comedy – Page 2 – Looking to God

Robbie Hart

Posted on July 29, 2015July 28, 2015 by Jack Flacco

No matter how many times I watch The Wedding Singer, the character Robbie Hart always does something in the film that makes me think hard about true love. This time around, since I saw it a few weeks ago, it was all about the little things. Today, I’d like to talk about Robbie Hart and about what makes him so unique that I would include him in my Wednesday Warriors series.

Adam Sandler as Robbie Hart in The Wedding Singer

You know you’re in trouble when you look through your movie collection and all you can find is an Adam Sandler movie. In truth, that’s a good thing, since trouble means laughing through it even after multiple viewings haven’t diminished the impact of the content. The film The Wedding Singer is like that. Filled with inside jokes and funny transitions, the flick comes with two admirable stars whose chemistry flows from the screen.

Robbie Hart (Adam Sandler) is a wedding singer who loses his fiancée at the altar. The no-show devastates him enough to cause him to have a meltdown of sorts. During this time, Julia Sullivan (Drew Barrymore), the new employee at the wedding hall he plays at, and his future romantic interest, promises to hire Hart’s band as the band who should play for her own wedding. As the story progresses, the two discover that their friendship is more than what they expect and confront their feelings for each other in one of the most sentimental and funniest movie endings.

What makes Robbie a unique character to admire is the way he handles life. Other than his fiancée dumping him, he doesn’t allow life to dictate the way he lives. He’s a wedding singer—how cool is that? Every weekend is party time. Additionally, given he lives in a small town where he grew up, he has decided to live his life where his kids can grow up safe and secure away from the big city madness that grips all twentysomethings like him.

He doesn’t make a lot of money. So what? He may not have the best of opportunities to move forward with his life. So what? He’s happy. That’s what counts. He realizes that, and anyone around him knows he’s the relaxed type who enjoys his time with friends and family. That counts for something, doesn’t it?

Regarding his relaxed attitude—nothing really bothers Robbie. One of his older students could pour two meatballs with sauce in his hands, but rather than get annoyed, he runs with it and is grateful for the thought. His best friend Julia has that same relaxed attitude. She doesn’t have a problem with Robbie’s wedding singer status, his small-town dreams and his penchant for laughing at the weirdest of things. She loves him just the same.

Which brings me to Robbie’s best character attribute. With him, it’s the little things:

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh, it could be so nice, growin’ old with you.
I’ll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I’ll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink.
Oh, I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

If anything, Robbie Hart has heart. And in a world where things sometimes move too fast, Robbie is a welcome relief to de-stress and look at life through a different pair of eyes.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What do you think of Robbie Hart. Have you seen The Wedding Singer?

Wednesday Warriors

Clark W. Griswold

Posted on May 20, 2015May 17, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Every now and then, everyone deserves a vacation. It all depends on what the definition of a vacation really is. If it’s laying on the beach soaking in the sun then this family man is not for you. But if you’re looking for the ultimate adventure, where you travel across the great American desert, dance the polka in ethnic attire, visit Vegas on a budget or simply have a quiet Christmas meal as your house teeters on the threshold of hell then this family man is for you.

Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Vacation — Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Vacation

For today’s Wednesday Warriors, Clark W. Griswold shows how taking a vacation becomes a quest for survival, a battle against all odds a… [insert another outrageous metaphor for war here]

Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase) knows how to be a supportive husband and loving father. He loves his wife Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo) and his two kids Audrey and Rusty. To him, they’re the perfect family. As the perfect family, they also deserve the perfect vacation. Instead of heading to the airport to visit their favorite amusement park, Wally World, Clark chooses the unconventional route. He takes the family on a no-holds-barred cross-country adventure where the dog pees on their lunches and the cops stop them for animal cruelty.

It doesn’t stop there. No, no. For their next vacation, he decides to forego the American dream for a shot at touring Europe. Lucky for Clark, he has relatives living in Europe—the problem is—he just can’t find them. In fact, Clark can’t find a nickel if it fell from the sky staring at him in the face. The Griswolds shack up with the wrong family. Add to that the racy video Clark and Ellen inadvertently filmed, which quickly is a victim of a burglary and becomes the hottest item to hit the black market, their vacation suddenly turns into an international affair.

Could the Griswolds’ vacations get any worse?

Of course!

For Clark, nothing is a challenge. His attitude works much like that of a warrior who never surrenders. If the Vegas casinos take all his money, he simply finds a way. Even if it means burning through the kids’ college education for one more single payoff. Even if it means getting into a road rage incident to prove his manhood. Even if it means the Christmas turkey becomes a relic of charred cinder. Yes. Clark W. Griswold doesn’t know the meaning of uncle.

He will fight. He will survive. And he will live his life to the fullest—even if it kills him.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Have you seen any of the Vacation movies? What did you like about them? Will you see the next one in the series?

Freedom Friday

Do You Want to…

Posted on February 13, 2015February 16, 2015 by Jack Flacco

There’s a running joke in our family these days that has grown out of control and poses a threat to our sanity. Not really, but once you know what it is you’ll know what I mean. Ever since the release of the movie Frozen, we’ve been taking turns singing the words to Do You Want to Build a Snowman? in a new and original way. We replace the words “to build a snowman” with pretty much anything that pops into our head.

Frozen's Olaf the Snowman — Frozen’s Olaf the Snowman

Like this: Do you wanna read Freedom Friday?

It started with innocent intentions. One of us—I will not name names—me—began to sing the words to the snowman song whenever it snowed. Given I live in Canada and it snows a lot, especially last year, I was singing the opening phrase quite extensively. You can read that as meaning others in my family were telling me, “Stop singing that snowman song.”

Of course, if someone tells Jack he shouldn’t be doing something, what does Jack do? Yep, Jack keeps on doing it. [End of Jack’s third-person dialog.]

So, I did what any other normal person would do—become excruciatingly annoying.

Not only did I sing the song when it snowed, but I also sang it when it didn’t with the added incentive to change the words to suite my needs.

Like this: Do you want to cook some chicken?
Like this: Do you want to have some sushi?
Like this: Do you want a have a party?
Or like this: Do you hate me for my singing?

And on and on it went. Eventually, I’d worn the family down so much that they too fell to the Dark Side.

Now, a year later, we’re all singing it.

At the dinner table: Do you want to pass the salt, please?
In the garage: Will you ever wash the car, dear?
While shopping: Do we need some extra olives?

Naturally, because I write about zombies, I have to have my own version of the song:

Do you want to kill a zombie?
Will you shoot it in the head?
Will you throw it off a cliff and sigh
Watch it fly
Until it’s fully dead?

So really, the moral of this post is this: if you want to change people you should never have to change yourself. Be a nuisance and you just might get what you want.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.

Do you want to leave a comment?

Freedom Friday, Other Things

Ja$on

Posted on January 9, 2015May 10, 2017 by Jack Flacco

Boy, oh, boy. Do I have a treat for you. If you’re like me and follow a number of Twitter accounts simply because they’re funny, then I have an account you may want to have a read through. The best part about this Twitter user is I’ve know him his entire life—literally. And as time goes on, he gets funnier and funnier.

For today’s Freedom Friday, I’d like to introduce you to Jason Chaulk a friend of our family and a really funny guy. Okay, I’ve said that a few times—I better stop.

My wife and I have known Jason’s parents before any of us ever got married. Yeah, you might say that’s a long time. We used to go to the same church together, and we’d also have game nights at each other’s homes. We also participated in the same Outreach group, which entailed us going to entertain the elderly at nursing homes. And we’re still at each other’s houses, enjoying the company and having the time of our lives.

As for Jason, he’s been cracking jokes ever since I could remember. The last time we got together, we were reading through his tweets when all we could do was laugh through the whole night. I think what makes him unique is his ability to think quickly on his feet. He always has a comeback, and he always has a good nature when delivering his comebacks. That’s what spurred this article about him. I suggested if he wouldn’t mind if I went ahead and featured his work on my site. He said sure. No problem, in fact.

"I was very dissapointed when I found out it wasn't a house made out of waffles." — “I was very dissapointed when I found out it wasn’t a house made out of waffles.”

To give you an idea of how he works: whenever he gets an idea, he writes it on his phone. He has draft versions of many of his jokes, and when he feels they’re ready, he releases them.

Anyway, enough of my yakity-yak. Below are a few of his tweets he’s written over the years. By the way, before I forget—he’s still in high school!

My dentist recommended for my sensitive teeth to spend more time with them and talk about our feelings
Going to the dentist is uncomfortable enough without us locking eyes while his hands are in my mouth
Little does Santa know that one day I will sell all this coal and buy out his dumb little business
People tell me to be myself but the Little Mermaid taught me otherwise
Kids nowadays need to stop TWERKING and start WERKING
I was in an argument with an amputee but he didn’t have a leg to stand on
Before a fight, take off your cardigan to assert dominance
Auto correct ruined my leaf
I once tried to shoplift but they totally saw the shirt hanging out of my pocket
I used to model as a baby so of course I put it on my resume
The thug life chose me but it conflicted with my trumpet lessons
“R2-D2’s career has really gone downhill since the last Star Wars movie.”

The cop told me I “have the right to remain silent” then he asked me “where’s the body?” lol make up your mind bro
Keep sending me Candy Crush requests, maybe one day you will break me
Not only am I smart and beautiful but I am also humble
Superhero capes are just backward aprons
I am probably better at being humble than all of you
I still don’t smile in photos unless someone holds a teddy bear over the camera
To avoid jury duty become a convicted felon #lifeprotip
The One Where Monica Has a Mental Breakdown and Brings a Gun to Work #rejectedfriendsepisodes
When someone is yelling in your face give them a little kiss on the forehead to difuse the situation #lifehacks
My girlfriend does this thing where she calls me a “stalker” and threatens to have me “arrested”
My life in a nutshell is basically me looking for places to sit down
So glad this subway has windows so I can see the nice view
I woke up today to birds chirping and I did that thing in Shrek where they sing until the birds blew up
Without spell check I would so scruwed
How come all my friends can talk to me in third person but when Jason does it it’s weird
My only regret in life is that I didn’t love more, that and I did crystal meth for 6 years #latenightconfession

I hope you enjoyed reading Jason’s work. You can follow him on Twitter, but I’m sure one day this rising star’s comedy will be everywhere for you not to miss him.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.

Do you know anyone in your life who is a success in the making?

Wednesday Warriors

Clark Griswold

Posted on December 24, 2014December 26, 2014 by Jack Flacco

It may seem odd to highlight an everyman for the second article in the Wednesday Warriors series, but Clark Griswold is not your everyman. He’s the family man who’d make even the Father of the Year look ordinary. And since it is Christmas Eve, who can say Clark is not a warrior for the holidays?

Known for going overboard with his dedication to the holiday season, Clark (Chevy Chase) takes his place among heroes willing to uphold traditions in order to have a fun old-fashioned family Christmas Vacation.

It begins with hauling the family through the white tundra of the awesome winter wonderland in a quest to find the perfect tree. Not just any ol’ tree, but a tree that would make the Eiffel Tower seem short. When asked where he plans to put a tree that size, since it wouldn’t fit in the yard, he quickly says it’s not going in the yard. It’s going in the living room. And, of course, once the tree is set, all Clark has to do is to cut the rope holding the thing together. With a tree that size, we all know what happens. Let’s just say not a window survives.

Ah yes, Clark Griswold, the world’s last true family man. His idea of spending his bonus check is to buy a swimming pool and fly his family down to christen it. A man like him is a lost art. He makes setting up exterior illumination easy. He can’t simply have one, two, three rows of lights on his roof. He has to have the whole roof, pillars leading to the roof, window and doorframes covered in lights. If the draw of electricity becomes too much for the town to handle, all they have to do is switch to auxiliary power to keep up with Clark’s demands on the grid.

When Clark goes all out, he goes all out.

And when everyone’s ready to bail on him because the holiday becomes a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency, he steps in to do what any reasonable man would do—he holds them hostage by threat of violence while wielding a chainsaw as if it were a carving knife for the holiday turkey. Who could blame him? He lost his mind ages ago when he attempted to be the perfect father and hell showed up at his doorstep declaring war on his annual festivities. No, no—no one’s walking out on his fun old-fashioned family Christmas.

But the best part of who Clark is comes when he realizes that no matter how bad things get, he eventually snaps out of his morbid sense of adventure to accept what little good the holiday season presents—even if he keeps company with the jolliest bunch of idiots this side of the nuthouse.

[Author’s note: From my family to yours, have a wonderful holiday season.]

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.

Have you seen Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation? What is your favorite part of the movie?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Marie Barone

Posted on September 17, 2014September 17, 2014 by Jack Flacco

In a middle-class suburb in Long Island lives Ray Barone (Ray Romano), sportswriter, with his beautiful wife Debra, and their three wonderful children. Across the street, live his parents.

Women Who Wow Wednesday once featured Everybody Loves Raymond‘s Debra Barone (Patricia Heaton) as the assertive, do-it-all homemaker who doesn’t take lip from anyone, including kids’ activity coordinators who’ve set themselves on a pedestal waiting for her to knock them off. Strong-willed, independent, Debra wears the loving mom moniker well. She also does it all.

Ray’s mom, Marie Barone (Doris Roberts), has the best job in the family. She spoils her kids rotten, except Ray’s brother Robert (Brad Garrett), but that’s another story. Perpetually caring for Frank (Peter Boyle), her husband of forty-five years, she’s learned a couple of things along the way. For instance, toenails don’t magically crawl into the garbage, nor does dirty underwear jump into the hamper all by itself.

A typical day in the life of the Barones goes something like this:

[Frank is eating lasagna from the platter]
Marie Barone: Frank! What are you doing? You can’t eat it from there! Your fork was in there! Now nobody can eat it!
Frank Barone: That’s all I have to do? In that case, the fork’s been in the ice cream, too!
Ray Barone: [comes in] Hey.
Marie Barone: Hi, Raymond. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? Only you can’t have lasagna… Or ice cream.
Frank Barone: [sticks his fork in cake] Or chocolate cake.
Marie Barone: Look at him! He’s like an animal, marking his territory!
[Frank sticks Marie with the fork]
Marie Barone: Hey!
Frank Barone: What? That’s a compliment.
Ray Barone: God, how I wish I could say this is the wrong house…

Her “Are you hungry?” line defines Marie as the selfless mom who is always willing to go out of her way to make life comfortable for Ray. Her relationship with Debra is a different matter. To Marie, Debra’s never been good enough for her son. In that respect, she has said less than flattering things about Debra’s cooking “Did another dinner get away from you, dear?” However, make no mistake; Marie loves Debra like her own daughter:

Marie Barone: I bought tickets for the whole family to go to Italy!
Debra Barone: Me too?
Marie Barone: Of course, dear. You’re family.
[Debra jumps with joy]
Robert Barone: Me too?

What makes Marie is not her intrusive, critical, overbearing attitude, although some may find that off-putting, but it is her unapologetic nature when defending her family. This is what makes her a formidable opponent, should anyone dare attack The Barones:

“I wanna tell ya something, there is nothing wrong with this family. We’re very close, we’re very open, we’re very loving, ‘cause I make sure of it.” ~Marie Barone

And it’s true. She may seem like someone you may not want to be with for long periods, but she certainly knows how to show her love. “Are you hungry, dear?”

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Have you seen Everybody Loves Raymond? What do you think of Marie Barone?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Sue Charlton

Posted on September 3, 2014September 2, 2014 by Jack Flacco

As a travel reporter who seeks interesting stories from the far reaches of the globe, Sue Charlton visits Australia to discover the biggest story of her career. But far better than the research for her job, she finds something else she didn’t expect. Love does appear in the strangest of places.

Crocodile Dundee's Sue — Crocodile Dundee’s Sue

Today’s Women Who Wow Wednesday celebrates the striking Sue Charlton (Linda Kozlowski) from the 1986 film Crocodile Dundee. Starring Paul Hogan in the title role, he is a character right out of a comic book. He can hypnotize a bull with the shake of a hand. He can kill a crocodile using only a knife. And he can tell the time simply by looking at the sun in the sky. Okay, maybe that last one isn’t so true, but he’s a rough-and-tumble character with the ability to save those who need saving.

Sue, on the other hand, is a city girl who is quite helpless in the Aussie bush. Her idea of roughing it has more to do with finding a place to wash her clothes than beating a crock senseless over the head with her weapon of choice. What makes her unique is her ability to capture the heart of Dundee with very little effort on her part.

In a moment of good-natured competition, she sets out on her own in the outback to prove she doesn’t need his saving arms. What could have been a disaster turns into an opportunity where they both become close friends. Their mutual respect for one another’s capabilities proves there’s a hero in everyone.

In the wild, Dundee reigns as the ultimate survivalist, yet in New York City, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. This is where Sue shines by walking him through the urban life. Even when he doesn’t know what a bidet is, she doesn’t look down on him. Her way of teaching is nudging him along so he can learn at his own pace. Eventually he figures out the ins and outs of a bidet—so to speak.

While Dundee loses himself in the journey of a foreign land, he also loses his heart to the beautiful and enchanting reporter he met in the Australian wilderness. If only life were as simple as sweeping her off her feet. It’s not, and in a rush to reconcile his feelings, he decides to leave America.

The story could very well end there. But it doesn’t. Like a well-used cliché, it’s just the beginning. As with all good things that grow from the smallest of seeds, so is Sue’s affection toward the man who once saved her life. She, too, realizes her life will never be the same again without Dundee. He’s showed her more than anything she could have learned on her own, and because of it, is grateful for his friendship.

Sue Charlton, Women Who Wow Wednesday’s best friend.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Have you seen Crocodile Dundee? What do you think of Sue Charlton?

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