I wake up in the mornings not knowing who I am. I keep photos in my pocket as reminders of who people are. I even have gone as far as tattoo important clues to my identity all over my body. Like I said, when I wake up tomorrow morning, I won’t remember any of it. I will however have the photos and tattoos.
If you think that’s hard, try to remember your timeline moving backwards. Instead of learning as you go, you’re learning in reverse as you fall more and more into the sore spots of your memory. That’s what I have to deal with every day. It’s not easy. My life could have greater meaning, but how far can I get if I don’t remember from one day to the next who I am or who did me wrong?
Which brings me to my dilemma. Not only do I have to keep track of those who I’ve contacted, but I also have to maintain a system to keep me grounded. It’s a tough system but it works. I leave clues for myself all over my hotel room so when I wake up I can jumpstart the learning process again. The system covers everything. The dilemma is me not knowing who to trust. I have to write it down. Even the hotel manager of the room I’m staying has tried a few times to scam me. I caught him. From what I can tell, he’s a good guy though. He once asked if I could blame him for trying. I don’t blame him.
My only friend Teddy calls me Lenny, but that’s not my real name. Everyone thinks that if someone knows his or her own name it makes life easier. Not for me. I know my real name. It’s not Lenny. I’m still stumbling trying to figure me out.
I’ve learned something about myself recently. I’ve learned I don’t like people who say things because of what others expect. I’m fine with that. I have tattoos to prove what people do is the opposite of what they say. What I find disturbing is finding someone who is sincere but not remembering the person the next day. Do you know how hard it is to find someone honest only to forget about them after falling asleep?
I can go on by telling you about my tattoos, but the tats don’t make me who I am. I’m looking for someone. If I could define who I am, then I could say I’m the guy looking for someone. It’s the one thing that motivates me to live another day with this condition I have. It’s the only thing that compels me to move forward beyond the tall, thick walls within my mind.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.
Have you seen Memento? What did you think of the mystery created by Christopher Nolan?