Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs VI

Since it’s the middle of winter here in Canada, I thought to warm things up we’d have fun with zombies. Hey, who doesn’t want to have fun with zombies? Can I have a show of hands? I didn’t think so. Today’s Monday Mayhem is all about fun!

Zombie Hunting License
Zombie Hunting License

That’s right. It’s that time again, folks. It’s time to put your thinking caps on and help me escape the zombies. Are you ready to indulge in some serious undead running? It ain’t gonna be pretty. Not today. How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide. And if you missed them, here are the first five parts: I, II, III, IV, V.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: In the middle of the street, 50 chewers have you surrounded. You have a knife, but how long do you think you’ll last before one of them takes a bite? Next to your feet, a manhole sits open. You think a construction crew must have been working in the sewers below when the change took place. You have a decision to make. Will you stand and fight, taking your chances that you might die trying. Or will you drop into the manhole, in raw sewage, not knowing what awaits you below?

My Answer: A group of 50 chewers seems a bit too much to fight all on my own. I’ll take my chances in the manhole.

Zombie Warning Sign
Zombie Warning Sign

Scenario #2: You’ve jammed a knife under a door preventing zombies from breaking into your basement bathroom. You climb the sink and can reach the window overhead, but it’s sealed shut. The only chance you have is to break the window and climb outside to ground level. You realize, though, a few things can happen. If you break the window, shards of glass may remain in the frame, therefore gutting you as you attempt to escape. Also, breaking the window can alert other undead to your location up above. The other option is to sit in the bathroom and wait—this may lead you to starving yourself to death. What do you do?

My Answer: I’d rather starve than gut myself trying to escape.

Scenario #3: You have a gun strapped to your waist and a knife hanging from your neck as you dangle on a rope several feet from a horde. With their arms stretched toward you, it will only be a matter of time before they grab you. Above is the hole in the warehouse’s ceiling from where you came. Another crowd of eaters is waiting for you there. What’s the solution? Go up, you die. Go down, you die.

My Answer: It’s a warehouse, I’m sure I can swing my way out of it.


What would you do?


Jack Flacco is an author and the founder of Looking to God Ministries, an organization dedicated to spreading the Word of God through outreach programs, literature and preaching.

17 thoughts on “Zombie What Ifs VI

  1. 1. Bring those bitches ON.
    2. That knife? Looks like I’ll be eating dinner in the basement tonight. I can have my guests and eat them too.
    3. I’m. Gonna swing. From the Chandelier. From the Chandeliiiieeeeeer—

  2. 1. It’s dark down there ! Even with 50 zombies surrounding me, they can’t all attack at once and there is bound to be a thinner spot of them around me. I take the knife, rush one sticking the knife in it’s melon, then using it as a shield, I barrel my way through the easiest way. Drop walker, recover knife, run like heck.
    2. With door wedged shut for now, I take stock of what is in the bathroom. Linen closet is in bathroom, so I grab one and break glass with it wrapped around my fist. Use it to clear all the glass from the frame. I tie the towel to the bathroom doorknob and to the towel rack on wall beside door. I grab the knife and make my way out the window.
    3. I lower myself as low as safely possible then start swinging until I am clear of the horde below. Drop, roll and run.

  3. As much as I would like to be my own hero, I think I would like to have a guardian angel of a friend to be sneaking up behind that ’50’ telling me to duck as he/she opened fire on all those zombies. Or, that angel of a friend breaking that window open for me and placing a piece of cardboard over the shards and helping me out that window. Also, it would help me greatly if that friend was up above me while on that rope already pushing those zombies to their deaths so I can climb up and out.

    Otherwise, if I had no friend left in the world I would just go banzai and rush headlong into those freakin’ freaks and either get it over with or make it through that trial.

    I must be a wimp.

  4. No escape thru window for you? But yes raw sewage and possible zombie sewage swimmers? That’s just bananas. Hepatitis will kill you worse than a zombie.

    Obviously you are wearing clothes in the bathroom, remove shoes to bang out glass fragments, put shoes back on. Remove coat to lay across the window pane to protect yourself from glass splinters. Glass breaking noise is a non issue, bc breaking a window is not loud.

    1. Oops, scenerio 3. Make a lot of noise on the rope so zombies above you fall down the hole and splat onto the zombies below you. Any try to grab you in free fall? Stab them in the eye. Then climb rope up and out.

  5. Scenario 1: Assuming the construction crew left their setup, take a few steps down the ladder into the sewer. Let the zombies come after me. I can maybe even swivel onto the opposite side of the ladder, so my body isn’t exposed. When they drop down, I swing back around and climb out.

    Of course, if there’s no ladder then I take my chances up top. I’ve never been down a manhole, so I don’t know what the drop is like or if it would injure me when I landed. So, I pick a direction, go for the zombies there, try to take out a few to carve my way to freedom and maybe even drop some into the manhole. If it looks hopeless, then I drop into the sewer and take my chances with the horde dropping down after me.

    Scenario 2: If I wanted the knife back (which I probably would) then I turn the lock in the door handle, locking the zombies out. I then take a towel, wrap the knife in it (or if I left it wedged in the door, I remove the showerhead and use that) and break the glass as quietly as possible. I do my best to remove all of the glass and make my way to freedom.

    Scenario 3: God, I hope its a Twinkie warehouse. I climb the rope and get close to the hole in the warehouse ceiling. I loop it around my arm so I can’t drop free. I then bait the zombies above, or even reach up and pull, working a few at a time so they drop below. I take as many breaks as needed, switching arms to keep the blood circulating. Over time, I’ll have either cleared the top so I can make my escape, or I’d have at least dropped a bunch to their deaths or at least debilitation below.

  6. !. I don’t like my choices here. Probably, the manhole, but really, can’t there be a third option? 2. Ha! I’d use my wedding ring to cut the glass. They couldn’t hear that. 3. I’d stay on the rope and hope they get tired enough of waiting to leave and search for fresh meat somewhere else.

  7. Oh man, this is awesome! I can’t believe I’ve missed the rest of the series:
    1- “Better the devil you know.” I’d take my chances on the street. Zombies aren’t known for their coordination, and with constant movement, shoving, and stabbing, I think I’d see my way through. We have no idea how long that manhole has been open, zombies could have been falling down there for hours. Also, it’s DARK.

    2- Using a towel, you can break a window with little to no noise. Then it’s just a matter of removing the shards.

    3- If I wait on the rope long enough, I figure the shambling horde above would, like lemmings, just walk through the hole and crash to the floor below. Failing that, kick over as many as I can below, then make a break for it.

  8. 1- Manhole and push ahead. There’s bound to be an exit somewhere.

    2- If I can’t remove the toilet and make a hole big enough to get under the house then I’d take my time quietly removing the glass. If the alternative is starving to death then I figure there’s more than enough time to chip around the frame.

    3- Swing to something like you said. See if there’s any heavy machinery that I can use against the horde. Like sending a forklift into them while not being inside or knocking over a stack of heavy crates. Really depends on what’s in this place. If it’s at the docks then take the first exit into the water.

  9. Scenario # 1 Stay in the manhole. Better to smell to high heaven than get attacked.

    Scenario # 2 – I’d knock the rest of the glass out, then try to make a break for it.

    Scenario # 3 – Search for more ammo in the warehouse, maybe better weapons, then ventilate some zombies.

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