Monday Mayhem – Page 21 – Looking to God

Classic Literature Zombie Style II

Posted on June 10, 2013June 9, 2013 by Jack Flacco

A few months ago, I wrote Classic Literature Zombie Style, a post dedicated to classic literature benefiting from a zombie facelift. Many folks liked it, participating in adding their own version of books with a zombie twist. For this Monday Mayhem, I thought I’d add a Part II to the series and see where it takes us.

Are you ready to enter the world of zombie literature? Well then, what are we waiting for? Here is my version of classic literature zombie style:

Moby Dick and Zombies—Ahab’s sanity: “The undead’s madness deceives the soul. When you think you are fed, it transfigures you further into some hideous creature also known as—human.”

Emma and Zombies—Emma talking to Harriet about Martin: “I lay it down as a general rule, Harriet, that if a monster of bountiful means cannot cleanse the entrails of its screaming victim, it is not a monster fashioned from death, but human. Of course, do not imagine that I want to influence you.”

Dracula and Zombies—Van Helsing criticizes his protégé: “Ah, it is the fault of our science that it wants to explain all. How can it explain the lust of the flesh, the drinking of the blood and the craving of the sinew if a dead man cannot walk? Is there no vampire that can stop the undead?”

Frankenstein and Zombies—Victor warns Walton: “How dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who uses that knowledge against the spawns of the grave. For the grave dwellers hearken to no one and they will devour those who so foolishly perceive their homes safe.”

The Great Gatsby and Zombies—Nick: “There are only the hunted, the hunting, the eaters and the eaten. No more, no less. The dead walk among us.”

Of Mice and Men and Zombies—Crooks talking about loneliness: “A guy needs somebody. A guy goes nuts if he ain’t got nobody. Don’t make no difference if he’s dead and risen from the grave, festerin’ at the jaw, chewin’ at the maggots, long’s he’s with you. I tell ya, it don’t get too lonely with the dead walkin’ ’bout.”

The Scarlet Letter and Zombies—Roger tormenting Arthur: “No creature, for any considerable period, can say it is not a zombie. Its hunger betrays it and its countenance screams its identity.”

To Kill a Mockingbird and Zombies—Atticus: “You never really understand a person until you rip his eyes out from its sockets. Until you search inside of his stomach and twirl it about.”

Little Women and Zombies—Louisa May Alcott: “I want to do something splendid…something heroic. I want to tear the lungs out of a zombie and hang them on a tree. I want to disembowel the creature until the branches are covered with its dripping intestines.”

Lord of the Flies and Zombies—Jack: “We’ve got to have rules and obey them. After all, we’re not human. We’re zombies, and the zombies are best at everything.”

Your turn, have a go and try a few. See if you can add to this list.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you have a quote you like best? What is it that you like about zombies?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: How?

Posted on June 3, 2013June 4, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Ever see dominoes at work? One goes down, they all go down. Not much can stop the chain reaction of pieces toppling each other once it begins. It’s over when every single piece lies on its back, shattered from its organized state. This Monday Mayhem post will look at the collapse of civilization by the hands of the undead. Of course zombies haven’t taken over. Yet.

Many empires and regimes have crumbled due to discontent of the masses, an all-encompassing geological disaster or a biological catastrophe so grand no one was left to record it. Sometimes the combination of the three had triggered the ruinous tragedy. Aside from the history lesson, the ancient civilizations of Assyria, Egypt, Greece, Rome and countless of others have long since disappeared. The lot having suffered rebellions, invasions, earthquakes, plagues. Other than a handful of monuments, and artifacts, not much is left.

What would life be like if a real zombie apocalypse were to take place? Experts have discussed this topic to death (no pun intended). Is it a wonder? It’s a fascinating topic. The destruction of life on this planet, ushering in a new breed of organism higher than humans in the food chain. Let’s have a go at a few scenarios in order to inspire some conversation.

The Plague—A hospital somewhere in the United States receives a patient with flu-like symptoms. In their care, the victim, Patient Zero, experiences convulsions, pale skin, and blood oozing from the ears. Patient Zero dies. The doctors order the body to the morgue. The hospital has yet to enact any quarantine protocols. One of Patient Zero’s former attending doctors begins to feel feverish. It’s only a fever, nothing to worry about. The doctor drops on the waiting room floor and convulses. Blood runs from the ears. Whatever Patient Zero brought into the hospital is now airborne. Still, no quarantine. Back at the morgue, Patient Zero suddenly rises from the table and lunges at the orderly who was prepping the body for an autopsy. Death comes fast. In the waiting room, the doctor also dies, but not before having breathed on a dozen or so patients. One of the patients makes a run for the doors. Her arm is broken. She doesn’t care, no way is that thing that killed the doctor going to kill her.

The hospital finally enacts quarantine protocols. Rubber gloves, masks, segregated sections. It’s too late, though. The whole hospital is contaminated, and what became of Patient Zero soon takes hold of the others. The woman with the broken arm dies in an alley. She rises again to join her brothers and sisters flooding the streets from the hospital exits. The pangs of hunger dictate their walk. One at a time, the dominoes fall. A hospital becomes a school. A school becomes a government building. Within a week, mile after mile falls in the hands of the zombies seeking meat. Within a few months, United States, Canada, and South America lay in ruins. Europe soon falls.

The Parasite—Having prepared his BBQ’d meat, potatoes and vegetables, a man sits to eat at the balcony table with the view of the city as his entertainment. He ingests the meal, cutting the morsels in measured pieces. The knife has trouble with one portion of the meat. A little undercooked. He’ll be fine. After dinner, the man lays down on the couch only to wake up three days later, disoriented by a terrible throbbing headache. He wobbles from his condominium to the street in a state of confusion. A little girl approaches him on the sidewalk from the opposite end. The man attacks the girl, biting her in the shoulder. To escape, she scratches his face and runs.

The bite pounds on the girl’s shoulder causing her to go numb in a park under a tree. Parasitical eggs from the man’s saliva enter the girl’s blood stream to lodge in her brain. She blacks out. Her young age causes the eggs to hatch quickly and mutate. She hops to her feet. Disoriented, she finds her way to a school. There, the biting starts. One child at a time, the parasites feed on the children’s brains until the parasite mutates further to crave flesh.

Like dominoes, society falls.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you think these scenarios are so far-fetched that they can’t happen? Do you have scenarios of your own?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Causes

Posted on May 27, 2013October 27, 2013 by Jack Flacco

The other day, an article published October 29, 2007 on Cracked.com titled 5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen, caught my eye. I typically base most of my posts on multiple sources. However, because the site’s article instilled such a horrible chill in my bones, I decided to focus my entire Monday Mayhem post on two of its main points.

To start, Cracked’s scientific reasons made sense. Two in particular had an air of reality that no one could deny. I’ll concentrate on these two, but I’ll add my own spin to the equation. Furthermore, the definition of a zombie comes into question when the victims of these causes remain alive during the time of their undead-like episodes. Keep that in mind when evaluating the viability of these two points.

Neurotoxins—The literal definition of the word neurotoxin means nerve poison. Ever fill up on fuel? A common neurotoxin is ethanol. Imagine what’s happening in the brain when those gas fumes seep into the pores of the skin. Pretty gnarly, if I can still use the Eighties word gnarly to describe anything beyond radical. Neurotoxins can produce weird effects on the body. In some cases, depending on the agents used, they can even fool doctors into believing patients suffering neurotoxic poisoning are deceased. Kicker neurotoxins such as Alkaloids leave victims in a trancelike state with no memory, and with motor skills intact. Voodoo doctors in Haiti used Alkaloids to zombify people in the Sixties so they could get them to work on sugar plantations without resistance. Talk about forced labor, or rather, zombie labor. Will that be a double-double or do you take your coffee black?

Brain Parasites—In the simplest terms, a human ingests a parasite that makes them go all funky. This means loss of mental faculties, no cognitive awareness, and pure brain meltdown. The article mentions Toxoplasma gondii as a potential candidate to jumpstart the end of humanity. According to the numbers, a third of the world’s population already has it. The spread happens by ingesting undercooked meat containing the parasite, contaminated water, soil or vegetables, and transmission from mother to infant via pregnancy. Some of the effects after the infection include subtle behavioral or personality changes, and a number of neurological disorders, in particular schizophrenia. This type of stuff ought to keep anyone awake at night.

Ah, but I’m not done yet. Cysticercosis is my parasite of choice of which I think may usher in the zombie apocalypse. The infection occurs when a human ingests eggs of Taenia solium, pork tapeworm. This nasty biological marvel has an incubation period of months to ten years! This means if a human were to have eaten undercooked pork containing viable cysticerci, the host will not know it until its too late. Should any of the eggs make it into the muscles, it would cause muscle swelling, atrophy and fibrosis. Should any of the eggs make it into the brain, it would cause headaches, brain lesions, and seizures. Investigating this further, the CDC specifies Cysticercosis can also cause confusion, difficulty with balance, brain swelling, and even death. Sounds zombie-like to me, don’t you think?

Cracked featured three other reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen: The Real Rage Virus, Neurogenesis, and Nanobots. I may tackle these someday. For now, though, you can read more in the original article.

Have you read about neurotoxins or brain parasites? Does it scare you as much it scares me?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Sightings

Posted on May 20, 2013May 19, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Life guarantees two things: death and taxes. Neither of which present a viable option of escape. I’d like to add a third to the mix: zombies. Everywhere we turn nowadays, zombies have the rule of the roost. They’re in movies, books, magazines, radio, TV, everyday chit-chat. Hard to avoid, really. If I didn’t know better, I’d say a conspiracy’s afoot.

Let’s have a look at where we can find zombies in the upcoming months. Oh, and I don’t have to mention this is my Monday Mayhem post, do I? Didn’t think so.

World War Z—If industry experts are right, this movie will either be extremely successful or fail miserably. I’m hoping the former rather than the latter. Based on the book by Max Brooks and staring Brad Pitt, this film’s about a full-blown zombie apocalypse. I don’t want to describe any more of it so as not to give anything away, but the promotional material sure makes this film look exciting.

The Walking Dead—Currently filming Season 4 for an October 2013 premier, the show is about a group of apocalypse survivors who search for a safe haven from evil. The evil being zombies. Although no one ever utters the word zombie, labels such as Roamers, Walkers, Lamebrains, and Geeks make for good replacements. More than your typical zombie show, The Walking Dead is more about friendship and survival. Every episode tries each friendship further and further in a refining fire. The audience watches this in awe, wondering how much can the characters take. Through the yelling, screaming, betrayals and hatred, the survivors carry on, stronger, more determined to accomplish their goal of finding safety away from the Walkers.

The Zombie Run—Actors dressed as zombies chase participants in a 5K (3.1 mile) run or sorts. The entire course features thematic elements of a zombie apocalypse (helicopters, flipped cars, fog machines, etc.). Boyhood buddies and race organizers Andrew Hudis and David Feinman came up with the idea when Hudis told Feinman he runs fastest when being chased. From there the idea took off (pun intended). Proceeds go to Active Heroes, a charity that aids veterans, active duty military, and families. A portion also goes to local charities of the host city.

Humans vs. Zombies—The rage sweeping college campuses everywhere. Students describe it as the most elaborate game of tag anyone’s ever played. Awesome, as some have said. How does it work? Two Original Zombies go up against about 150 humans. Armed with marshmallows, balled-up socks, and Nerf guns, the humans try to take out the zombies. Upon first inspection, a great disparity exists in numbers. However, that soon changes when one learns the zombies have a big advantage. After sitting out for fifteen minutes, the zombies can attack again. As this happens, the proportionate ratio of zombies to humans grows. The game seems like something I would have played in college.

Humans vs. Zombies (Photo credit: http://brittonpeele.com)

Ads—And you’ll probably encounter a few advertisements on TV with zombies in them. I’m not going to list the ones I have found. Sufficient is the fact you can go on YouTube and search for them with the keywords: Zombie Ads. Prepare to laugh and be informed.

Comics and Magazines—Zombie magazines are not new. I found an issue of Modern Zombie Magazine that goes back to May 1943. But here are just a few more titles to brighten up your day: Zombiepolitan, Zombie Weekly, Zombie Magazine, Meat: Zombies Are People Too, SFX Zombies, Zombies: An Illustrated History of the Undead, Zombie Pulp, Tales of the Zombie, Two-Fisted Zombies, and many, many more!

Anyway, I only provided a small list of where you can find zombies in the next little while. I’m sure you can find them in many more places on your own.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Are you looking forward to any upcoming zombie-themed events you’d like to share?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Emergency Kit

Posted on May 13, 2013May 13, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Here’s something you may not know. The CDC has a Zombie Preparedness page dedicated for when society falls apart and the zombie apocalypse takes over. I kid you not. It gets better. They even have a checklist of items one should gather prior to the occurrence of said zombie apocalypse.

CDC's Zombie Attack Banner — CDC’s Zombie Attack Banner

For Monday Mayhem, I thought I’d run through the list and provide you some insight into the value of some of those items. The CDC prepared the list as an all-hazards. In other words, if you have the items listed, you’d be able to survive a hurricane, tornado, earthquake or any other natural disaster. The thing is a zombie apocalypse is not a natural disaster. There are no guarantees of survival. But there are ways to increase the odds of living through it until such time a person finds a boat and heads to a deserted island off the coast of Hawaii. Or Fiji for that matter. Or Costa Rica.

Below is the CDC’s list. Let’s have some fun and tailor it specifically for a zombie infestation/infection, shall we? First, I’ve included some ~~sarcastic~~ helpful comments in [square brackets highlighted in royal blue]. Second, my very own list follows. You’ll notice my list is a tad shorter. What can I say? I’m a minimalist.

All-Hazards Emergency Kit

Water—one gallon per person, per day [A typical family of four would need 28 gallons per week (4×7. Unless you live in Utah where you’ll probably need 70 gallons a week). Since the zombie apocalypse will last longer, it’s not enough. Best start planning to buy a pool and fill it with drinking water.]
Food—nonperishable, easy-to-prepare items (minimum 3 day supply) [Again, see my comment above. Three days? Sure, if you’re planning to stay at a Disney resort. Quick solution: buy a farm.]
Flashlight [In the old days people knew how to make fire with sticks and use those sticks as torches. Not needed.]
Battery-powered or hand-crank radio (NOAA Weather Radio, if possible) [You’re kidding, right? Like there’s gonna be a radio station left with humans running it. Logic, people. Logic!]
Extra batteries [No flashlight. No use for batteries.]
CDC’s Zombie Attack Poster

First aid kit (whistle, antibiotic ointment, bandages, face masks, gloves and reference book) [I happen to agree with this. Beside, you can use the face mask to spook the zombies (paint a pig snout on it).]
Medications (7 day supply and medicinal dispensers if necessary) [And after the seven days when the supply runs out, then what? That’s right, you’ll be looking for a refill. Here’s a better idea: rent an apartment above a pharmacy now. Then when you need the stuff, it’s only a few steps from home.]
Multipurpose supplies (wrench, pliers, plastic sheet, duct tape, scissors, matches) [Now we’re talking, although I don’t know if this stuff’s for an emergency or used to clean up a crime scene.]
Sanitation/personal hygiene items and bleach [Bleach? I just answered my own question above.]
Copies of personal documents (medication list and pertinent medical information, proof of address, deed/lease to home, passports, birth certificates, insurance policies) [Do you think it’ll really matter once everyone’s dead? Here’s a thought, you can use the papers to make a fire to keep you warm at night.]
Cell phone with charger [Who comes up with this stuff? Say it with me: no electricity, no cell phone service.]
Family Disaster Plan (family and emergency contact information) [My family’s plan: stay indoors. They can’t eat you if they can’t see you.]
Extra cash [Bahaha!!! Okay, okay, okay. Raise your hand if you’ve heard of the barter system.]
Emergency blanket, extra clothes, sleeping bag (1 for each person) [And what happens when you’re nicely tucked away in your sleeping bag, and you wake up with a zombie standing over you? Simple logic isn’t difficult to master.]
Map(s) of the area [Let me guess, use Google Maps on your cell phone.]

Jack Flacco’s Zombie Emergency Kit

Water, food, clothing and any other miscellaneous items—your neighbors will have many of these items available once they’ve turned into zombies
The only item on the list above left untouched: first aid kit (whistle, antibiotic ointment, bandages, face masks, gloves and reference book)
Multipurpose supplies (Louisville Slugger baseball bat, golf club, screwdriver, hammer, butcher knife, darts, picture frame wire, shards of glass)
Real paper map(s) of the area

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

How did I do? Did I miss anything on my list?

Monday Mayhem

Zombies, Vampires and the Economy

Posted on May 6, 2013May 6, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Jack Flacco is proud to announce RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, the first book in the Ranger Martin series, will publish on October 22.

An economic theory of sorts caught my attention the other day I thought I’d share. The theory goes something like this: when the economy does well, zombies rule. When the economy flounders, vampires seize the reigns. What better way to add to my Monday Mayhem series than to introduce a discussion of money, zombies and vampires?

It started with an article I came across on one of these financial sites, on my way to explore for another post I was working on. Funny how these things work. Whenever I’m looking for something to supplement a current post, something else hits me square between the eyes to prevent me from completing my research. Nonetheless, I can see how the theory came to be.

I’m writing this as is, without much commentary. I’ll provide the examples (including movie posters) more as a guide, but you can draw your own conclusions. Suffice it to say, some daring economists have already written about this before, plotting the rise and fall of zombies and vampires against fluctuations in the Dow Jones Industrial average.

Here’s my take on the theory…

Zombies, by nature, consume anything and everything. They have no sense of self-restraint. If they see something consumable, they will eat it. Nothing in their path is safe. Every so often, they lay dormant, waiting for their next big feast. As sharks frenzy, so do zombies when they spot a sure thing. Whatever obstacle may block their path, they quickly dismantle. In large groups, zombies are unstoppable.

So is the zombie economic model. During a recovery, consumers freely purchase having no self-restraint. A new bike? Buy it. A new car. Buy it. A new house? Yep—buy it! Everything catches their eye as fair game. There may be lulls where they seem to have satisfied their cravings, but they’re waiting for the euphoria to catch again. And if it’s Black Friday or Bargain Tuesdays at the local electronics shop, look out. Nothing will stand in their way to get to that big screen TV. In groups, consumers can ravage a store in seconds.

Vampires, on the other hand, are subtle hunters, choosing deception as their ally. They crave blood. When they satisfy their craving, they recede into the shadows. The strong and weak is no match for their cunning. Patience is part of their nature. Once they spot a target, they will stalk it until the time is right for the kill. They appear as human but their innards make them soulless creatures.

And so is the vampire economy. When times are tough, consumers are a guilt-ridden, crafty lot, choosing to talk their way into a deal. They take a tally of how well they’re doing by how well they’re saving. Sticker price means nothing to them. If it says $10, they’ll negotiate for $9 hoping to get it for $9.50. Large companies, small shops, makes no difference. They’ll wait. A deal is bound to come their way. When they see it, they’ll move in for the kill. If someone else spots it, they’ll push their way to get there first. Even if it means spilling blood.

Supplemental Reading Material

Have you ever heard of this theory? What is it that makes it unique among other zombie theories?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Movies

Posted on April 29, 2013April 29, 2013 by Jack Flacco

It’s enjoyable to watch a zombie movie produced by logical minds. Some zombie movies are just plain silly. Their stories are all over the place, their characters lack motive, and their whole premise boggles the mind. It’s not the intention of this post to dwell on those. But it is fun to watch the good ones. In keeping with Monday Mayhem, below is a list of zombie movies sure to create some excitement on a dark, lonely night.

I Am Legend—Will Smith’s character Robert Neville lives alone in a deserted city to fend for a cure to the dratted virus zombie virus. The thing about the virus is that scientists engineered it to cure cancer. They believed that if they could unleash a biological weapon to destroy cancer cells, they could allow the body to repair itself, thus eliminating the uncertainty happening with today’s methods, and the costs. Unfortunately, it pretty much wipes out all humanity and leaves those who survived, famished zombies.

Dawn of the Dead—In this remake, a group of zombie apocalypse survivors, trapped in a Milwaukee mall, fight an undead infestation. The charm of this film is watching survivors cope with limited movement, and their increasing boredom of their situation. In one instance, the survivors play Hollywood Squares on the mall’s rooftop. The squares are the zombie collective below and the chalk is a sniper perched on the other side of the street.

The Crazies—Not your typical brain-bashing, gut-chomping zombie movie, The Crazies is an interesting study. The first thing the audience realizes is the contagion does not come from a virus. The classic zombie infection is the usual virus that gets spread by a bite. Then, humans become their own worst enemies and tear at each other in a cannibalistic frenzy. Not in this story. Remember that saying, when traveling don’t drink the water? If any time that applied, it applies here.

28 Days Later—A lab conducting secret testing on chimpanzees becomes the target of animal rights activists. Twenty-eight days later, not a single human survived the carnage of the rage virus. When Jim wakes up from his coma, he find himself alone in London seeking the answers as to what happened to society.

Zombieland—Four years later, this movie still manages to hit almost every Top 10 undead list out there. Led by a Twinkie hunting zombie killer (Woody Harrelson), a group of teens attempt to cope with reality after getting caught in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Making this film entertaining are the floating rules over the action (ie. Cardio, The Double Tap, Beware of Bathrooms, Wear Seat Belts, etc.), and the creative zombie kills (ie. a woman drops a piano on an unsuspecting flesh eater).

Shaun of the Dead—This movie gets funnier with every viewing. Shaun (Simon Pegg) and Ed (Nick Frost) battle zombies that don’t quite know when to give up. These former humans border on stupidity, but stupidity in a good kind of way. Most of the time, they stand around while their food—human—disappears. In one scene, Shaun acts as a tour guide/director giving the horde directions to follow him, since he is good to eat, all the while helping his friends escape.

What other films are there that I may have missed?

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: