How can I describe her without my jaw collapsing in on itself? Do I concentrate on her large almond eyes, her puffy lips and her sporty braided ponytail? Or do I try to describe her well-endowed frame in a meaningful way so I don’t seem like I’m drooling? My regular readers already know what I’m going to say, but I’ll say it anyway—welcome to this edition of Women Who Wow Wednesday.
My first introduction to Lara Croft was in 1997 with the PC game Tomb Raider II. To say the game was long is an understatement. It took me a solid two months to complete. I fell in love with the character right out of the box. She was the first female hero I had played that actually had a set on her, if you know what I mean. Tough, tough, tough chick. I was in need of some serious R&R once I’d finished with her.
Lara might be a game character and may seem a tad two-dimensional (at least in the old PC games), but once Angelina Jolie breathed life into her, Lara became greater than life itself. I was one of the first guys in the theater opening night. I was also one of the first ones to have gotten the DVD several months later on release day. I don’t remember having slept that night either. The special features consumed me to a little nub.
What is it that I like the most about Lara? What’s there not to like? She’s attractive, intelligent, has one of those wicked English accents that would drive any young boy bonkers. Nothing fazes her. Machine gun fire could follow her up a wall and she’d laugh it off as if it was a game of hopscotch.
No matter how many assassins appear in any given moment, she can dispatch them without misplacing one hair on her head. Most of the times, the smirk on her face says it all, “I am easily entertained by your efforts. But today, you will die.” An expert marksman, weapons come easy to her. She carries two silver Heckler & Koch USP Match 9mm handguns, each holstered to her thighs. Custom mag holders dispense 18-round magazines at almost the same time.
What else can she do? Oh, boy—she can perform summersaults, back flips, layouts, tucks, pikes—I’ve seen her toss herself from the edge of a cliff, grab a crag on the other side, slide the length of a crevice, and hop the opposite side of a rock formation to land on a ledge barely wide enough for her fingertips. Excuse the pun, but Lara Croft: Tomb Raider rocks!
Have you played any of the Tomb Raider games? Have you seen any of the movies?
Looking to God 