Jack Flacco

Weekend Getaway

Posted on May 31, 2013May 8, 2017 by Jack Flacco

I’ve sat here for the past fifteen minutes trying to come up with a witty and funny intro to last weekend’s getaway I spent with my wife in Barrie, Ontario. But the more I tried, the less I accomplished. I suppose trying too hard, if that is possible, makes for an unproductive experience. In some ways, I can see why.

Welcome to my Freedom Friday post where I talk about whatever comes to mind. And what’s on my mind at this moment is last weekend. What did we do that was so special? My wife and I loaded the car, dropped the kids at friends, and spent three days away from it all. We enjoyed a mini-vacation, if you will, without the cares and worries of life’s little inconveniences. You know the ones. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, dusting, shopping, mowing the lawn, washing the windows, picking up and dropping off the kids to their activities, and a myriad of life’s other chores we do, but have only so many hours in the day to accomplish.

When we arrived at our hotel last Friday night, I unloaded the car while my wife took care of our room. The first thing that’d happened, which set the tone for the rest of our stay, was my wife’s chitchat with the desk clerk led to a free upgrade to the room. There was a lacrosse tournament happening that same weekend, and rather than have us stuck on a floor with partying teenagers, the desk clerk booked us in the honeymoon suite complete with a king-size bed and Jacuzzi. When I say Jacuzzi, I mean hot-tub-in-the-center-of-the-room Jacuzzi. It gets better.

Our hotel was close to the highway, making it easy for us to travel from one activity to another. Most of our time, however, we spent in the throes of relaxation. The word downtime comes to mind. It doesn’t even come close to describing what we experienced. Believe me, a weekend without the kids does not inspire a time of planned recreation.

Inside the hotel room, we dropped our bags on the spot and left for dinner. We have a special restaurant we visit whenever we’re in town called Ling’s Cuisine. I can describe their food as delicious, yet somehow the phrase needs some work. Beyond delectable? How’s that for a description? Their atmosphere is quiet, and their service is perfect. Their servers know their menus, having the ability to recommend plates and understanding their ingredients. For instance, I didn’t know what tobiko was until our server said they were flying fish eggs. The eggs don’t fly, it’s the fish that breed the eggs that fly. Good to know, anyway. I ordered a couple of plates of salmon maki while my wife chose a Miso (vegetable) soup and Salmon Teriyaki. As we enjoyed our dinner, my wife nodded regarding the couple behind me. They, too, were enjoying time alone. They had a full bottle of white wine with their meal. By the end of the evening, it was all gone. She smiled at me knowing where they were going.

Our Saturday consisted of waking up late and heading to the pool. The water was cold yet manageable. I spent most of my time in the hot tub gazing out the ceiling windows into the clouds. One cloud in particular caught my attention. It was the puffy white kind set on a crystal blue background. It shifted. First, it turned into a genie, then it became a cowboy. As the minutes passed, it became apparent it was disappearing before my eyes. It sparked a thought. Our lives are like the clouds, passing so fast that one day we’ll also disappear into nothingness. One day we’re here and the next—poof—we’re gone. Well, that was the morbid portion of my post. I also do song and dance on demand and recite funny limericks.

That afternoon we headed to Boston Pizza, a Canadian gourmet pizza franchise that also specializes in serving gluten-free pizza. My wife was happy, and as I said once before—happy wife, happy life. This time our conversation centered on how nice it was not to have any responsibilities for the weekend. Both of us had dopey eyes for most of the meal. Boy, we thought, we should do this more often. Amazing what alone time will do. You young parents will know what I mean when you’re away from the kids for some time. It’s like a natural sedative.

For our Saturday night entertainment, we enjoyed that wonderful Jacuzzi and went back to Ling’s. Good things go a long way. You know, it’s funny. We were driving to the restaurant and I notice a biker in all his glory on this amazing-looking bike. I mentioned this to my wife, telling her how much I admired it. She said, “Yeah, Jack, but it isn’t a Harley.” I thought, who is this woman who I’ve known for almost half my life. Is there something she hasn’t told me about her past? How does she know what a Harley looks like?

On Sunday, we wanted to head over to see the new Star Trek movie Into the Darkness, but we had the complimentary breakfast in the guest lounge downstairs, and went back upstairs in the serenity of silence instead. Without a doubt, we got our money’s worth from our room. The explanation I have for you there is when you get free time away with the person you love most in this world, you don’t want to spend it watching a movie. So we sat next to each other on the bed reading.

And, as the cliché goes, all good things must come to an end. We got back home late that evening after having treated the kids to the Sushi Garden. I guess you can say we all enjoyed a sushi-filled weekend.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Have you ever gone on a getaway weekend with your love? What did you end up doing?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Mrs. Smith

Posted on May 29, 2013May 28, 2013 by Jack Flacco

How would you feel if you realize your marriage was sputtering as a balloon losing air? For the women: what if your marriage was with Brad Pitt? Do you think you’d try to save it? For the men: how about if Angelina Jolie was your wife? Would you like one more chance to make it right?

From the start of the film Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play the namesake couple seeking help for their floundering marriage. Looking at them, you wouldn’t think they needed counseling. They look incredible together, even though the chill in the air could freeze anything within the radius of a few feet.

As part of this week’s Women Who Wow Wednesday series, today’s highlight is Jane Smith. Be forewarned, if you haven’t seen this movie, spoilers lie ahead.

Meeting for the first time in Bogotá, Colombia, Jane approaches John on the run from the Columbian authorities. The attraction couldn’t be more genuine. Locked in a hug, the sound of sizzling fills the room. Without waiting, they marry. As the years move along, Jane becomes the perfect wife. Her home, immaculate. Her cuisine, extraordinary. Her marriage? Not so much.

In the whirlwind of their short courtship and subsequent marriage, Mr. & Mrs. Smith forgot one crucial element for making their relationship work. Honesty. They didn’t confess their innermost thoughts to one another. And—they didn’t tell what line of work they were in. Oh, they rehashed some made up story about working in an office, but they didn’t tell the whole truth. In essence, they lied to one another. Then they wonder why their marriage is sinking faster than an anvil placed on floating paper.

The truth? Both John and Jane are assassins. Pretty good ones, too. They work for competing agencies, vying for the same contracts in their small, niche industry fishbowl. When a mission Jane has assigned goes afoul, she discovers the reality. Her husband’s working for the other side. He has to go. At least, this is what her agency wants. Unbeknownst to her, John’s agency has a similar contract. She has to die, too.

One evening, as the Smiths have dinner in their lovely suburban home, a lively discussion ensues. Well, not that many words pass between them, but they sure know how to communicate. From one corner of the house to the other, their communication consists of firing at each other with live rounds of ammunition. Vases blow. Furniture explodes. Walls collapse. Still alive, baby? Your aim’s as bad as your cooking, sweetheart. And that’s saying something!

A few more attempts on her life, and Jane’s had it. She wants John taken out. Not so fast, there’s the small matter of what the agencies have done to perpetuate this hatred between the couple. Purpose-filled, analytical, she later learns the agencies played them against each other in an effort to even out the playing field once they were gone.

They take a last stand, and they eventually find themselves in marriage counseling once again. This time, they’re gushy-eyed all over each other. Their marriage survives intact.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Have you seen Mr. & Mrs. Smith? What did you think of Mrs. Smith?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Causes

Posted on May 27, 2013October 27, 2013 by Jack Flacco

The other day, an article published October 29, 2007 on Cracked.com titled 5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen, caught my eye. I typically base most of my posts on multiple sources. However, because the site’s article instilled such a horrible chill in my bones, I decided to focus my entire Monday Mayhem post on two of its main points.

To start, Cracked’s scientific reasons made sense. Two in particular had an air of reality that no one could deny. I’ll concentrate on these two, but I’ll add my own spin to the equation. Furthermore, the definition of a zombie comes into question when the victims of these causes remain alive during the time of their undead-like episodes. Keep that in mind when evaluating the viability of these two points.

Neurotoxins—The literal definition of the word neurotoxin means nerve poison. Ever fill up on fuel? A common neurotoxin is ethanol. Imagine what’s happening in the brain when those gas fumes seep into the pores of the skin. Pretty gnarly, if I can still use the Eighties word gnarly to describe anything beyond radical. Neurotoxins can produce weird effects on the body. In some cases, depending on the agents used, they can even fool doctors into believing patients suffering neurotoxic poisoning are deceased. Kicker neurotoxins such as Alkaloids leave victims in a trancelike state with no memory, and with motor skills intact. Voodoo doctors in Haiti used Alkaloids to zombify people in the Sixties so they could get them to work on sugar plantations without resistance. Talk about forced labor, or rather, zombie labor. Will that be a double-double or do you take your coffee black?

Brain Parasites—In the simplest terms, a human ingests a parasite that makes them go all funky. This means loss of mental faculties, no cognitive awareness, and pure brain meltdown. The article mentions Toxoplasma gondii as a potential candidate to jumpstart the end of humanity. According to the numbers, a third of the world’s population already has it. The spread happens by ingesting undercooked meat containing the parasite, contaminated water, soil or vegetables, and transmission from mother to infant via pregnancy. Some of the effects after the infection include subtle behavioral or personality changes, and a number of neurological disorders, in particular schizophrenia. This type of stuff ought to keep anyone awake at night.

Ah, but I’m not done yet. Cysticercosis is my parasite of choice of which I think may usher in the zombie apocalypse. The infection occurs when a human ingests eggs of Taenia solium, pork tapeworm. This nasty biological marvel has an incubation period of months to ten years! This means if a human were to have eaten undercooked pork containing viable cysticerci, the host will not know it until its too late. Should any of the eggs make it into the muscles, it would cause muscle swelling, atrophy and fibrosis. Should any of the eggs make it into the brain, it would cause headaches, brain lesions, and seizures. Investigating this further, the CDC specifies Cysticercosis can also cause confusion, difficulty with balance, brain swelling, and even death. Sounds zombie-like to me, don’t you think?

Cracked featured three other reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen: The Real Rage Virus, Neurogenesis, and Nanobots. I may tackle these someday. For now, though, you can read more in the original article.

Have you read about neurotoxins or brain parasites? Does it scare you as much it scares me?

Freedom Friday

Spring Cleaning

Posted on May 24, 2013May 24, 2013 by Jack Flacco

The other day I took to my closet, put on a pair of old, tattered jeans, a t-shirt, and hit my home office. I’ve been planning to paint it for a couple of years now. Only recently did I decide the time was right to do something about it.

For this Freedom Friday post, I’d like to take you on a spring cleaning adventure. Believe me when I say it’s not as adventurous as I’m making it out to be.

Over the past couple of years, my home office had gone into disrepair. I had boxes of utter junk I had kept around for those “just in case” moments when I needed that half-bent, used straw I had saved from that frosty I had months ago. Bags and bags of paperwork I hadn’t tackled for a long time rested dormant waiting for my sorting hands. I’m still not done yet. The shredder’s going to have a lot work to do soon.

The biggest problem was all the computer parts I had accumulated. I’m talking about desktop boxes, monitors, network cards, hard drives, sound cards, motherboards, memory chips, graphics cards, printer cables, network cables, fans, desktop speakers, subwoofers, mice, keyboards, mice pads, and on and on. I can’t believe how much money I burned through the years on old desktop computers that today I can easily replace with a laptop, a tablet or phone. Sad, really.

All these parts belonged to computers I had set up throughout the house when the iPad was a glint in Steve Jobs’ eye. As they became obsolete, I’d retire them into my home office to one day sell them for parts. Well, we all know how that turned out. You may ask, how many were there, Jack? Seven desktop computers with monitors. Yeah, crazy, eh? There was a time that each room had a computer. Maintenance choked every ounce of goodness from me.

Anyway, I took them all apart. I reformatted the hard drives, and poured water and sugar in its assembly chambers. I then took my trusty screwdriver and poked holes through the platters. It’ll take the expertise of the FBI to piece them all together. Even then, no way could anyone rescue any of the data on those suckers. Too late, though. They’re already at the dump.

Now, if you didn’t know better, I could be working for the CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service). Then again, I wouldn’t admit it, would I? Nor would I post that information on a blog. A mischievous smile penetrates Jack’s face.

Nevertheless, I pulled together all that old equipment and hauled it to the curb. And this is the truth: at the very moment I had placed the last computer on the curb, a black van of no distinct marking pulled into the drive, swung open its back doors and two men slipped the equipment into its belly. It was quick. Not even thirty seconds they were gone. I thought, guys, the hard drives are not with the boxes. I guess they’ll find out once they take them apart in their secret lab.

I now have a clean room. At least the bulk of the mess is under control. I still have a long way to go. I think in the next few days I’ll get rid of the old posters of The Godfather: Part III and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. They’ve been on the walls forever.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Have you done any spring cleaning? What items have you gotten rid of that served its purpose in the day?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Adrian

Posted on May 22, 2013May 22, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Who can ever forget Rocky Balboa calling out Adrian’s name in the middle of the ring after going the distance with the boxing champion of the world, Apollo Creed? I never did. Rocky is the energy, Adrian is the strength. Let’s have a closer look at Adrian for this week’s Women Who Wow Wednesday.

Adrian is ordinary. Plain. Almost non-existent. Her hair greasy. She dresses like an old woman who’s never been alone with a man. Insecure. Yet, Rocky sees beyond the funky glasses into her heart. She has a good heart.

She works in a pet shop. Not the most exotic of jobs, but she manages to pay the bills. Her deep love for animals is a testament to her warm nature. When she closes shop, Rocky visits her bringing a new joke, “The last turtle food I got here had more moths in it than flies.” Not funny as it is sweet. She let’s Rocky be Rocky.

When they go out for the first time, Rocky takes her skating. The rink custodian would not budge on giving them ice time. It is Thanksgiving, after all. Rocky had to convince the custodian Adrian isn’t feeling well and he is performing an act of charity. Sure, ten minutes, ten bucks. As they skate, they know something is there between them. He had gaps, she had gaps. They fill gaps.

Rocky: “My old man, he was never too smart. He says to me, ‘You weren’t born much of a brain, so start usin’ your body.’”
Adrian: “My mother, she said the opposite thing. ‘You weren’t born much of a body, so you’d better develop your brain.’”

Soon after, Apollo’s people come a callin’ on Rocky to give the unknown contender a title shot at the Heavyweight Boxing Championship of the World. All because his ring name is the Italian Stallion and would sound incredible on the billing. What Apollo doesn’t know is Rocky is not the type to give up. He will keep coming after the champion until the end.

At the same time, a transformation begins to take hold of Adrian. Gone are the glasses, greasy hair, and frumpy attire. In their place, a beautiful complexion, a wonderful cut, and stylish, comfortable clothing. Adrian also fights back against her controlling brother Paulie who kept her down for so long so she could take care of him.

When the night of the big fight arrives, Adrian stays close to Rocky providing support. There’s no other place she’d rather be than by her man. Rocky knows this, using her as his strength to get through round after round of butchering. And when he does make it to the fifteenth and final round, when everyone tells him to stay down from a knockout, Adrian shows up at the auditorium door with her little red barrette. She couldn’t stand being away from him, even though he asked her to wait for him in the dressing room until it is over. She closes her eyes and accepts Rocky’s fate. Does Rocky see her? Is it her? We don’t know. His eyes are sealed shut. Apollo made sure of that.

The crowd chants, “Rocky! Rocky!

He gets up, tosses a few more punches, and the fight’s over. The auditorium goes crazy. Reporters break into the scene. Police try to keep everyone back. Paulie complains the cop’s damaging his suit.

In all of this Rocky cries out, “Adrian! Adrian!”

She makes her way through the crowd, “Rocky! Rocky!”

Reporters stick microphones into Rocky’s face, “Will there be a rematch, Rock? Will there be a rematch?”

“I don’t know.” He barks. “Adrian! Adrian!”

She finally makes it into the ring.

“I love you!”

Fade to black.

As the series progresses, Adrian becomes Rocky’s conscious. His strength. His reason. She comes into her own. Her self-confidence blooms. When Rocky’s not sure, she is sure. She has no doubt. Through it all, there’s no other place she’d rather be than by her man. Filling gaps.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

What do you think of Adrian? Do you have a favorite Rocky movie?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Sightings

Posted on May 20, 2013May 19, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Life guarantees two things: death and taxes. Neither of which present a viable option of escape. I’d like to add a third to the mix: zombies. Everywhere we turn nowadays, zombies have the rule of the roost. They’re in movies, books, magazines, radio, TV, everyday chit-chat. Hard to avoid, really. If I didn’t know better, I’d say a conspiracy’s afoot.

Let’s have a look at where we can find zombies in the upcoming months. Oh, and I don’t have to mention this is my Monday Mayhem post, do I? Didn’t think so.

World War Z—If industry experts are right, this movie will either be extremely successful or fail miserably. I’m hoping the former rather than the latter. Based on the book by Max Brooks and staring Brad Pitt, this film’s about a full-blown zombie apocalypse. I don’t want to describe any more of it so as not to give anything away, but the promotional material sure makes this film look exciting.

The Walking Dead—Currently filming Season 4 for an October 2013 premier, the show is about a group of apocalypse survivors who search for a safe haven from evil. The evil being zombies. Although no one ever utters the word zombie, labels such as Roamers, Walkers, Lamebrains, and Geeks make for good replacements. More than your typical zombie show, The Walking Dead is more about friendship and survival. Every episode tries each friendship further and further in a refining fire. The audience watches this in awe, wondering how much can the characters take. Through the yelling, screaming, betrayals and hatred, the survivors carry on, stronger, more determined to accomplish their goal of finding safety away from the Walkers.

The Zombie Run—Actors dressed as zombies chase participants in a 5K (3.1 mile) run or sorts. The entire course features thematic elements of a zombie apocalypse (helicopters, flipped cars, fog machines, etc.). Boyhood buddies and race organizers Andrew Hudis and David Feinman came up with the idea when Hudis told Feinman he runs fastest when being chased. From there the idea took off (pun intended). Proceeds go to Active Heroes, a charity that aids veterans, active duty military, and families. A portion also goes to local charities of the host city.

Humans vs. Zombies—The rage sweeping college campuses everywhere. Students describe it as the most elaborate game of tag anyone’s ever played. Awesome, as some have said. How does it work? Two Original Zombies go up against about 150 humans. Armed with marshmallows, balled-up socks, and Nerf guns, the humans try to take out the zombies. Upon first inspection, a great disparity exists in numbers. However, that soon changes when one learns the zombies have a big advantage. After sitting out for fifteen minutes, the zombies can attack again. As this happens, the proportionate ratio of zombies to humans grows. The game seems like something I would have played in college.

Humans vs. Zombies (Photo credit: http://brittonpeele.com)

Ads—And you’ll probably encounter a few advertisements on TV with zombies in them. I’m not going to list the ones I have found. Sufficient is the fact you can go on YouTube and search for them with the keywords: Zombie Ads. Prepare to laugh and be informed.

Comics and Magazines—Zombie magazines are not new. I found an issue of Modern Zombie Magazine that goes back to May 1943. But here are just a few more titles to brighten up your day: Zombiepolitan, Zombie Weekly, Zombie Magazine, Meat: Zombies Are People Too, SFX Zombies, Zombies: An Illustrated History of the Undead, Zombie Pulp, Tales of the Zombie, Two-Fisted Zombies, and many, many more!

Anyway, I only provided a small list of where you can find zombies in the next little while. I’m sure you can find them in many more places on your own.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Are you looking forward to any upcoming zombie-themed events you’d like to share?

Freedom Friday

Stream of Consciousness

Posted on May 17, 2013May 20, 2013 by Jack Flacco

When I write a post for my Freedom Friday series, I always envision it to be a placeholder for my life’s little adventures. I also think of how it will best reflect fun, whereby you the reader can determine with your very own eyes that I, who has chosen to write in the zombie genre, am normal folk with the same dreams and aspirations as everyone else.

For this reason, I’m going to try something different this week. I’m going to write this post in stream of consciousness. What that means is whatever comes to mind is what will remain on the page. No editing. This will be a snapshot of how I think.

Now, I have a number of topics I prepared ahead of time to get my juices flowing. I’ll pick one at random. Since I have them written down, I’ll close my eyes and point a finger at one of them.

Done.

I’ve chosen a quote from one of my favorite movie characters of all time, Rocky Balboa:

Rocky Balboa

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you!”

So many thoughts. Rushing. Here we go.

A football team can only take so many hits before they hit back. When they do, nothing can stand in their way. They will mow down their opponent until there is nothing left of them. Courage is not by honor but by strife. Winning happens when you go beyond yourself to achieve the unachievable. When someone asks, “Can it be done?” the answer should be, “My name is Affirmative Action. Nothing from heaven on high to the earth beneath my feet will prevent me from doing so.”

Taking the path of least resistance will only offer a temporary win. In the end it will cause you to fail. If everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean you have to. Success does not come by sight but by mind.

But I’m too short. I’m too tall. I’m too fat. I’m too skinny. My father beats me. My mother is on drugs. My brothers and sisters hate me. I’m poor. My life is a mess. I can’t go on another day. Why me? Why, why, why me? What have I done to deserve this?

No one can defeat you. You can defeat yourself. Only you. No one can take away your right to be the best person you can be. Only you can do that.

Take flight on eagle’s wings. Soar above the multitude. Perch on the footstool of heaven overlooking the ordinary. Keep to the sky, never letting go of the dream to move others as you would have others move you.

Stir. Encourage. Inspire.

Give hope to where there is darkness. Raise those who are low. Make strong the weak. Give dignity to the mortified. Let there be such an explosion of joy from your heart that no one can deny the optimism that lives within you.

Should I attempt to write in stream of consciousness again in the future? Did any of what I’ve written make sense?

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