Boy, oh, boy. Do I have a treat for you. If you’re like me and follow a number of Twitter accounts simply because they’re funny, then I have an account you may want to have a read through. The best part about this Twitter user is I’ve know him his entire life—literally. And as time goes on, he gets funnier and funnier.
My wife and I have known Jason’s parents before any of us ever got married. Yeah, you might say that’s a long time. We used to go to the same church together, and we’d also have game nights at each other’s homes. We also participated in the same Outreach group, which entailed us going to entertain the elderly at nursing homes. And we’re still at each other’s houses, enjoying the company and having the time of our lives.
As for Jason, he’s been cracking jokes ever since I could remember. The last time we got together, we were reading through his tweets when all we could do was laugh through the whole night. I think what makes him unique is his ability to think quickly on his feet. He always has a comeback, and he always has a good nature when delivering his comebacks. That’s what spurred this article about him. I suggested if he wouldn’t mind if I went ahead and featured his work on my site. He said sure. No problem, in fact.
To give you an idea of how he works: whenever he gets an idea, he writes it on his phone. He has draft versions of many of his jokes, and when he feels they’re ready, he releases them.
Anyway, enough of my yakity-yak. Below are a few of his tweets he’s written over the years. By the way, before I forget—he’s still in high school!
- My dentist recommended for my sensitive teeth to spend more time with them and talk about our feelings
- Going to the dentist is uncomfortable enough without us locking eyes while his hands are in my mouth
- Little does Santa know that one day I will sell all this coal and buy out his dumb little business
- People tell me to be myself but the Little Mermaid taught me otherwise
- Kids nowadays need to stop TWERKING and start WERKING
- I was in an argument with an amputee but he didn’t have a leg to stand on
- Before a fight, take off your cardigan to assert dominance
- Auto correct ruined my leaf
- I once tried to shoplift but they totally saw the shirt hanging out of my pocket
- I used to model as a baby so of course I put it on my resume
- The thug life chose me but it conflicted with my trumpet lessons
The cop told me I “have the right to remain silent” then he asked me “where’s the body?” lol make up your mind bro
- Keep sending me Candy Crush requests, maybe one day you will break me
- Not only am I smart and beautiful but I am also humble
- Superhero capes are just backward aprons
- I am probably better at being humble than all of you
- I still don’t smile in photos unless someone holds a teddy bear over the camera
- To avoid jury duty become a convicted felon #lifeprotip
- The One Where Monica Has a Mental Breakdown and Brings a Gun to Work #rejectedfriendsepisodes
- When someone is yelling in your face give them a little kiss on the forehead to difuse the situation #lifehacks
- My girlfriend does this thing where she calls me a “stalker” and threatens to have me “arrested”
- My life in a nutshell is basically me looking for places to sit down
- So glad this subway has windows so I can see the nice view
- I woke up today to birds chirping and I did that thing in Shrek where they sing until the birds blew up
- Without spell check I would so scruwed
- How come all my friends can talk to me in third person but when Jason does it it’s weird
- My only regret in life is that I didn’t love more, that and I did crystal meth for 6 years #latenightconfession
I hope you enjoyed reading Jason’s work. You can follow him on Twitter, but I’m sure one day this rising star’s comedy will be everywhere for you not to miss him.
Do you know anyone in your life who is a success in the making?