World War Z – Page 3 – Looking to God

Can Zombies Swim?

Posted on September 16, 2013September 16, 2013 by Jack Flacco

World War Z will be out on DVD and Blu-ray tomorrow. The official release dates to remember are September 17, 2013 for the U.S. and Canada, October 21, 2013 for the U.K., and October 23, 2013 for Australia. The big deal is not the release dates, but the content of the movie. I promise I won’t give you any spoilers for this film. This movie is too good to spoil for anyone. Am I looking forward to the release? How about asking me if a zebra has stripes. Today is Monday Mayhem, and today I’d like to concentrate on World War Z’s base of operations.

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, World War Z’s base of operations is a ship in the middle of the ocean. I think this is genius. What better way to avoid zombies than to float on water with little to no contact with the mainland.

Which begs the question: Can zombies swim?

Ah, let’s think about this from the perspective of the zombie. The undead know nothing. That’s a given. They function purely out of instinct—instinct being their craving for human flesh. They act on human presence, hunting humans down until they’re dead. But that human presence depends on a number of factors. What if humans have hidden themselves away to the point of disappearing? What then? Will the zombies find alternative food sources to satiate their hunger? What if humans appear resistant to the zombies’ intent to eat them? Will the zombies move to another feeding ground?

Or…will they learn how to swim in order to find additional food sources?

Sounds far fetched, I know. But, what if? Is it possible? Can zombies swim?

Let’s have a look at zombie buoyancy. If those maggot bags want to swim, they will have to learn how to float. If they moan then air is in their lungs, which means they can float. However, there’s this whole decomposition thing going on that may also prove fruitless for their effort if their body cavities lose pressure. And of course coordination between the limbs. They’d have to know how to perform one or more of a number of strokes if they’re intent is to swim to their destination, such as: front crawl, butterfly stroke, breaststroke, dog paddle, human stroke, survival travel stroke, breast feet first stroke, snorkeling, finswimming, inverted backstroke, inverted butterfly, back double trudgen, flutter back finning, feet first swimming, corkscrew swimming, underwater swimming, gliding, turtle stroke, sidestroke, combat sidestroke, and moth stroke.

Of course, the question remains: would zombies be able to even get their arms around their head in a full 360° turn? Have I mentioned about the zombie ocean predators? Crabs and lobsters love rotting meat. It’s their job to eat that stuff.

In all likelihood, zombies would walk to the shore and keep walking from the shore into the ocean until such time they’d walk themselves to a second death by either natural decomposition or ocean predator. That is, unless they fall into the Mariana Trench, the deepest part of the world’s oceans.

Was the decision to have a command center in the middle of the ocean a good thing in the movie World War Z? Yes. Unless zombies know how to swim, it’s the safest place on earth.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

What do you think of swimming zombies? Do you think zombies can swim?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Immortality

Posted on August 19, 2013August 22, 2013 by Jack Flacco

I get a kick writing about zombies. Unlike their vampire horror counterparts, I find the whole zombie genre fascinating. However, I dare not draw a direct comparison between zombies and vampires, even though at times one would be hard-pressed not doing so. Perhaps one day I can write about the transformation of the vampire genre in our modern age. But not today. Today, I’d like to add to my Monday Mayhem series the immortal nature of zombies.

When I think of zombies, I think of them as these non-stop, eating machines. In a past post, I’ve compared them to sharks. They hunt and feed. Nothing else. Their makeup is of the design of wanting to fulfill the emptiness felt within. They lurch back and forth, hauling their limbs from one caustic kill to another. Their only enemy being us, humans, who also happen to be their main meal.

Before zombies grew to become these grease-lightening, run-for-your-life, all-consuming creatures, as seen in World War Z, zombie fans only had George A. Romero’s biblical-like telling of how zombies should behave.

They had to drag. They had to moan. And they had to appear as if a truck ran over them. Several times, in fact. Their head tilted to one side became their trademark.

Yet, in all this, what does it mean? Every so often, I’ll add my two cents to the zombie coffers in an attempt to demystify the legends from fact. I’ll give an opinion regarding zombie origins, diseases, curses, events, possible apocalypse scenarios, and the like. I’ll delve into the science behind today’s zombie blitzkrieg, the whys and wherefores. The question remains though, what does it all mean?

If you will, allow me a few moments to lend you my take of what zombies represent in our culture. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I believe my opinion is ready for some good ol’ fashioned primetime critique.

I believe zombies represent humanity’s desire to capture the idea of wanting to live forever. This is not a new concept in the zombie genre. It’s been around a long time in the vampire realm, but for zombies, no one really talks about it. Who wants to? Do you want to see a zombie live forever? Uh-uh, not me. Not in my backyard. But, the implication is there. Zombies and humans have a limited shelf life. Both eventually will die and return to dust.

You might ask how can I know this? Look around. We have spas for rejuvenating vitality, convincing ourselves we can reverse the process of aging. Oils and lotions to keep our faces from losing collagen, so our skin won’t sag to our chest in our retirement years. We run, swim, bike, walk in hopes we can keep the heart pumping to an optimal level in order to avoid a massive coronary or fatal aneurysm. Our commercials tell us we’ll lose twenty pounds from our figure if we consume their products. It’ll make us look young and we’d be able to attract those much younger than us of the opposite sex. How young do we need to regress? Will we be satisfied if we have a magic cure-all to find ourselves back in our mother’s womb?

It’s a craving we have for youth similar to a zombie’s craving for human flesh. In a zombie’s case, no matter how much meat it eats, it will continue to rot until it dies a miserable death. Not much different from humans, really. We can shoot a man to the moon and back but we can’t find a cure for aging.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you think zombies represent humanity’s plight against getting old? Can you think of anything else zombies might represent?

Monday Mayhem

Classic Films Zombie Style

Posted on August 5, 2013August 3, 2013 by Jack Flacco

I love action movies, and now that World War Z has proven the undead belong in Hollywood A-list films, I’m excited to see where the next crop of fast zombies will appear. However, the beasts shouldn’t show up just anywhere. Producers and directors should think about expanding the zombie universe by perhaps including these creatures in remakes of multi-million dollar hits. Yes, it’s a stretch, but imagine what fun it could be.

For my Monday Mayhem series, I’ve explored this idea before with my posts Classic Literature Zombie Style and Classic Literature Zombie Style II, adding the undead to such classic tales as Sherlock Holmes, Alice in Wonderland, and Romeo & Juliet.

Yet I’ve never done it with movies.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Below are three movies I think would be interesting to watch as remakes with a zombie twist. No one can say no one has ever thought of this. Let’s have some fun!

Jurassic Zombieland—In a remote island off the coast of Costa Rica, the government is conducting experiments in dinosaur cloning. Preliminary successes yielded the birth of Triceratops, Apatosaurus and the formidable Tyrannosaurus Rex. But something goes horribly wrong. Human DNA accidentally creeps into a Velociraptor gene pool and the next batch of clones pops out as stillborns, half-dinosaur and half-human. Before scientists could purge the dead batch, the legion of Zombiesaurus spring to life, eat the humans then battle for island supremacy against the other dinosaurs. Who wouldn’t want to visit this as a theme park?

Star Wars: Attack of the Zombies—A virus is taking hold of the planet Naboo rendering all Gungans as zombies. When Gungan Ambassador Jar Jar Binks appears before the Galactic Senate, unaware he’s a carrier of the dreaded disease, he infects half of the senators. Palpatine, whose clear ambition is to wrestle control from the senate in order to become all-encompassing ruler, requests aid from the Jedi to eradicate the Gungans. While the Jedi are away, he proclaims himself emperor and uses the virus as grounds to destroy the senate with his newly formed clone army. All would have gone according to plan except for one thing—Palpatine himself turns into a zombie.

Zombies of the Lost Ark—On an archeological expedition to unearth the ark of the covenant, Indiana Jones travels to Egypt where he encounters an army of the undead ravaging Cairo. Unbeknownst to Indy, the golden idol he had stolen weeks before from a temple in South America carried with it a curse. Whoever possesses the idol ten days after its removal from the temple would have a zombie plague unleashed on him and all those in his charge. Indy’s arch nemesis, René Belloq, has fallen under that plague, and now is wreaking havoc throughout the Middle East. Will Jones find the Ark in time before the great apocalypse spreads further?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you have any other movies you’d like to see zombified? How do you like the idea of E.T. as a zombie?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Failure?

Posted on July 29, 2013July 28, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Do you know what I realized the other day? Whenever I talk about the zombie apocalypse with my friends, I’m always assuming it is possible. I never think for a moment that something so absurd would be impossible. Then again, I do write about zombies, so how weird is that?

Back in May, I wrote a Monday Mayhem post called Zombie Apocalypse: Causes. In the post, I detail reasons why I think a Zombie Apocalypse could happen.

But, what if? What if zombies suddenly rise from their graves because of some freak event and we’re right there in the middle of the mess? Do you honestly believe these walking disasters have a chance of carrying out their diabolical plan to rip our cerebral cortexes from our skulls, all the while their moaning and grunting betray their physical locations?

Before y’all jump me at once let’s say this together. Raise your right hand: I know a zombie apocalypse is possible but I won’t beat Jack senseless for thinking otherwise.

Once you’ve said that three times, you can go on ahead and read why I’m entertaining thoughts contrary to an undead global meltdown.

Elements of Nature—How long do you think zombies would survive in the middle of our Canadian Winter? One day? Two days? On February 18, our weather here in Ontario dropped from 0°C/32°F to -16°C/3.2°F. That’s a sixteen-degree differential in the span of one day. In December 2012, we had a full week of sustained temperatures below freezing. I hope zombies dress warm if they ever decide to invade in the middle of winter. In June, floodwaters ravaged townships in Alberta leaving them desolate and empty. In Calgary, the city came to a standstill as chest-deep waters flooded the downtown core. Do zombies know how to swim? The list goes on, with a myriad of other natural disasters that have occurred this year ranging from tornadoes all the way to heat waves. If a zombie apocalypse has to take hold, it had better time it right. Mother Nature would have first dibs at the bodies rising, that’s for sure.

Animals Are the Zombies Second Worst Nightmare—I’d like to see a few of those belly suckers attempt to cross a cornfield in the middle of the day. First of all, they’d never survive a head on onslaught of crows nosediving from twenty feet in the air to peck out their eyes. Buzzards or turkey vultures are worse. Their six-foot wingspan allows them to travel 30-50 miles in search for food, and they can smell death a mile away. Their bills have a design to plunge deep within a carcass to retrieve its meal. Let’s not even talk about wolves. These pack hunting canine wonders of nature can eat 15-19% of their body weight in one sitting. If zombies should happen to make contact with any of these animals, it’s lights out.

We Are the Zombies Worst Nightmare—Let’s imagine for a few moments a world on the cusp of filling with a legion of zombies out to harvest our innards. Forget about World War Z’s fast zombies. As cool as they are, let’s think old school. You know, the roaming kind, lurching forward, arms drawn outward, smelling for frontal lobe delicacies. What are the chances they’d survive with us as their enemies? I’d say we’d have a pretty good shot at putting down the infestation right out of the gate. Think about it. We’ve got guns, knives, bullets, bombs, missiles, rockets, cannons, flamethrowers, heavy artillery, assault vehicles, battle fatigues and some of us even have martial arts training. What do the zombies have? Nothing. A couple of loose teeth, a few broken nails, and maybe those golden three hours after death between Primary Flaccidity and Rigor Mortis where they could do the most damage. Beyond that, we win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Just for fun, can you think of other reasons why a zombie apocalypse wouldn’t work?

Monday Mayhem

Fighting Zombies

Posted on July 15, 2013July 25, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Every so often, I’ll watch a movie where a voracious entity of undead means traps a human victim in an ordinary area such as a garage with no way of defense. Most of the time I’m screaming at the TV with suggestions of how to kill the approaching beast. Grab the rake! Use the water hose! The garden shears are on the bench!

What would my Monday Mayhem feature be without having some fun with everyday household items that can also act as weapons against zombies? I touched on this subject once before in my post Saying No to Zombies, but I’ve always wanted to expand on it.

[Disclaimer: Please folks, this list is written entirely as satire in regards to fighting zombies. Don’t be stupid and attempt these with a human or any other living thing. It’s not only a dumb thing to do. It’s illegal.]

Here is my top 10 list of household items anyone can use to fend off an intruding zombie (in no particular order):

Knife—The simplest of utensils for cutting meats and vegetables can also function as a quick solution to a zombie problem. Always aim for the head. Never stab once. Multiple holes translate to multiple chances of killing the brain.

Fireplace Poker—A practical instrument for rotating wood in a fire, its pointed end will serve as the perfect answer to oncoming evil creatures. Its hook can also provide a means to catch an unsuspecting zombie, but no one want’s to do that. However, the easiest way to utilize this tool is to swat and swat hard. Remember the rule? Always aim for the head.

Snow Globe—These ornaments usually find themselves on bookshelves, nightstands, tables, fridges, and in some instances, bathrooms. These are the brute-force-approach type items. Meaning, the impact delivery system is directly proportionate to the amount of force applied by the defender on the zombie’s cerebellum or any other part of the rotting head. Much like the knife, the more blows delivered, the greater the chances of escaping.

Splinters—These suckers can come from anywhere. A desk drawer can turn into a pile of splinters if the correct amount of force distributes from drawer to wall. Even smashing a hardwood floor will yield splinters. Once in hand, they can work pretty much like knives (see above). The best part about splinters is their ability to break in chunks in order to lodge pieces in the zombie brain. Of the remnant, one can utilize to remove organs (i.e. eyes. A zombie that can’t see can’t eat.)

Weapons

Garden Hose—This neat little item can function on multiple levels. The water set at high pressure can disorient and confuse a zombie when shot in the face. The hose itself can also work as an instrument of strangulation. It will not kill it but it sure would be fun trying. In addition, used properly, the hose can work as a crude method for an explosive device. The simplest way is shoving the hose down the zombie’s throat and turning on the water. Within a matter of seconds the whole thing should blow.

Broom—A quick and dirty instrument of death to instill terror in the hearts of minions by utilizing its handle to poke, maim and kill. It is also useful for whacking brains from skulls until splatter designs appear on the surrounding walls and floor.

Glass—Found throughout the house, glass can provide the first line of defense against the ravenous undead. Holding a broken bottle by the neck will not threaten a zombie. Drilling it into its face will however force the zombie to step away enough for a rapid escape. Never underestimate the power of sand heated at high temperatures.

Salt—In ol’ zombie folklore, forcing a zombie to eat salt will cause the corpse to realize it’s dead and will head back to the grave. The question is how do you feed a zombie? I’d rather take a more aggressive approach with my zombie feedings. Grab a fistful of the white stuff and toss it in its face. If it doesn’t eat the salt, it will certainly lose a portion of its sight. At least I hope.

Chair—This is an easy item to use as it can function as not only defense against approaching gut suckers, pushing the chair in their faces, but also can serve the dual purpose of acting as a weapon, wailing on the undead until they’re completely dead.

Door—The trick to using a door as a weapon is getting a zombie to step into one. Easiest way to do this is offering bait, preferably a friend. Once it’s taken the bait, watch as it attempts to make its way into the room. Best practices involve utilizing the zombie’s own inertia when door makes contact with its body. If luck presents itself the beast will peek between the door and the doorframe, no hesitation should take place in regards to ramming door to stationary object. Ooze and blood trails will indicate success.

I’m sure there are many, many more utensils, tools and common every day items that can work to fight off a zombie infestation.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you have any suggestions of items you’d like to add to the list?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Movies II

Posted on July 8, 2013July 8, 2013 by Jack Flacco

In April, I featured a post for Monday Mayhem called Zombie Movies. Many of my readers enjoyed the films I had chosen, adding their own suggestions to the list of works I could highlight for a future post. Well, this is the future post. As part of this list, I’m including two new entries to the zombie genre. One film had released late last year to positive reviews and the other is still in theaters. Don’t worry I won’t give away any spoilers.

World War Z—For us zombie lovers, this movie, by far, is the movie of the year. Still playing in theaters, still making money and still thrilling audiences over, the story is the brainchild of Max Brooks, son to funnyman Mel Brooks who directed Young Frankenstein, another movie about a dead guy coming back to life, but in a more affable state (yes—that was one long sentence). Although the movie is nothing like the book, the film features something other zombie movies have only hinted, fast zombies. I’m talking about freaks of nature you’d dare not mess with. The movie itself is an instant classic benefiting from multiple viewings. There’s just too much to absorb in a single viewing.

28 Weeks Later

28 Weeks Later—The Rage virus that ravaged London took its toll in 28 Days Later. Six months later, the U.S. army gets involved in the quarantine of the city and the rebuilding process. Little does anyone know a carrier of the virus enters the city limits and aids in the final decimation of the population. Believe me, if you’ve seen the first movie, this second one is much of the same. The enjoyment of this film is watching how good intentions cause the greatest misery.

Dawn of the Dead—In this original George A. Romero 1978 vehicle, the zombies had less intelligence and moved slower. One could duck and crawl to safety without worrying the zombies will catch their victim. The big thing about these zombies is their tenacity. Once one of them finds a human, you’d best be sure a crowd would soon follow. It’s also a joy seeing how the survivors manage to handle their situation in a closed and confined area, a mall. The funniest segment, though, has to be the precious scene where the survivors hunt zombies to the rhythm of circus music (merry-go-round music).

Night of the Living Dead—First of all, this movie is incredibly low budget. Mind you, this is not a bad thing. For the Sixties, there were many big budget bombs, and when this movie hit the scene, no one knew what to make of it. The general premise has the recently deceased rise due to satellite radiation. The dead attack a barn, rather, the people in the barn, as they attempt to get at the victims’ brains. Another George A. Romero film, which some consider started the zombie tales, myths and legends of old. Forty-five years later, no true zombie fan should miss this zombie classic.

Return of the Living Dead—The movie’s catch phrase should tell you the whole story, “They’re back from the grave and ready to party!” This is a movie for a Friday night with lots of friends, snacks and conversation. It’s worth watching for its B-movie entertainment value. This time, the zombies rise from a deadly gas accidentally released by a couple of bumbling medical supply warehouse employees.

Warm Bodies—Not wanting to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen it, this is the zombie genre’s answer to Twilight. Kind of like Romeo & Juliet, teenagers in love, having nothing but their whole life ahead of them. Can it be any sweeter? It could, if it weren’t for all the zombies getting in the way.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Can you think of other zombie movies I could have included in the list?

Monday Mayhem

Fast Zombies

Posted on June 24, 2013June 24, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Now that World War Z is part of movie history, perhaps this is a good time to have a heart to heart talk. I don’t think I’m spoiling anything if I were to ask a simple question. Some folks might have their opinions, and quite frankly, I’m interested in hearing what those opinions are. After all, I write my Monday Mayhem series hoping to understand what you, the audience, finds exciting about zombies.

Therefore, without further delay, here’s my question: What do you think of fast zombies?

You didn’t really think I’d pass up the opportunity to discuss these speed demons, did you? They’re a terror to the masses. They flock like birds evading a predator. Only, they are the predators. I would find it horrifying if one would come after me. But fifty? A hundred? A thousand? Time to bring out the big guns.

As many of you probably know, and if you’ve read me long enough, I’m a lover of old school zombies. I enjoy seeing them lurch, drag, lumber their way from one corridor to the next in close proximity to where humans become their main dish. Not much goes on in their deteriorating puss sacks except for a few thoughts, which is possibly instinct anyway. Where’s the food? Need the food. Eat food. It would be quite a challenge when two of these belly suckers have their victim trapped, one at the foot of the stairs as another makes its way down, all the while the victim says their prayers, smack dab in the middle, of course.

I suppose the reason for these slow encounters in the past had to do with how Hollywood shot zombies back then. Unless A-list stars took top billing in projects, budgets for these films remained as close to a shoestring as possible. Even more so, if a movie did have an A-list star attached to the project, the film wouldn’t guarantee a heavy reliance on special effects to get their point across. The audience was different back in the Sixties and Seventies, folks could sit through a two and a half hour movie where the characters do nothing but talk.

To pile more stuff on the DNR table, technology back then did not permit super-fast zombies to exist either. So even if a smart producer were to have said they could see zombies that could sprint the streets and crash into trucks like stampeding elephants, studios wouldn’t know how to present such a scenario. They would have needed the imagination of Steven Spielberg to aid in the quest to bring these creatures to life. But Spielberg was too busy making sharks look larger than life than to worry about making zombies fast.

Brad vs. The Zombie (photo credit: Plan B)

Anyway, that’s my two-paragraph Hollywood history lesson I didn’t mean to write yet appeared in an edited stream of consciousness writing session. What was my point again? Oh, yes. I like slow zombies.

Then I Am Legend made its debut. Already I hear the sharpening of the knives. Yes, I know these creatures are vampires—in. the. book. The movie however, makes no distinction. The audience can look at these creatures as vampires. Alternatively, they can look at them as zombies. It’s entirely open for interpretation. Nevertheless, the point being, these creatures are super-fast, able to crash into cars with very little damage to themselves, and leap, dash, plummet in bounds. Not much different from the zombies in World War Z, right?

Now, I have to admit something. I like fast zombies too. I think, hadn’t it been for today’s special effects, fast zombies wouldn’t have been possible. Stories with these undead involve being out in the open with them chasing after you. Hollywood has the technology to do it now. And, well, I’m kind of embracing it knowing there’s an infinitely vast potential of story left to watch from the movie studios featuring these rambunctious creatures.

Those are my thoughts on the subject.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

What do you think of fast zombies?

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