Posted in Monday Mayhem

Why do Zombies Eat Brains?

The film The Return of the Living Dead pioneered the popular idea of zombies eating brains. Prior to this concept, zombies had an appetite for anything human, not just brains. For my new readers, this is Monday Mayhem where I talk about zombies. And other stuff. But mostly zombies.

The Human Brain
The Human Brain

In the movie Warm Bodies, the main character, a zombie named R, kills a man, cracks open his head and scoops out a vast portion of his brain to consume on the spot. R saves some for later. The film does a good job presenting a seamless string of memories from the victim’s brain as if it were streaming through R’s rot-laden head. R feels that much more human when taking in the victim’s memories. Here’s what R thinks:

“There’s a lot of ways to get to know a person. Eating her dead boyfriend’s brains is one of the more unorthodox methods.”

But is that the real reason why zombies eat brains?

Modern day zombies breed from a virus. The typical contagion seeps through the blood of the victim, changing their composition thereby rendering them undead. The term undead means the victim died and rose from the dead. Classic zombies sport a morbid, pasty look, their eyes dull and their clothes shredded. They are shells of their former selves with nothing in their hearts and minds other than the craving for human flesh. Not much different from the folks you meet on Twitter’s Direct Messaging.

The Brain
The Brain

This craving is the key to zombiehood. For those unsure, zombies eat the flesh not to survive, but to satisfy an inner hunger born from becoming undead. Even if the zombie has its stomach removed, the craving exists, which makes it all the more vicious since its hunger originates not from self-preservation but from malicious intent bent on destroying humans or propagating the zombie virus.

Regardless of knowing this, we still need an explanation as to why zombies eat brains.

Before The Return of the Living Dead made its debut, zombies only consumed human flesh. But once the movie came out, the modern version of a legend rose from its frames. All of a sudden, zombies ate brains.

Why?

Nothing could be simpler: Brains provide zombies with the necessary endorphins to dull the pain of Rigor Mortis brought about by decomposition. The more brains, the less pain. In some ways, zombies get a high consuming the delicacy. And with that idea in mind, is it a wonder no one thought of it sooner?

A Note of Thanks

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE shot to #5 last night on Amazon’s Horror Best Sellers list here in Canada. Check out who the top 5 horror authors are in Canada:

#1 Stephen King
#2 Dean Koontz
#3 Stephen King
#4 Eric Tozzi
#5 Jack Flacco

The book’s also hit #420 on the Amazon Best Sellers Rank on Amazon.ca.

It’s also tracking as #6 for both Best Sellers in Children’s Horror books and ebooks.

And #3 on the Hot New Releases in Horror Fiction.

Finally, #1 on the Hot New Releases list in Children’s Horror.

I’m in shock. I wouldn’t have imagined it possible that something like this would have happened. I’m sincerely grateful for all those who have reviewed my book prior to release. I thank all those who have thrown me kind words my way these past few weeks. And I can only say that you—the audience—have made this book a success. I’m now without words.

Thank you again, everybody.

Did you know that zombies eating brains is a recent concept originating from The Return of the Living Dead?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Sounds

Whenever I watch a zombie movie, the very first thing I notice is the sounds emanating from those vile beasts. If I hear cricking and cracking, then I know I have a winner on my hands. It’s those movies where the undead lurch but remain silent that I think why hadn’t the director thought of what real corpses sound like and insert those effects into the picture. Monday Mayhem is all about zombies, and today I want to spend some time on zombie sounds. Sounds weird, doesn’t it?

My town's cemetery
My town’s cemetery

In my previous posts Rising from the Dead and Indestructible Zombies I detail the various states of human decomposition. One of the phases that a body goes through once it dies is Rigor Mortis. In this state, the body stiffens to the point of rigidity whereby muscles harden and become difficult to move by an external force. Alfred Hitchcock’s Frenzy depicts a perfect example where someone attempts to compel a body to do what it can no longer do due to stiffening. In Frenzy’s case, the murderer attempts to retrieve a lost object but then has difficulty doing so because of the body’s inability to bend like it did when alive.

That’s why the movie The Mummy has a certain appeal. Throughout the entire film, the mummy, which is nothing more than a glorified zombie, cricks, cracks, spurts, and oozes all sorts of noises toward its transformation to becoming human again. Why don’t all zombie movies sound like that?

My town's cemetery at twilight
My town’s cemetery at twilight

Imagine if you will a horde of the undead giving chase. You hear the dragging. You hear the hauling. You hear the moaning. Wouldn’t it be all the more terrifying to hear their bones snapping back and forth on their way to making their victim their supper?

There’s a saying: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. What if the saying went: Where there’s cricking and cracking, they’re zombies. Wouldn’t that be something?

I suppose the sound of zombie cartilage readjusting is impossible in a movie where a virus takes over the victim. After all, depending on the virus, the victim hasn’t really died—at least not in the traditional sense of the word. They’ve only changed to become movable corpses. And if an antidote exists for zombies in the form of changing them back to their former selves, then by all accounts, they never really died in the first place.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

If they never died, there’s no opportunity to make the sounds I wish they could make. The only way that could happen is if zombies rise three hours after death just when Rigor Mortis had set.

Then again, zombies could rise during that sweet moment after death with bodies unaffected by the decomposition phase. In that instance, you will not hear them coming. In a sense, they could appear and eat you while you’re still alive.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather hear them coming.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What do you think? Should future zombie movies have the undead sounding like an army of breaking bones as they march for the attack? Or would you fear them more silent?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

The Walking Dead: Zombie Names

Doesn’t it feel good to know there’s a comfortable place to relax when all hell breaks loose? Now that The Walking Dead is back on the air serving pleasant meals of Horror with a side dish of dark humor, wouldn’t it be nice to know what those names for those zombies actually mean?

The Walking Dead Season 4
The Walking Dead Season 4

Monday Mayhem is my series where I delve into all things zombie in order to gain a better understanding of the undead’s wicked ways. If this is your first time here, enjoy my back catalogue of zombie posts tailored specifically for the genre. If you want to see something in the future, drop me a line. I do take requests.

Okay, let’s have some fun!

One of the coolest aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead is the show’s ability to entertain their audience with trivial things. In this case, names the writers choose to describe zombies. They could have gone and called them zombies, but you’ll never hear that. In fact, here’s a challenge: Find an instance in the show where any of the survivors refer to a zombie as a zombie. You won’t find it. What you will find, though, is a list of euphemisms to describe a zombie’s principal attribute.

The Walking Dead Cast
The Walking Dead Cast

What are they? I thought you’d never ask.

Walkers—These are the garden-variety zombies most often seen in the show. The virus transformed them from productive humans to deceased corpses with no other intent other than eat other humans. In a zombie horde, walkers make up the bulk of the frenzied mass.

Lurkers—A common name for zombies that have sustained a massive injury that prevents them from walking. These are the most dangerous because upon approach they seem dead yet can pounce at any time. They tend to grab hold of the victim and munch on a limb thereby spreading the virus, making the victim one of them.

Meat Puppets—The name given to zombies whose intelligence is so low that survivors consider them nothing more than mindless puppets of meat.

Floaters—Of all the zombies, these are the ones most pollutant to the environment. We can find them in the water either stuck somewhere or floating. Should survivors attempt to steer these beasts away, a mighty explosion may occur that’d dismember the floater and spill its entrails. Not fun when survivors need to travel the waterway corridor to get to the other side.

Roamers—They do nothing other than hunt for humans to devour. Much of the roamers’ days transpire with nothing more than lurching back and forth between feeding grounds. They’re main attribute is an insatiable appetite.

The list goes on: Biters, creepers, dead ones, empties, deadies, geeks, monsters, ghouls, goons, lame-brains, psychos, swimmers, and wanderers. I’m sure you can find more.

Nevertheless, what I’ve described are the dominant ones in the show. If you do know of any more, don’t hesitate to comment. I’m sure the folks looking for a thorough compendium to the show’s creativity would appreciate it.

Do you enjoy watching The Walking Dead? What is your favorite part of the show? Did you know about all the names the survivors have for the zombies?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Indestructible Zombies

Let’s talk about something serious for a change, something that has been on my mind since the summer. If I could call it a great disturbance in the force, I would. But then I would have to admit surrendering to the dark side for taking the Star Wars universe out of context. Okay, so I’ll call it a logic problem. Then again, that may prove too pointed of a statement. How about this for Monday Mayhem: Since when have zombies become indestructible?

World War Z's Brad Pitt as Gerry Lane
World War Z’s Brad Pitt as Gerry Lane

I’m a huge fan of World War Z, and for those folks who have read my stuff since the beginning, you will know I’m also a fan of George A. Romero’s zombies. You know the ones, slow, dragging, lurching, not much intelligence. What they lack in aptitude they make up in multitude. In other words, they may be slow, but if they corner you in an alley with no way out, it’s lights out for Thursday night bowling—permanently.

It took a while for me to warm up to the notion zombies could run at the pace of a Kenyan sprinter. I attribute the sudden surge in velocity to an adrenalin rush fostered by the zombie virus, whatever that zombie virus might be. I accept it. It would also account for the incredible behavior change in the undead’s muscle stability and lack of flaccidity. Add to the laundry list a slow decomposition rate instead of the typical mortis states, and we have the making of fast zombies.

I’m okay with that idea. It makes logical sense.

World War Z's destroyed cities
World War Z’s destroyed cities

Where things start getting out of hand is seeing zombies crash into immovable objects at blunt-force-trauma speeds. When a head attempts several times to smash through a windshield, wouldn’t said head sport a few scars of the incident? Perhaps a concussion or two? Even more so, if a zombie attempts to scale a massive wall and other zombies use its body as a footstool, wouldn’t it be fair in saying said zombie would break a few bones in the process of its journey? And how about after scaling the wall, which I’m assuming thirty feet high, wouldn’t the zombies plunging to the other side land on the ground in a big huge splat?

Guide me here, folks. Sometimes I miss things along the way. I’m willing to suspend disbelief up to a point, but when the laws of physics run amok in a film—a zombie film, not a superhero comic book film—I’m not sure if I can accept the latest twist in zombie resilience. Anyone have a reasonable explanation for the undead’s sudden ability to fend off broken bones, torn ligaments, shattered faces and lack of rotting in World War Z?

So many questions, so little time.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

What’s your reaction to World War Z’s superhero zombies?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs

In Latest News: Jack Flacco presents RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE jacket reveal.

Since today’s a long weekend for most of North America, I thought I’d take it easy on you and play a little game of zombie what ifs. The way it works is I give you a scenario and you tell me the solution. It’s more like a “What if you see a zombie in the street staring at you, what do you do?” type of thing. I figure we all need a break from my regular analytical Monday Mayhem posts and what better way to do that than to enjoy some dark humor.

Zombie Permit
Zombie Permit

Are you ready? Let’s go!

Scenario #1: You’re in your kitchen. A zombie walks in brandishing its yellow-stained teeth and measuring you for its next luncheon. It slowly creeps toward you with hunger in its eyes and a drooling mouth. There’s no way out. What do you do?

My answer: Grab a fork from the utensil drawer, poke its eye out, and while it’s wailing in misery, run past it.

Scenario #2: You’re in a long hallway with two zombies chasing you to a dead end. You have one bullet in your gun. What do you do?

My answer: I’ll attempt to line them up and hope one bullet will pass through both skulls.

Quarantine
Quarantine

Scenario #3: You’re staring at your friend through the window of a gas station as two zombies surround him ready to pounce. He has a gun, but he’s out of bullets. Your gun is the same make and model as his, and your bullets fit his gun. What do you do?

My answer: Crash in there and shoot the crap out of the offending beasts. Anyone who messes with my friends messes with me.

Scenario #4: You’re alone with a zombie. There’s a shotgun in the middle of the room on the table. The zombie is one of those fast zombies. No matter what you do, it matches your moves and can even climb the table if you let it. One door in the background is your only escape. It’s smart, and it will chase after you if you even think of escaping. What do you do?

My answer: If I go for the gun, it might attack me. If I go for the door, it might tackle me and I will probably not make it. Right now, I don’t have an answer.

Scenario #5: Your friend is hanging on to dear life from the edge of a cliff. If you don’t rescue him soon, he’ll lose his grip and plummet one hundred feet to his death. One problem, though. A horde of zombies is marching toward you. There’s a road to escape on your right. What do you do?

My answer: This is a hard one. If you stay behind to help your friend, you may lose your life by becoming the main dish of a zombie feast. If you take off on the road to freedom, you’re leaving your friend to the gnawing jowls of the undead. Like I said, this is a hard one. Even I don’t know what to do in this predicament.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you have any scenarios you’d like to share?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Immortality

I get a kick writing about zombies. Unlike their vampire horror counterparts, I find the whole zombie genre fascinating. However, I dare not draw a direct comparison between zombies and vampires, even though at times one would be hard-pressed not doing so. Perhaps one day I can write about the transformation of the vampire genre in our modern age. But not today. Today, I’d like to add to my Monday Mayhem series the immortal nature of zombies.

Infinity
Infinity

When I think of zombies, I think of them as these non-stop, eating machines. In a past post, I’ve compared them to sharks. They hunt and feed. Nothing else. Their makeup is of the design of wanting to fulfill the emptiness felt within. They lurch back and forth, hauling their limbs from one caustic kill to another. Their only enemy being us, humans, who also happen to be their main meal.

Before zombies grew to become these grease-lightening, run-for-your-life, all-consuming creatures, as seen in World War Z, zombie fans only had George A. Romero’s biblical-like telling of how zombies should behave.

They had to drag. They had to moan. And they had to appear as if a truck ran over them. Several times, in fact. Their head tilted to one side became their trademark.

Yet, in all this, what does it mean? Every so often, I’ll add my two cents to the zombie coffers in an attempt to demystify the legends from fact. I’ll give an opinion regarding zombie origins, diseases, curses, events, possible apocalypse scenarios, and the like. I’ll delve into the science behind today’s zombie blitzkrieg, the whys and wherefores. The question remains though, what does it all mean?

If you will, allow me a few moments to lend you my take of what zombies represent in our culture. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I believe my opinion is ready for some good ol’ fashioned primetime critique.

Dust
Dust

I believe zombies represent humanity’s desire to capture the idea of wanting to live forever. This is not a new concept in the zombie genre. It’s been around a long time in the vampire realm, but for zombies, no one really talks about it. Who wants to? Do you want to see a zombie live forever? Uh-uh, not me. Not in my backyard. But, the implication is there. Zombies and humans have a limited shelf life. Both eventually will die and return to dust.

You might ask how can I know this? Look around. We have spas for rejuvenating vitality, convincing ourselves we can reverse the process of aging. Oils and lotions to keep our faces from losing collagen, so our skin won’t sag to our chest in our retirement years. We run, swim, bike, walk in hopes we can keep the heart pumping to an optimal level in order to avoid a massive coronary or fatal aneurysm. Our commercials tell us we’ll lose twenty pounds from our figure if we consume their products. It’ll make us look young and we’d be able to attract those much younger than us of the opposite sex. How young do we need to regress? Will we be satisfied if we have a magic cure-all to find ourselves back in our mother’s womb?

It’s a craving we have for youth similar to a zombie’s craving for human flesh. In a zombie’s case, no matter how much meat it eats, it will continue to rot until it dies a miserable death. Not much different from humans, really. We can shoot a man to the moon and back but we can’t find a cure for aging.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you think zombies represent humanity’s plight against getting old? Can you think of anything else zombies might represent?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Classic Films Zombie Style

I love action movies, and now that World War Z has proven the undead belong in Hollywood A-list films, I’m excited to see where the next crop of fast zombies will appear. However, the beasts shouldn’t show up just anywhere. Producers and directors should think about expanding the zombie universe by perhaps including these creatures in remakes of multi-million dollar hits. Yes, it’s a stretch, but imagine what fun it could be.

Obi Wan Kenobi Zombified
Obi Wan Kenobi Zombified

For my Monday Mayhem series, I’ve explored this idea before with my posts Classic Literature Zombie Style and Classic Literature Zombie Style II, adding the undead to such classic tales as Sherlock Holmes, Alice in Wonderland, and Romeo & Juliet.

Yet I’ve never done it with movies.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Below are three movies I think would be interesting to watch as remakes with a zombie twist. No one can say no one has ever thought of this. Let’s have some fun!

Jurassic Zombieland—In a remote island off the coast of Costa Rica, the government is conducting experiments in dinosaur cloning. Preliminary successes yielded the birth of Triceratops, Apatosaurus and the formidable Tyrannosaurus Rex. But something goes horribly wrong. Human DNA accidentally creeps into a Velociraptor gene pool and the next batch of clones pops out as stillborns, half-dinosaur and half-human. Before scientists could purge the dead batch, the legion of Zombiesaurus spring to life, eat the humans then battle for island supremacy against the other dinosaurs. Who wouldn’t want to visit this as a theme park?

Star Wars: Attack of the Zombies—A virus is taking hold of the planet Naboo rendering all Gungans as zombies. When Gungan Ambassador Jar Jar Binks appears before the Galactic Senate, unaware he’s a carrier of the dreaded disease, he infects half of the senators. Palpatine, whose clear ambition is to wrestle control from the senate in order to become all-encompassing ruler, requests aid from the Jedi to eradicate the Gungans. While the Jedi are away, he proclaims himself emperor and uses the virus as grounds to destroy the senate with his newly formed clone army. All would have gone according to plan except for one thing—Palpatine himself turns into a zombie.

Indiana Jones zombified by MK Luis
Indiana Jones zombified by MK Luis

Zombies of the Lost Ark—On an archeological expedition to unearth the ark of the covenant, Indiana Jones travels to Egypt where he encounters an army of the undead ravaging Cairo. Unbeknownst to Indy, the golden idol he had stolen weeks before from a temple in South America carried with it a curse. Whoever possesses the idol ten days after its removal from the temple would have a zombie plague unleashed on him and all those in his charge. Indy’s arch nemesis, René Belloq, has fallen under that plague, and now is wreaking havoc throughout the Middle East. Will Jones find the Ark in time before the great apocalypse spreads further?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you have any other movies you’d like to see zombified? How do you like the idea of E.T. as a zombie?