Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs IV

If you’re new to Monday Mayhem, you’ll appreciate that I not only delve on the dark side of zombiehood, but also on the lighter side. And if you’re one of those folks who’s been reading me for a while, then by today’s title you’ll recognize where I’m going with this post.

Zombie Hunting License
Zombie Hunting License

That’s right. It’s that time again, folks. It’s time to put your thinking caps on and help me escape the zombies. Are you ready to indulge in some serious undead running? It ain’t gonna be pretty. Not today.

How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide. And if you missed them, here are the first three parts: I, II, III.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: Zombies have trapped twenty of your friends in the school gymnasium. The evil maggot bags are slamming against the door trying to get in. Your friends have barred the only entrance with a fire hose wrapped around the handles. They have minutes before the horde makes them meat. You’re alone in the hall on the opposite end, unarmed. Do you save your friends?

My Answer: My answer to this question will always be yes. At the same time, I’ll try to find something I can use to defend myself. If anything, I’ll try to draw them outside, giving my friends a chance to escape. Call me noble.

Zombie What Ifs IVScenario #2: You’re on a boat and you’ve run out of supplies. You have to get back to shore, but the undead have overrun the docks. If you land, you might as well say good-bye. What do you do? Do you take a chance at docking? Or do you attempt to sail to another port?

My Answer: Not knowing where to find another port will deter me from looking. Then again, I can try fishing to see if I can catch my dinner without sharks eating me. I’ll probably search the coast for a place where I can dock, then look for fresh supplies. This is a tough one.

Scenario #3: Your car ran out of gas in a small town. A service station rests two miles down Main Street. It’s dusk and soon you will not know what the evening will bring. Your passengers are shivering with fright. The two-mile hike is not far, but you’re afraid if you make the journey, your passengers will fall into the hands of the undead. Do you stay in town for the night; hoping shelter will provide the safety you need before dawn? Or do you take a chance, make the trek to the service station and when you return you hope to find the car and the passengers in one piece?

My Answer: I don’t know about you, but I’ll try to find a place to rest until morning, then I’ll make the journey to get gas in broad daylight. If anything, I want to see what will attempt to make me into a brunch dessert before I flee.

Scenario #4: On foot, you’re alone, running from the horde. You come across a bridge. Perfect. But you wonder if you cross it, will there be another horde on the other side waiting to turn you into its dinner. You take a chance, you cross the bridge. Halfway, another crowd of zombies appears at the opposite end of the bridge, just as you had suspected. What do you do? Do you turn back and take a chance hoping the original horde is not as gruesome as you might think? Or do throw yourself off the bridge to the water below, not knowing if the impact alone will kill you?

My Answer: I’d take a chance and go for the plunge. I’d rather die upon impact than to slowly waste away in the jaws of devouring zombies.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What would you do?

Posted in Freedom Friday

The In-Betweens

Do you like secrets? Yeah, I like them, too. I have a secret—well, not like my dark secret I admitted to about a year ago—but a secret, nonetheless. Do you want to know what it is? Of course you do, everyone likes secrets. This is where I insert a strategic pause to give you a moment to think about it. Okay, okay, I’ll tell you, but you’ll have to promise not to tell anyone else. Deal?

It's about time
It’s about time

All right, then. For a long time my friends have noticed I don’t waste time. This is not one of those self-appreciating statements you hear from someone who wants to put himself on a pedestal for all to admire. I just don’t like throwing my time away on useless pursuits. I never did.

You must be thinking, “Boy, Jack, you must really be high on yourself today.”

In truth, I’m being open so you’ll know where I’m coming from when I tell you my secret. Ah, I see I have your attention again. Telling you I don’t waste time is only a fraction of the overall reason for this Freedom Friday post.

Allow me to pose a question: Where do you waste most of your time?

Think about it carefully. I’m sure you can easily come up with several specific things that distract you from being productive. But you know what? You won’t believe it when I tell you what the biggest time waster is. I’m thankful I learned this secret a long time ago in my teens, and I’ve benefited from knowing it ever since.

Fine, I think you’ve had enough of my build.

Here’s the secret to being productive: It’s the in-betweens.

I can see the puzzled looks already.

Here’s an example. You’ve decided you will clean out the shed this weekend. You have the plan in place. You will unpack the deck chairs, organize the garden tools, and sweep the inside of the dirt that had accumulated over the winter. This shouldn’t take more than an hour, tops.

The weekend comes and two hours later, you’re still sweating it out trying to decide what order the garden tools belong on the shelves. Four hours later, you’re done. What happened to the one hour, tops?

Well, in between you had to check your phone to answer your messages. That is, in between placing one chair after another on the deck. That took a whole hour. Next, the garden tools. As you were deciding what to do with the pruning shears, whether they belonged on the left or right shelf, you decided to take a break in between. After all, you couldn’t do all this work without some lemonade—which, you made from real lemons, in the kitchen, away from the work that was going to take you an hour to finish, tops.

And on and on it goes. The in-betweens is where we lose our time. Those moments in between tasks are precious. This means throwing away the distractions, phone, internet, and general laziness, and getting it done without wasting time between steps.

Five minutes here, five minutes there, the next thing you know it’s been an hour and nothing gets done. It happens more often than not. The key is to prevent it from happening.

This is what I do. When I have a task, I’ll estimate how long it might take. I then give myself a hard deadline. Sometimes, I’ll underestimate the time in order to set the fire under my seat ablaze. This pushes me forward as I quickly see the time disappear and I frantically attempt to beat the deadline. It really is an exercise in self-discipline, but a rewarding challenge, nonetheless.

In the end, this is how I write all my posts. I give myself an hour and hope whatever falls on the page eventually makes sense.

Now, your turn. Try it yourself. Find a task and attempt to complete it with a hard deadline. Make it even more of a challenge by setting the deadline less than the actual time it will take doing it. Believe me, the in-betweens will disappear faster than you think and you will have accomplished your goal in record time.

Oh, all right. If you want to tell someone this secret, go ahead. I won’t stop you.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Where do you think you waste most of your time?

Posted in Women Who Wow Wednesday

Kathryn

It’s not every week I include a villain in Women Who Wow Wednesday. However, given how the character Kathryn Merteuil is outstanding in that capacity, I thought it best to introduce you to this manipulative bitch the best way I know how—to show you of her cruelty.

Kathryn Merteuil
Kathryn Merteuil

Now, if you haven’t seen Cruel Intentions (1999), this post contains spoilers. You might want to jump to the last paragraph to find out why I’d chosen Kathryn for my weekly tribute to strong women.

Suggested by the novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Choderlos De Laclos, the film Cruel Intentions is a character study revolving around two step siblings, Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe). Kathryn wagers Sebastian that he can’t deflower Annette Hargrove (Reese Witherspoon), the daughter of the new headmaster at their prep school, before the beginning of the school year. Kathryn hatches the insidious plot in an attempt to win Sebastian’s 1956 Jaguar roadster. The catch? If she loses, Sebastian will have the right to do with Kathryn whatever he pleases, including taking her to bed.

Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn

When we meet Kathryn for the first time, she’s actually quite nice. Chatting with a perspective student for new enrollment, she’s warm, friendly, honest and candid about the school. I know I’d trust her with my daughter. Asked from where she draws her strength, she pulls a two-inch gold cross from around her neck and mentions she has all the strength she needs as she holds the item tightly in her hand.

But once alone with Sebastian, the real Kathryn emerges. The cross she sports is a repository for cocaine, making Kathryn nothing more than a drug addict. Next, she reveals she has a thing for carrying grudges. She wants revenge against the guy who dumped her over Fourth of July weekend. Her plan? To have Sebastian take her former boyfriend’s girlfriend Cecile Caldwell (Selma Blair) and mold her into the school tramp. The boy won’t know what hit him since there won’t be a direct connection to Kathryn. After all, she wears a mask as the school’s radiant example of virtue. As the student body class president, she admits, “Everybody loves me, and I intend to keep it that way.”

What’s more? Kathryn’s a practiced liar. In order to corrupt Cecile, she befriends her with the supposed intention of helping her write love letters to a boy Cecile likes. In so doing, Kathryn wins Cecile’s trust. Cecile then declares they are best friends. What Kathryn doesn’t mention, however, is how she wants to get her dirty paws on the letters already written between Cecile and the boy, so she can use them for her own nefarious purposes.

It takes a special kind of evil to accomplish such a feat of deception. To lie and not feel empathy for others. To play passive aggressive games without a sense of moral direction. Kathryn may deceive everyone into believing she is this larger-than-life example of good stewardship, but she will always be the shallow slut, sucking victims into the vortex of her self-absorbed drama pit.

After having written all this, why would I even consider including Kathryn Merteuil in my Wednesday weekly post? Simply put, to show you how a woman who has everything going for her could remain corrupt despite the time she has at her disposal to change and do good. Let me make it plain, she is a strong, determined woman, and if she’d only use her talent for good, she’d be a hero instead of a villain. But a long time ago, something in her caused her to become a narcissist. She’s broken inside. Completely broken. Darkness follows her. She’s not happy until she spreads that darkness to others in her scope of existence.

For that, I’m including her, not because of her dedication to corrupt the good, but because of her ability to foster change in people even if it is for malicious intents.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

If you’ve seen it, what did you like/hate about Cruel Intentions? Which character could you identify with most? What do you think of Kathryn Merteuil?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Hard Being a Zombie

It must be difficult to live life as a zombie. To have no hope. No dreams. To pretend of being of value to others only to suck all the good from them until there’s nothing left. It must be tough to have a false sense of purpose, treating humans as nothing more than a piece of meat.

Lost and abandoned
Lost and abandoned

Maybe you shouldn’t read this Monday Mayhem post. If you’re a zombie, I don’t know if you’d understand.

How can zombies live with themselves? Their moral compass is broken. They have no ability to see what they’re doing is wrong. Their loyalty lies in one thing—to fulfill their selfish inner craving they have festering in their putrid shell. What do they see when they look at themselves in the mirror? Do they see good? Do they see the pain they cause themselves and to others?

Zombies have their horde with which they commune. They’re all the same, though. Following the pack. Not thinking for themselves. Much of their undead life consists of roaming about seeking of whom they may devour. Sure, they have their dormant phases where they appear as if they’ve gotten better, hanging with their brothers and sisters in a quiet state of depression. But that doesn’t mean they’re harmless. Once they catch sight of another victim, nothing prevents them from kicking into full chase mode.

At least zombies have something to which humans can aspire. If anyone dares attack them, they don’t run. They don’t hide. They simply show their rotting teeth and hit their future kill at a time when it’s at its most vulnerable.

Unlike other carnivores, zombies will keep pursuing their quarry even after sustaining an injury. The undead may have lost an arm, a leg, the front part of their face, but they’ll do everything in their power to exhaust their victim until the victim can run no more.

When the evil predators finally catch their prey? They consume them while they’re still alive.

Then there’s the little matter of the zombie bite. All the undead has to do is snap and wait until the virus takes effect. If they can’t kill their target, they’ll do one better—make the target into one of them. What better way to guarantee the zombie culture will not die? The perfect plan.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather remain human than become a maggot infested drain on civilization bent on destroying the good in people. Sounds to me like a lot of work to keep tabs on victims in order to ensure they’ll one day either become food for the miserable lot or part of the problem.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Is there such a thing as a good zombie?

Posted in Freedom Friday, Photo Opportunities

Love Is…

Love is helping the elderly carry groceries to their car. Love is holding the door open for those behind you. Love is making hot soup for someone sick in bed with a bad cold. Love is forgoing our needs in order for others not to need.

Love is flowers in full bloom.
Love is flowers in full bloom.

Allow me the liberty of this Freedom Friday post to share my deepest desire with you. That desire is to see others help those less fortunate through genuine acts of kindness motivated by love expecting nothing in return. To give in love so as others do not lack. Perhaps one day they, too, will love in the very same way, helping those who need it most.

Therefore, love is giving of our time to a cause even if it seems silly at the time. Love is filling the bowl for the homeless at the local soup kitchen. Love is returning money to the shop owner who gave you too much in change. Love is giving up your seat to the pregnant woman on the bus. Love is saying please and thank you to the waiter who treats you poorly at the restaurant.

Love is picking up the neighbor’s mail when they are on vacation. Love is buying groceries for the family down the street whose father lost his job when his company made his position redundant. Love is waking up five every morning to give the folks next door a ride to the train station because they can’t afford a car.

Love is cleaning the home of a friend stricken with illness because they can’t do it for themselves. Love is driving a friend home from an activity knowing how far they live and doing so would be out of your way. Love is helping a friend pick up furniture from a secondhand shop, lug it two flights of stairs to his apartment while hoping the good deed won’t irritate an already bad back.

Love is giving a warm smile to the individual who hates you, just as you would show warmth to your own family. Love is uttering uplifting words to that spiteful person who badmouthed you behind your back. Love is not allowing bitterness to enter your heart in spite of what others do to you.

Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is crying for loved ones who have achieved their dream.

I’m sure you can find other ways to love. The list is endless. It may simply be a matter of listening to that still small voice gently leading the way. Whatever we come up with, nothing compares to the joy we feel when seeing happiness in the eyes of the recipients to our selfless act of kindness.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

How else can we help? What more can we do to show our love for others?

Posted in Women Who Wow Wednesday

The Breakfast Chicks

Saturday, March 24, 1984, Shermer High School—It begins at 7:00 A.M. with five students serving detention. Each one coming from a different background. Each one has a reason for being there.

“… And these children
that you spit on
as they try to change their worlds
are immune to your consultations.
They’re quite aware
of what they’re going through…”

David Bowie

Allison & Claire
Allison & Claire

The John Hughes film The Breakfast Club defined a generation. The song Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds became an anthem. For those of us who can remember that far back, we knew who the brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess, and the criminal were. We walked the halls. We stayed in our cliques. The one thing we had in common though was we were all going through the same growing pains. Somehow, we could relate with each other.

Two characters in the movie, Claire Standish (Molly Ringwald) and Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) have their problems. Claire’s last name should be Standoffish, since she is a stuck-up little rich girl who daddy pampered all the way to high school. Allison, on the other hand, blends in with the scenery. No one really notices her and no one really cares. Together, they make up the girls of The Breakfast Club.

Claire is a self-absorbed user with nothing on her mind other than herself. In Claire’s world no else matters other than what she buys, who’s she with, and what looks good on her. Don’t be fooled. What she represents is an image her spoiled friends will accept. In that hard shell, however, lies a person with a heart. She feels the awkwardness of being well off, and wishes she wasn’t an object her parents use to get back at each other.

Allison calls herself a nymphomaniac, but later admits to being a compulsive liar. Of course, no one knows this until she opens her mouth and spews out lie after lie to those gullible enough to believe her. Like Claire, Allison pretends to be someone else in order to feel accepted by others. Teen angst runs through her veins and her biggest problem is her parents ignoring her.

The Breakfast ChicksIn spite of their problems, Claire and Allison recognize who they are in a group therapy session. Meant to spark resolution, the students bare their souls to reveal their true selves to those willing to identify with them.

The results?

Dear Mr. Vernon.

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong but we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, with the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain. And an athlete. And a basket case. A princess. And a criminal. Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club.

Women Who Wow Wednesday has always been about strong women. Claire and Allison belong here. Their confession to who they are and what they pretend to be provides an opportunity for those wondering what life really was like in the 80’s. In reality though, life in the 80’s was not much different to the way life is now.

Everyone pretends. Everyone wants to be accepted.

If you’re from that era, what does The Breakfast Club mean to you? Who do you identify with in the group?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Characters

A few days ago, I watched World War Z—again. This movie will not go away, will it? I remember thinking how quickly humans had turned into zombies. The bite. The convulsing. The white eyes. The shreaking. And the cycle continues. I’d noticed this before, but never really analyzed it in depth. Not something I’m about to do either. I suppose that’s a good thing since it means the story kept me entertained enough for me not to wonder about these silly little nuances in character design.

R from the movie Warm Bodies
R from the movie Warm Bodies

In past posts, I’ve used Monday Mayhem as a springboard for fleshing out (pun intended) new concepts in the zombie genre in order to understand what makes a good story regarding the undead creatures. Because that’s what they really are—creatures. Anything that’s not human is inhuman. I think we can classify zombies as inhuman. Wouldn’t you say? Anyway, after a quick survey of my past posts, I realized I’d omitted one key topic that would come in handy in any zombie discussion. Who are the zombie characters I’ve grown most fond of during my fascination with all things undead?

I’m not going to limit this to a single character, but I would think a type of zombie would also constitute a character. Wouldn’t you think? Nonetheless, let’s see how it goes then you can tell me if it makes sense or not.

R—I’d written about Warm Bodies‘ R once before, yet I always seem to feel I haven’t done justice to this character. He’s a zombie with a heart who falls in love with a girl who just as rather put a bullet in her head than spend the afternoon with the undead. Why do I like him? He’s vulnerable and displays childlike qualities. He wants to learn and wants to teach. He’s a monster who becomes more human as the story progresses.

406 from the movie Zombieland
406 from the movie Zombieland

406—Known as the girl from apartment 406. In my opinion, she is Zombieland’s most interesting undead character. Played by the beautiful Amber Heard, 406 makes her appearance early in the movie and with a quick resolve, makes an impression on the audience. Her advances toward Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) are anything but sensual. When she tries to take a bite out of him, he knows better and the mad dash begins. Fun fact about 406? Even though infected with the zombie virus, she’s still as attractive as ever.

28 Days Later Zombies—Some of most malevolent zombies make 28 Days Later a zombie lover’s delight. They’re fast. They’re tough. They’re strong. These true creatures of the undead bite, kill, and eat. They’re ferocious, crashing through windows and tearing apart doors. No matter the circumstances, if the armies weren’t there, they’d decimate an entire city, which they’ve done before. How else to describe the devastation they cause?

Shaun of the Dead Zombies—They happen to be my favorite zombies of all. They’re slow, dim-witted and sometimes hilarious. How else can I describe Shaun of the Dead zombies? When victims throw vinyl records at these misfits and survive, you know we have real winners here. The best way to distract them from eating you is to act as a tour guide in order to steer them away from friends by appearing as the only tasty snack they ought to consider as their only option to consume.

I wanted to talk about a number of other characters including those in World War Z, but then we’d be here all day. I’m sure you’d appreciate a shorter post with fewer characters and an opportunity to add your own, than a longer one with a gamut of zombies to read about. Perhaps one day I’ll explore the whole zombie universe, but that day isn’t here yet. For now, have a go adding your favorites and see how far you can take it.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Which characters haven’t I mentioned that you like? What makes them memorable?