Why I Love Zombies

It’s spring break here in Canada, so I thought I’d give you a treat today. Rather than a laborious tome of sorts you have to work through, I’m going to give you something different to chew on (‘scuse the pun).

For today’s Monday Mayhem article, I’m going to scrawl a list of reasons why I think zombies are cool. A single list. No elaborate references. No major theories—although that would be cool, too.

Here we go:

• There are fast zombies for some of us and there are slow zombies for some of us.
• They’re Horror’s biological Terminators.
• Once they see something they want, they never surrender pursuing it.
• The genre is always changing.
• A virus that can turn people into the undead is a pretty scary thing.
• A shotgun is the weapon of choice for many zombie slayers.
• Zombies make great crash test dummies.
• Zombies can’t swim.
• Zombies can’t fly either, unless you throw them off a cliff. But even then…
• A Louisville Slugger, popcorn and a horde of zombies make for a fun evening staying in.
• A lot of thought goes into pulling off a memorable zombie kill.
• A narrow alley, a truck and a crowd of undead proves you don’t need a shotgun to kill them.
• Sharks and zombies share many similarities.
• Throwing a zombie from a plane still doesn’t prove they can fly.
• Zombies vs. Skunks. I still say skunks would win.
• They’ll keep pounding on the door no matter how many chairs you put in front of it.
• They don’t take no for an answer.
• Running up a tree doesn’t guarantee your safety. You’ll eventually have to come down.
• If the undead is slow, you can outrun them in a field. Inside a building, you are dead.
• A chain-linked fence provides a great deterrent against the undead.
• A woman with a samurai sword rocks.
• A woman with a shotgun rocks even harder.
• A zombie bite does not make you a vampire.
• Zombies never have to use a restroom.
• They aren’t very smart even though they know how to open a door.
• Much like wolves, the undead hunt in packs.
• They have an acute sense of hearing.
• Zombies don’t eat hamburger. Seriously, they don’t!

That’s all there is to it. These are the reasons I love zombies. Now it’s your turn.

[Thank you Igor Baranov for granting JackFlacco.com the use of your 2014 Toronto Zombie Walk photography for this article.]

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Why do you love zombies?