Jack Flacco

Crossing a Zombie with a Vampire

Posted on July 6, 2015July 5, 2015 by Jack Flacco

I’ve always wondered if a zombie were to ever crossbreed with a vampire, what exactly would you have? It wouldn’t be a zombie, that I know. That would mean the resulting monster, for lack of a better term, would have not only an appetite for human, but also the appetite to drain it of its blood. By the same argument, it wouldn’t be a vampire as that would mean it wouldn’t hunt in packs, much like zombies do in popular movies today.

I thought for my Monday Mayhem series of articles dedicated to zombies, today I would explore this awful but lethal combination of crossing a zombie with a vampire. If birds can do it, why not the undead?

Looking at it logically, I wouldn’t discount the possibility that such a breed could exist. After all, zombies and vampires have a lot in common. They both are undead. They enjoy human as their choice of nourishment. And if they had their way, they’d have a run at taking over the whole world with their species. What’s to say they wouldn’t succeed?

How about the differences? These are easy. Although they don’t plan coordinated attacks, zombies hunt in groups. Even more so, when a zombie attacks, it lets loose grunts, shrieks or shrills that alert other zombies of a potential feeding frenzy. This is not on purpose, yet they have that capability to unleash devastating damage to an unsuspecting populace simply by their overt cries of hunger. Additionally, zombies do not give up easily. That’s not to say vampires do, but it is to say zombies will keep coming after a victim until its dead. Vampires can’t do that since as soon as the sun makes an appearance vampires have to flee. I’m not talking about the sparkling ones either.

What about vampires? Vampires have an innate sense of communication zombies lack. In fact, vampires talk. Zombies do not. Other than R in the movie Warm Bodies, who I would classify as an exception to the rule, zombies typically have a one-syllable vocabulary bordering on animal. A series of groans could mean they’re hungry. In a vampire’s case, however, there’s no denying they possess articulate speech, enunciated words and eloquent vocal patterns. Vampires can talk their way out of anything.

Which brings me to the what if scenario. What if zombies were to crossbreed with vampires? Would Horror fans call them vampbies or zombires? Would they melt in the sun or would they survive in any lighting condition? What about their hunger? Would they crave human meat or human blood?

The list goes on. How about their hunting patterns? Would they form packs and hunt in coordinated attack patterns or go off alone hoping what they come across would keep them alive for another day?

My opinion? I would like to see a crossbreed of pack-hunter able to change forms and go after humans not just for their blood. I would like to see a creature eloquent in speech but deadly in battle that neither a wooden stake or a bullet to the head could stop. I would like to see the ultimate Horror creature give humans a run for their lives in a city setting where strength and cunning would rule the genre.

But then I would have a problem. What would I call such a creature?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What do you think about crossing a zombie and a vampire?

Canada Day 2015

Posted on July 3, 2015May 8, 2017 by Jack Flacco

Canada Day has always held a special meaning for my family and I. Given we live in a small town an hour north of Toronto, our celebrations are not as low-key as one might expect. We have crowds from the surrounding towns. We have lots of food to consume. And we have fireworks.

This year was no different.

For those not familiar with the holiday, Canada Day is equivalent to the American Fourth of July. Instead of red, white and blue washing the crowds with color, we dawn our own colors to create a sea of red and white. It really is an awesome experience when traveling through Main Street to the lake in the middle of our town where all the festivities take place.

This year, my family and I took advantage of the silence on our street to sleep in until late in the morning before we decided to head to the lake. I can’t say how wonderful it feels to actually sleep in again after years of battling with insomnia. You can read about it from my previous articles I’d written about the subject.

We left home just before noon and drove five minutes to where the town had cordoned off the area to foot traffic. In this case, timing was everything. We found one of the last parking spots available. You can imagine how happy we all were when that happened.

Our leisurely walk began with a live band playing Celtic music on Main Street. While some of the crowd negotiated their way around the platform, we stayed and listened. I don’t know how anyone else feels about Celtic music, but I love the emotion behind the genre. Given my wife is also from Nova Scotia, when listening to the guitars and vocals, I’m right at home stomping and clapping along.

Booths and specialty tables outlined the street featuring various services available to the locals. One such booth was giving away free popcorn while another highlighted produce from the local farms in the area. I’ll have to write an article specifically for the farmers in our region dedicated to producing quality foods at low prices. I’m telling you, the fruits and vegetables are delicious.

The other part I enjoyed about our celebratory activities is that they are kids-friendly. Event participants had brought in blowup castles where the children could jump to their heart’s desire without hurting anyone. This was a great way for the little ones to expend all their energy before heading home. What parent does not like that?

We then headed to the lake where the activities shifted to a more grownup theme. There still were the face-painting tables and the free food samplers given to all visitors, but added was the live band that played modern music. More than any other place, the teens and young adults centered their attention here. It was great nonetheless to see everyone have a great time.

One of the most interesting parts of the journey was the cheerleading school that put on a show for everyone. Funny thing about it was how we found it. Actually—I found it. I heard the thump of a bass. I heard the clips of music strung together with a beat. I turned to my wife and said, “That’s cheerleading music.” Seriously. I ran to the where the sound was coming from and there I saw them, tossing each other in the air and making others believe they could fly. For a moment, I believed they could fly. I wasn’t sure how long the school had opened in town, but I’m looking forward to what these kids have planned in the future.

Town's cheerleaders — Town’s cheerleaders

Our walk ended with having a treat from one of the ice cream trucks parked nearby and a few photos of the town’s historical society. I once explained our town was a colonial settlement back in the 1800’s that eventually grew into a bustling commercial center for weary travelers. The historical society preserves the artifacts of that bygone era and our family had the privilege to appreciate them during these Canada Day celebrations.

And if you haven’t guessed, it didn’t end there. Like every special occasion, we went out to eat. If you’ve been reading my articles for a while, you’ll probably know what type of food we had. I won’t describe it, but when we came back home, we were not only tired but stuffed!

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

How do you celebrate Canada Day or the Fourth of July? If not those, do you celebrate a similar holiday?

Wednesday Warriors

The Joker

Posted on July 1, 2015June 30, 2015 by Jack Flacco

The whole world has gone crazy. One day, I’m everyone’s best friend. The next day, I belong in an insane asylum. Call me unconventional. Do you know how I got these scars?

I robbed a bank. Everyone thought I was crazy then, too. But I’m not the guy who walks around without any spare change in his pocket. The jingle you hear are the knives hitting against each other. Everything has a price.

What’s a guy gotta do to get a laugh around here? Did you know if I slice someone’s jugular no one would turn around, but if I were to kick a dog on the street everyone would think I’m cruel. You know what’s cruel? Having fancy toys and not sharing them with anyone. The Bat Man is the one you should be after. He’s a selfish human being. I may not look pleasant, but I don’t have to hide behind a mask. The Bat Man hides his face. He’s the coward. He’s the evil one. Do you know how I got these scars?

Anarchy is relative. Fight against an oppressive government, you’re a hero. Fight against the current government, you’re a rebel. I’m neither. I like to think of myself as the harbinger of happiness. Anyone who says they’ve got happiness figured out is a liar. I have happiness figured out. All I have to do is stare at myself in the mirror and that smile I have pasted on my face makes me happy.

Why so serious?

I once told a woman my father beat my mother. I thought it was the prettiest thing to say to a lady. You can agree. Or not. I visited a man at Gotham General Hospital after a bomb blast ripped apart his face. He didn’t appreciate me being there. I gave him an opportunity to end my life by the barrel of a gun. He flipped for it. I’m still alive. I tucked myself into a body bag to make a statement. The neighborhood boss in charge didn’t know what hit him when I popped out like a jack in the box to slice his jugular. No one turned around. Do you know how I got these scars?

I like purple. I think the color suits me. Green hair on me also makes a statement, even if others might find me repulsive.

Chaos makes the world go around. I think chaos should be a credited college course. Professors could hand out a gallon of gasoline and a match as part of the curriculum. Wouldn’t that be something?

Why so serious?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What do you think of The Joker’s maniacal ways? Do you think he’s a man fit for society?

Monday Mayhem

Dinosaurs Vs. Aliens

Posted on June 29, 2015June 28, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Summer movies mean only one thing—aliens. This year it also means dinosaurs rampaging through the theater. Given Jurassic World‘s incredible cash haul at the box office, it’s a wonder anything has survived its carnage. Wouldn’t it be interesting if aliens and dinosaurs battle it out in one movie? I wonder what that would be like? Would you go see it?

For today’s Monday Mayhem, I would like to fantasize for a moment about a movie that I’d love to see at the theater. How does that old writer’s adage go? Oh, yes. A writer writes stuff they’d like to read. In this case, although I’m not a director, a movie I’d like to see would be an all-out battle between aliens and dinosaurs. Wouldn’t that be something?

How would such a movie start?

First, I’d like to see the amped-up dinos from Jurassic World make an appearance. It would only be fitting. Give the aliens ray guns to blast, make the dinosaurs impossible to kill, and what you’d have would be a film filled with intense battles, outstanding special effects and a crazy amount of science fiction to boot. Even more so, would the dinosaurs win if the aliens were the aliens from the movie Aliens? Try saying that fast three times.

The aliens from Aliens have acid for blood. If a dino bites the head off one of the aliens, the beast would surely choke on its own blood. It would be like it had slugged back a carton full of glass. Raw and tender doesn’t even describe the pain the beasts would feel.

How about making the film more fantastic? How about if the aliens were the little green men from another planet like in the movie Mars Attacks!? I’m not sure if the dinos would survive, but at the same time the beasts would have their paws full chasing after the little buggers all over the entire planet.

Since I’m throwing ideas out there to see what sticks, how about a movie that features the creatures from Gremlins? Talk about little annoyances. Remember what the three basic rules are for not producing a gremlin from a mogwai? Here they are

Never get them wet
Never expose them to bright light
And never, ever feed them after midnight

Imagine if you had a pool full of these creatures run after the dinos? I don’t even think velociraptors would be able to survive such an onslaught.

I can’t help myself—one more. How about a movie where Aliens and Gremlins face off in an ultimate death match to see who would go after the dinos?

Why limit it to a handful of velociraptors? Let’s throw a few thousand of these killer animals on an island to go after anything that movies. Oh, wait. I think that was the point of Jurassic Park III.

No matter, it’s always a great way to pass the time imagining about worlds teeming with fantasy.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What movie would you like to see made that no one has ever made before?

Freedom Friday, Other Things

Dreams

Posted on June 26, 2015May 9, 2017 by Jack Flacco

I’ve put away some dreams. Did I have a choice? Yet, others I have kept alive by making them a reality. What would life be without dreams? Here are some of the dreams I left behind as I grew older.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. Oh, how I wanted to travel in space looking for life on other planets and perhaps bring back a few aliens to earth. I quickly gave that up realizing I suffered from motion sickness. Every single time I rode in the back of my parents’ car, I can’t tell you how many times I christened the seats with the contents of my meals.

When I was a bit older, I wanted to be a lawyer. Unfortunately, I had to forget that dream when I found out that I wasn’t very good at arguing. Back then, my arguments went something like this:

Girl who liked me: “Did you break my bike?”
Me: “No.”
Girl who liked me: “You were the last person to use it.”
Me: “I didn’t break your bike.”
Girl who liked me: “You did break it. You suck.”
Me: “Well, you suck harder. So there.”

Like I said, I wasn’t very good at arguing.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a rock star. Obviously, that didn’t happen. I learned all Led Zeppelin Jimmy Page‘s licks, joined a wedding band–I didn’t say I knew what I was doing, did I?–and eventually started my own band. We didn’t make much money, but the stress of lugging our own equipment wasn’t what I’d hoped. Where were the girls? What about the late night parties?

Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page — Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page

When I was out of high school, I wanted to author literature. I imagined a life where I lived in a cottage in the middle of the woods while I banged out a manuscript for my next bestseller. Somehow, the image of wearing one of those smoking jackets, sitting by the fire as I nursed a glass of Napoleon Brandy appealed to me.

That never happened. I’m pretty sure I suffered from ADD at the time, which in turn left me with jimmy legs. I couldn’t sit still for more than five seconds. Oh, well. At least I still have the notes to my ideas. That counts for something, right?

When I was much older, I dreamed of writing books. I wrote one book about zombies, I wrote another one about zombies and aliens, and now I’m writing a third about zombies again. I don’t think I ever gave up the dream of being a published author, although I may have changed what I’ve wanted to write about.

Am I happy? Yeah, I am. I’m glad I didn’t become an astronaut, a lawyer, a rock star or an author of literature. It took a long time for me to figure out my dreams. Was it worth it? Yeah, I would say so.

But I have to confess, it took a lot of work to become a published author. Had I known what I know now, I still would have done it the way I did. It’s the only way I knew how.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What is it about dreams that spur the imagination? Have you achieved your dreams?

Wednesday Warriors

Bill Harding

Posted on June 24, 2015June 16, 2015 by Jack Flacco

The twisters came early in the season. The emergency response system warned citizens of the imminent disaster ready to strike. But not all took cover. They needed more time.

When Bill Harding (Bill Paxton) arrives at his old team’s gathering ground holding papers for a divorce with his estranged wife Jo Harding (Helen Hunt), he doesn’t know that his next decision would place him on a course with destiny, and as a feature in Wednesday Warriors.

A scientist. A philosopher. A weather prognosticator. Bill can feel a storm brewing on his skin. He draws dirt from the ground and pours it into the air to measure wind speed, updrafts and wind current. He doesn’t need a barometer to know when a twister is churning in the atmosphere, ready to make an appearance.

Bill Harding is the barometer.

His old crew consists of his wife Jo, an overzealous driver Dustin Davis (Philip Seymour Hoffman), Robert “Rabbit” Nurick (Alan Ruck), Tim “Beltzer” Lewis (Todd Field), and a few other eager storm chasers who follow the direction of their former leader into the mouth of tornadoes.

Their mission? To measure the creation, movement and death of a twister. Their problem? They have to get in front of the ravenous beast and drop Dorothy in its path. The whirlwind will then suck the information-gathering instrument into its vortex and produce the statistics Bill and his team needs to understand how tornadoes come to be. Above all, it is his hope the device’s data will one day save lives.

Joining Bill in his quest to intercept a tornado-in-the-making is his current flame Dr. Melissa Reeves (Jami Gertz). She sees things differently. She sees cows flying across their path as unusual. Sister twisters grazing their truck like a plaything as heart stopping. A monster storm burying them in a hideaway as things of which she can’t compete. She doesn’t even know where to start.

There really isn’t a place for anyone in Bill’s life who can’t keep up with him. It’s not on purpose. He just has a propensity to follow his instincts. If his instincts carry him to drive his truck in the middle of a field while a massive rainstorm twirls overhead, then that is what he’ll do. To him, in the greater scheme of his life, only one thing matters—get Dorothy into the heart of the tornado.

What the character Bill teaches in the movie Twister is that obstacles, problems and difficulties are nothing when a goal is clear and crisp. Hurdles are there to hop over. Complications are there to overcome. Whatever stands in his way, he is ready to confront head-on.

Bill shows what it means to dedicate oneself to a passion.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

What do you think of the character Bill Harding in the film Twister?

Monday Mayhem

AI

Posted on June 22, 2015June 22, 2015 by Jack Flacco

Artificial intelligence is always a hot topic among science fiction fans. Can anyone argue that although 2001: A Space Odyssey’s Hal has good intensions, he no less presents an interesting story albeit that of a sociopathic nightmare? Additionally, a discussion centered on machines with humanlike attributes could not be complete without Sonny, I, Robot’s anthropomorphic servant droid who proves a heart within a machine is worth saving.

How close has humanity come to creating a true representation of itself within a computer system?

Take Apple’s Siri. As creepy as it sounds, Siri is the digital equivalent to a best friend. Ask it a typical question such as “How are you?” and it will respond, “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” Should a user of the device choose a male voice to represent the virtual assistant, things begin to sound eerie and familiar. Hal would be proud.

With Apple’s iOS 9 coming out this September, Siri will be able to predict what a user will ask next. For instance, if a user would like directions to a particular address, Siri will also suggest places to dine and a place to lodge, should a user be so inclined to do so.

The logic behind Google Maps is already there. It takes it a step further by providing alternate routes, the ability to avoid toll roads and traffic conditions.

Artificial intelligence couldn’t be better. But what is the cost of all this AI?

Years prior to the year 2000, computer experts warned of an upcoming digital apocalypse where computers would choke and destroy humanity. Obviously, that didn’t happen. The Y2K bug was to usher in a second dark age where electricity would be scarce and hospitals would be full. Again, it didn’t happen. However, what it did prove was just how fragile computer networks were at the time and what precautions governments and companies took to prevent an utter catastrophe from occurring.

Could it happen again, only this time for real?

Given the world’s reliance on electricity, would it be hard to imagine a world hit by a global scale blackout? It happened in 2003 on the northeastern seaboard. In August of that year, the lights went out for several days leaving 50 million people without power. The “glitch” started with a tree branch in Ohio spreading power surges through the grid all the way up across the border to Ontario. With all the safeguards in place, the incident still brought two nations to a halt.

How difficult would it be to think of a time when a routine event couldn’t cause the downfall of the entire global infrastructure? Looking at it a different way. What’s to say that in an effort to protect the grid, artificial intelligence wouldn’t attempt to circumvent safeguards to preserve life on this planet?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale now.
RANGER MARTIN AND THE SEARCH FOR PARADISE, on sale October 20.

Is artificial intelligence too much intelligence to control our lives? Should we allow it?

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