guns – Looking to God

Zombieland is a grim film. It provides a commentary on society’s ills, and demonstrates humanity’s failure to manage an apocalypse of grand proportions contrasted against civilized utopian values. Cinematic enthusiasts do well by taking this movie seriously. Queue the vinyl record scratch. Yeah, right. Are you sure, we’re talking about the same movie here?

If you’re a new reader to Women Who Wow Wednesday, this series is not about stuffy interpretations of female movie protagonists. No, it’s about having fun! And what better way to have fun than to shine the spotlight on Wichita, the teenage Zombieland killer?

Let’s dispense with the pleasantries and go for the jugular. When we first meet Wichita (Emma Stone), she’s not a very nice human being. She lies, she tricks others into giving up what’s theirs, and she’s particularly sneaky. In fact, if I were a person of vulgar persuasion, I’d describe her as a female dog. But I’m not going to do that. I’d rather focus on the positive aspects of her personality than tear her down a few sizes.

How’s that for a rough start? So far, she doesn’t possess that many redeeming qualities to cry home about. There’s gotta be something that can spark an interest in appreciating why anyone would keep her around.

Wichita's Mossberg 500 shotgun — Wichita’s Mossberg 500 shotgun

To her benefit, Wichita does like guns, I suppose. She sports a Mossberg 500 shotgun with rear and forward pistol grip, and side-saddle shell holder, which she utilizes throughout the entire movie. Her backup is a Walther PPK pistol. She uses it to threaten Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a Twinkie-loving zombie-slayer, only after he threatens her sister Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) first.

What’s that say about Wichita if she doesn’t want to use any other gun other than the one she has? Yeah, she suffers serious trust issues. That’s what I thought too. However, I would add she’s faithful. Her commitment to one gun provides as an example that once she does trust someone, she’ll do anything to protect them. Even if it means losing her life while doing so. I guess she possesses some redeeming qualities after all.

Then there’s the matter of Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg). He’s always been the outsider. Never one appreciated except for when he gave Wichita his shotgun. They become close. She confides in him about knowing the rumor that Los Angeles being zombie-free is bogus. She keeps up appearances for her sister’s sake. He admires her and they become good friends.

Columbus realizes Wichita had to lie in the beginning to protect her sister. She didn’t know Tallahassee or Columbus. She had to trick them into giving up their firearms because if she didn’t, in her mind, who knows what would have happened. And if she wasn’t sneaky, how would she have known who the real Columbus was? That’s her side of it, anyway. Eventually she does reveal her real name to him.

You know what? I like Wichita. She’s solid. There’s no wavering with her. Either you’re for her or against her. None of that wishy-washy “oh, I broke a nail” stuff with her. She takes her hits and keeps going forward.

Have you seen Zombieland? What do you think of Wichita? Was it necessary she lie, cheat and steal to get her way?

How can I describe her without my jaw collapsing in on itself? Do I concentrate on her large almond eyes, her puffy lips and her sporty braided ponytail? Or do I try to describe her well-endowed frame in a meaningful way so I don’t seem like I’m drooling? My regular readers already know what I’m going to say, but I’ll say it anyway—welcome to this edition of Women Who Wow Wednesday.

My first introduction to Lara Croft was in 1997 with the PC game Tomb Raider II. To say the game was long is an understatement. It took me a solid two months to complete. I fell in love with the character right out of the box. She was the first female hero I had played that actually had a set on her, if you know what I mean. Tough, tough, tough chick. I was in need of some serious R&R once I’d finished with her.

Lara might be a game character and may seem a tad two-dimensional (at least in the old PC games), but once Angelina Jolie breathed life into her, Lara became greater than life itself. I was one of the first guys in the theater opening night. I was also one of the first ones to have gotten the DVD several months later on release day. I don’t remember having slept that night either. The special features consumed me to a little nub.

What is it that I like the most about Lara? What’s there not to like? She’s attractive, intelligent, has one of those wicked English accents that would drive any young boy bonkers. Nothing fazes her. Machine gun fire could follow her up a wall and she’d laugh it off as if it was a game of hopscotch.

No matter how many assassins appear in any given moment, she can dispatch them without misplacing one hair on her head. Most of the times, the smirk on her face says it all, “I am easily entertained by your efforts. But today, you will die.” An expert marksman, weapons come easy to her. She carries two silver Heckler & Koch USP Match 9mm handguns, each holstered to her thighs. Custom mag holders dispense 18-round magazines at almost the same time.

What else can she do? Oh, boy—she can perform summersaults, back flips, layouts, tucks, pikes—I’ve seen her toss herself from the edge of a cliff, grab a crag on the other side, slide the length of a crevice, and hop the opposite side of a rock formation to land on a ledge barely wide enough for her fingertips. Excuse the pun, but Lara Croft: Tomb Raider rocks!

Have you played any of the Tomb Raider games? Have you seen any of the movies?