Everyone has theories about zombies. Everyone can speculate what would happen should a zombie birth take place. And, yes. I have my theories, too. But what everyone might not know is that a theory is just a theory. That is unless it becomes a reality. In a zombie apocalypse, if a theory turns into a reality then it would become a nightmare.
That’s why for today’s Monday Mayhem feature, I’d like to toss my audience a couple of theories in the form of stories as to how I think a zombie apocalypse would begin.
Hold tight. I’m not sure if you’ll like it.
Theory 1—On Friday night, as a matter of safety, a supermarket chain received word from head office to pull all pork loin products. A small sampling of the meat tested positive for trichinosis, and unless cooked properly, the meat would render humans ill. Unfortunately, in a mad rush to serve a hungry brood of kids for a weekend BBQ, Amy bought the meat not realizing the harm it would cause. That Saturday night, all was well. Amy had made burgers from the meat and the kids sucked it all back without so much as a complaint. If anything, the kids ran along having fun in the backyard while the grownups cleaned the tables. The Sunday morning, Amy’s son Matthew didn’t wake up to have breakfast. Nothing unusual with sleeping in for a kid hitting puberty. At least that’s what her mother thought. When she opened the door to his room, he wasn’t in his bed. In fact, when Amy walked inside the room, expecting perhaps to find him at his desk, Matthew appeared from behind the door and bit her on the neck. The door closed behind Amy and screams trailed into the home’s empty second floor corridor.
The roundworm Trichinella spiralis parasite had infested Matthew’s brain, hatching eggs and controlling his motor skills to cause him to drag his feet as would a zombie searching for victims.
Theory 2—Ryan went fishing with his brother and caught more than the salmon he hauled out of the water. His forearm had swollen to the size of a golf ball and when he arrived home, he was feeling tired. He told his brother he wasn’t feeling well and that his brother ought to take the salmon home himself and clean it there. Of course, he received the flak from his brother he deserved, but that was before his brother saw how Ryan’s arm had inflated to the size of a grapefruit. In the center of the swelling was a big red dot. A mosquito had bitten Ryan. His brother raced Ryan to the hospital believing his brother was going into anaphylactic shock, a severe reaction to the mosquito’s bite. Several minutes into the car ride, Ryan awoke from his slumber, foamed at the mouth, saw his brother and attacked him without provocation. They died in a car crash at the foot of the highway.
The mosquito was a carrier of a rare form of bovine spongiform encephalopathy it had acquired when feeding off a warm cattle carcass. Mad cow disease—it had mutated to drive Ryan crazy.
Your Turn—Can you think of other theories?
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.
What plausible scientific explanation do you think would jumpstart a zombie apocalypse?