Monday Mayhem – Page 6 – Looking to God

What Is Our Fate?

Posted on June 15, 2015June 9, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Not much of a difference exists between zombies and aliens. Zombies want to take over the world by either consuming or assimilating humans into their fold. The typical alien, not the friendly, cuddly type, wants to utilize humans as a resource or change them to become more like them.

Pristine mountains somewhere in the world.

Today’s Monday Mayhem question is this: What if we’re all products of an alien experiment gone wrong? What’s to say our future is our own?

Let’s have a look at this world we call Earth and decide for ourselves if this truly is Paradise, or a template for a world beyond ours set in motion in the heavens to populate other planets.

Our Water—How’s our water situation? Over seventy-one percent of Earth is covered by water. Over ninety-six percent of it rests in the world’s oceans. Much of it is salt water. Heavy desalinization can convert seawater into drinking water, but at what cost? Given water makes up more than sixty percent of the human body, water is the single most important resource on this earth. Great empires have conquered the world by controlling the use of water. Our food, hygiene and stability as a nation are dependent on water. Simply put, without water—we will all die.

Yet, humans have gone on a binge to pollute the oceans, sanitize the drinking water with chemicals and bottle that which is free. Is it a surprise humans haven’t all grown a third arm by now? Putting it another way, without water we’ll all become zombies, seeking the wet stuff any way we can.

Our Air—Making a mess of our water supply is one thing, but breathing clean air is a miracle. Even the air in Antarctica is seeing a chemical shift that is currently precipitating a breakdown in the precious ozone layer that keeps humans from charring to a cinder. Big industry spews tons of toxins into the sky, destroying migrating bird patterns, and leaving some humans gasping for oxygen.

More can happen by way of regulation, but how far will that go? Some nations could set the controls in place while other nations would scoff at them.

Our Soil—At its current state, Earth is one big garbage dump. The day after every Christmas, city streets become a shrine to non-recyclable wrap and packaging. Every ballgame produces enough trash to fill truckloads of waste that will have no home other than Earth’s ocean floor. Landfills have become as common as gulf courses. How soon will it be before a major environmental catastrophe hits humanity? Will it change those who have decided the earth is a temporary abode resting between celestial bodies only to fulfill humanity’s inclination to self-destruct?

The zombie need to replenish outweighs the needs of the few. Without water, air and soil, is it a wonder a zombie apocalypse will be inevitable?

More to the point, with all that humanity has done to improve that which it has under its domain, why aren’t aliens knocking on our door to adopt us as a future generation for planets of which they have ownership?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What do you think about aliens, zombies and the fate of our stars?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Two Theories

Posted on June 8, 2015June 7, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Everyone has theories about zombies. Everyone can speculate what would happen should a zombie birth take place. And, yes. I have my theories, too. But what everyone might not know is that a theory is just a theory. That is unless it becomes a reality. In a zombie apocalypse, if a theory turns into a reality then it would become a nightmare.

That’s why for today’s Monday Mayhem feature, I’d like to toss my audience a couple of theories in the form of stories as to how I think a zombie apocalypse would begin.

Hold tight. I’m not sure if you’ll like it.

Theory 1—On Friday night, as a matter of safety, a supermarket chain received word from head office to pull all pork loin products. A small sampling of the meat tested positive for trichinosis, and unless cooked properly, the meat would render humans ill. Unfortunately, in a mad rush to serve a hungry brood of kids for a weekend BBQ, Amy bought the meat not realizing the harm it would cause. That Saturday night, all was well. Amy had made burgers from the meat and the kids sucked it all back without so much as a complaint. If anything, the kids ran along having fun in the backyard while the grownups cleaned the tables. The Sunday morning, Amy’s son Matthew didn’t wake up to have breakfast. Nothing unusual with sleeping in for a kid hitting puberty. At least that’s what her mother thought. When she opened the door to his room, he wasn’t in his bed. In fact, when Amy walked inside the room, expecting perhaps to find him at his desk, Matthew appeared from behind the door and bit her on the neck. The door closed behind Amy and screams trailed into the home’s empty second floor corridor.

The roundworm Trichinella spiralis parasite had infested Matthew’s brain, hatching eggs and controlling his motor skills to cause him to drag his feet as would a zombie searching for victims.

Theory 2—Ryan went fishing with his brother and caught more than the salmon he hauled out of the water. His forearm had swollen to the size of a golf ball and when he arrived home, he was feeling tired. He told his brother he wasn’t feeling well and that his brother ought to take the salmon home himself and clean it there. Of course, he received the flak from his brother he deserved, but that was before his brother saw how Ryan’s arm had inflated to the size of a grapefruit. In the center of the swelling was a big red dot. A mosquito had bitten Ryan. His brother raced Ryan to the hospital believing his brother was going into anaphylactic shock, a severe reaction to the mosquito’s bite. Several minutes into the car ride, Ryan awoke from his slumber, foamed at the mouth, saw his brother and attacked him without provocation. They died in a car crash at the foot of the highway.

The mosquito was a carrier of a rare form of bovine spongiform encephalopathy it had acquired when feeding off a warm cattle carcass. Mad cow disease—it had mutated to drive Ryan crazy.

Your Turn—Can you think of other theories?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What plausible scientific explanation do you think would jumpstart a zombie apocalypse?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Problems

Posted on June 1, 2015May 31, 2015 by Jack Flacco

I wouldn’t want to be a zombie. Although some may not agree, a zombie life seems much too complicated a life to live. What’s complicated about it? Okay, I’ll agree that roaming about seeking of whom they may devour sounds simple. It’s not. There are elements that zombies have to take into consideration when doing the roaming about.

For Monday Mayhem, let’s have a look at what those elements are.

Predators—As strange as it may seem, zombies have a natural predator. The hunted is the hunter. Humans do not take kindly when the undead mess around with their turf. Even if zombies can tear human’s apart, humans can pose a great risk to zombies. Humans can band together to destroy zombies permanently.
Water—As much as zombies could rule the earth, toss them into water, they’re useless. They might float but more than likely they will sink to the bottom. If anything, they will walk the depths until they find a place to climb out of their watery grave.
Walls—Zombies don’t do well with walls. Unless they’re like ants, as depicted in World War Z, they can’t climb. They might do well with ladders, but they’d have to figure out how a ladder works.
Guns—Nothing scares a zombie more than a shotgun pointed at its face. That is to say, if a zombie had any fear whatsoever. Most of the time, it’s charging and not worried about the huge hole it will have in its head if a human were to pull the trigger. Guns and zombies do not make for a good combination to the undead.
Knives—Equally as devastating as a gun is the knife. One good thrust in the undead’s temple and it’s lights out Mr. Chewer. The positive side in the knife battle issue for zombies is that humans have to get close to inflict damage. By then however, one bite is all they need to make it a fair game for everyone.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles—Zombies would have a hard time defending themselves against a semi-truck headed in their direction. The impact alone would kill them, let alone the mess it would make all over the highway. Any transportation device really would count as a weapon against the undead.
Tight Alleys—You either get or don’t get this. With a horde of zombies trampling their way through a city, a group would surely get stuck in an alley somewhere because of them piling in there all at the same time. Shoulder to shoulder, crunched in a small space, can anyone deny their stupidity for having done such a silly thing?
Fire—If life teaches humans anything, it’s that fire is a great equalizer. Nations use it to subdue other nations, why not human use it to subdue zombies?
Winter—Canadian winters are brutal animals. They drag from the Arctic, cover the cities and freeze everything in their wake. A zombie would do well moving to Florida when a Canadian winter hits.
A Samurai Sword—Given the Samurai sword has made debuts in feature films and TV shows as a weapon of choice for zombie slayers, no doubt the undead would feel the threat of its cold steel gleaming in the sunlight. The undead would do well running as fast and as far away as they can.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What other problems do zombies have to face when chasing their dinner through an alley or a library?

Monday Mayhem

Zombies Everywhere

Posted on May 25, 2015May 18, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Have you ever walked in the dark with your hands leading the way hoping not to hit a wall? Of course, you could be looking for the light switch or better still, attempting to find your way to the fridge. I know I’ve done it. Late night snacks are a specialty of mine. There’s a moment in time, however, when you’re standing there thinking if anyone were to attack me from within the darkness, I will swing as hard and as wildly as I can to maim the intruder.

Have you ever thought of zombies that way?

Let’s take a moment out of Monday Mayhem to talk about the least likely places you would find zombies, as I know I think about this, and well, perhaps others may think the same thing.

Okay, so the darkness would be somewhere you’d find a zombie. Maybe that wasn’t the best example in the world. You gotta admit, it is scary to find one of the rot breeders stalking you as you prepare to have a midnight snack.

How about going further with it? How about a ball game? Do you think you’d find a zombie at a ball game? It is after all a least likely place to find the undead. Can you imagine the home team leading three-two, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, one more strike and the umpire is ready to call the game? Then, out from the dugout a zombie appears in all its monster glory—pale eyes, bruised face, and an attitude only a zombie slayer would love to put in its place.

It wouldn’t cause panic, but it would sure give the ballplayers the onus to do something about it. I mean, think about it. Baseball bats, baseballs that can fly at about 100mph. No way would a zombie be able to survive in a ball field with professional baseball players.

What about a cruise ship? It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase Caribbean cruise lines. You’re enjoying the sunset, taking in the sea air, romance is sparking between you and your other half, then, as quickly as the last ray disappears over the horizon, a groan coming from behind alerts you of something evil heading your way. I’m sure cruise lines have exterior lighting, I don’t know, I’ve never been on one, but wouldn’t you think twice before booking that reservation to that all-inclusive? It would give a completely new meaning to the phrase, “A bad day at sea is better than a good day at the office.”

I would consider that a really bad day.

The last one has to do with commuting. You take the train into the city and discover a foul smell as part of your morning commute. Unlike other foul smells you’ve attributed to that of hitting a skunk or the tinge of diesel in the air, this has the odor of death. When you turn to the entrance of the carriage, you see seated in the last row of the train, a sight you’d rather forget—a zombie of unsuspecting demeanor ready to take the life of its next victim.

On a Monday, no less.

What about it? Where would you least find a zombie appearing in your day?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Where would a zombie scare you the most if it appeared out of nowhere?

Monday Mayhem

The Roamer

Posted on May 18, 2015May 17, 2015 by Jack Flacco

What would you do if one night you awoke to the sound of a zombie ambling through your house? Would you attempt to find and kill it? Or would you run as fast as you could to evade its ferocious appetite?

Occasionally I ask these hypothetical questions for my Monday Mayhem series as a way to explore what my readers are thinking. I don’t ask these questions all the time, but this week I thought it would be fun thinking through the scenario with the understanding that whatever anyone says, it does not leave this site. We might actually get something done today.

Right. Moving along.

The scenario also works if you hear a zombie at three in the morning moaning in the middle of the hall of the apartment building. The scenario doesn’t need to take place in a house. And, if you’re living in the woods somewhere, well, then you’re free to do whatever you want.

Again, I’ll ask the question. What would you do if a zombie awakens you from your slumber in the safety of your domicile? Would you run? Or would you fight back?

This is what I would do—it’s all hypothetical anyway. I would first find out about the moaning. If it were during a time when the zombie apocalypse has just taken over the world, then I’ll know it’s the undead coming to claim a victim. However, if the zombie apocalypse has yet to spring into action, then I’ll have a number of things to consider.

Things for me to consider will be to understand if the thing in the house was real. It could be that the water tank was making noises again. But if it wasn’t the water tank, then I’m the type of guy who would have to see with my own eyes what was causing the chaos.

Once I’ve determined I can see it, I have to know if I can kill it. Then again, it could be human, and he/she was simply breaking in. Although if the thing was moaning I doubt it would be human. The point being, I want to know if it truly is one of those rot chewers whose life has disappeared in a mangled array of decomposing sinew and tissue. End of my rambling.

If it is one of the undead, then I can’t let it go roaming about the house without doing something about it. As someone familiar with zombies, I have to get it out of my home much like chasing a bat out of the bedroom with a broom. In the outdoors, I can then deliver some heavy Old Testament retribution.

Luckily I sleep with a baseball bat next to the bed. Oh, wait—that was in the other house I was living in. Well, from now on I will be sleeping with a baseball bat next to the bed.

This is my plan: I’ll retrieve my Louisville Slugger, run past it down the stairs and outside to the backyard. If it takes the bait, it’ll come after me. But I’ll be ready for it. All I need are a few quick swipes and it’ll be eating lumber in no time.

Okay, so that’s what I would do. What would you do?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Do you think you can defeat a zombie in real life?

Monday Mayhem

Plan B

Posted on May 11, 2015May 10, 2015 by Jack Flacco

The other day I was at the station waiting for the train into the city. As I was sitting on the bench, a thought ran through my mind and I haven’t been able to shake it. What if a zombie appeared and began attacking those waiting on the platform? What would I do? Where would I go? After all, I don’t think about these things every Monday Mayhem. Wait. Maybe I do.

Then I remembered a scene out of the movie The Bourne Identity where the main character Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is sitting in a restaurant and while he’s talking with someone, he is scanning his surroundings. He is accessing the people, the objects at his disposal and formulating an exit strategy—all within a matter of seconds.

It got me thinking. If there ever were a zombie attack, would I be ready?

Subsequent to thinking about this, I began a little exercise to see if I could actually accomplish doing what Bourne did, which was to assess my environment, catalog people and objects, and plan a quick exit.

Believe me—the exercise is much harder than it sounds.

The first time I did it, I failed miserably. I couldn’t keep track of the comings and goings of people because too many things changed within a minute, and I didn’t realize the amount of things I had to take into account to remember. Then again, it didn’t help that I tried this walking through a department store.

My next attempt was in a much more controlled environment. I’d chosen our town’s library. This time around, I did a bit better. I was able to memorize the exits, track people’s movements and keep a running tally of objects I could use in case of a zombie attack. I actually saw a letter opener on someone’s desk behind checkout that would come in handy for such an occasion.

A donut shop became my next assignment. I was feeling like a secret agent already!

As soon as I walked in, I committed the exits to memory. As opposed to remembering those working behind the counter, I counted them. Uniforms are far easier to remember than plain clothes. I also took separate counts of people standing up, such as waiting in line, and those sitting at the booths. As one would get up from their table, I subtracted one from those sitting at the booths and added it to those standing up. Obviously, I couldn’t stare at the people my whole time, so I looked for reflections where I could, using those as prompts for maintaining the count.

The other thing I found I was doing was that unlike the library exercise, where I was looking for specific weapons (eg. scissors, rulers, pencils, etc.), I now simply took an inventory of items on the counter and around the shop. This allowed me the freedom to know what my inventory would be in case the zombies came at me from all directions.

I know. I’m weird. But I had fun doing it in spite of the fact I had to commit so much to memory. One thing’s for sure—Plan B has become more real to me should a zombie attack actually take place.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Have you thought about inventorying your surroundings? What is your Plan B?

Monday Mayhem

Favorite Zombie

Posted on May 4, 2015May 3, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Jack Flacco is proud to announce RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, the final book in the Ranger Martin trilogy, will publish on October 20.

When it comes to zombies, I have favorites. Who can forget the zombie from The Walking Dead the survivors find at the bottom of a well? What about the zombie from apartment 406 in the movie Zombieland? And of course, then there’s R from the film Warm Bodies. I think he’s the most endearing—even though he cracked a victim’s skull with his bare hands in order to get to the victim’s brain.

Jesse Eisenberg and Amber Heard in Zombieland

Let’s talk about favorite zombies for today’s Monday Mayhem. What makes them special? Why are they the way they are?

I mentioned the zombie from The Walking Dead caught in the well. The creature is not only one of my favorites, but the scene itself is hilarious—that is, if you like dark humor. The scene begins with the survivors finding a well. The resource would not only provide usable drinking water, but also allow them a measure of hygiene. The problem? There’s a walker in the well. They figure that if they can haul it out, they have a chance of salvaging what’s left. The plan calls for sending one of the survivors to tie a rope around the walker as a means of hauling it from the hole. Right up until they noose the walker, the plan seems to be working fine. As they heave the walker out of there, they don’t realize how heavy it is. And just as they had pulled half of its body out of the well, what do you think happens?

Well (pun not intended) the walker that had been in the well for such a long time, had absorbed a fair amount of water. The sheer weight of its body and the force the survivors exerted on that body caused it to tear in half. The walker’s lower half, including its entrails, collapsed back into the well. Not only was the scene kind of gross, but if you like that sort of humor, it was funny. Suffice it to say the survivors couldn’t save the well.

Another one of my favorites is the zombie from apartment 406 from the movie Zombieland. She doesn’t start as a zombie, but after a few hours hanging out with our hero Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) in his apartment, she’s ready to tear out his jugular. What I like about this zombie the most is the audience first sees her before she changes. She’s warm, considerate, and true to “the girl next door” moniker, she’s the girl any guy would love to date. Somehow, though, a homeless person bites her and she runs into Columbus’ apartment for safety. He has no problems with that. She’s attractive, what guy could resist not having an attractive girl asking for help?

Several hours later, the effect of that bite takes hold. Columbus runs for his life. What happens next is anybody’s guess.

What I enjoy about the whole scene is watching this beautiful girl turn into one of the zombies that then threatens to take Columbus’ life. A lot goes on in this scene, and it’s worth watching a few times to gain the subtle nuances the filmmaker intended.

Lastly, my other favorite zombie is R from the movie Warm Bodies. He’s the zombie that gains intelligence as the movie progresses to its inevitable conclusion. The theme is simple. A zombie falls in love with a human and wants to change the world with love. As ideal as it sounds, the story works for many reasons. The best reason I can think of is the love he has for the girl. Throughout the film he allows Julia into his world, and he’s the one who ends up changing for the better. R not only redeems himself by granting Julia her freedom, but also grows as a character, which then leads to greater things for him.

Barring from spoiling the entire film, R is one of my favorites because of his potential for growth, regardless if he is undead.

Your turn. What is your favorite zombie?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Do you have a favorite zombie? How about a favorite zombie movie?

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