Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)
Author: Jack Flacco
Jack Flacco is an author and the founder of Looking to God Ministries, an organization dedicated to spreading the Word of God through outreach programs, literature and preaching.
A couple of months ago for my Monday Mayhem segment, I played a game of what-ifs. I thought it would be fun to do that again today. The rules are simple: I present a number of zombie scenarios and you come up with the answers. Don’t worry I’ll also give my own solutions to the problems. This way you won’t feel so lonely answering.
Zombie Hunting Permit 2013-2014
Are you ready to have fun? All right, let’s do it!
Scenario #1: A zombie appears at the top of the basement stairs. You thought taking your family to the subterranean dwelling was a good idea at the time—until it showed up. Now trapped with nothing to defend your family except your bare hands, you have to choose between either taking a chance with getting bit by attacking the monster or locking yourselves in the bathroom, starving to death.
My Answer: I’d lock us in the bathroom, but once hunger makes its appearance, I’m sure I’d attack the undead by attempting to poke the beast’s eyes with my thumbs.
Scenario #2: You run out of gas on the highway while attempting to flee the city of the zombie infestation. Unbeknownst to you, a horde of the undead is roaming ahead, marching to your position. Once you realize this, what do you do? Do you stay in the car and take a chance they will get bored and leave you alone? Or do you run as fast as you can, even though a few of the back ranks of the crowd are those fast zombies?
My Answer: I always run.
Keep Calm
Scenario #3: You’re in a barn shooting at the zombie pack from an open window as it approaches. With a few shotgun shells remaining, you’ll have to decide what to do next once the crowd overtakes the barn. A ladder sits waiting to bring you to the loft. But you can’t stay there forever—you’ll die without food or water. A window holds the answer, yet the drop alone will kill you. What do you do?
My Answer: If I can find something to land on, like a bale of hay, I’d jump but not before setting the whole place ablaze.
Scenario #4: Target is having a sale on mouthwash (it’s the best I could come up with in the time available). When you arrive in the store, the crowd has changed. You parked your car at the back of the lot and you know if you make a run for it, sooner rather than later, the undead will catch up and tear you apart. Which department is your destination (sporting goods, the food court, electronics, etc.)? Why?
My Answer: I’d head to the food court and see if I can grab a butcher knife from somewhere. With a knife, I don’t ever have to worry about running out of bullets.
Scenario #5: This is an easy one. A resilient maggot bag chases you into the garage and soon breaches the door to head straight for you. Sitting on the workbench next to you is a gas powered chainsaw, hedge scissors, an old baseball bat, and a hoe. This is more of a philosophical question. Which item do you use to kill the predator? Why?
My Answer: The hedge scissors—I don’t like messes.
Everyone has a routine before heading to bed. Mine? Mine is milk and cookies. I know how silly that sounds given I write about some of the most famished flesh eaters in Horror—zombies—but my sweet vice is none other than those tempting delicacies some of us have to avoid. Not me, if I’m shopping, it’s one of the first things on my list. And this is why I like Freedom Friday, because I can get away with telling y’all about my culinary temptations without worrying of judgment by the masses.
Chocolate Chip Cookies
I don’t know how this addiction started. The earliest memory I have is sitting at the table one bright summer morning eating breakfast only remembering my breakfast was milk and cookies. I love my mom for those happy memories. There’s more to the memory than simply devouring those sugary delights and washing them down with a tall glass of milk. I used to play a game.
How many remember Gilligan’s Island? Oh, you kids will now think I’m an ancient dude with a penchant for nostalgia. Well, yeah, but that’s beside the point. Gilligan’s Island kept me entertained in the early Seventies when coming home from school and I needed some time to wind down. Who am I kidding? I couldn’t wait to dump my books at the door, toss my shoes in the corner, and plant my butt in front of the TV for a good portion of the afternoon before dinner. The show belonged to a long roster of reruns I’d watched almost incessantly including The Beverly Hillbillies, Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, and Hogan’s Heroes. I remember those ones off the top of my head.
Anyway, getting back to Gilligan’s Island—in one episode the castaways had to face the prospect of the island sinking. Of course, being the kid I was, such a scenario fired my imagination to wonder what it’d be like to live on an island that was about to sink. Well, that imagination brought me right back to that early morning memory of my eating cookies for breakfast.
Gilligan’s Island Cast
Can you guess what I remembered? If you guessed I learned how to drive, which in turn inspired my Ranger Martin series, you are utterly wrong. I’m just checking to see if you’re keeping up with my story.
I’d have a big glass of milk in front of me, with a tall stack of chocolate chip cookies to the side. I’d grab a cookie and place it gently lying flat on the top of the milk. Then I’d imagine what it’d be like living on that island as the rushing waters penetrated every crevice and crag to engulf everyone on it, reminiscent of Gilligan’s Island.
I was a weird kid.
My sinking island scenario didn’t work very well with Oreo cookies, but I still had fun sucking the contents of the glass down my throat.
Here I am decades later, still eating milk and cookies before going to bed. I haven’t seen that island sink in a while, yet I’m sure one of these evenings I’ll grab a bag of Chips Ahoy! and go nuts.
Who knows, in the meantime, maybe I’ll even save a few lives from the voracious tidal waves swallowing the populace.
Let’s face it, The Fast and the Furious movie franchise does not win awards, but what it lacks in praises by the academy it more than makes up in heart-pounding, adrenalin-soaked, action-packed racing sequences. The photography is a blur, the editing is jarring, and the shear thrill of its biting score burns tread marks around the competition of wannabe imposters.
Inspired by an article focusing on street racing in the 2000s, The Fast and the Furious torched the box office, raking in $207 Million on a production budget of $38 Million. It shot to #1 throughout North America in 2,628 theaters on opening weekend. Even then, the film had the markings of a juggernaut series few would reminisce in disputing.
Among the players stands Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel), a bulk of a man tearing like thunder on four wheels. A highjacker. A family man. He’s the guy who the cops have been looking for a long time. Next, Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker), the cop. He’s the guy sent in to bring Dominic to justice. Then, there’s Letty (Michelle Rodriquez), the strong one.
Michelle Rodriguez is Letty Ortiz
How can I describe Letty without giving up the whole story? She loves speed. And she loves the thrill of the chase. Give her a choice between staying at home watching the kids and cranking the juice on her NOS (Nitrous Oxcide Systems) tank—she has no trouble playing with the big boys and their cars. Homemaker status is so not her.
Playing Dominic’s love interest, she compliments his brazen risk taking with her own brand of gambling. Her street racing status flourished in her teens, carrying her to a god-like status with her admiring peers. Nothing Dominic can do that Letty can’t match. They are equals on every level. The perfect pair of crazed drivers no one should mess with on the road.
Is she tough? Yeah, you can say that. Let her tell you in her own words:
Letty: You want a piece of ass? go to Hollywood Boulevard. You want an adrenaline rush? that’ll be two large.
Is she lighthearted? You can say that too:
Letty: [to Dom] You look a bit tired. I think you should go upstairs and give me a massage.
What does Dominic’s sister think of her?
Mia: Letty grew up just down the street. She was into cars since she was like ten years old. Dom always had her attention. Then she turned sixteen… Brian: And she had Dom’s attention. Mia: Yeah, it’s funny how that works out.
A guru mechanic. A bona fide tough girl who takes no flack from anyone. Letty would make an excellent warrior, fighting alongside in a zombie apocalypse.
The film The Return of the Living Dead pioneered the popular idea of zombies eating brains. Prior to this concept, zombies had an appetite for anything human, not just brains. For my new readers, this is Monday Mayhem where I talk about zombies. And other stuff. But mostly zombies.
The Human Brain
In the movie Warm Bodies, the main character, a zombie named R, kills a man, cracks open his head and scoops out a vast portion of his brain to consume on the spot. R saves some for later. The film does a good job presenting a seamless string of memories from the victim’s brain as if it were streaming through R’s rot-laden head. R feels that much more human when taking in the victim’s memories. Here’s what R thinks:
“There’s a lot of ways to get to know a person. Eating her dead boyfriend’s brains is one of the more unorthodox methods.”
But is that the real reason why zombies eat brains?
Modern day zombies breed from a virus. The typical contagion seeps through the blood of the victim, changing their composition thereby rendering them undead. The term undead means the victim died and rose from the dead. Classic zombies sport a morbid, pasty look, their eyes dull and their clothes shredded. They are shells of their former selves with nothing in their hearts and minds other than the craving for human flesh. Not much different from the folks you meet on Twitter’s Direct Messaging.
The Brain
This craving is the key to zombiehood. For those unsure, zombies eat the flesh not to survive, but to satisfy an inner hunger born from becoming undead. Even if the zombie has its stomach removed, the craving exists, which makes it all the more vicious since its hunger originates not from self-preservation but from malicious intent bent on destroying humans or propagating the zombie virus.
Regardless of knowing this, we still need an explanation as to why zombies eat brains.
Before The Return of the Living Dead made its debut, zombies only consumed human flesh. But once the movie came out, the modern version of a legend rose from its frames. All of a sudden, zombies ate brains.
Why?
Nothing could be simpler: Brains provide zombies with the necessary endorphins to dull the pain of Rigor Mortis brought about by decomposition. The more brains, the less pain. In some ways, zombies get a high consuming the delicacy. And with that idea in mind, is it a wonder no one thought of it sooner?
A Note of Thanks
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE shot to #5 last night on Amazon’s Horror Best Sellers list here in Canada. Check out who the top 5 horror authors are in Canada:
#1 Stephen King
#2 Dean Koontz
#3 Stephen King
#4 Eric Tozzi #5 Jack Flacco
The book’s also hit #420 on the Amazon Best Sellers Rank on Amazon.ca.
It’s also tracking as #6 for both Best Sellers in Children’s Horror books and ebooks.
And #3 on the Hot New Releases in Horror Fiction.
Finally, #1 on the Hot New Releases list in Children’s Horror.
I’m in shock. I wouldn’t have imagined it possible that something like this would have happened. I’m sincerely grateful for all those who have reviewed my book prior to release. I thank all those who have thrown me kind words my way these past few weeks. And I can only say that you—the audience—have made this book a success. I’m now without words.
Thank you again, everybody.
Did you know that zombies eating brains is a recent concept originating from The Return of the Living Dead?
Every autumn I go on safari. Not really. I treat it as a safari, though. I pack my camera in my satchel, slip on a warm jacket, and head for the woods. What am I hunting, you may ask? Trees, leaves, nature—anything really to depict this glorious season we call fall. And that’s my Freedom Friday introduction to fall photo gathering.
A path to the foot of the woods
The adventure typically begins at the foot of the woods a couple of minutes from my home. You see, I live in farm country, near where all the folks from Toronto get their corn, strawberries, and other assorted goods. How close do I live to the woods? I’ve seen foxes chase rabbits from the brush across the street into the neighbor’s backyard at 5:30 in the morning. This happened ten feet from my walk. I’ve seen multiple raccoons frenzying on garbage cans as if bitten by zombies. And I’ve smelled. Yes, smelled—skunks near where I trod. I’ve seen them, too. Tail sticking up. Those are the animals I fear most spilling from the woods. Oh, did I mention the coyotes? We have them, and they’re the dreadful parasites of our town’s existence.
As I was saying, the adventure begins at the foot of the woods. During this time of year when the forests give up their leaves, I’m there capturing it all. I suppose it has to do with the color the season exhibits. Boy, can anyone deny autumn is colorful? I think not. And here I am, in the middle of the woods, the threat of coyotes at every turn, snapping photos of anything that may inspire me to share with others.
Beautiful morning majestyThe woodsLeaves that have yet to change color
The time I get the absolute best photos is either early in the morning, as the sun makes its appearance in the horizon or in the evening just when the light turns all sorts of golden hues along the edge of the tree line. I’ve taken shots in the middle of the woods just as dusk approached. Reminiscent of Dorothy’s travels through The Wizard of Oz’s Dark Forest, the day fades, the wind howls, and it does get creepy. But it doesn’t stop teenagers hitting the woods at night to have their secret rendezvous. On occasion, I’ve come across the remnant of empty bottles near a felled tree, a spot I suppose popular with the young crowd.
The log where teens hang outI think I know where I’m goingEnjoying the crunching leavesInside the woods
The woods have paths I can walk yet there are times the leaves cover the paths making it difficult to find my way back. I’ve gotten lost several times only to find my way back after having remembered what the trees looked like from mental notes of my journey. Believe me when I say it’s not fun not knowing where you are in the grand scheme of things.
I have to say this: whenever I’m out there with my camera taking those eye-popping photos of the foliage, sometimes my breath catches. It’s as if I’m seeing things for the very first time, enjoying every moment. The colors are vivid and beautiful, the air crisp, and the area is so much at peace without human interference. I’m glad I have the woods as my fortress of solitude. Everyone needs a place of refuge. The woods are mine.
I’m not going to lie. The Exorcist is a disturbing film. The mood, the images, the scenes—they all convey a sinister quality that few films, if any for that era, possessed. It doesn’t help knowing that nine people associated with the project died prior to release. This includes actors Jack MacGowran (Burke) and Vasiliki Maliaros (the priest’s mother) whose scripted characters coincidentally also died in the movie.
I can hear the question already. Whom have I chosen from The Exorcist to be part of my Women Who Wow Wednesday series for my month-long salute to Horror?
Chris MacNeil (Ellen Burstyn) is an actress with a teenaged daughter who goes by the name of Regan (Linda Blair). Chris’s marriage is nonexistent. When that man forgets his daughter’s birthday, she looses it, cursing and swearing, taking God’s name in vain. Some have attributed her blasphemous nature to what happens later in the film.
But Chris is a mom first, actress second. Regan is her whole life. Whoever or whatever interferes with her daughter’s life would have to deal with her. She’s the all-encompassing protector who will sacrifice anything for her daughter’s survival.
One night Chris hears noises coming from the attic. The next day she refers the matter to her butler stating clearly, she thought she had heard rats. The butler dismisses her claim, yet she’s adamant he check the attic and set traps.
This is where I have to stop. If you haven’t seen The Exorcist, I suggest you skip to the last paragraph because I’m going to reveal a few plot points that may ruin your enjoyment of the film.
Director William Friedkin planted a few specific clues in the movie to foreshadow a number of events. As I’d mentioned, Chris blasphemes God’s name, lending credence to the fact that she’s opening the door for demons to invade her home. As the movie continues forward, Chris finds that Regan’s been playing with an Ouija board, talking with an entity called Captain Howdy. We later find out Captain Howdy is more than who he says he is. During the bedroom scene where Chris tucks Regan into bed, Regan licks her lips a number of times in an obvious fashion. This is not important until we see what Regan looks like in later scenes.
Continuing with the story, early one morning before sunrise, Chris gets a call to show up on set. She finds Regan had slept with her all night claiming her bed was shaking. At that very moment, a noise once again emanates from the attic. Without thought, Chris heads to the source. She lowers the steps, flips the lights, but the lights don’t work. The lights have been flickering on and off for a while that week. It doesn’t bother her. She climbs the stairs into the attic and the noise gets louder. By candlelight she moves from one section to another noticing the rat traps empty. No rats. That’s when her candlestick bursts into a flame and her butler appears at the top of the stairs. See, he says, no rats. At the same time, Friedkin shows the audience his first shot of Regan possessed; suggesting hadn’t Chris gone to the attic she wouldn’t have released whatever was up there to take over her daughter. But in this instance, whatever was bothering Regan was already shaking her bed before Chris opened the attic door. So this was a red hearing
Moving along, after another incident of bed shaking Chris attempted to quell by diving on the mattress to control the vibrations, she takes her daughter to a doctor at the Barringer Clinic and Foundation, a top New England medical facility. This is where Chris begins to assert her motherly instinct in full force. She asks the doctors what’s wrong. All the doctors could come up with is a diagnosis of a lesion in the temporal lobe, which is causing the seizures. Remove the scar, remove the problem.
Chris reluctantly cedes to the doctors’ request for tests, and Regan undergoes a battery of EEG scans. The tests come back negative. Regan’s clean of the lesion.
By this time, Chris’ nerves are on the way out the door. When she brings her daughter back from the hospital, the doctors knock on her door as a follow-up visit. But when they get there, they get more than what they bargained for. Screams emanate from Regan’s room, prompting Chris to run to her rescue. In the room, the door spontaneously slams behind her. Regan then begins to shake back and forth, slamming on the bed over and over again. She then pulls out a crucifix and proceeds to use it for malevolent purposes, uttering vile obscenities at her mother as she pleasures herself with it.
Now, this is the part of the movie where I’m going to have to step out to tell you what went on in the theaters back in 1973.
In the UK, a number of town councils banned the movie from playing in their theaters prompting entrepreneurs to take advantage of an opportunity to bus folks to neighboring towns where the film screened.
Theater owners in America banned the trailer from screening because they deemed the film too frightening for the audience to absorb.
Paramedics rushed to various theaters due to people fainting, vomiting and flying into hysterics in the aisles. True story.
In the meantime, Linda Blair, who played Regan, needed a 24-hour guard for six months after release since religious zealots proclaimed the movie glorified Satan.
Back to the movie. When the head doctors of the medical clinic meet with Chris, who by now is a frazzled wreck, they offer a very scientific and clear-cut explanation. Regan is suffering from “Pathological states, which can induce abnormal strength and accelerated motor performance.”
Of course, Chris freaks. She explains the bed shook while she was on it. That thing on the bed was not her daughter. And she wants answers.
Another doctor adds his thoughts. He believes it’s “Somnambuliform possession. A conflict or guilt leading to delusions of bodily invasion.”
No way. Chris has had it. Eighty-eight doctors and they’re telling her that she ought to bring her daughter to a witch doctor?
Now, if you skipped the post and you are here, this is my point for featuring Chris MacNeil. Throughout her daughter’s ordeal, Chris keeps it together. Despite the circumstances, she manages to maintain her eyes on the goal—get her daughter help so she can be well again. It doesn’t matter how many times she falls to the ground, how many obscenities fly her way, or how many hits she takes, her daughter’s health is first and foremost her main concern. Chris is willing to give up everything for Regan. And isn’t that the point of being a mother, to love unconditionally regardless of what changes a son or daughter’s attitude to make them want to hate their parents?
Whenever I watch a zombie movie, the very first thing I notice is the sounds emanating from those vile beasts. If I hear cricking and cracking, then I know I have a winner on my hands. It’s those movies where the undead lurch but remain silent that I think why hadn’t the director thought of what real corpses sound like and insert those effects into the picture. Monday Mayhem is all about zombies, and today I want to spend some time on zombie sounds. Sounds weird, doesn’t it?
My town’s cemetery
In my previous posts Rising from the Dead and Indestructible Zombies I detail the various states of human decomposition. One of the phases that a body goes through once it dies is Rigor Mortis. In this state, the body stiffens to the point of rigidity whereby muscles harden and become difficult to move by an external force. Alfred Hitchcock’s Frenzy depicts a perfect example where someone attempts to compel a body to do what it can no longer do due to stiffening. In Frenzy’s case, the murderer attempts to retrieve a lost object but then has difficulty doing so because of the body’s inability to bend like it did when alive.
That’s why the movie The Mummy has a certain appeal. Throughout the entire film, the mummy, which is nothing more than a glorified zombie, cricks, cracks, spurts, and oozes all sorts of noises toward its transformation to becoming human again. Why don’t all zombie movies sound like that?
My town’s cemetery at twilight
Imagine if you will a horde of the undead giving chase. You hear the dragging. You hear the hauling. You hear the moaning. Wouldn’t it be all the more terrifying to hear their bones snapping back and forth on their way to making their victim their supper?
There’s a saying: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. What if the saying went: Where there’s cricking and cracking, they’re zombies. Wouldn’t that be something?
I suppose the sound of zombie cartilage readjusting is impossible in a movie where a virus takes over the victim. After all, depending on the virus, the victim hasn’t really died—at least not in the traditional sense of the word. They’ve only changed to become movable corpses. And if an antidote exists for zombies in the form of changing them back to their former selves, then by all accounts, they never really died in the first place.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
If they never died, there’s no opportunity to make the sounds I wish they could make. The only way that could happen is if zombies rise three hours after death just when Rigor Mortis had set.
Then again, zombies could rise during that sweet moment after death with bodies unaffected by the decomposition phase. In that instance, you will not hear them coming. In a sense, they could appear and eat you while you’re still alive.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather hear them coming.
What do you think? Should future zombie movies have the undead sounding like an army of breaking bones as they march for the attack? Or would you fear them more silent?
Looking to God 