Posted in Women Who Wow Wednesday

Elvira

From the moment she appears on the screen, she captures Tony Montana’s heart and doesn’t let go. A blonde bombshell from Baltimore, Elvira Hancock is the token prize to whoever can claim her as his. That is, whoever can afford her.

Elvira
Elvira

For those who have been following Women Who Wow Wednesday, Elvira (Michelle Pfeiffer) seems an unlikely candidate to include in the series. After all, she’s spoiled, a narcissist, a drug addict—everything about her would make a family man cringe not wanting to have anything to do with her.

But there are moments—moments when in the throes of confusion—when she can utter just one line and it would relate years of wisdom within a single thought.

First, let’s get to the backstory. Tony Montana (Al Pacino), a political refuge from Cuba, lands on United States soil seeking asylum. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fidel Castro, the little island’s leader, had opened the floodgates releasing the dregs of his jails to an unsuspecting American people. Tony, a possible former assassin, is one of them.

In a refugee camp, Tony earns his Green Card by murdering a former Castro associate in a brutal act of vengeance. Released to the streets of Miami, he rises from dishwasher to a full-fledged drug dealer importing cocaine from Columbia. His world changes once he meets Elvira.

Michelle Pfeiffer as Elvira Hancock
Michelle Pfeiffer as Elvira Hancock

You see, Elvira is Frank Lopez’s wife. Frank Lopez (Robert Loggia) is a drug kingpin. Frank Lopez is Tony’s boss.

It doesn’t stop Tony from chasing after the knockout waif. Despite her illegal cravings, her self-absorbed attitude and her constant need for attention, Elvira is a fighter and that is what Tony recognizes. The men she associates with can have her snuffed out without so much as a second thought. Yet she gets away with talking back without much resistance.

When Elvira wants something, she goes for it. She doesn’t beat around the bush:

Elvira: So do you want to dance, Frank, or do you want to sit there and have a heart attack?
Frank: Me, dance? Hey, I think I wanna have a heart attack.

When Tony steps out of line, disrespecting her, she has this to say:

Tony: Now you’re talking to me, Baby.
Elvira: Don’t call me “Baby”. I’m not your “Baby”.

At the height of her drug abuse, she manages to utter one of the most prolific lines in the entire movie:

Elvira: Nothing exceeds like excess. You should know that, Tony.

It gets better. When things begin to sour between her and Tony, her quick wit provides some much-needed levity in their marriage:

Tony: I work hard for this. I want you to know that.
Elvira: It’s too bad. Somebody should’ve given it to you. You would’ve been a nicer person.

Finally, while everything falls apart, Elvira sticks to her guns:

Tony: Look at that: a junkie… I got a junkie for a wife… Her womb is so polluted… I can’t even have a little baby with her!
[Elvira throws wine in Tony’s face]
Elvira: How dare you talk to me like that! What makes you so much better than me? What do you do? Kill people? Deal your drugs? Real contribution to human history, Tony. What makes you think you can be a father? You don’t even know how to be a good husband.

Now, Tony could easily put a bullet in her head, but he doesn’t. Regardless of her shortcomings, she not only makes sense, she also proves that standing up to a force much more powerful than herself proves her ability to dictate her self-worth. And that’s something to wow about.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you seen Scarface? What did you think of Elvira?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Insects

Ever hear of zombie bees? Me neither. I didn’t know about them until my wife sent me an article posted on Facebook featuring these unfortunate creatures. For a while there, I thought it was a joke. You know the kind, “Two-Headed Dog Discovered in Ecuador.” But after having read the blurb, I knew I had stumbled upon something different. And different is what Monday Mayhem is all about.

Honeybee [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the GNU Free Documentation License]
Honeybee [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the GNU Free Documentation License]
In a nutshell, the behavior of these bees is nothing short of zombie. They fly around without a sense of direction, veer toward the light, then drop to the ground wandering as would the undead. No two ways about it, something wicked happened to these bees.

Scientists call the flies Apocephalus borealis. What they are really is parasites that latch on to European honeybees, laying their eggs and causing nothing but chaos to these gentle insects of nature. As the eggs grow, the bees lose their ability to control their motor muscles. Once the eggs hatch, the bees die.

Reminiscent of the movie Alien where the creature inhabits the body of its host until such time that it explodes in a birth of gory proportions, the parasite’s eggs reside in the bee’s body and feeds on its host’s nutrients.

Discovered in Maine in the 1920s, the parasite had infested yellow jacket hornets and bumblebees. This is the first time these critters have ventured to attack honeybees.

Ophiocordyceps unilateralis [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the  Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic license]
Ophiocordyceps unilateralis [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic license]
This is not the first time insects have exhibited traces of zombie-like behavior. For instance, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is a parasitoidal fungus infecting ants, altering their behavior, killing them to feed off their dead bodies. This dreaded organism infects the ant causing the insect to wander around disoriented until it hooks its mandibles to the stem of a plant and dies. The fungus then grows from the remains to reproduce spores that will eventually infect other ants, thereby continuing the cycle.

What makes the fungus so fascinating is how it infects the ant by invading the cuticles and consuming the non-vital tissues much like a yeast infection. As the infection spreads to the brain, the ant begins to convulse, dropping from its canopy and losing the ability to control its muscle functions. At this point, the ant becomes a zombie, slave to the infection that inhabits its body. The infection leads the ant to a suitable plant where it causes it to lock its jaws on one of the veins of a leaf and die a miserable death.

It gets better. Whole ant colonies have died due to the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis infection. The cure? There isn’t one. Fossil leaf from the Messel Pit in Germany indicates the fungus may have been around for more than 48 million years. That’s a long time for something to have outlasted extinction. Nonetheless, the ant colonies’ only recourse has been to drag the infected from populated areas in order for them to die alone, away from the multitude.

Perhaps there’s a lesson there for all of us.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you ever heard of the Apocephalus borealis parasite or the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis fungus?

Posted in Freedom Friday

Groundhog Day

Every February the second or so, my kids and I pop some corn, grab a few drinks, and ease into our seats in front of the TV to lose ourselves in the movie Groundhog Day. It’s been a tradition in our family for quite a while. Every few years even my wife joins in on the fun. What is it about Groundhog Day that makes me want to be a better person? Let’s find out and chalk my findings to Freedom Friday.

Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day

Let’s get one thing out of the way—this is not a movie review. These are random thoughts about a movie, how it’s affected my life and continues to affect my life from one year to the next. Besides, something about a guy who goes crazy believing he’s a god makes for an interesting story. We’ll get back to that a little later on.

If you haven’t seen Groundhog Day, the premise goes something like this: What would you do if by some fantastic freak event you had to relive the same day over and over again? I’m sure the comment on the tip of everyone’s tongue wouldn’t be anything less than, “It depends on which day.” What if it was the worst day of your life? Not traumatic, but a real bad day gone south.

I’ve thought about this long and hard. There’s no escaping it. I’d probably end up doing exactly the same thing Bill Murray’s character did when attempting to cope with his predicament:

  • I’d fall into a cycle of denial
  • I’d realize I could do whatever I want knowing tomorrow’s another day
  • I’d believe I was a god
  • I’d get fed up and want to kill myself (remember, he’s stuck in hell)

But you know what? No matter how bad things get something good always comes from something awful. That, without a doubt, is the message of the movie.

Groundhog Day clock
Groundhog Day clock

Without specifics, I’ve had to live through my own Groundhog Day, which I now embrace as something that has made me who I am today. Had I not gone through that experience, I certainly wouldn’t have gained a more focused approach in my ability to look on the bright side.

Someone said to me this week, a lesson not learned is a lesson worth repeating. I’m not sure if that’s a real quote but it makes for a great motto. Take it from a guy with a hard head—you crash into a brick wall a few hundred times, eventually it’s going to start to hurt. Of course then the question surfaces, why would you want to crash into a brick wall in the first place? Like I said, I’m a guy with a hard head.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to threaten kidnapping of Punxsutawney Phil or our beloved Canadian groundhog Wiarton Willie. Nor have I had to worry about dressing as Clint Eastwood’s Man with No Name in order to consider myself worthy of popular opinion. Although I reserve the right to change my mind on that last point. A guy has to have fun once in a while.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you feel that sense of wanting to be a better person during Groundhog Day?

Posted in Women Who Wow Wednesday

Marge Gunderson

“This is a true story. The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.”

Frances McDormand as Marge Gunderson
Frances McDormand as Marge Gunderson

In fact, it isn’t a true story. That’s the charm of Fargo. Filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen added the disclaimer in hopes viewers would be more willing to suspend their belief of the events of the story. The film is about a kidnapping gone awry in the cold climes of Minnesota and the police officer, Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand), who breaks the case.

Unassuming but tenacious, Marge, this week’s Women Who Wow Wednesday feature, has a way with catching criminals. Unlike other officers of the law, her language contains a generous helping of “there in a jiff”, “time to shove off” and “thanks a bunch.” When watching her work for the first time, one cannot help but notice the simple-minded feel she projects while she investigates a murder scene. Make no mistake; her quirky exterior hides her razor-sharp ability to see through lies and discover the truth.

Marge Gunderson
Marge Gunderson

In the midst of this, her husband provides her support by visiting her at the station. “I brought you some lunch, Margie,” he says. They talk about his painting. Only, she’s the one providing support after he reveals their neighbors may have a better painting for an art exhibition. Marge, the trooper that she is, says, “You’re better than them.” Which he quickly answers, “They’re real good.” She shoots down his insecurities, “They’re good, Norm, but you’re better than them.”

Punctuated by episodes of an ordinary life, Marge handles every clue to the mystery with the same instincts a bloodhound would use to track its prey. Layer upon layer, she puts it all together as if it were a challenging puzzle ready for the final piece.

When she meets with anyone posing as a threat to her investigation, she focuses her aim on pointed questions, never deviating from her prepared script. One of the best lines in the movie is the one she utters after the man she’s investigating uses the word “darn”—as in “I answered the darn…I’m cooperating here.” To which she replies:

“Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I’m just doing my job here.”

And when it’s all over and done with. When there’re no more criminals to catch. Marge talks of the futility in chasing after a little bit of money. In terms of her simple life, she can’t understand what compels anyone from destroying other people’s lives in order to attain that “little bit of money.”

Which begs the question: Why can’t we all just get along?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you seen Fargo? What did you think of Marge?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Fight

After having watched The Book of Eli for the umpteenth time over the weekend, I’ve concluded if we want to survive the zombie apocalypse, we’ll have to change our approach in how we should defend ourselves. As part of my Monday Mayhem series, I’m going to examine various strategies against zombies, specifically, those that will get us killed and those that may very well save our lives.

Tank
Tank

Guns and the undead seem to go well together. A zombie shows up at the door and our first instinct, if we’re armed, is to shoot it in the head. This is a good tactic with one belly muncher after you. But what if a dozen or more of these vile rat bags surround the house? Then what? Unless we’re expert sharpshooters guaranteeing every shot lands a bullet in the dragger’s head, we’ll eventually run out of ammo. I’d say the situation calls for another tactic in our fight against the plague of humanity.

Yes, but some say, we can always use vehicles against the horde. What we don’t kill with guns, we can squash with trucks, tanks and jeeps. True. However, how far would we get? Knowing trucks, tanks and jeeps need fuel, we’ll have a limited supply to fend off those gut churners. That’s taking into consideration gas pumps will become obsolete given the lack of electricity. After all, those electrical workers will have changed to become part of the eaters, leaving the grid unattended, thereby promoting power outages.

Now, I’ll give credit to where credit is due: We can build a massive wall to keep the crowd at bay. It’s a great idea on paper. Build the walls high enough that nothing can climb over it. Genius, really. The question then surfaces, how will we feed the people? Will we have farms to provide for the masses? Will we have walls high enough to protect the crops also? If so, how will we defend them? What if a breach occurs, what will be our DRP (Disaster Recovery Plan)? We’re talking about having had the knowledge the zombie apocalypse was coming and having had the foresight to build the walls. That’s what I call a pretty good guess. Yet, it still doesn’t answer any of my questions. Allow me to make my concern even plainer, so you know I haven’t gone crazy—how long before anyone begins to starve behind those walls?

Well then, how about the world’s oceans? No way would those brain feeders have a chance against us if we plant massive bases in the middle of the ocean. Again, let’s think about this for a second. Depending on the amount of people residing on those bases, how do we feed them all? Right. We have yet to come up with a solution to the food dilemma.

Here’s an idea, we could use nuclear weapons against them, haul them into a stadium and blow them to where there’s no tomorrow. Of course I’m being sarcastic.

Braveheart
Braveheart

No, I think the answer to all our questions lies in ancient history. If history has taught us anything, it’s that armies with a strategy, no matter how small, will win against much larger foes.

Perhaps it’s time to bring back the blacksmiths and reintroduce swords in the hands of the agile. Forget about guns, they’re paperweights. Train the soldiers to become proficient in close quarter combat. Lead the battles out of the cities. Strip the forests for spears and use them against the oncoming threat in the open field. Raise up a cavalry decked in armor and plow the multitude until their blood runs as rivers soaking the land. Let the motto “No guts, No glory” dance on the lips of every soldier leading a charge.

As for the food? Build farms with wide fences surrounding the spoil. Position sentries high in the clouds with archers standing at the ready. Create an infantry of knights to defend the crops. Allow none of the maggot chewers to pass.

Then you will see, in the end, we will win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Will fighting zombies with swords and spears lead to victory?

Posted in Freedom Friday

Moments

There are days when you just don’t want to get out of bed. On the other hand, there are days you want the world to stop so you can look around and enjoy the beauty. You’ll study a flower and ask yourself, what made this come from the ground? Its pedals worship the sun in harmony with the grass standing at attention. You listen to that single note in a symphony orchestra, hanging there, waiting for the piano to make the melody with its ghostlike phrasing. The moon listens to its phases. The ocean’s waves sit quietly not wanting to destroy the flowers.

Rainbow Rose [Photo Credit: In compliance with Wikipedia Common Licensing]
Rainbow Rose [Photo Credit: In compliance with Wikipedia Common Licensing]
This is an abstract Freedom Friday post. What is the truth?

The heart of a man stops, ending his journey. The cry from a hospital bed declares new life. The baby snuggles in its mother’s arms. A boat capsizes over rough waters. A whale journeys to the coast of North America, landing on the beach only for others to find it later, dead. The skies are clear. A cloud appears. It transforms into a flower, blooming and exploding in the sky as if it were fireworks on The Fourth of July.

The ice crawls on the roof, thickening as it goes. His sweat from working in the field pours from his forehead on to the beans he’s collecting into the basket. The rain doesn’t stop. Not for Big Ben. Not for the tubes. The wind hasn’t stopped carrying the sand from the desert to the towns. Bagdad will be lonely tonight, but the rose hasn’t lost its pedals.

A heartbeat pounds in the music at the bar. Eyes meet. The evening ends in fireworks. A child visits her grandmother expecting her in bed. Instead, she’s tending the garden pruning the roses. The child smiles. The bottle of wine falls to the floor. Shards of glass cover the carpet. You awaken from the noise wanting to go back to bed. The garbage truck churns its innards, having announced its arrival.

The whistle from the train doesn’t let up. The honk from the taxicabs on Fifth will get you to where you want to go. An airplane burns too much fuel to where it wants to go leaving a trail of debris in the wake of its crash. A truck filled with snow capsizes, burying a pedestrian in his car. Ghosts can’t have the answer. Not yet anyway. The daisies know, but they’re not telling.

Bouquets of flowers [Photo Credit: In compliance with Wikipedia Common Licensing]
Bouquets of flowers [Photo Credit: In compliance with Wikipedia Common Licensing]
The lonely silence on a frozen lake gives way to the loon calling its mate. The sparks flying from the fire tell the story of the woman who loved her husband very much before she took her life. The mantel sits bare except for the one rose resting in the center, dew forming on the inside as tears would from a broken heart.

Sometimes, what we think is not what we know as truth.

One rainy evening, a young woman named Rose traveled the tubes with her friends in London to a pub searching for fun on the dance floor. When her eyes met Mark’s, there were fireworks that night. The next morning, Mark explained he had to return to the United States. He was on leave from the military and needed to get back to Iraq where he would help villagers farm in the countryside. They were in desperate need of food since the desert winds would consume the fertile soil making it waste in its wake.

Months later while Rose flicked on the tele, she caught the American news channel broadcasting the names of the soldiers killed in action. She collapsed on the bed when she read Mark’s name scrolling by. The plane he flew crashed and burned after a leak in the line spewed fuel into the wind. Hours later, she ended up at the hospital delivering their baby girl.

It was a clear day when Mark’s burial took place in the United States. Rose had decided just after giving birth that she’d live close to him for the rest of her life so she can respect his memory with a bouquet of flowers she’d deliver to his grave every day.

As the years flew by, and her daughter, Daphne, grew, Rose one day awoke to the sound of New York—a garbage truck processing its pickup, the whistle from the train passing by hauling passengers for their morning commute, the honk of the taxicabs cruising on Fifth. Rose had things to do that cold, winter morning.

On her way to driving Daphne to her former mother-in-law’s, the radio reported news of a man who had died buried alive by a freak dump truck accident. Also reported, a boat capsized in the waters off the coast of California, in spite of the calm waters due to the moon’s phase. The last news item was that of a whale that had travelled from its breeding grounds to a west coast beach and died of exposure.

Soon after kissing Daphne and seeing her off to visit her grandmother, Rose heads for the weekend cabin rental by the lake. When she arrives late in the evening, she notices the ice that had formed on the roof and the silence across the lake interrupted only by the loon calling its mate.

About Midnight, Rose lifted her head from her lap after having cried for hours. Next to her, the bottle of wine she had brought for the weekend was empty. Next to it, a flat wooden box lay untouched. The fire’s flames curled upward into the chimney as she sat staring. She closed her eyes, a few moments later she reached for the box. Inside it rested a gun—Mark’s service revolver bestowed upon her during his memorial.

The symphony music Rose had playing in the background could not drown the sound of the gunshot from outside the cabin. The bouquet of flowers meant for Mark that day sat inside her car on the driver’s seat.

Sometimes, what we think is not what we know as truth.

The bullet meant for Rose grazed her temple landing in the cabin’s ceiling. Reports later suggested she died of a heart attack. But everyone who knew her knew she didn’t die of a heart attack. If anything they knew as truth, they knew she died of a broken heart. And that may very well be the truth.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Moments are everywhere, can you see them?

Posted in Women Who Wow Wednesday

Trish Jenner

In one of the most underrated movies in Horror, Trish Jenner (Gina Philips) and her brother Darry (Justin Long) take a ride through the country in hopes of arriving home safe during spring break. Little do they realize something evil stalks the travelers, and they’re about to meet it face to face. This week, my Women Who Wow Wednesday series focuses its crosshairs on the reluctant hero Trish Jenner of the movie Jeepers Creepers.

Gina Philips as Patricia "Trish" Jenner
Gina Philips as Patricia “Trish” Jenner

It starts with the siblings witnessing a possible crime and the story escalates from there. Released in late August of 2001 with a budget of $10 Million and directed by Victor Salva, the movie went on to make almost $60 Million worldwide. Yet, not only did most critics pan it, the film is not a Horror fan favorite either.

Although for a third of the movie Trish appears as a self-centered sister, her character shines once her brother returns in shock after having explored a hole in the ground. Her “keep it together” phrase comes in handy with every passing moment Darry losses touch with reality. Instead of fear, which her brother shows without restraint, her strength lies in remaining calm regardless of what is going on around her.

Jeepers Creepers
Jeepers Creepers

The turning point in her character comes when she gets behind the wheel of her busted up collector car and decides to take matters in her own hands. Gone is the apprehensive, smart aleck. In its place, an action hero takes control to save the day. One of the best lines of the movie goes something like this:

Darry: Is he dead?
Trish: They never are.

Trish then proceeds to run over whatever’s been chasing them for the length of the film several times before her brother says, “Enough.” Nothing quite like a character who’s had enough of a situation to let her inhibitions run wild.

As much as Trish fulfills the role of a Doubting Thomas, in the later half, she makes it clear her only intention is to protect her and her brother from harm’s way. As much as she complains, throws sarcastic remarks or hides her emotion, she is very much a woman as any woman could be—but stronger. Her instincts guide her in times of peril. When everyone else runs away, she remains firm in her stance against the unknown.

And it’s that firmness in resolve that makes her someone to admire.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you seen Jeepers Creepers? What did you think of Trish Jenner?