I’m writing this post a week in advance with the temperature outside having dipped to a balmy -26°C/-14.8°F. Of course, balmy is not the word I would have chosen to describe the frigid arctic air mass that has settled here in Northeastern Canada. But know it’s my attempt at sarcasm. I’m hoping by the time this publishes, this paragraph will remain relevant. Nonetheless, since I’m talking about the weather and our frosty climate across the border, I’m now curious as to whether the undead would be able to survive our environment here in the Great White North.
So, without much fanfare, and since today is Family Day here in Ontario, I thought it interesting for my Monday Mayhem series of articles if I talk about zombie survivability in extreme weather conditions.
[Note: Please folks, don’t take this post seriously, because I’m going to share some ideas with you that will not have relevance of thought, or applicability to current conditions in the grand scheme of zombiehood. In other words, take it as light reading for a Monday morning.]
All right, with that out of the way, let’s talk about zombies and the arctic weather we’re experiencing here in Canada. Would zombies be able to survive our climate if they walk the streets at night and no one’s around to feed them? Literally. Knowing what I know about the draggers, and how stupid there are, I think they’d freeze solid before they even try to get their grimy little paws on us. First, at least on my street, it gets quiet during winter. If it’s quiet then chewers can’t find us. More than likely, they’d roam or maybe stand in one spot, which, by the time I wake up in the morning, I’ll have a bunch of undead statues standing erect on my driveway ready for the hammer to the head. Second, snowstorms have blessed us up here. I’d love to see those miserable eaters fight through our frozen winter wonderland chasing after their food. They’d have to find us first. The blustery wind alone would shake them off their feet.
Since I’m talking about the wind, what about tornadoes? In the summer, just north of where I live, resides twister alley. Do you think the undead would be able to survive a blast from nature soon after one of these cyclones touches down on terra firma? The impact alone would kill them. I’ve seen videos of how one of these funnels cut a path straight across a neighborhood leaving devastation in its wake. No way would a zombie live through that. I mean, after getting slammed a few times upside the head with a pickup truck, I’m sure there wouldn’t be anything left either of the zombie or the pickup.
How about thunderstorms? In minutes, I’ve seen our neighborhood go from birds chirping, sun shining and a gentle wafting of the breeze to utter devastation, thunder clapping, deluge of water coursing through the streets and lightning. I think a storm of such ferocity, though, would do little damage to the chewer population. Oh sure, perhaps a few bolts of lightning frying the unfortunate undead who happens to stroll the sidewalk that day could prove nature still had a way announcing its control. But really? It’ll last a few minutes and the zombie crowd would still be around for the fight.
No, what needs to happen is for the earth to open and swallow anything dragging their feet. Then, and only then, would there be peace on earth.
Unfortunately, our neighborhood hasn’t experienced an earthquake in years. Not that I would want one, mind you.
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Do you think the weather could prevent the undead from attacking? What would be the most devastating thing the weather could do to destroy a zombie horde?
Looking to God 
Zombies in a tornado = eew. And also, that could be a movie. I mean, just look at Sharknado. It even got a sequel!
Zombies are just so fragile, aren’t they! They can’t handle the heat (images of rotting come to mind) and they can’t take the cold. Fickle, really… hehe
They can’t ” take a licking & keep on ticking ” like a TIMEX watch, then ? 🙂
In medieval times there are often reports of showers of fish and frogs. Animals sucked up by weird changes in air pressure and then carried for miles before they’re deposited like rain molecules. So, the plausible scenario is some kind of cyclonic updraft sucking zombies into the high atmosphere and then dropping them all in Kentucky. Might spoil a few college sports days!
Chris
& there have been reports of living people actually being sucked / scooped up by twisters & living to tell the tale. How far they traveled, I’ve no idea. Their physical conditions post – encounter ranged from a few bumps, bruises & scrapes to broken bones & concussions. Maybe an undead being would just be ripped asunder by a cyclone / twister.
Not that I’m volunteering to try it out, but I bet along with the sheer unadulterated terror, it must be the ultimate thrill to be carried away by a twister. (If you survive, of course.)
NOT TOO KEEN on testing that theory, either. If you’ve ever been in one of those tunnels with the large wind – tunnel fan & you wear a special suit that catches the updraft ( My step – sister has ), that MIGHT be the closest thing to being scooped up into a funnel cloud. I couldn’t say.
A zombie / walker / biter would likely too dumb to try to escape being drawn into a tornado.
They’ve had ” Sharknado ” by Asylum Productions. I predict that ” Zombienado ” or ” Cyclone of the Undead ” wouldn’t be done sometime before this decade is out. 🙂 I’d almost bet on it !
I don’t know.. people are quite a bit heavier then fish and small animals
Look under ” Forteana ” ” Fortean Times “. Strange incidents like what I & others have mentioned are recorded / filed there.
You reminded me of the movie Magnolia. Don’t worry, I won’t give away the ending. But you did say something attached to the movie. Mum’s your uncle!
Being an Alberta boy, our temps are bit milder than poor Jack in the East, but I have thought about this before when experiencing our subzero wind chills. The walkers, being ambulatory because of some direction from the brain, have that weakness. For a brain to operate in any capacity, means it is a brain with moisture/water. While nothing short of absolute zero can render anything of flesh (live or dead) shatterable is not going to happen, the wet tissue of the brain is definitely susceptible to exposure to sub-zero temps. The slow freeze and slow thaw is the factor to preventing the brain from being able to resume operations. Thus “killing” the zombie as effectively as a hammer to the head. If they were flash frozen and properly thawed as per cryonic instructions, then maybe.
Anyways, awesome topic of thought. Stay warm Jack !
I’ll try to stay warm. It’s dipping further into the double digits by the weekend. It’s going to be fun!
Reblogged this on matthewRstitt.com.
Thanks for the reblog. Much obliged!
Hmmm.. I’ve thought about that myself. Zombies are pretty illogical creatures but if you could imagine them pushing through this weather they would be quite a bit slower. They would have to create an extreme amount of heat within their bodies to even do that. Maybe they search for warmth.. or even.. get into a spiral like penguins to keep warm. Can you see that.. all zombies together trying to stay warm.. As far as not eating I theorize that they begin to decompose. Their skin hardens and their bodies begin to go black. At least that’s what I just wrote for City of Zombies.. makes some sense to me.
Zombies would freeze and if hit would shatter. The question of whether a zombie particle would cause problems if breathed in is the problem. Would it attack the lung and eat away? Would it be like a cancer inside of you? Is cancer a form of zombie eating you from within?
Wildfires run rampant out West in the US so that could devestate a horde but also be even worse for human survivors if they were caught between both. Considering there’d be no fire services these wild fires could get massive.
In fantasy literature & games, arctic weather conditions didn’t deter zombies. I can see humans actually eliminating them in cold weather. They’re classically sluggish as it is. To compound that with sculpted snow would give us the terrain advantage. I’m pretty sure snowbank barricades and trenches could be used to route and slow them so we could pick them off more easily, and it would make it easier to see them in the day or night. Amassing the bodies and burning them at strategic locations could even signal more to come meet their frosty/fiery deaths.
And, we’d have to cake one into a snowman.
” Frosty the Zombie ” !
I like my earlier image of frozen, inert zombies being dormant, fragile & shatter – able.
Reblogged this on rmorgg.
Great topic, and timely in thw world of zombies and pop culture, as last night’s TWD episode did include a violent thunderstorm, which definitely did impact a horde of the undead draggers…Happy Family Day, Jack!
Zombie Popsicles…..food for thought?
zomb – Sicles. For the zombie gourmet ? ;|
HAHAHA ! Yuck!
Quite Yuck ! 🙂
We have that freezing weather now in my area. I think it would definitely freeze the zombies, but they might only remain in stasis until they thaw. So any that froze away from hunting humans would return in the spring. At least that’s how I’d write the sequel.
As far as the tornado, if sharks can survive being in such a thing then I assume zombies can. It isn’t like bad syfy movies would lie about such things. 😛
Frozen dormant zombies. They’d be reasonably fragile. Hit them with hammers, hen clean up the pieces. This is contingent upon what temperature necrotic tissues will freeze to near – solidity at.
Asylum Studios would LOVE a ” Zombie – Nado ” movie, I’m sure. ;D
I agree. Though one would have to be cautious in the spring. Always a chance that a zombie was frozen out of sight and missed during ‘The Shattering’. That could restart the apocalypse at the beginning of warmer weather.
Flamethrowers ? Controlled usage of napalm to eliminate any in hiding ?
I’d just do a public warning in the spring and maybe a week long watch. No sense decimating the landscape for a zombie child that froze in an abandoned dumpster. 😉 That’s if their bodies don’t shatter on their own. The moment they can move, the zombies might take a step and there go the legs.
My Forensic Anatomy / Anthropology Professor would love this. I really think he would. 🙂
Maybe it explains why so many zombie stories happen in hot or moderate temperatures. Though I don’t get the stories where people travel south. I’d think cold is a better deterrent since regular humans get sluggish in that weather.
Now I’m picturing a zombie with a pitcher of margaritas or a bucket of Coronas reclining on a chaise lounge, sun block, catching some rays ! 😉
Literally ” Wasting Away Again in Margaritaville “. 😀
That’s a zombie with the right idea.
Jimmy Buffett after his death. 🙂
That last name takes on a whole new meaning with a zombie.
We get freezing / sub – frezing temps in Middle TN, AND we get tornadoes straight out of the movie ” TWISTER “. I don’t think zombies could adapt, although the cold MIGHT help them to stay ” fresher ” longer ( Uggghhh ! ).
& think about a cyclone filled with zombies. & Dorothy Gale thought she had it rough. Flying, windborne zombies would TRUMP flying monkeys. 🙂
Take that, Sharknado!
Haha ! 🙂 Who knew it’d be such a hit ? ” Zombi – Nado “, it must be made !
Fresher? Okay, I’m not even going to touch that sentiment! 😉
They wouldn’t have such a B.O. problem, among MANY other things….. 🙂 You wouldn’t have to hang an air freshener on them, etc. 😉