Looking to God

Zombification

Posted on February 10, 2014February 12, 2014 by Jack Flacco

My Monday Mayhem series has had its share of interesting moments. For instance, my Classic Films Zombie Style theme explores popular movies with a zombie twist. Same goes for Classic Literature Zombie Style, except the theme works with popular books. The other theme is my Zombie What Ifs where I pose various zombie scenarios and your job is to escape the horde.

Today, I’d like to introduce a new theme that I thought might spark a few ideas for all you artists out there. I’m simply going to call it Zombification for lack of a better term. I will feature pop culture icons rendered as zombies. Perhaps, I’ll even add a few anecdotes to lighten the mood, but we’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, here are this week’s picks:

Charlie Brown—Who doesn’t like the Peanuts gang? I grew up with them. Granted, it’s a far cry from A Charlie Brown Christmas but a zombie Charlie Brown makes for an interesting cartoon, don’t you think? Imagine the whole Peanuts crew succumbing to a persistent virus that in turn makes them eat the townsfolk. I’d buy the Blu-Ray, for sure. Nothing quite like introducing a little anarchy where the protagonist ascends to the top of the food chain.

Super Mario—I wonder what Mario would do if instead of collecting coins he’d have an express mandate to collect body parts. It shouldn’t be any different from what it is now. After all, he is collecting hearts, so what big difference would it make if he collected a set of lungs, kidneys or a liver? I think we should all request Nintendo to replace all collectibles with limbs. Wouldn’t that make the game interesting? Gory, but interesting.

Superman—Since we’re on the topic of supers, how about Superman finding a malignant chunk of kryptonite that renders him Superzombie? Then again, the likelihood of him crashing through a brick wall would be remote. If anything, Superzombie would careen toward a stationary object and the impact alone would have him land with a big huge splat. Not good, considering he should be the most powerful zombie in the world. What chance would we have?

Batman—The Caped Zombie. Yeah, I can see that happening. The Joker himself would run for his life. No more Batmobile, Batcave or, in fact, Bat-anything. In its place we’d have the Zombmobile, Zombcave and a crowd of the undead roaming about under Bruce Wayne’s mansion.

Marvel Superheroes—I couldn’t choose one Marvel superhero, so I decided to choose them all. There are just too many to look at on their own. I’m sure I’ll do it someday, but not this time. Let’s enjoy them all for now and hope they don’t become real. I mean, could you see a day when Spider-Man spins this creepy web resembling internal digestive organs? I know I can’t.

Your turn, hunt and scavenge. If you have any characters you’d like to see zombified, post the idea here. I may choose your character as a highlight for the next go around.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you have any zombified characters you would like to share? Which character or who would you like to see zombified?

Cucumber Salad

Posted on February 7, 2014May 8, 2017 by Jack Flacco

Cucumbers are one of my favorite vegetables. I add them to salads. I have them plain. I even toss them into a bowl, dipping them into olive oil as a snack. Cucumbers are great. That’s why for this Freedom Friday post I’m going to share with you one of my absolute favorite cucumber salad recipes ever. If you’re looking for something to eat on a Sunday afternoon, this is the recipe for you.

Although tailored for summer fun, this recipe came from my ongoing experimentation with different food combinations. If anything, this dish has more of a Greek/Mediterranean flavor combination suitable for an evening get-together with friends and family alike. But it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it any other time.

Let’s get to it.

Here are the ingredients you’ll need:

Half an English cucumber
1 avocado
Half a lemon
Oregano
Half a garlic clove
Salt
Fresh ground pepper
Greek olives
Feta cheese
Olive oil

Directions:

Cut an English cucumber in half, peel it and slice it into small pieces, and add it to a deep bowl. Some folks like keeping the skin on the cucumber, which is great because the skin has lot of vitamins. In this case, however, I peel it to give the dish a particular flavor I’ve grown to like. Nonetheless, you can keep the peel if you want.
Chop half a garlic clove and add it to the bowl. Trust me, adding half a garlic is being stingy. I’m Italian, garlic runs in our veins. Too much garlic is never enough.
Now, add oregano, fresh ground pepper, salt, Greek olives, a generous dousing of olive oil and a splash of lemon juice. Regarding the amounts to add, I can answer that simply by saying “to taste”. I love oregano, so I add quite a bit of it. The same goes for the fresh ground pepper, nothing quite like the flavor to surprise someone trying it for the first time.
Toss the ingredients with salad spoons or ordinary spoons for that matter.
The last step is to scoop the meat from an avocado into the bowl. Add a good amount of feta cheese on top and you’re good to go. The reason we don’t toss the final ingredients in the salad is to avoid them from getting soggy. No one wants a mushy salad.

I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I do. If you ever do try it out, make it part of a BBQ on a hot summer evening and let me know what you think.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you have any cucumber recipes you’d like to share?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Elvira

Posted on February 5, 2014April 15, 2019 by Jack Flacco

From the moment she appears on the screen, she captures Tony Montana’s heart and doesn’t let go. A blonde bombshell from Baltimore, Elvira Hancock is the token prize to whoever can claim her as his. That is, whoever can afford her.

For those who have been following Women Who Wow Wednesday, Elvira (Michelle Pfeiffer) seems an unlikely candidate to include in the series. After all, she’s spoiled, a narcissist, a drug addict—everything about her would make a family man cringe not wanting to have anything to do with her.

But there are moments—moments when in the throes of confusion—when she can utter just one line and it would relate years of wisdom within a single thought.

First, let’s get to the backstory. Tony Montana (Al Pacino), a political refuge from Cuba, lands on United States soil seeking asylum. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fidel Castro, the little island’s leader, had opened the floodgates releasing the dregs of his jails to an unsuspecting American people. Tony, a possible former assassin, is one of them.

In a refugee camp, Tony earns his Green Card by murdering a former Castro associate in a brutal act of vengeance. Released to the streets of Miami, he rises from dishwasher to a full-fledged drug dealer importing cocaine from Columbia. His world changes once he meets Elvira.

You see, Elvira is Frank Lopez’s wife. Frank Lopez (Robert Loggia) is a drug kingpin. Frank Lopez is Tony’s boss.

It doesn’t stop Tony from chasing after the knockout waif. Despite her illegal cravings, her self-absorbed attitude and her constant need for attention, Elvira is a fighter and that is what Tony recognizes. The men she associates with can have her snuffed out without so much as a second thought. Yet she gets away with talking back without much resistance.

When Elvira wants something, she goes for it. She doesn’t beat around the bush:

Elvira: So do you want to dance, Frank, or do you want to sit there and have a heart attack?
Frank: Me, dance? Hey, I think I wanna have a heart attack.

When Tony steps out of line, disrespecting her, she has this to say:

Tony: Now you’re talking to me, Baby.
Elvira: Don’t call me “Baby”. I’m not your “Baby”.

At the height of her drug abuse, she manages to utter one of the most prolific lines in the entire movie:

Elvira: Nothing exceeds like excess. You should know that, Tony.

It gets better. When things begin to sour between her and Tony, her quick wit provides some much-needed levity in their marriage:

Tony: I work hard for this. I want you to know that.
Elvira: It’s too bad. Somebody should’ve given it to you. You would’ve been a nicer person.

Finally, while everything falls apart, Elvira sticks to her guns:

Tony: Look at that: a junkie… I got a junkie for a wife… Her womb is so polluted… I can’t even have a little baby with her!
[Elvira throws wine in Tony’s face]
Elvira: How dare you talk to me like that! What makes you so much better than me? What do you do? Kill people? Deal your drugs? Real contribution to human history, Tony. What makes you think you can be a father? You don’t even know how to be a good husband.

Now, Tony could easily put a bullet in her head, but he doesn’t. Regardless of her shortcomings, she not only makes sense, she also proves that standing up to a force much more powerful than herself proves her ability to dictate her self-worth. And that’s something to wow about.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you seen Scarface? What did you think of Elvira?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Insects

Posted on February 3, 2014February 5, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Ever hear of zombie bees? Me neither. I didn’t know about them until my wife sent me an article posted on Facebook featuring these unfortunate creatures. For a while there, I thought it was a joke. You know the kind, “Two-Headed Dog Discovered in Ecuador.” But after having read the blurb, I knew I had stumbled upon something different. And different is what Monday Mayhem is all about.

Honeybee [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the GNU Free Documentation License]

In a nutshell, the behavior of these bees is nothing short of zombie. They fly around without a sense of direction, veer toward the light, then drop to the ground wandering as would the undead. No two ways about it, something wicked happened to these bees.

Scientists call the flies Apocephalus borealis. What they are really is parasites that latch on to European honeybees, laying their eggs and causing nothing but chaos to these gentle insects of nature. As the eggs grow, the bees lose their ability to control their motor muscles. Once the eggs hatch, the bees die.

Reminiscent of the movie Alien where the creature inhabits the body of its host until such time that it explodes in a birth of gory proportions, the parasite’s eggs reside in the bee’s body and feeds on its host’s nutrients.

Discovered in Maine in the 1920s, the parasite had infested yellow jacket hornets and bumblebees. This is the first time these critters have ventured to attack honeybees.

Ophiocordyceps unilateralis [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic license]

This is not the first time insects have exhibited traces of zombie-like behavior. For instance, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is a parasitoidal fungus infecting ants, altering their behavior, killing them to feed off their dead bodies. This dreaded organism infects the ant causing the insect to wander around disoriented until it hooks its mandibles to the stem of a plant and dies. The fungus then grows from the remains to reproduce spores that will eventually infect other ants, thereby continuing the cycle.

What makes the fungus so fascinating is how it infects the ant by invading the cuticles and consuming the non-vital tissues much like a yeast infection. As the infection spreads to the brain, the ant begins to convulse, dropping from its canopy and losing the ability to control its muscle functions. At this point, the ant becomes a zombie, slave to the infection that inhabits its body. The infection leads the ant to a suitable plant where it causes it to lock its jaws on one of the veins of a leaf and die a miserable death.

It gets better. Whole ant colonies have died due to the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis infection. The cure? There isn’t one. Fossil leaf from the Messel Pit in Germany indicates the fungus may have been around for more than 48 million years. That’s a long time for something to have outlasted extinction. Nonetheless, the ant colonies’ only recourse has been to drag the infected from populated areas in order for them to die alone, away from the multitude.

Perhaps there’s a lesson there for all of us.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you ever heard of the Apocephalus borealis parasite or the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis fungus?

Freedom Friday

Groundhog Day

Posted on January 31, 2014February 3, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Every February the second or so, my kids and I pop some corn, grab a few drinks, and ease into our seats in front of the TV to lose ourselves in the movie Groundhog Day. It’s been a tradition in our family for quite a while. Every few years even my wife joins in on the fun. What is it about Groundhog Day that makes me want to be a better person? Let’s find out and chalk my findings to Freedom Friday.

Let’s get one thing out of the way—this is not a movie review. These are random thoughts about a movie, how it’s affected my life and continues to affect my life from one year to the next. Besides, something about a guy who goes crazy believing he’s a god makes for an interesting story. We’ll get back to that a little later on.

If you haven’t seen Groundhog Day, the premise goes something like this: What would you do if by some fantastic freak event you had to relive the same day over and over again? I’m sure the comment on the tip of everyone’s tongue wouldn’t be anything less than, “It depends on which day.” What if it was the worst day of your life? Not traumatic, but a real bad day gone south.

I’ve thought about this long and hard. There’s no escaping it. I’d probably end up doing exactly the same thing Bill Murray’s character did when attempting to cope with his predicament:

I’d fall into a cycle of denial

I’d realize I could do whatever I want knowing tomorrow’s another day

I’d believe I was a god

I’d get fed up and want to kill myself (remember, he’s stuck in hell)

But you know what? No matter how bad things get something good always comes from something awful. That, without a doubt, is the message of the movie.

Without specifics, I’ve had to live through my own Groundhog Day, which I now embrace as something that has made me who I am today. Had I not gone through that experience, I certainly wouldn’t have gained a more focused approach in my ability to look on the bright side.

Someone said to me this week, a lesson not learned is a lesson worth repeating. I’m not sure if that’s a real quote but it makes for a great motto. Take it from a guy with a hard head—you crash into a brick wall a few hundred times, eventually it’s going to start to hurt. Of course then the question surfaces, why would you want to crash into a brick wall in the first place? Like I said, I’m a guy with a hard head.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to threaten kidnapping of Punxsutawney Phil or our beloved Canadian groundhog Wiarton Willie. Nor have I had to worry about dressing as Clint Eastwood’s Man with No Name in order to consider myself worthy of popular opinion. Although I reserve the right to change my mind on that last point. A guy has to have fun once in a while.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you feel that sense of wanting to be a better person during Groundhog Day?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Marge Gunderson

Posted on January 29, 2014January 31, 2014 by Jack Flacco

“This is a true story. The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.”

In fact, it isn’t a true story. That’s the charm of Fargo. Filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen added the disclaimer in hopes viewers would be more willing to suspend their belief of the events of the story. The film is about a kidnapping gone awry in the cold climes of Minnesota and the police officer, Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand), who breaks the case.

Unassuming but tenacious, Marge, this week’s Women Who Wow Wednesday feature, has a way with catching criminals. Unlike other officers of the law, her language contains a generous helping of “there in a jiff”, “time to shove off” and “thanks a bunch.” When watching her work for the first time, one cannot help but notice the simple-minded feel she projects while she investigates a murder scene. Make no mistake; her quirky exterior hides her razor-sharp ability to see through lies and discover the truth.

In the midst of this, her husband provides her support by visiting her at the station. “I brought you some lunch, Margie,” he says. They talk about his painting. Only, she’s the one providing support after he reveals their neighbors may have a better painting for an art exhibition. Marge, the trooper that she is, says, “You’re better than them.” Which he quickly answers, “They’re real good.” She shoots down his insecurities, “They’re good, Norm, but you’re better than them.”

Punctuated by episodes of an ordinary life, Marge handles every clue to the mystery with the same instincts a bloodhound would use to track its prey. Layer upon layer, she puts it all together as if it were a challenging puzzle ready for the final piece.

When she meets with anyone posing as a threat to her investigation, she focuses her aim on pointed questions, never deviating from her prepared script. One of the best lines in the movie is the one she utters after the man she’s investigating uses the word “darn”—as in “I answered the darn…I’m cooperating here.” To which she replies:

“Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I’m just doing my job here.”

And when it’s all over and done with. When there’re no more criminals to catch. Marge talks of the futility in chasing after a little bit of money. In terms of her simple life, she can’t understand what compels anyone from destroying other people’s lives in order to attain that “little bit of money.”

Which begs the question: Why can’t we all just get along?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you seen Fargo? What did you think of Marge?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Fight

Posted on January 27, 2014January 29, 2014 by Jack Flacco

After having watched The Book of Eli for the umpteenth time over the weekend, I’ve concluded if we want to survive the zombie apocalypse, we’ll have to change our approach in how we should defend ourselves. As part of my Monday Mayhem series, I’m going to examine various strategies against zombies, specifically, those that will get us killed and those that may very well save our lives.

Guns and the undead seem to go well together. A zombie shows up at the door and our first instinct, if we’re armed, is to shoot it in the head. This is a good tactic with one belly muncher after you. But what if a dozen or more of these vile rat bags surround the house? Then what? Unless we’re expert sharpshooters guaranteeing every shot lands a bullet in the dragger’s head, we’ll eventually run out of ammo. I’d say the situation calls for another tactic in our fight against the plague of humanity.

Yes, but some say, we can always use vehicles against the horde. What we don’t kill with guns, we can squash with trucks, tanks and jeeps. True. However, how far would we get? Knowing trucks, tanks and jeeps need fuel, we’ll have a limited supply to fend off those gut churners. That’s taking into consideration gas pumps will become obsolete given the lack of electricity. After all, those electrical workers will have changed to become part of the eaters, leaving the grid unattended, thereby promoting power outages.

Now, I’ll give credit to where credit is due: We can build a massive wall to keep the crowd at bay. It’s a great idea on paper. Build the walls high enough that nothing can climb over it. Genius, really. The question then surfaces, how will we feed the people? Will we have farms to provide for the masses? Will we have walls high enough to protect the crops also? If so, how will we defend them? What if a breach occurs, what will be our DRP (Disaster Recovery Plan)? We’re talking about having had the knowledge the zombie apocalypse was coming and having had the foresight to build the walls. That’s what I call a pretty good guess. Yet, it still doesn’t answer any of my questions. Allow me to make my concern even plainer, so you know I haven’t gone crazy—how long before anyone begins to starve behind those walls?

Well then, how about the world’s oceans? No way would those brain feeders have a chance against us if we plant massive bases in the middle of the ocean. Again, let’s think about this for a second. Depending on the amount of people residing on those bases, how do we feed them all? Right. We have yet to come up with a solution to the food dilemma.

Here’s an idea, we could use nuclear weapons against them, haul them into a stadium and blow them to where there’s no tomorrow. Of course I’m being sarcastic.

No, I think the answer to all our questions lies in ancient history. If history has taught us anything, it’s that armies with a strategy, no matter how small, will win against much larger foes.

Perhaps it’s time to bring back the blacksmiths and reintroduce swords in the hands of the agile. Forget about guns, they’re paperweights. Train the soldiers to become proficient in close quarter combat. Lead the battles out of the cities. Strip the forests for spears and use them against the oncoming threat in the open field. Raise up a cavalry decked in armor and plow the multitude until their blood runs as rivers soaking the land. Let the motto “No guts, No glory” dance on the lips of every soldier leading a charge.

As for the food? Build farms with wide fences surrounding the spoil. Position sentries high in the clouds with archers standing at the ready. Create an infantry of knights to defend the crops. Allow none of the maggot chewers to pass.

Then you will see, in the end, we will win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Will fighting zombies with swords and spears lead to victory?

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