zombie apocalypse – Page 10

Zombie What Ifs IV

Posted on May 26, 2014May 19, 2014 by Jack Flacco

If you’re new to Monday Mayhem, you’ll appreciate that I not only delve on the dark side of zombiehood, but also on the lighter side. And if you’re one of those folks who’s been reading me for a while, then by today’s title you’ll recognize where I’m going with this post.

That’s right. It’s that time again, folks. It’s time to put your thinking caps on and help me escape the zombies. Are you ready to indulge in some serious undead running? It ain’t gonna be pretty. Not today.

How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide. And if you missed them, here are the first three parts: I, II, III.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: Zombies have trapped twenty of your friends in the school gymnasium. The evil maggot bags are slamming against the door trying to get in. Your friends have barred the only entrance with a fire hose wrapped around the handles. They have minutes before the horde makes them meat. You’re alone in the hall on the opposite end, unarmed. Do you save your friends?

My Answer: My answer to this question will always be yes. At the same time, I’ll try to find something I can use to defend myself. If anything, I’ll try to draw them outside, giving my friends a chance to escape. Call me noble.

Scenario #2: You’re on a boat and you’ve run out of supplies. You have to get back to shore, but the undead have overrun the docks. If you land, you might as well say good-bye. What do you do? Do you take a chance at docking? Or do you attempt to sail to another port?

My Answer: Not knowing where to find another port will deter me from looking. Then again, I can try fishing to see if I can catch my dinner without sharks eating me. I’ll probably search the coast for a place where I can dock, then look for fresh supplies. This is a tough one.

Scenario #3: Your car ran out of gas in a small town. A service station rests two miles down Main Street. It’s dusk and soon you will not know what the evening will bring. Your passengers are shivering with fright. The two-mile hike is not far, but you’re afraid if you make the journey, your passengers will fall into the hands of the undead. Do you stay in town for the night; hoping shelter will provide the safety you need before dawn? Or do you take a chance, make the trek to the service station and when you return you hope to find the car and the passengers in one piece?

My Answer: I don’t know about you, but I’ll try to find a place to rest until morning, then I’ll make the journey to get gas in broad daylight. If anything, I want to see what will attempt to make me into a brunch dessert before I flee.

Scenario #4: On foot, you’re alone, running from the horde. You come across a bridge. Perfect. But you wonder if you cross it, will there be another horde on the other side waiting to turn you into its dinner. You take a chance, you cross the bridge. Halfway, another crowd of zombies appears at the opposite end of the bridge, just as you had suspected. What do you do? Do you turn back and take a chance hoping the original horde is not as gruesome as you might think? Or do throw yourself off the bridge to the water below, not knowing if the impact alone will kill you?

My Answer: I’d take a chance and go for the plunge. I’d rather die upon impact than to slowly waste away in the jaws of devouring zombies.

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What would you do?

Monday Mayhem

Hard Being a Zombie

Posted on May 19, 2014May 19, 2014 by Jack Flacco

It must be difficult to live life as a zombie. To have no hope. No dreams. To pretend of being of value to others only to suck all the good from them until there’s nothing left. It must be tough to have a false sense of purpose, treating humans as nothing more than a piece of meat.

Maybe you shouldn’t read this Monday Mayhem post. If you’re a zombie, I don’t know if you’d understand.

How can zombies live with themselves? Their moral compass is broken. They have no ability to see what they’re doing is wrong. Their loyalty lies in one thing—to fulfill their selfish inner craving they have festering in their putrid shell. What do they see when they look at themselves in the mirror? Do they see good? Do they see the pain they cause themselves and to others?

Zombies have their horde with which they commune. They’re all the same, though. Following the pack. Not thinking for themselves. Much of their undead life consists of roaming about seeking of whom they may devour. Sure, they have their dormant phases where they appear as if they’ve gotten better, hanging with their brothers and sisters in a quiet state of depression. But that doesn’t mean they’re harmless. Once they catch sight of another victim, nothing prevents them from kicking into full chase mode.

At least zombies have something to which humans can aspire. If anyone dares attack them, they don’t run. They don’t hide. They simply show their rotting teeth and hit their future kill at a time when it’s at its most vulnerable.

Unlike other carnivores, zombies will keep pursuing their quarry even after sustaining an injury. The undead may have lost an arm, a leg, the front part of their face, but they’ll do everything in their power to exhaust their victim until the victim can run no more.

When the evil predators finally catch their prey? They consume them while they’re still alive.

Then there’s the little matter of the zombie bite. All the undead has to do is snap and wait until the virus takes effect. If they can’t kill their target, they’ll do one better—make the target into one of them. What better way to guarantee the zombie culture will not die? The perfect plan.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather remain human than become a maggot infested drain on civilization bent on destroying the good in people. Sounds to me like a lot of work to keep tabs on victims in order to ensure they’ll one day either become food for the miserable lot or part of the problem.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Is there such a thing as a good zombie?

Monday Mayhem

Terminators vs. Zombies

Posted on April 7, 2014April 9, 2014 by Jack Flacco

They keep coming and coming and don’t let up. They’ll hunt you down and kill you without mercy. They have no soul. They’re impervious to pain. They are dead inside, unable to feel empathy or feel anything for that matter. They will not rest until every single human soul lies dead under their feet.

If you think I’m talking about terminators, raise your hands. C’mon, don’t be shy. They sound like terminators, don’t they? They’re not, at least not in my book. I’m talking about zombies. How many of you guessed right? Well, you’re wrong, too. They’re terminators. Not sure, are you? Welcome to another edition of Monday Mayhem.

For those not familiar with the origins of The Terminator movie, one day, director James Cameron was suffering from a very high fever when in the midst of his dreams a metal skull appeared to him. It had burst into flames and filled his mind in a frenzy of horror. When he awoke, he immediately took to his typewriter and within twenty-four hours had the treatment written of The Terminator. Just like that.

For those unfamiliar with a film treatment, it’s a short story written in present tense prose with a liberal dollop of the director’s style. It’s much more detailed than an outline.

The idea behind The Terminator lies in man’s quest for immortality. A terminator does not feel, does not ponder on life’s great mysteries, does not fill its head with silly arguments of what is right and wrong. It roams and kills. Nothing more. Not much different from the undead, really.

Let’s have a look at similarities between terminators and zombies.

Persistence—Terminators do not know when to give up. They will keep coming after its target until either it dies a terrible death or its battery depletes. The likelihood of its battery depleting is next to zero. Therefore, you can run it down, drive a metal rod through its body, crush it with a steel girder, and blow it up. It will still come after you without relent. A zombie works the same way. Once it spots its victim, it will stop at nothing to capture it. Other than a shotgun blast to the head, nothing will deter it from its aim to make human its main dinner dish. It will keep coming and coming. It will not stop until we’re all dead.

Roaming—Those treacherous endoskeletons travel long distances to achieve their mission objective. They smash through doors, crash through windows, overcome gun blast wounds all for the sake of killing their targets. They’ll even drag their way to them if they have to, which is no different from the undead who chase after their prey. No manner of defense will discourage zombies from their inordinate plan to attack and dismember their victims. And yes, they’ll also drag to capture their victim.

Unfeeling—The driving force behind a terminator is its mission to kill its target. It does not care if its intended target has a family. It does not equate the loss of life to the loss of a relationship. Its design dictates merciless killing as its goal. In much the same way, a zombie’s ultimate quest is to satiate its craving for human. It has no empathy for the potential loss of a brilliant life. It doesn’t understand the bond between humans, the love of a parent for a child, the love of a mate for a mate. It possesses no heart. It does not cry for its victim nor does it rejoice after the killing. It can’t do any of that because it simply does not feel. How dreadful a life when a sentient life walks the earth soulless, empty and void.

Regardless of the many similarities mentioned, and I’m sure you can think of more, you know what I would find interesting? Instead of terminators and zombies going after humans, why not have them in a massive battle against each other? Wouldn’t that be something to look forward? But I think we’d know who would win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Can you think of other similarities between the metal endoskeletons and the undead?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Virus

Posted on March 31, 2014April 2, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Visiting the hospital the other day made me wish I’d fallen victim to a real life zombie virus. As I roamed the corridors, a man sporting a seemingly healthy complexion passed my wife and me around the corner. Negotiating the maze of hallways, we saw the man pass us by again. This was no accident, I thought. As we slipped into the nurses’ station, he had passed by once more behind us. It’s with some apprehension I thought he was following us. Yet, that wasn’t the case. He simply was tracing the same route minute-by-minute, regardless if we were there or not. He was a true walker.

This strange episode left me with the idea that we’re searching everywhere for the zombie virus to appear but instead, perhaps, we already have it flourishing in our society. We just don’t know about it.

In this edition of Monday Mayhem, I want to explore two common diseases and one psychological condition that correlate to symptoms matching those of zombie physiological behavioral patterns. This may get gory, so be forewarned.

The Common Cold—Also known as nasopharyngitis, rhinopharyngitis, and acute coryza, the common cold has over 200 strains at its disposal to which it can render us helpless in no time. Between ten days and three weeks, the virus can wreak havoc with our immune system, causing fatigue, loss of appetite, headache and muscle ache. Fever tends to happen with infants and young children. The common cold falls under the coronaviruses umbrella of bugs, the same family of viruses responsible for SARS. Similar to many of the zombie viruses written about in fiction, the common cold’s ferocity of transmission makes it a good candidate for an apocalyptic mutation, less the bite, of course.

Flesh-Eating Disease—Going by the medical name necrotizing fasciitis, the disease consumes tissues and layers of skin transforming everything in its wake into a rotten mass. During the course of its growth, the epidermis takes on a dark appearance. If left untreated, the infection can spread rapidly throughout the body, which would then lead to death. Not a trivial matter, much like a zombie virus, this disease shows the effects of death on a living being. I’m not about to post photos of what the disease looks like in full bloom, consuming a human body. The only difference with a zombie virus is the victim’s ability to retain cognitive reasoning.

Catatonia—Although not a disease in itself but a syndrome, catatonia presents an interesting set of symptoms that one may speculate comes directly from a zombie book. Patients of the condition exhibit peculiar motor movements such as stiff posturing, posses and grimacing. They also demonstrate purposeless actions when entrenched in a state of catatonic excitement, making it one of the most dangerous mental states in psychiatry. Brought about by other mental illnesses (e.g. depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia), catatonia bears striking similarities to those infected by a zombie virus, where the victims roam about without direction, expressing no visible sign of sentience.

The common cold, flesh-eating disease and catatonia are a few of the diseases/conditions I thought of right off the top of my head when comparing zombie virus symptoms with real life aliments. I’m sure you can think of more, considering I’ve only scratched the surface. Who knows, perhaps one day I may revisit this topic citing controversial psychological studies as the basis for an in-depth study of my own. Until then, we can indulge in some fun speculation as to the nature of the zombie virus.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Where do you think the zombie virus will come from?

Monday Mayhem

Zombieland Rules

Posted on March 24, 2014March 26, 2014 by Jack Flacco

I love Zombieland. I can watch that movie several times in a row without getting bored. I also love the little things about it. I love how Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) loves Twinkies. What’s not to love about a zombie slaying Twinkie lover who just as well bash the brains of the undead than have a civilized conversation? Have I overused the word love yet? That’s why for today’s Monday Mayhem series I want to write about the Zombieland rules. Do you know what they are? Have you ever heard of them? If not, you’re in luck. Have a gander below to find out what they are.

Rule #1—Cardio: Do you want to survive the zombie apocalypse? Get in shape. Zombies nowadays are speed demons. They can dash from one side of a football field to another in seconds. Best keeping one step ahead of them than finding yourself served as the main course to a zombie buffet. No one wants that.

Rule #2—Double Tap: Here’s how this works, one of the undead races towards you and you blast it in the head. Don’t be cheap. Unload another bullet in their rotting corpse for insurance. You’ll never know you killed it unless its jaws lock on your jugular. By that time, it’ll be too late. Use another bullet. You’ll be glad you did.

Rule #3—Beware of Bathrooms: One thing’s for sure, when a zombie’s after you, you don’t want to have your pants down. Avoid bathrooms. Toilets kill. Zombies can smell you a mile away. You want privacy? Get lost in the woods with a small shovel. Once you’re done, pile the dirt and disappear. You don’t want that stuff getting on your shoes to have a horde after you because of improper waste management.

Rule #4—Seatbelts: If anything’s certain during the zombie apocalypse, you’ll be running hard. The second point of certainty is you’ll be driving fast. You’ll always want to have your seatbelt firmly secured around your waist. The highways will have obstacles everywhere and if you should so hit one of these obstacles, you’ll be taking a header through the windshield on to the highway ahead. Always wear your seatbelt.

Rule #7—Travel Light: Do you think you’ll have time to pack your bags and hit the road when zombies are knocking at your door? Of course not. You won’t have enough time to think, let alone pack. Much like an expectant mother, it would be a good idea to keep a knapsack prepped either at the foot of the door or the window. You’ll want to carry guns, knives, bullets—you know—the essentials. Rope will come in handy, too. But the reality is once the zombies spot you and chase you, you’ll have little else to do than run. You can’t run fast if you’re packing heavy.

Rule #11—Check the Back Seat: Have you ever seen those Horror flicks where the girl dives into the driver’s seat of her car after having ran a mile from an unknown entity? Can you tell me what happens next? Right, someone or something hops from the back seat and makes her into a side serving for lunch. Always, always check the back seat of your car.

Rule #16—Limber Up: The worst thing that can happen to you when running as fast as you can from those maggot bags is pulling a muscle ten feet into your escape plan. How could it happen in the first place? You didn’t limber up. You see, during the apocalypse, you won’t have time to fall on your backside because you’ll be too busy running. You’ll need to keep in shape if you’re to avoid the dreaded mandibles of the undead latching on to your leg. While you’re doing other things, throw in a few jumping jacks. Better still, toss in several pushups. After all, a limber human is a saved human.

Rule #17—Don’t be a Hero: Everyone loves a hero, but how great is a hero if said hero ends up as a meal? Let’s admit it, pulling the trigger on a zombie and watching its brains splatter against the wall is fun. And if you save someone in the process, it’s a thrill. However, if it’s you against them and you have nothing to gain, better save your ammo and run. Those few seconds contemplating how glorious zombie brains would look all over the dash could have gone to better use like, hightailing it out of there while you still have your life in your hands. Always run.

Rule #32—Enjoy the Little Things: Remember your first crush? Remember how it felt learning you’d passed your worst subject in school by the skin on your nose? Remember your first Twinkie? In the hustle and bustle of a killing the undead, we’ll tend to forget the little things that make life special. Take a moment between kills to reminisce about life’s little wonders, about the beauty that was and the joy you gain when thinking of the simple things. Who knows? Maybe one day you’ll also find the last Twinkie on earth and know what I mean.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What are the official Zombieland rules? Where can I find them?

Monday Mayhem

Zombies at Sea

Posted on March 17, 2014March 19, 2014 by Jack Flacco

The safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse is at sea. Last summer’s blockbuster hit World War Z proved this by setting the story’s base of operations on a battleship stationed off the coast of the United States. For my Monday Mayhem series, let’s have a look at a few reasons why it would make sense to live on the ocean during the undead’s reign of terror on dry land. Similarly, we can’t ignore the one problem that would exist should someone think about employing such a survival strategy.

Yacht [Photo Credit: This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.]

Becoming a castaway at sea during the course of a zombie apocalypse would entail many hours of planning and plenty of resources. Much of that planning would involve lists of supplies, access to waterways and the type of boat used for the expedition. Let’s not forget the most important aspect of such a venture—security. How will a survivor defend the ship should a sudden attack take place, by military or otherwise?

First off, what kind of supplies should a potential survivor plan to take with them should a zombie apocalypse take over the world? To answer this question, we’ll have to know what kind of boat will become the home away from home at sea. Will it be a sailboat, motor boat or yacht? As luxurious as the idea of purchasing a yacht is, the cost for a twenty-five to thirty-five footer can go for more than $20,000. That price does not include docking fees and crew. The price for motor yachts jumps dramatically once fuel and mechanical maintenance comes to play. Of course, someone will have the bright idea of stealing a vessel once the apocalypse goes full swing, but we’ll see why that won’t work in the real world.

Yacht [Photo Credit: This file is made available under the Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication]

After determining the boat we’ll take to sea, we’ll need to head over to the mall for some supplies. From the onset, this is not going to be pretty on the pocketbook. Are you ready? Here we go. Depending how many passengers travel with you, you’ll need paddles and oars in case the motor has a bad day and you’re stuck wondering what to do next. On the list go life vests, boat seats, fishing rods and racks, anchoring equipment, boat lighting, first aid, and pumps in case you hit something and need to get rid of the water flooding the hull. In addition, guns and ammunition will come in handy when defending your floating paradise. That’s why it’s a bad idea for some geniuses to think they can steal a boat from their owners, not knowing if said owners are packing heavy.

This is all very well and fine, but why would it be a good idea to dock in the middle of the ocean during a zombie apocalypse anyway? I can think of several reasons. The big one is zombies can’t swim. Try as they may, they can walk the ocean floor and that’s as far as they’ll get to coming close to your boat. Also, in the ocean there are no zombie viruses to fight since that would constitute someone already being infected with the contagion and spreading it onboard. Easiest way to combat the spread of contamination is to throw the infected off the ship. Problem solved. Lastly, other than storms surprising us in the middle of the night, a certain peace comes with living on the ocean. We can have a good night’s sleep without worrying the undead will have a field day on our bones during our slumber.

As promised, the one big problem facing those choosing the ocean as their refuge is food, or rather the lack thereof. After several months at sea without a grocer in sight for miles, the fresh fruits and vegetables will be gone. More than likely, so will the meat, if the vessel does not feature a freezer in the galley. Dry goods will eventually disappear as well. As much as anyone would enjoy living out at sea, food supplies will dwindle, tempers will flare and someone will want to go back to shore for a fresh supply of avocados.

Surviving at sea during a zombie apocalypse is a great idea, but it comes with its costs and challenges. Knowing what those costs and challenges are will aid with the decision making process. Are we ready?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you thought of what it would be like surviving at sea during a zombie apocalypse?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Strategies

Posted on March 10, 2014March 17, 2014 by Jack Flacco

How important is strategy when fighting zombies? I’m sure most would say zombies’ lack of intelligence gives humans an edge against them. However, if fifty zombies trap you in a room and they’re pounding at your door, some strategy would go a long way. Perhaps running into a room with no way out wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Zombie playing chess [Photo Credit: Unknown]

Writing this post from the perspective of a chess game, let’s see what strategies a potential victim of a zombie attack can employ to defeat the undead for my Monday Mayhem series.

One of the strategies prevalent in a good chess game is the sacrifice. To be specific, giving away a piece on the board in order to obtain an advantage of the enemy later in the game. As I explained in my Zombie Animals post, the zombie virus hops from human to human without infecting animals in a process called zoonosis. What better way to distract a zombie horde than to give away your future dinner. It’s a good idea to carry around a chicken to use as bait for zombies to chase while your group takes the high road. If chickens are not around, then I’ll refrain from suggesting the obvious.

Another chess strategy is castling. The way this works is the player tucks the king away behind an impregnable wall of pawns with a rook used as the anchor to the move. In a real-life zombie situation, the term “hunkering down” may prove to be the best option with a crowd of zombies knocking at your door. The caveat being, whatever happens no one stops shooting. You’ll need plenty of ammo and lots of patience to execute this strategy successfully.

Up next, the pin. The general idea behind a pin lies in trapping a piece on the board so it can’t move from its position. Same goes for zombies. Trap them, then scrap them. Bear traps work great for those persistent undead who just won’t leave you alone. Holes in the ground with sharp sticks at the bottom can prove to be a survivalist’s weapon of choice. Let’s not forget the snare made from netting and a trip wire to set it off. A good strategy is a planned strategy, at least that’s what I say.

The last tactic involves the king. When the king has lost all of his army, his main goal is to keep alive for as long as possible. In the game of chess, the king has fifty moves to avoid a checkmate by its opponent. Part of this tactic includes attempting to force a stalemate where both sides can’t reach a realistic conclusion. Similarly, in a zombie apocalypse, when all hope seems lost, never give up. There’s always hope. No matter how bad things seem, there is that one chance the zombies will mess up and you can get away. This means maintaining a positive outlook, looking forward to a better tomorrow and remaining filled with the optimism that things will work out.

How different is it from the way we should live our lives today?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Are you a chess player appreciating strategies that may one day save your life? If not, what strategy would use to defeat chasing zombies?

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