Monday Mayhem – Page 16 – Looking to God

Zombification

Posted on February 10, 2014February 12, 2014 by Jack Flacco

My Monday Mayhem series has had its share of interesting moments. For instance, my Classic Films Zombie Style theme explores popular movies with a zombie twist. Same goes for Classic Literature Zombie Style, except the theme works with popular books. The other theme is my Zombie What Ifs where I pose various zombie scenarios and your job is to escape the horde.

Today, I’d like to introduce a new theme that I thought might spark a few ideas for all you artists out there. I’m simply going to call it Zombification for lack of a better term. I will feature pop culture icons rendered as zombies. Perhaps, I’ll even add a few anecdotes to lighten the mood, but we’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, here are this week’s picks:

Charlie Brown—Who doesn’t like the Peanuts gang? I grew up with them. Granted, it’s a far cry from A Charlie Brown Christmas but a zombie Charlie Brown makes for an interesting cartoon, don’t you think? Imagine the whole Peanuts crew succumbing to a persistent virus that in turn makes them eat the townsfolk. I’d buy the Blu-Ray, for sure. Nothing quite like introducing a little anarchy where the protagonist ascends to the top of the food chain.

Super Mario—I wonder what Mario would do if instead of collecting coins he’d have an express mandate to collect body parts. It shouldn’t be any different from what it is now. After all, he is collecting hearts, so what big difference would it make if he collected a set of lungs, kidneys or a liver? I think we should all request Nintendo to replace all collectibles with limbs. Wouldn’t that make the game interesting? Gory, but interesting.

Superman—Since we’re on the topic of supers, how about Superman finding a malignant chunk of kryptonite that renders him Superzombie? Then again, the likelihood of him crashing through a brick wall would be remote. If anything, Superzombie would careen toward a stationary object and the impact alone would have him land with a big huge splat. Not good, considering he should be the most powerful zombie in the world. What chance would we have?

Batman—The Caped Zombie. Yeah, I can see that happening. The Joker himself would run for his life. No more Batmobile, Batcave or, in fact, Bat-anything. In its place we’d have the Zombmobile, Zombcave and a crowd of the undead roaming about under Bruce Wayne’s mansion.

Marvel Superheroes—I couldn’t choose one Marvel superhero, so I decided to choose them all. There are just too many to look at on their own. I’m sure I’ll do it someday, but not this time. Let’s enjoy them all for now and hope they don’t become real. I mean, could you see a day when Spider-Man spins this creepy web resembling internal digestive organs? I know I can’t.

Your turn, hunt and scavenge. If you have any characters you’d like to see zombified, post the idea here. I may choose your character as a highlight for the next go around.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you have any zombified characters you would like to share? Which character or who would you like to see zombified?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Insects

Posted on February 3, 2014February 5, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Ever hear of zombie bees? Me neither. I didn’t know about them until my wife sent me an article posted on Facebook featuring these unfortunate creatures. For a while there, I thought it was a joke. You know the kind, “Two-Headed Dog Discovered in Ecuador.” But after having read the blurb, I knew I had stumbled upon something different. And different is what Monday Mayhem is all about.

Honeybee [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the GNU Free Documentation License]

In a nutshell, the behavior of these bees is nothing short of zombie. They fly around without a sense of direction, veer toward the light, then drop to the ground wandering as would the undead. No two ways about it, something wicked happened to these bees.

Scientists call the flies Apocephalus borealis. What they are really is parasites that latch on to European honeybees, laying their eggs and causing nothing but chaos to these gentle insects of nature. As the eggs grow, the bees lose their ability to control their motor muscles. Once the eggs hatch, the bees die.

Reminiscent of the movie Alien where the creature inhabits the body of its host until such time that it explodes in a birth of gory proportions, the parasite’s eggs reside in the bee’s body and feeds on its host’s nutrients.

Discovered in Maine in the 1920s, the parasite had infested yellow jacket hornets and bumblebees. This is the first time these critters have ventured to attack honeybees.

Ophiocordyceps unilateralis [Photo Credit: Used in accordance with the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic license]

This is not the first time insects have exhibited traces of zombie-like behavior. For instance, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is a parasitoidal fungus infecting ants, altering their behavior, killing them to feed off their dead bodies. This dreaded organism infects the ant causing the insect to wander around disoriented until it hooks its mandibles to the stem of a plant and dies. The fungus then grows from the remains to reproduce spores that will eventually infect other ants, thereby continuing the cycle.

What makes the fungus so fascinating is how it infects the ant by invading the cuticles and consuming the non-vital tissues much like a yeast infection. As the infection spreads to the brain, the ant begins to convulse, dropping from its canopy and losing the ability to control its muscle functions. At this point, the ant becomes a zombie, slave to the infection that inhabits its body. The infection leads the ant to a suitable plant where it causes it to lock its jaws on one of the veins of a leaf and die a miserable death.

It gets better. Whole ant colonies have died due to the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis infection. The cure? There isn’t one. Fossil leaf from the Messel Pit in Germany indicates the fungus may have been around for more than 48 million years. That’s a long time for something to have outlasted extinction. Nonetheless, the ant colonies’ only recourse has been to drag the infected from populated areas in order for them to die alone, away from the multitude.

Perhaps there’s a lesson there for all of us.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Have you ever heard of the Apocephalus borealis parasite or the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis fungus?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Fight

Posted on January 27, 2014January 29, 2014 by Jack Flacco

After having watched The Book of Eli for the umpteenth time over the weekend, I’ve concluded if we want to survive the zombie apocalypse, we’ll have to change our approach in how we should defend ourselves. As part of my Monday Mayhem series, I’m going to examine various strategies against zombies, specifically, those that will get us killed and those that may very well save our lives.

Guns and the undead seem to go well together. A zombie shows up at the door and our first instinct, if we’re armed, is to shoot it in the head. This is a good tactic with one belly muncher after you. But what if a dozen or more of these vile rat bags surround the house? Then what? Unless we’re expert sharpshooters guaranteeing every shot lands a bullet in the dragger’s head, we’ll eventually run out of ammo. I’d say the situation calls for another tactic in our fight against the plague of humanity.

Yes, but some say, we can always use vehicles against the horde. What we don’t kill with guns, we can squash with trucks, tanks and jeeps. True. However, how far would we get? Knowing trucks, tanks and jeeps need fuel, we’ll have a limited supply to fend off those gut churners. That’s taking into consideration gas pumps will become obsolete given the lack of electricity. After all, those electrical workers will have changed to become part of the eaters, leaving the grid unattended, thereby promoting power outages.

Now, I’ll give credit to where credit is due: We can build a massive wall to keep the crowd at bay. It’s a great idea on paper. Build the walls high enough that nothing can climb over it. Genius, really. The question then surfaces, how will we feed the people? Will we have farms to provide for the masses? Will we have walls high enough to protect the crops also? If so, how will we defend them? What if a breach occurs, what will be our DRP (Disaster Recovery Plan)? We’re talking about having had the knowledge the zombie apocalypse was coming and having had the foresight to build the walls. That’s what I call a pretty good guess. Yet, it still doesn’t answer any of my questions. Allow me to make my concern even plainer, so you know I haven’t gone crazy—how long before anyone begins to starve behind those walls?

Well then, how about the world’s oceans? No way would those brain feeders have a chance against us if we plant massive bases in the middle of the ocean. Again, let’s think about this for a second. Depending on the amount of people residing on those bases, how do we feed them all? Right. We have yet to come up with a solution to the food dilemma.

Here’s an idea, we could use nuclear weapons against them, haul them into a stadium and blow them to where there’s no tomorrow. Of course I’m being sarcastic.

No, I think the answer to all our questions lies in ancient history. If history has taught us anything, it’s that armies with a strategy, no matter how small, will win against much larger foes.

Perhaps it’s time to bring back the blacksmiths and reintroduce swords in the hands of the agile. Forget about guns, they’re paperweights. Train the soldiers to become proficient in close quarter combat. Lead the battles out of the cities. Strip the forests for spears and use them against the oncoming threat in the open field. Raise up a cavalry decked in armor and plow the multitude until their blood runs as rivers soaking the land. Let the motto “No guts, No glory” dance on the lips of every soldier leading a charge.

As for the food? Build farms with wide fences surrounding the spoil. Position sentries high in the clouds with archers standing at the ready. Create an infantry of knights to defend the crops. Allow none of the maggot chewers to pass.

Then you will see, in the end, we will win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Will fighting zombies with swords and spears lead to victory?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie What Ifs III

Posted on January 20, 2014January 28, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Lock your doors. Board your windows. Run and hide. This week’s Monday Mayhem series post brings you another Zombie What Ifs segment designed to challenge all you would-be undead slayers. If you haven’t worked through the first or second parts, no worries, you can have fun any ol’ way you want. Remember one thing—there isn’t any right answer to these. The point is to have fun, enjoy the moment and allow your creativity to run free.

How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: Trapped in a locked car, windows rolled to the top and the keys having slipped to the floor of the passenger side, you dive for them. That very moment, one of the undead smashes through the passenger side window, and swipes its paws through the air to get at you. The keys are not on the floor as you originally had thought, but ended up under the passenger seat instead. What do you do, considering three more zombies are on their way and may smash through the other windows surrounding the car?

My Answer: Rise quickly, beat the tar out of the zombie’s face with the heel of my shoe, then dive for the keys hoping I’ll grab them in time before it attacks again.

Scenario #2: A horde of maggot bags chases you into the woods. You sprint, zigzag and find you haven’t lost them. In a desperate attempt to thwart their sensitive noses and ears, you find the carcass of a dead deer. A quarter of its torso is missing, but it gives you an idea. You saw it in a movie once. Do you squeeze into the remains of the deer in hopes the undead will pass you by or do you take your chances and keep running knowing sooner or later you may collapse from exhaustion?

My Answer: Keep running. No way would I want to slip into the guts of a dead deer.

Scenario #3: You run down the stairs to the hotel’s main lobby where you spot another group of undead waiting for you. You escape by making your way through the First Floor corridors rattling every door you encounter. All of them locked, you dash to the Fire Exit. Even there, another crowd awaits for its dinner—you. In a desperate move, you double-back pulling on all the doors again. Your luck changes when you find one of them unlocked. Sprinting inside you negotiate the adjacent rooms to fling the door open to the hotel’s indoor pool area. At this point, the gang of rotting flesh mongers plow through all the doors in the area, surrounding you. If you’re not a good swimmer, jumping into the pool will surely mean the death of you. But if you stay and try to outwit them, sooner or later you’ll get eaten alive. If you’re a good swimmer, eventually, you’ll tire and drown. What do you do?

My Answer: I’d rather drown.

Scenario #4: The mass chases you into a garage complete with a set a tools (ie. screwdrivers, hammers, a nail gun, compressed air, etc.) and a few parked cars, which were waiting for repairs. Do you stay behind and fight with the tools on hand or do you take a chance with one of the vehicles (keys are in the ignition)?

My Answer: I always go for the quickest way out—the cars.

Scenario #5: From the barn to the woods is a fifty-meter dash. You can make it, you think. Without a second thought, you run as fast and as hard as you can, hopping the wooden fence to make it to the open field. Twenty-five meters to go and from the woods you see them appear. First, there are twenty. Next, there are forty. By the time you finish your scream, a hundred of them have popped from the woods. You begin to run back to the barn, but it’s too late, the zombies that were chasing you earlier exited the barn with the smell of your flesh in their nostrils. Luckily, the farmers who had been working the field before the apocalypse left a hoe, a sickle and a scythe leaning against the fence. They’d also left the tractor with the keys in it, perhaps evidence zombies had attacked them right there. So, what’s your move? Keep running through the field hoping you won’t get caught? Stay and fight? Or do you try to hop on the tractor to see if it’ll start?

My Answer: Grab the sickle and run. I don’t know if I’ll lose valuable time attempting to start the tractor. I mean, I don’t even know how long it’s been out there.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

How did you do? What’s your best answer to any of the scenarios?

Monday Mayhem

An Open Letter to Zombies Everywhere

Posted on January 13, 2014March 21, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Dear Zombies,

Where do I start? I understand you’ve taken over the media. I understand you’ve taken the spotlight from the vampires. I understand that. I remember not too long ago when you dragged your feet, moaned as if you had ingested the most wonderful meal in the world and possessed the most demonic eyes on the planet. I know, I’ve written about you in my Monday Mayhem series.

Zombies [Photo Credit: In compliance with Wikipedia Common Licensing]

But that’s not why I’m writing. You see, I’ve noticed something—and I’m sure you can correct me with your indelible tabletop intelligence—you’ve changed. I don’t know how to explain it. I can describe it as a shift in your behavior. A modification in your genetic makeup. An alteration in your biological configuration. Whatever it is, I’m scared.

You have to understand, it takes a lot to scare me. I mean, I’ve seen The Exorcist umpteen times, The Omen and The Shining several other umpteen times, so I’m no slouch when it comes to the Horror genre. It takes quite a lot of to scare me. Granted, certain scenes in The Sixth Sense make me want to crawl under the sheets and suck my thumb like a little baby. So, yeah, you can say I get scared. But like I said, it takes a lot.

Also, you have to remember, I grew up watching Saturday Morning Cartoons where animators drew you as funny little characters with barely enough intellect to figure out where you belonged in the grand scheme of things. You don’t have to tell me about your history, I know it. Yes, even the voodoo incantations chanted in Haitian tribes to raise their dead. Talk about messed up.

Again, that doesn’t faze me. Not in the least.

Zombie [Photo Credit: In compliance with Wikipedia Common Licensing]

You know what really scares me? You know what keeps me awake staring at the bedroom window in the darkness of my room? What compels me to look over my shoulder in a lonely parking lot? What drives me to speed my pace walking from Main Street to my house on a cold winter night?

The virus. Your virus. It chills my bones to the marrow to think I can become one of you, one of the horde, one of the crowd, simply by a single bite from your infected mouth. It churns my gut to know this.

You know what else? I don’t like the fact that you are fast. I don’t have a chance. Since when did you become so fast to the point where you can crash cars from their spaces and dive on to your victims? You’ve become undefeatable. Should you flock as I’ve seen you do in many of the modern movies—we have no means to defend ourselves other than to hide as mice would from a cat hunting its prey.

And that’s not fair.

At least give us a hint of what we can do to create an antidote for your condition. At least give us a chance. We can’t outrun you. We can try. But you will win.

I liked you better when you were slow and punchy.

At least we had a chance.

Yours truly,

Jack Flacco

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Do you have anything you’d like to add as a P.S. to my open letter to the zombies?

Monday Mayhem

Zombie Apocalypse: Assumptions

Posted on January 6, 2014January 8, 2014 by Jack Flacco

What if everything we’ve read about the zombie apocalypse is true? What if there is a dreaded undead virus that will render the dead as living corpses, what then? What about all those movies about survival in the end times? Does this mean it would be wise for us to heed their advice and treat everyone as an enemy? As part of my Monday Mayhem series, let’s explore zombie apocalypse assumptions and determine if we really do have a chance or not.

Let’s assume a zombie apocalypse is possible. That somewhere in this finite world we call earth, there’s a virus capable of turning ordinary humans into raging monsters bent on sucking the life out of humanity.

Let’s assume a science experiment can and will go horribly wrong. Or a culture exists in the nether-reaches of some forest somewhere that can raise the dead in some mysterious incantation meant to bring loved ones back from the grave with absolute terrible consequences.

Let’s assume those initial victims (patient zeroes, first fruits, etc.) begin to wreak havoc with society. That the whole thing might occur in a deserted place or a populated city somewhere, which then spreads from animal to human, human to human, curse to human, all in a wave of terror that sweeps civilization as we know it today to bring a catastrophic onslaught of destruction on everything we know and love.

Let’s assume measures we’ve taken to protect ourselves from the cataclysmic event fails. Our water supply dwindles, our food disappears, our homes become unlivable, and our culture vanishes before our very eyes, what then? After all, all it takes is one bite, one drop of blood, one secretion of saliva to spread the condition to someone else. Who’s to say we’ll be safe?

Let’s assume the government has an exit strategy in place for all those deemed valuable to bringing about the replenishment of humanity in a new society. Will it survive? What if the rebuilding process involves creating a walled city strong enough to protect the last of us from harm’s way? What if the city has checkpoints in place, guards at every corner, cameras to monitor residents, daily and weekly spot checks to ensure no one—absolutely no one—poses a threat to the rest of society. What then, will we be safe?

And let us assume we do have a chance at survival. That we do end up fostering the new birth of the ideal society. That we will lead those less resilient on a quest to bring about the change we so much desired before the zombie apocalypse occurred. Will we manage?

If society has taught us anything, it’s Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. No amount of planning will change the inevitable outcome we will experience at the hands of zombies. We may run, we may hide, and we may believe we’re safe behind walls of stone fashioned to keep the undead at bay, but if it’s going to happen, it will happen. Nothing can prevent it. It’s a law of nature to deceive ourselves into believing we can survive.

Then again, maybe it’s all fiction and we can laugh at those who believe otherwise. Just a thought.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What do you think? Can a zombie apocalypse occur? What are our chances at survival?

Monday Mayhem

A Zombie Party

Posted on December 30, 2013January 1, 2014 by Jack Flacco

Growing up in one of the toughest neighborhoods in Toronto, my parents provided me a normal childhood by rearing me on a steady diet of cartoons, sitcoms and movies. TV introduced me to a world of characters I would have otherwise not known. Some of those characters possessed the skill to frighten me in ways that would prevent me from having a good night’s sleep. Dracula, Frankenstein, the werewolf, and to some extent, the mummy creeped me out. Zombies never did anything for me.

Shocking, isn’t it? It’s Monday Mayhem. Would you expect anything less?

I mentioned this once before in another post that as a kid I considered zombies cartoonish, pasty, disfigured anomalies I didn’t take seriously until I saw the movie 28 Days Later. That’s when I knew my life had changed and couldn’t look at zombies the same way again.

Since then, I have a staple of movies I recommend to everyone interested in understanding zombies better. By no means are these the best zombie films, but they are defining works for the genre.

If you’ve read me long enough, you’ll know how much I enjoy George A. Romero’s undead compendium—The Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Land of the Dead. Produced over the course of thirty years, these films set the rules for subsequent zombie behavior. Although some may consider these B movies, every year these titles have withstood the test of time by attracting new audiences with their original concepts and stories.

I’ve learned from these movies The Three Commandments of the undead:

I—The Dead Have Come Back to Life
II—The Undead Crave Human Flesh
III—The Undead Will Die with a Blow to the Brain

As noted, 28 Days Later is the perfect introduction for new film students feeling the need to want to appreciate the zombie genre. The movie contains ideas some viewers may find interesting. For instance, the work presents a solid case regarding a zombie apocalypse fashioned after a virus running rampant among the population. Also dominant in this film are fast zombies, something explored fully in World War Z.

These last two movies are my favorites. Without these, folks would take zombies much too seriously. I’m talking about Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead. Both films have their quirks. Both films are equally hilarious. The more useful of the two, Zombieland details a set of rules zombie apocalypse survivors can utilize to remain alive. Instructions such as “beware of bathrooms” and “cardio” made it into the Top 10. Shaun of the Dead makes an impression by the amount of gags it pulls. In one scene, the boys throw vinyl records on the oncoming undead all the while arguing as to which records to throw, always having a favorite they’d rather save as a keepsake.

Indeed, I could mention many other movies, but these ones provide a future zombie film enthusiast something to think about when perusing online for a title to watch on a cold Friday night. Who knows, maybe they’ll even find the Resident Evil franchise to whet their appetite (pun fully intended).

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

What movies would you recommend your friends to watch that would act as a primer for learning about zombies?

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