Yesterday morning I read an article that stated Seth Grahame-Smith’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies might head to theaters soon. You read that right. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I wonder how the playful Elizabeth Bennet will choose among her suitors this time. Guaranteed Mr. Right would need martial arts training.
For this edition of Monday Mayhem, I’d like to explore other classics that would benefit from a zombie facelift.
Okay. Ready? Set. Here’s my take on classic literature zombie style:
Romeo and Juliet and Zombies—Juliet outside on the balcony: “Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art the undead that we shall henceforth quicken their demise? Deny me not, be but sworn the pleasure to raise my knife against the bowels of the fiends.”
Anne of Green Gables and Zombies—Anne walking through Violet Vale with Diana: “There’s such a lot of different Annes in me, I frighten myself sometimes. I have horrid dreams of violence. Is it wrong to want to thrust a fireplace poker into the head of a walker?”
Les Misérables and Zombies—Victor Hugo: “He never went out without a skull under his arm, and he often came back with two.”
Hamlet and Zombies—Hamlet holding a skull: “Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him whole; before the eaters raised their gnashing teeth and their unbridled hunger to tear at his flesh, discarding his limbs as puppetry. For whence forth are thy gibes now among thy pieces?”
Great Expectations and Zombies—Miss Havisham: “Kill it, kill it, kill it! If it resists, kill it. If it wounds you, kill it. If it tears your heart to pieces—and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper—kill it, kill it, kill it!”
The Three Musketeers and Zombies—Aramis to D’Artagnan: “Athos takes his creature beheadings very seriously. Not to worry, he’ll be his usual charming self by morning.”
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Zombies—The opening line: “What is the use of a book, without the pleasure of jamming it down the throat of a brain chewer?”
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Zombies—Holmes holding a bow: “It’s elementary, my dear Watson. Once the creatures cross the threshold, these razor sharp arrows will dispatch them whole. There will be nothing left of the boastful relics.”
A Christmas Carol and Zombies—Ghost of Christmas Present to Ebenezer Scrooge: “There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as destroying a maggot bag with your bare hands.”
Julius Caesar and Zombies—Antony’s oratorio: “Friends, Romans, countrymen, protect thy ears. The harbingers have devoured Caesar to the bone. Lift up thy swords and swear vengeance to the beasts, spilling their entrails forthwith beyond the square.”
Can you think of other classics more deserving of a zombie makeover?
Looking to God 
Great idea mixing both, maybe gets some track and you display to the world a new kind of genre, get the nobel price for literature
Have you read “Jane Slayre” (once upon a time called Jane Eyre)? Ridiculous, but fun. I will be sure to check out P&P&Z. I am a big fan of the original, actually. Wonder what Jane Austen would make of all of this… Oh well! Thanks for the fun blog!
I haven’t read any zombie books yet. I figure I should read the original Pride and Prejudice before I read the zombie version.
I nearly snarfed my coffee at the thought of “Anne of Green Gables and Zombies”. Nicely done.
This is a fantastic post! The Hamlet and Sherlock parts are exceptional. Thanks for sharing it, of all of the blogs that I have seen here, yours is the most entertaining yet. Keep up the good work.
To kill a mockingbird?
Atticus: “I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. Courage is a man with a baseball bat in his hand clearing his way through a mass of ravenous zombies.”
Thanks for the laughs!
Beautiful, Sonya! Now that’s what I call a true zombification of a great classic!
It’s not exactly a classic, but I always argue that the Twilight saga could have benefitted from a Zombie or two…
That was awesome! They are all brilliant.
This was indeed brilliant, good laughs, thoughts provoked, excellent job here.
Side note: I just picked up a scrooge zombie book at B&N sunday,wasn’t sure about it, but it cost less than $10 so what’s the harm?
I want to see the Alice movie, you betcha.
Romeo and Juliet with Zombies could get awkward when they rises from the dead at the end of the final act, turning a tradgey into a happy ending. Great post. 🙂
Great Expectations is my favorite from these. Hilarious post!
LOL, brilliant!!! I can see them all now, perfect!! 🙂
Great post, Jack, very thought-provoking. My thoughts on zombie-contaminated classic literature lead me to the restoration period. How about Jonathan Swift’s satire, Gulliver’s Travels?
I think that some ghouls would fit rather swimmingly in place of the “Yahoos” within part four, chapter one, in the country of the “Houyhnhnms”:
“Their shape was very singular, and deformed, which a little discomposed me, so that I lay down behind a thicket to observe them better. Some of them stumbled near the very place that I lay, their humdrum groans gave me an opportunity to distinctly mark their form. Their heads and breasts were covered with a dark, miry substance; strings of this oozed from their mouths and dangled off of their chins, giving the appearance of a gelatinous beard.”
Of course, this is just a quick scope on the subject, but it all gave me a chuckle to read and think about!
Add zombies and hijinks shall ensue 😀 And you’ve already covered a lot of fun bases with your ideas and titles.
Hmm, in my opinion Adventures of Huckleberry Finn would be an easy book to zombify. He’s already on the run, hiding from the world that doesn’t understand him and wants to limit him through the removal of the braaaaain.
Mr Darcy was indeed the best zombie killer of them all, but Lizzy and her sisters were no slouches either. I wasn’t a big fan of zombies, but I enjoyed the P&P&Z as a pretty good fan-fiction.
It will probably make a good enough movie, along the lines of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter (which, if it had been campy, would have been funny and brilliant.) It took itself seriously, and by the end I wanted to drive a stake into my own heart, just to escape it.
You need to check out Alice in Zombieland by Gene Showalter. The sequel Alice Through the Zombie Looking Glass is the sequel. LOL. I’m a Seth Grahame-Smith fan. I thought Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and Unholy Night were genius. I have to read the Pride and Prejudice one. As much as I do like the zombie spin on literature or historical figures, I miss original stories. I miss reading about new and interesting characters. So no, I can’t think of any other books that need to have zombies featured in them. I’m ready to read your book. 🙂
Gone with the Wind – Scarlett’s vow to “never be hungry again” would take on a whole new dimension.
Also, we are looking at developing zombie-fairy-kitten t-shirts. Just looking for a designer…. 😛
This was an absolute delight to read! I’m so happy that zombie themed entertainment is getting more light hearted with less of the gut-ripping-gore-fest; I adore zombie films but am a terrible wuss! lol
great writing from you as usual!
Thanks very much for dropping by, I really appreciate your compliment! Lighthearted zombie tales gives almost everyone something to laugh about. And if I’ve made you laugh…mission accomplished!