe as bait and go for the baseball bat. If the zombie is flailing, I might not get a clean chop with the hedge clippers. Uh, I just looked back and believe I had the wrong type of hoe in mind.

    1. Your #3 is brilliant! I didn’t think of this at all. Then again, and I know I didn’t mention it, I thought I couldn’t pull the ladder up on account of the nails holding it in place at the top. But brilliant, nonetheless!

  11. #1 – use the stairs: trip him up and hope he lands on his face
    #2 – run for it and take the car keys in case one of them has some petrol
    #3 – jump from the window and land on the same bale of hay you landed on
    #4 – jet-powered bicycle department (easy that one)
    #5 – a hoe; long handled, quite sharp, can poke them away for hours

    note: can’t you impersonate a zombie and just hang out with them?

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