Posted in Monday Mayhem

A Zombie Christmas

The most interesting part about this season is not so much about seeing generosity spreading like a contagion among shoppers, as one would hope, but is about seeing how crowds run amok in the aisles in a senseless quest to attain the unattainable. I say interesting because it reminds me of something else that runs amok seeking the unattainable. If you guessed the zombie horde, then I will have to agree.

A Zombie Christmas
A Zombie Christmas

When I look at the situations, there really isn’t much difference. Christmas shoppers will stand at the doors waiting for them to open, they will stampede as a group and some in the crowd will hope they will get their hands on the spoil that has called them to defy logic in an effort to satisfy an inner need.

Now, take a look at the zombie horde. It, too, will stand at the door, in some cases, pounding to get in. Once the doors open, as one unit, it rushes through the door in hopes of capturing that which it has sensed as its need—human.

Strange how this season brings out the best in people.

The perfect zombie Christmas present.
The perfect zombie Christmas present.

I’ve noticed this happening online, too. A large electronic manufacturer will have a sale of merchandise, yet, in limited quantities. The ads purport the sale will begin at the stroke of midnight. The crowd eagerly anticipates the timing. Only a handful for sale, but that’s okay, everyone in the crowd believes the item will be in one of their hands. However, the reality is further from the truth. At exactly one minute after midnight, the item is no longer available.

If I were part of that crowd, then I will have been one of those wanting an explanation. Why the hook to bring in the horde? Why so few for so many? Why not introduce further victims into the fray by releasing more stock to the waiting throng.

Doesn’t this season bring out the best in people?

Let’s go deeper—the parking lots. The day before Christmas, all of a sudden the mall parking lot becomes ground zero for the battle of the century. If zombies existed, they are the ones driving the cars in hopes of finding a spot. They drive around several times with the belief of attaining the unattainable, a free spot. And once a free spot becomes available, like a hornets’ nest stirred to anger, cars swoop in for the kill. Only one is lucky enough to grab the spot, but not without a fight. Necks bulge. Fists shake. The lucky one is lucky to make it out of his car alive.

Ah, isn’t Christmas wonderful? Like obedient zombies looking for their next meal, shoppers flood the malls and online retailer with the belief they can attain the unattainable. Of course, a lucky few do walk out of the store with their prized item. But, for what? For the item to be forgotten in a chest somewhere a year later?

Maybe we’re not too different from the zombies after all.

Get the Ranger Martin trilogy now!

What do you think of the Christmas shopping season? Have you noticed the horde stampeding through doors?

Posted in Freedom Friday


Since it’s Freedom Friday and since it’s the end of the week for some of us, I thought I’d treat you to some fun—the best kind of fun—fun at the expense of others. Anyone watch America’s Funniest Home Videos? Well, that’s not the fun I had in mind. I’m talking about the comments I sometimes receive from these automated spam machines in the comments area of my posts.

SPAM on my keyboard
SPAM on my keyboard

Oh, I got your attention, I see.

We all get them, some more than others do. I’m talking about comments falling in our moderation queue that attempt to sell us overpriced shoes, gaudy jewelry, and even try to fish us into believing they like our posts. You don’t have to admit anything. I’ve fallen for a couple myself believing they were legitimate until I’d discovered that once I’d released one spam on my blog, a flood of them appeared overnight as I frantically pressed the delete key to get rid of them all.

This is the type of stuff I get in my comments queue awaiting my moderation:

“I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This post posted at this website is actually good.” ~Wedding Planner

Where do I start? First, you’re missing “a”, as in “a regular reader”. If you want to sell me stuff, learn proper grammar. Second, “how are you everybody?” Should I worry at one time in my life you’ve spoken with one of my schizophrenic personalities I didn’t know I had? Third, “This post posted”, yeah, I got it. You don’t have to be redundant about it.

“I really like what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and exposure! Keep up the terrific works guys I’ve included you guys to our blogroll.” ~Free Sex Chat

SPAM hitting us in the face
SPAM hitting us in the face

You guys? Again you’re trying to convince me I’m schizophrenic. I’m one guy, Jack. Get it right. “This type of clever work and exposure!” Whoo-hoo! I can feel your excitement but I have no clue what you’re talking about. Does the term complete sentence mean anything to you? “Keep up the terrific works guys…” Much like the Wedding Planner dude, you also seem to have a problem with grammar.

“Thіs post is in fact a good one it assists new web people, who aree wishing for blogging.” ~Buy Followers

Seriously, I have no clue as to what you’re trying to say to me. I’m lost.

And I’ve saved the best for last.

“Someone necessarilу lend a hand to make significantly articles I might state. That is the first time I frequentеd yoսr website pazge and so far? I amazed with the analysis you maԁe to create this particular publish incredible. Great actiνity!” ~Promo

I’m considering I may actually need another personality after reading your comment. Oh, look, it’s kicking in now—neener nanny, neener nanny, neener nanny.

Nowadays, I don’t even look at my spam queue—well, I had to for this post, but you can blame it on my other personalities. With over two hundred of these messages I receive over the course of a few days, I don’t have time to sift through the chaos to determine what is good and what is bad. I certainly do get a laugh out of the ones I do receive though, and the messages equally provide many hours of amusement at the expense of the spammers.


Have you received spam email? What was the funniest one you received?