Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Immortality

I get a kick writing about zombies. Unlike their vampire horror counterparts, I find the whole zombie genre fascinating. However, I dare not draw a direct comparison between zombies and vampires, even though at times one would be hard-pressed not doing so. Perhaps one day I can write about the transformation of the vampire genre in our modern age. But not today. Today, I’d like to add to my Monday Mayhem series the immortal nature of zombies.

Infinity
Infinity

When I think of zombies, I think of them as these non-stop, eating machines. In a past post, I’ve compared them to sharks. They hunt and feed. Nothing else. Their makeup is of the design of wanting to fulfill the emptiness felt within. They lurch back and forth, hauling their limbs from one caustic kill to another. Their only enemy being us, humans, who also happen to be their main meal.

Before zombies grew to become these grease-lightening, run-for-your-life, all-consuming creatures, as seen in World War Z, zombie fans only had George A. Romero’s biblical-like telling of how zombies should behave.

They had to drag. They had to moan. And they had to appear as if a truck ran over them. Several times, in fact. Their head tilted to one side became their trademark.

Yet, in all this, what does it mean? Every so often, I’ll add my two cents to the zombie coffers in an attempt to demystify the legends from fact. I’ll give an opinion regarding zombie origins, diseases, curses, events, possible apocalypse scenarios, and the like. I’ll delve into the science behind today’s zombie blitzkrieg, the whys and wherefores. The question remains though, what does it all mean?

If you will, allow me a few moments to lend you my take of what zombies represent in our culture. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I believe my opinion is ready for some good ol’ fashioned primetime critique.

Dust
Dust

I believe zombies represent humanity’s desire to capture the idea of wanting to live forever. This is not a new concept in the zombie genre. It’s been around a long time in the vampire realm, but for zombies, no one really talks about it. Who wants to? Do you want to see a zombie live forever? Uh-uh, not me. Not in my backyard. But, the implication is there. Zombies and humans have a limited shelf life. Both eventually will die and return to dust.

You might ask how can I know this? Look around. We have spas for rejuvenating vitality, convincing ourselves we can reverse the process of aging. Oils and lotions to keep our faces from losing collagen, so our skin won’t sag to our chest in our retirement years. We run, swim, bike, walk in hopes we can keep the heart pumping to an optimal level in order to avoid a massive coronary or fatal aneurysm. Our commercials tell us we’ll lose twenty pounds from our figure if we consume their products. It’ll make us look young and we’d be able to attract those much younger than us of the opposite sex. How young do we need to regress? Will we be satisfied if we have a magic cure-all to find ourselves back in our mother’s womb?

It’s a craving we have for youth similar to a zombie’s craving for human flesh. In a zombie’s case, no matter how much meat it eats, it will continue to rot until it dies a miserable death. Not much different from humans, really. We can shoot a man to the moon and back but we can’t find a cure for aging.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Do you think zombies represent humanity’s plight against getting old? Can you think of anything else zombies might represent?

Posted in Monday Mayhem

Zombie Commercials

The best things in life are free, or so goes the saying. But what if the best things in life are found in the small thirty second blurb called a commercial? Then what? It kind of skews a person’s perception, don’t you think? By their very nature, commercials are supposed to change a person’s perception. So if a commercial should happen to have zombies in it, what would be our opinion of the product? For today’s Monday Mayhem post, let’s have a look at what advertisers are doing with zombies to get you to like their product.

Run For Your Lives (Photo Credit: Reed Street Production)
Run For Your Lives (Photo Credit: Reed Street Production)

It’s been a few years now that I’ve notice zombies infiltrating commercials. I roar with laughter when I see those undead meanies take it on the chin when a company promotes their products. Sometimes the ads are smart, making the zombies look realistic and fit for a good beating. Sometimes, of course, the undead don’t look so hot and the producers are the ones who deserve the beating. In any case, whenever those maggot bags do make their appearance in a new ad, I’m anxiously watching the TV wondering what the advertisers have planned for me.

Below are a few of the absolute best zombie commercials available on YouTube. At one point, these ads were on TV, making their rounds, hocking their goods for the companies. Now, they are reminders of how inventive some ad wizards were with their campaign to grab our attention.

Disclaimer: I’m not an affiliate with any of these companies nor do I condone any of the products advertised. I’m simply highlighting quality ads with zombies in them. I’m also not linking to them. However, it doesn’t take a mathematician or a genius scientist to figure out how to find these gems. In fact, there’s your challenge—if you find all six, you win! What do you win? A sense of accomplishment. What did you think I was going to say, a brand new car? I don’t think so.

Doritos: Zombie Party Commercial—Comedy at its best. Zombies arrive at a house party with a pretty blonde as their host. She munches on Doritos all the while entertaining guests. Apparently, her mouth stuffed with the desirable snack causes her to talk zombie, saying things like, “Looks like you work out.” That is until we can plainly discern “that’s what she said” to a stoic undead audience. She clogs her pipes with the chips and once again says the line, this time mumbling. They all laugh.

Zombie Party (Photo Credit: Frito-Lay)
Zombie Party (Photo Credit: Frito-Lay)

BMW Commercial Zombie—Another good one. In the still of the night, a limping woman hops to escape from a pack of marauding zombies. She falls into a fetal position waiting for fate to takes its course. It isn’t until she realizes she’s still alive that the zombies have another thing on their mind. She sees them admiring a gorgeous BMW. Of course this does not sit well with her. What girl wants to play second fiddle to a car? Attempting to get their attention, she huffs, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. No use, the undead are mesmerized. Fade to the BMW symbol on black.

Zombie Escape / Ford Canada—Guy runs around the corner of a container in a shipping yard to spot his car. He unlocks the door on his remote and makes a run for it while a zombie chews on leftovers of who knows what. He hops into his car. Safe. Or at least he thinks. Inside, zombies surround him. Great makeup, by the way. What to do? He distracts them opening the automatic sunroof, of course. As they’re busy looking into the sky, he escapes to face another rotting corpse heading his way. Slowly heading his way. I wonder why he just doesn’t run. Anyway, he pops the back of the hatch with his foot. Motion sensor, no less. Another distraction. But he has more trouble on the horizon. A crew of zombies drag toward him. He hops back in the car. I guess it’s far better staying with the devil you know than the devil you don’t know. The light bulb flashes above his head. He pops the hood, cranks the tunes and escapes into the sunset while the zombies dance to the rhythm of house music.

Zombies: The Ramifications of Yes (Official Toshiba Commercial)—This is an interesting one. Bigwig executive with the Toshiba development team ponders on the new line of laptops. Images fly through his head of an electrician dropping the equipment, then plugging it into the main electrical grid, which shorts out the system, which in turn causes a kid to drink stale milk from a broken fridge, which causes the kid to bite his roommate, which then causes a zombie apocalypse. Mr. Executive says no, telling off the development team to get their act together and make better equipment. A fun watch for its absolute ridiculousness.

After drinking spoiled milk (Photo Credit: Toshiba)
After drinking spoiled milk (Photo Credit: Toshiba)

XXL all sports united vs Zombies—Good gosh, this is a fun watch! Okay, so it starts with a typical suburban neighborhood, you know, woman trimming the rose bushes, man watering the lawn. It quickly escalates from there. Junior riding his scooter darts from a mess load of zombies chasing after him. But it doesn’t end there. The ugly worm-infested beasts are everywhere, crashing through fences, scaring the crap out of sunbathers. Not even the cops are safe. And this is where it gets wild. The zombies have acquired a school bus to which they’ve scale the top and propel golf balls from its surface. Yep, you heard that right. These zombies are sports freaks. As you can imagine the mayhem when zombies gain possession of golf clubs, it becomes a regular party. Until, well, until the people stand their ground with other sporting equipment in hand, tossing the jettisoning golf balls with tennis rackets and maiming the zombies where it counts. Whatever happens to Junior? Oh, he leads the zombies to a stadium where a whole crew of humans outfitted with all sorts of sporting equipment charges the hoard ala William Wallace frenzy. Superb is all I can say.

Run For Your Lives (Official)—This has to be one of the coolest videos. Athletic or not, this is one of those events everyone should participate once in their lifetime. It starts with a mellow soundtrack, a shot of the participants behind a cage, the ribbons. Then we move on to the zombies and their disturbed looks in their eyes and their rotting jowls. The 5K race begins. People sprint, zombies chase. Makes for a great story. Slow motion is awesome for these kinds of shots. John Woo, eat your heart out. On second thought, a zombie could do that. Nevertheless, folks dive through puddles, mud flies everywhere, everybody’s having a grand ol’ time. Shots of the participants smiling fill the screen. Did I say slow motion is awesome? It ends with a massive party, dancing and celebrating the day’s activities. Oh, so good.

I had two more ads to write up, but I think six is enough. After reading my descriptions, you may not need to watch the commercials anyway. Enjoy the hunt!

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

How many of these have you seen? Which one is your favorite?