Posted in Wednesday Warriors

Jurassic Heroes

One would find it hard to talk about any of the Jurassic Park movies without delving into the heroes of the story. Although some may argue the true heroes of the series are the dinosaurs, some credit should go to the main characters for their resilience and fortitude for withstanding scene after scene of prehistoric mayhem in order to bring the beloved stories to life. As with all good stories, every hero has their enemy, and as much as this writer would like to reveal the secrets to Jurassic World, he will not. Instead, this quick study will focus on heroes from the past and of what makes their stories unique.

Laura Dern and Sam Neill in Jurassic Park
Laura Dern and Sam Neill in Jurassic Park

Dr. Alan Grant—From the first time the audience meets Dr. Grant (Sam Neill), a paleontologist filled with the wonder and amazement of a child, he proves his low-key demeanor cannot hide his dark side. When a young boy observes velociraptors are nothing more than six-foot turkeys, he breaks from the group to set the record straight. He explains raptors’ visual acuity is unlike a T-Rex’s in that the animal can see its prey regardless if it moves or not. He slashes at the boy’s belly in a mock kill and says, “You are alive when they start to eat you. Show some respect.”

Dr. Grant’s expertise in paleontology serves him well as he battles raptors in a game of intelligence for island domination. Once the chase is on, his main concern becomes the kids who he takes charge. His inclination of not liking children takes a backseat to his willingness to sacrifice his life for the little ones in Jurassic Park.

Jeff Goldblum in The Lost World: Jurassic Park
Jeff Goldblum in The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Dr. Ian MalcolmThe chaos theory expert who takes the role of the parent in The Lost World: Jurassic Park guides a team of hunters to capture the island’s grandest prize. His role changes once a double dose of T-Rex introduces real life chaos to the apprehensive theorist. Suddenly, his life is not all that easy anymore. As with Dr. Grant, Dr. Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) has only one thing on his mind—save his daughter from the jaws of the massive carnivore.

In the heart of the jungle, Dr. Malcolm uses everything at his disposal to elude raptors and anything else that seems to want to take a bite out of him or his kid. He has no limit to what he will do to protect those around him—even if it means he would have to give himself as bait for the others to make a clean getaway.

Dr. Alan Grant—In Jurassic Park III, Dr. Grant is back. In this iteration of the classic theme, although older, he hasn’t mellowed. He proves age means nothing in the realm of killer dinosaurs. If anything, he takes a more aggressive stance against those who have deserted him and his party on the island of death. His goal to get off the island becomes his anthem.

These are the Jurassic heroes of yesteryear. With every generation comes a new breed of dinosaurs. But with every generation also comes a hero willing to risk his life for the sake of others.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What are your thoughts about the Jurassic heroes? Do you have a favorite?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Dinosaurs Vs. Aliens

Summer movies mean only one thing—aliens. This year it also means dinosaurs rampaging through the theater. Given Jurassic World‘s incredible cash haul at the box office, it’s a wonder anything has survived its carnage. Wouldn’t it be interesting if aliens and dinosaurs battle it out in one movie? I wonder what that would be like? Would you go see it?

Barry Sonnenfeld’s Dinosaurs vs. Aliens
Barry Sonnenfeld’s Dinosaurs vs. Aliens

For today’s Monday Mayhem, I would like to fantasize for a moment about a movie that I’d love to see at the theater. How does that old writer’s adage go? Oh, yes. A writer writes stuff they’d like to read. In this case, although I’m not a director, a movie I’d like to see would be an all-out battle between aliens and dinosaurs. Wouldn’t that be something?

How would such a movie start?

First, I’d like to see the amped-up dinos from Jurassic World make an appearance. It would only be fitting. Give the aliens ray guns to blast, make the dinosaurs impossible to kill, and what you’d have would be a film filled with intense battles, outstanding special effects and a crazy amount of science fiction to boot. Even more so, would the dinosaurs win if the aliens were the aliens from the movie Aliens? Try saying that fast three times.

The aliens from Aliens have acid for blood. If a dino bites the head off one of the aliens, the beast would surely choke on its own blood. It would be like it had slugged back a carton full of glass. Raw and tender doesn’t even describe the pain the beasts would feel.

How about making the film more fantastic? How about if the aliens were the little green men from another planet like in the movie Mars Attacks!? I’m not sure if the dinos would survive, but at the same time the beasts would have their paws full chasing after the little buggers all over the entire planet.

Since I’m throwing ideas out there to see what sticks, how about a movie that features the creatures from Gremlins? Talk about little annoyances. Remember what the three basic rules are for not producing a gremlin from a mogwai? Here they are

  • Never get them wet
  • Never expose them to bright light
  • And never, ever feed them after midnight

Imagine if you had a pool full of these creatures run after the dinos? I don’t even think velociraptors would be able to survive such an onslaught.

I can’t help myself—one more. How about a movie where Aliens and Gremlins face off in an ultimate death match to see who would go after the dinos?

Why limit it to a handful of velociraptors? Let’s throw a few thousand of these killer animals on an island to go after anything that movies. Oh, wait. I think that was the point of Jurassic Park III.

No matter, it’s always a great way to pass the time imagining about worlds teeming with fantasy.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What movie would you like to see made that no one has ever made before?