Michael Jackson – Looking to God

Benefits to Becoming a Zombie

Posted on April 13, 2015April 14, 2015 by Jack Flacco

The other day my friends and I couldn’t agree if becoming a zombie was a good thing. Aside from the annoying groan and smells emanating from the undead corpse, some of them seemed to think turning into a zombie was a positive experience. I begged to differ.

Crowd photo of the Guinness World Record™ breaking New Jersey Zombie Walk held on October 30th, 2010. 4,093+ zombies attended the event. [Photo credit: Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.]

On a dare, I promised my friends that for my Monday Mayhem series post I’d refute their claims and prove beyond a doubt that the life of a zombie was not something one would aspire to, if one were to put things into perspective.

Being a Zombie Saves Time—The biggest advantage my friends put forth as a reason to becoming a zombie is that zombies do not have to worry about personal hygiene. They argued that the byproduct to such an action is saving time. Well, I thought, so is not sleeping. But you don’t see me not taking showers and staying up all night. That is, if you don’t live in a frat house. No, I countered their argument stating the obvious. Okay, you’ll save time by not bathing and not sleeping. Then what? How will you use that extra time? You can’t go out on date because, frankly, you’ll smell. And you can’t learn a new hobby because the teacher will run away at the first sight of you. Jack 1, Friends 0.

Being a Zombie Means Never Having to Go Hungry—I’m not sure how we ended up talking about this, but eventually the conversation of food came to play. My friends agreed that zombies would never have to go hungry again. With a lot of humans running around, they’d have their choice of meat any way they want. Sorry, but I’m going to raise one slight detail they forgot to factor into their genius argument. Everything would be all sunshine and rainbows if humans didn’t have the weapons to splatter your brains all over the back wall where you were standing. As zombies, you can run after humans. The question remains, will you live long enough to claim your prize? Don’t think humans will lay down without a fight. Jack 2, Friends 0.

Being a Zombie Means Having Eternal Life—I literally laughed out loud when one of my friends suggested they’d have eternal life. The first thought to hit me was, living forever? How? As an undead creature, you’d rot to a slow death. What kind of life is that? Would being a zombie mean having the ability to cheat death? I don’t think so. Look at what happened to the zombies in the movie Warm Bodies. They had sniveled to stick figures with no hope of living a productive life. Then there’re the walkers in The Walking Dead. They’re about to fall apart soon. No thanks. I’d rather remain human with the full knowledge that when I die I won’t have to worry about the dastardly deeds I’d committed as a zombie. I know, weak argument, but still. Jack 3, Friends 0.

Being a Zombie Means I Can Dance—My friends used the Michael Jackson Thriller video to make their point. Zombies can dance, they said. And you know what? I happen to agree with them. Great video. Jack 3, Friends 1.

There you have it. Other than knowing how to dance, the benefits to becoming a zombie are not that great. I’d choose human over zombie any day of the week.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.

What arguments did I miss? Is being a zombie all that great?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Movies I’d Like to See

Posted on April 28, 2014April 30, 2014 by Jack Flacco

I’ve been a fan of genre crossing for a long time. I love it when movies bend the rules in order to tell a different type of story. I enjoy the challenges a hero faces when all of a sudden the plot flips from ordinary Horror to something altogether unpredictable. For today’s edition of Monday Mayhem, I’d like to have a look at zombie movies I’d love to see at the theater. If someone already came up with these ideas, let me know. I’m always in the mood for another zombie movie.

Zombies in Space—How about a zombie outbreak that takes place on a space station? Even more so, how about a zombie apocalypse taking over a human colony on another planet? We’re always wondering about what would happen if a zombie virus hits earth. What about astronauts on the space shuttle? No one can deny the close proximity of everyone involved would prove to be the worst aspect of the scenario. How would zombies react in zero gravity? I can see it now, the undead attempting to bite a floating human and it can’t quite grasp the concept of catching its food while hovering over it. I’d find it comical as well as challenging for the zombies. I’m sure humans would win.

Zombies of the Round Table—You know this was coming. The Knights of the Round Table going up against the zombies that have taken over the land. This movie would come complete with fire breathing dragons and the princess in the tower the knights had to save from the horde of undead trying to make a meal out of her. I can picture it now, sword battles and an archer’s dream. The logistics behind a movie like this would make any accountant’s head spin. Weapons, setting, zombie costumes, battle scenes, castle configuration, CGI, the list would go on and on. I’d go see it, for sure.

Zombies of the Wild, Wild West—I can hear you guys now, “Really, Jack? Really? Haven’t we learned anything from Cowboys & Aliens?” Okay, this may be a stretch. I would still enjoy a story like this. I would. Imagine a spaghetti western crossing with a zombie apocalypse. The Good, the Bad and the Zombie. Who doesn’t want to watch something like this? Show of hands? Believe me, a gunslinger sitting at a poker table in a saloon will beat six zombies bursting through the doors without breaking a sweat. This movie would raise the bar for zombie kills done in a one-hundred minute film.

Zombies vs. Vampires—I saved the best for last. Who wouldn’t want to see a movie where zombies and vampires tear each other apart? I know I would. When Underworld released, I was one of the first fans to hit the theater. In this case, vampires battled Lycans (werewolves). Not as genre crossing as the rest of the lot, zombies vs. vampires would prove a challenge even to seasoned producers. For instance, an astute writer will ask the question, “Who would be strong enough to win?” As an aside—zombies would win out of pure numbers. Vampires would win out of pure cunning. It would be an amazing movie, nonetheless.

I’m hoping one day that some of these ideas will become movies. I would totally spend money to see them. I must say though, if a bright young producer decided to create a zombie musical to satisfy the craving of all the middle aged folks old enough to remember Michael Jackson’s Thriller video, I’d probably skip it. One video with dancing zombies is enough in my book. Besides, no one could do the zombie walk quite like Jackson could—not including Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What kind of movie would you like to see incorporating zombies?

Niagara Falls

Posted on March 8, 2013May 8, 2017 by Jack Flacco

Recently, my family and I took a trip to Port Colborne, a small town west of Fort Erie, half-an-hour away from Niagara Falls. Due to the nature of the trip, it was only for a couple of days, we traveled most of the time in and out of the car, and in and out of hotel. When we finally got back home, my mind drifted back into the rhythm of everyday life. I thought, oh how I wanted to write about Niagara. So I did. Here is my Freedom Friday post about past trips to Niagara Falls.

Before my wife and I got married, way before our engagement, we’d spent a lot of time in volunteer activities together for our church. Since we acted, sang and played in related theater troupes as well, our schedules were nearly identical. We didn’t have to wait long before we saw each other amid the hustle and bustle. There were always those in-between moments during a rehearsal, a gig or a run-through that we could chat. Of course, when you’re falling in love, every nanosecond of every day together just isn’t enough. One gorgeous May weekend we decided to take a daytrip to Niagara Falls. We played mini golf, watched an IMAX presentation of how The Falls came to be, and took goofy pictures of ourselves at one of those instant photo booths. We still have the pictures. And yes, we did dine, talk, hold hands, and all that other romantic stuff. It became our place where we discovered more existed between us than the performing arts.

Every few years after we got married, we’d return to Niagara Falls. Something good would always come from these trips. One time it was the decision to purchase a house. Another time we’d talked about how many kids we’d like to have. No matter when we took the trip, we’d come back refreshed and filled with hope for a planned future. If you’ve ever seen a couple in the back of a restaurant at The Falls writing on napkins—charts, graphs, timelines—that was us. We were the crazy folk who wanted to ensure our decisions were mutual. If one of us didn’t agree to an idea, we’d scrap it.

The latest trip took place a few autumns ago. With both kids in tow, we stayed in one of those incredible two-floor penthouse suites with a Fallsview and Jacuzzi. We managed to grab a deal on the room because off-season rates rule. Otherwise, no way we could have afforded it. The first thing, we walked to The Falls. Ever hear of that dark and stormy night? Well, we got caught in one of the worst storms to hit the Niagara region coming back. I don’t think we’ve gotten so soaked in all our lives. It was fun, though. When we arrived at the hotel, we changed, dried off and went for a warm meal at the restaurant downstairs. The place took me by surprise. The food was rather good at reasonable prices.

Caught in a Storm

Sunrise

Autumn in Niagara Falls

Over the Falls

The Falls

Tombstone

Ripley’s Believe It or Not

Galaxy Golf

The Joker

Harry Potter

Garfield

Michael Jackson

Freddy Krueger

The remainder of our getaway consisted of taking in as many of the hundreds of attractions humanly possible. We enjoyed The Falls from the top of the SkyWheel, read the tombstones at Ripley’s Believe It or Not, played mini putt with aliens at Galaxy Golf, met the Joker and Michael Jackson at Louis Tussaud’s Wax Museum, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember but know we had fun doing. My wife and I also made one of our major life decisions during that trip, which proved to be one of the best decisions in our lives.

We’re still reaping the rewards.

Have you ever been to Niagara Falls? If so, what did you like about it? Did you know it’s the Honeymoon Capital of the World?

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