Jack Flacco

Wichita

Posted on March 27, 2013March 27, 2013 by Jack Flacco

Zombieland is a grim film. It provides a commentary on society’s ills, and demonstrates humanity’s failure to manage an apocalypse of grand proportions contrasted against civilized utopian values. Cinematic enthusiasts do well by taking this movie seriously. Queue the vinyl record scratch. Yeah, right. Are you sure, we’re talking about the same movie here?

If you’re a new reader to Women Who Wow Wednesday, this series is not about stuffy interpretations of female movie protagonists. No, it’s about having fun! And what better way to have fun than to shine the spotlight on Wichita, the teenage Zombieland killer?

Let’s dispense with the pleasantries and go for the jugular. When we first meet Wichita (Emma Stone), she’s not a very nice human being. She lies, she tricks others into giving up what’s theirs, and she’s particularly sneaky. In fact, if I were a person of vulgar persuasion, I’d describe her as a female dog. But I’m not going to do that. I’d rather focus on the positive aspects of her personality than tear her down a few sizes.

How’s that for a rough start? So far, she doesn’t possess that many redeeming qualities to cry home about. There’s gotta be something that can spark an interest in appreciating why anyone would keep her around.

Wichita's Mossberg 500 shotgun — Wichita’s Mossberg 500 shotgun

To her benefit, Wichita does like guns, I suppose. She sports a Mossberg 500 shotgun with rear and forward pistol grip, and side-saddle shell holder, which she utilizes throughout the entire movie. Her backup is a Walther PPK pistol. She uses it to threaten Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a Twinkie-loving zombie-slayer, only after he threatens her sister Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) first.

What’s that say about Wichita if she doesn’t want to use any other gun other than the one she has? Yeah, she suffers serious trust issues. That’s what I thought too. However, I would add she’s faithful. Her commitment to one gun provides as an example that once she does trust someone, she’ll do anything to protect them. Even if it means losing her life while doing so. I guess she possesses some redeeming qualities after all.

Then there’s the matter of Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg). He’s always been the outsider. Never one appreciated except for when he gave Wichita his shotgun. They become close. She confides in him about knowing the rumor that Los Angeles being zombie-free is bogus. She keeps up appearances for her sister’s sake. He admires her and they become good friends.

Columbus realizes Wichita had to lie in the beginning to protect her sister. She didn’t know Tallahassee or Columbus. She had to trick them into giving up their firearms because if she didn’t, in her mind, who knows what would have happened. And if she wasn’t sneaky, how would she have known who the real Columbus was? That’s her side of it, anyway. Eventually she does reveal her real name to him.

You know what? I like Wichita. She’s solid. There’s no wavering with her. Either you’re for her or against her. None of that wishy-washy “oh, I broke a nail” stuff with her. She takes her hits and keeps going forward.

Have you seen Zombieland? What do you think of Wichita? Was it necessary she lie, cheat and steal to get her way?

Monday Mayhem

Zombies: The New Vampires

Posted on March 25, 2013March 24, 2013 by Jack Flacco

It wasn’t long ago when audiences packed theaters for vampire-themed movies. Much of that popularity came from young readers devouring books like Twilight. How quickly trends change. With the new release of the film World War Z this summer, zombies will all but secure the top spot as the new vampires.

Don't Open, Dead Inside — Don’t Open, Dead Inside

How did this happen? For this edition of Monday Mayhem, my series devoted to all things crazy and insane, I’d like to explore the rise of the zombie from a knuckle-dragging goon to a sophisticated eating machine.

Disclaimer: If anything my regular readers know about me is, I’m a zombie purist. I’m a huge fan of George A. Romero, the father of modern zombie behavioral science. Have that in mind when reading this post, since I’ll probably offer my opinion on more than one occasion—or not.

At one time, vampires ruled the earth. Bookstore shelves couldn’t keep up with the insatiable demand to carry the latest and greatest vampire series. Every Halloween the most popular costumes had to have fangs and pale white makeup kits. Theaters featured vampires making dinner meat out of humans, vampires killing werewolves, and vampires falling in love. Topics on radio shows included: Whenever you hear thunder, do you wonder if vampires are playing baseball?

What happened to the vampire?

Zombies are what happened to vampires. Just like their genetic makeup, zombies crept into mainstream popularity and are now eating away at every form of media. The movie Warm Bodies is the latest entry to the genre, which film critics loved as the zombie equivalent to Twilight. The steady growth of zombie fandom hasn’t relented one bit either. Shows like The Walking Dead and In the Flesh have captured the imagination of viewers everywhere. Sites devoted to the undead have sprung up throughout the world. Commercials have even gotten in on the act. Zombies apparently love BMW, Ford and Doritos.

How did this all happen?

In the 1920s, H. P. Lovecraft wrote a short story called Herbert West—Reanimator. Inspired by Frankenstein, Lovecraft’s mad doctor believed he could bring life back from the dead, which he did. The caveat being the creatures reanimated came back as starved cannibals, killing and eating everyone in sight. Sounds familiar, huh?

In 1954, Richard Matheson wrote I Am Legend. Although devoted to vampirism, the common story elements with modern day zombies are evident. A virus infects humans who then infect other humans with their bites. In the 2007 movie by the same name, Will Smith fights dark seekers, which blurs the lines between vampires and zombies even further. Although never spoken of as vampires, if one were to view dark seekers simply by their behavior, one would think they are zombies (feed off humans, affected by a virus, etc.).

However, it wasn’t until 1968 when director George A. Romero released The Night of the Living Dead that zombies became what they are today—single-minded eating machines. These are the same zombies featured in the show The Walking Dead (born from the dead, crave human flesh and will die with a blow to the head—as I’d written in my post The Three Commandments).

This gradual escalation of zombie popularity has yet to abate. Once we see a full-scale acceptance of the zombie genre, that’s when a true zombie apocalypse will have taken place.

Have we seen the last of vampires? Do you think someone will write about a family of zombies?

Freedom Friday

The Elephant

Posted on March 22, 2013March 22, 2013 by Jack Flacco

I had a dream the other night. I think it safe sharing it with you. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to tell anyone, right? Aw, heck, it is Freedom Friday so if you feel like telling someone, go ahead. I won’t stop you.

I dreamt I was leading a marching band. One of those big, fat New Orleans’ marching bands. You know the kind, with the flutes shrilling, trumpets blaring, and drums banging. I blew on my whistle, twirled my baton—the whole bit, really. I was in my element. As I led the zombie-like musicians through the street (they weren’t zombies, they just followed me that way), an elephant appeared right in our path. I kid you not. It stood there not moving. We had to come to an abrupt halt. No more shrilling, blaring or banging. And no more whistling or twirling for me. A dead stop.

I looked at the elephant hoping my stare would cause it to move. It didn’t move. It just thrust its trunk back and forth, and blew a heavy sound. All I wanted it to do was for it to move from our path in order for us to continue doing what we did best—make music. It wasn’t having any of it. It sat its dump truck behind on the pavement and wouldn’t budge.

When I awoke, I immediately wondered what I had eaten the night before. It was unusual to have a dream this vivid and remember it in detail the next morning. I thought back on those tacos stuffed with spicy meat, shredded cheese and delicious salsa. It couldn’t have been the tacos. I wasn’t burping them through my nose.

As nighttime neared, I prepared for sleep. My nighttime ritual consists of kissing my wife, saying goodnight to the kids, changing into my PJs, brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom and making up the bed. It’s during the course of making up the bed that my mind races a mile a minute recapping the day’s events. It was here where the thought of the elephant kept pounding my head. It wouldn’t let go. Stupid elephant.

That same night, I fell asleep and dreamt of the same big, fat New Orleans’ marching band. The same flutes shrilling, trumpets blaring, and drums banging. And of the same stupid elephant sitting its massive rump on the pavement where we needed to pass. The next morning I was at a loss. Is it possible someone was trying to tell me something? Was my subconscious playing tricks on me? Had I crossed over to the throes of insanity, never to regain my tempered state?

Therefore, I did what any other person would have done on the brink of a mental breakdown. I told a friend. I blurted out everything, the band, the elephant—everything. My friend thought for a moment and said, “Don’t ask, why the elephant got in your way. Ask, why you were leading a big ass marching band.”

Could I have missed the obvious? I was so busy worrying about the elephant that I’d forgotten about the band. Once I looked at it that way, I wondered where all the cheerleaders were.

Ever have strange dreams? Care to share? Promise, we won’t tell.

Women Who Wow Wednesday

Lara Croft

Posted on March 20, 2013March 19, 2013 by Jack Flacco

How can I describe her without my jaw collapsing in on itself? Do I concentrate on her large almond eyes, her puffy lips and her sporty braided ponytail? Or do I try to describe her well-endowed frame in a meaningful way so I don’t seem like I’m drooling? My regular readers already know what I’m going to say, but I’ll say it anyway—welcome to this edition of Women Who Wow Wednesday.

My first introduction to Lara Croft was in 1997 with the PC game Tomb Raider II. To say the game was long is an understatement. It took me a solid two months to complete. I fell in love with the character right out of the box. She was the first female hero I had played that actually had a set on her, if you know what I mean. Tough, tough, tough chick. I was in need of some serious R&R once I’d finished with her.

Lara might be a game character and may seem a tad two-dimensional (at least in the old PC games), but once Angelina Jolie breathed life into her, Lara became greater than life itself. I was one of the first guys in the theater opening night. I was also one of the first ones to have gotten the DVD several months later on release day. I don’t remember having slept that night either. The special features consumed me to a little nub.

What is it that I like the most about Lara? What’s there not to like? She’s attractive, intelligent, has one of those wicked English accents that would drive any young boy bonkers. Nothing fazes her. Machine gun fire could follow her up a wall and she’d laugh it off as if it was a game of hopscotch.

No matter how many assassins appear in any given moment, she can dispatch them without misplacing one hair on her head. Most of the times, the smirk on her face says it all, “I am easily entertained by your efforts. But today, you will die.” An expert marksman, weapons come easy to her. She carries two silver Heckler & Koch USP Match 9mm handguns, each holstered to her thighs. Custom mag holders dispense 18-round magazines at almost the same time.

What else can she do? Oh, boy—she can perform summersaults, back flips, layouts, tucks, pikes—I’ve seen her toss herself from the edge of a cliff, grab a crag on the other side, slide the length of a crevice, and hop the opposite side of a rock formation to land on a ledge barely wide enough for her fingertips. Excuse the pun, but Lara Croft: Tomb Raider rocks!

Have you played any of the Tomb Raider games? Have you seen any of the movies?

Monday Mayhem

The Three Commandments

Posted on March 18, 2013January 29, 2015 by Jack Flacco

In recent times, moviegoers have come to realize there are no absolutes when dealing with the horror genre. Ghosts can eat food (Pirates of the Caribbean), werewolves can change at will (Underworld), and vampires can sparkle when exposed to sunlight (Twilight). However, all bets are off when we talk about zombies. Zombies live in a world of absolutes.

As a primer to my Monday Mayhem series, let’s examine The Three Commandments of the undead. Established by director George A. Romero in the 1968 movie Night of the Living Dead and solidified in his 1978 film Dawn of the Dead, these three laws are what make the zombie genre unique. Without them, zombies wouldn’t exist in their present form.

I—The Dead Have Come Back to Life

A zombie isn’t a zombie unless it comes back from the dead. Much like vampires, zombies were once dead. Hence the name: undead. Through a biochemical change, voodoo or some other form of reanimation, the dead rises. This is the crux of zombiehood. Without it, zombies simply are not zombies.

What about a virus? In modern storytelling, a virus is the usual suspect in the blame-game for many undead creations. Typically, the virus runs through a population, changing them to become zombies. In strict technical terms, these creatures may not qualify as true zombies if the victims do not initially die. However, I argue if a virus has an element of death associate with it (biological or intellectual), then of course the resultant creature is none other than a zombie.

The key here is to note a physical transformation from death to life.

II—The Undead Crave Human Flesh

Every biological species requires sustenance to maintain health. Zombies do not. Zombies eat because it’s in their nature to hunger after human meat. It’s a compulsion. They cannot turn off the desire to slay a human and feed off the body. They just can’t. They are like the sharks of the underworld. They yearn, hunt, kill and eat. That’s it. They don’t stop. From one body to another, they’ll consume a whole town without regard. They are never satiated.

III—The Undead Will Die with a Blow to the Brain

The only thing that will stop a zombie is the destruction of its brain. A hunter of the undead can use various methods to attain this result. The most common is a bullet to the head. A knife through the temple will also do a fine job of ridding the earth of the vermin species. As would any of these other methods: An ice pick through the eye socket, multiple blows from a baseball bat, a sharp stick through its mouth thereby severing its spinal cord, a screwdriver to the back of the skull, a meat cleaver aimed directly at the frontal lobe, etc. The possibilities are endless. The purpose is to render the creature dead by inflicting the maximum amount of trauma to its brain. Once complete, the zombie will no longer pose a threat to any other humans.

Have you ever heard of The Three Commandments? What are your thoughts about zombiehood?

Freedom Friday

Naked

Posted on March 15, 2013March 12, 2013 by Jack Flacco

The Goo Goo Dolls’ Naked is a song that speaks to the heart. So many people have had so many interpretations for this anthem that no one’s willing to come forward to say it definitely means anything. For my Freedom Friday post I’d like to tell you what I think of this song and of what it means to me.

Recorded in 1995, Naked by The Goo Goo Dolls has raised questions among musical aficionados everywhere. Some have attributed this song to the band’s struggles with stardom within the music scene. Some have said this song is more about loneliness. To whom shall we lend credence?

When I first heard the song, it made me stop and listen. Something about it gripped my imagination and stirred my conscience. I suppose we all have something that moves us. An event. A photograph. This song, however, gave me pause, and I don’t think I would have looked beyond the meaning of the lyrics if it wasn’t for the Stairway to Heaven tribute guitar solo three-quarters the way through.

Now, I know you may be unfamiliar with the song, so I decided to reprint the lyrics here for your reading pleasure.

Naked

Yeah I’m fadin’ and I call out
No one hears me
Never been, never felt, never thought I’d say a word

Weighed down
Safe now

You’re naked inside your fear
You can’t take back all those years
And shots in the dark from empty guns
Are never heard by anyone
Never heard by anyone

Yeah I’m hiding in the fallout
Now I’m wasted
They don’t need me, don’t want me, don’t hear a word I say

Weighed down
Safe now

You’re naked inside your fear
You can’t take back all those years
And shots in the dark from empty guns
Are never heard by anyone
Never heard by anyone

Inside your head
No one’s there
And I don’t think I’ll ever be
And I don’t care

You’re naked inside your fear
You can’t take back all those years
And shots in the dark from empty guns
Are never heard by anyone
Never heard by anyone
By anyone
By anyone

The verse that absolutely shines for me is “you’re naked inside your fear.” I thought about this a lot. I think what it means is in our most vulnerable state—naked—fear is what dictates our behavior. This could mean physical or non-physical nakedness. Fear is a powerful component to our willingness to either live a life befitting of joy or walk around like zombies, never experiencing life’s true happiness.

Additionally, true joy, joy without fear, is being naked to the world having love in our hearts and in our minds. It’s not being afraid of injury by anyone while we accomplish the mission to love others as ourselves. Not to sound too preachy but to me, if we love others as ourselves, we’ve done all we could do to live a life worth living.

Have you ever heard of the song Naked? What do you think the underlying message is?

Women Who Wow Wednesday

AVP: Alexa Woods

Posted on March 13, 2013March 12, 2013 by Jack Flacco

The reluctant hero. Everyone knows who they are. Officer John McClane in the Die Hard series is one of them. The guy who’s caught in the wrong place at the wrong time but manages to save the day. Enter Alexa Woods, guide to an archaeological expedition to Antarctica, and the hero to my next installment of Women Who Wow Wednesday.

Billed as a doomsday movie of sorts with the tagline: “Whoever Wins…We Lose,” 2004’s AVP: Alien vs. Predator introduces us to a new reluctant hero. Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, the movie took in a healthy $173 Million at the box office with a budget of $60 Million.

They call her Lex for short and her stature may reflect that, but there’s nothing short about her. Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan) leads a group of ragtag experts deep below the Antarctic frost to explore a recently discovered, giant pyramid. Hired by Weyland Industries, Lex is the first to bail on the initiative declaring the project unsafe. How do you like that for great leadership qualities? She eventually cedes to direct the team with a few simple rules:

No one goes anywhere alone—ever
Everyone must maintain constant communication
Unexpected things are gonna happen

*** From this point forward, I may reveal some spoilers. Be warned. You may want to skip to the end. ***

When the team arrives at an abandon mining town to set up drilling equipment, they soon discover they may not be alone. A force, greater than anything on earth, bore a perfect thirty-degree tunnel through the ice to the base of the pyramid. As Lex takes one group into the tunnel, the other group meets an invisible force—a pack of Predators. The entire group is slain.

Making their way below the surface of the ice, Predators hunt and kill anyone who appears as a threat to their mission. Although Lex was able to save Mr. Weyland, played by James Cameron veteran actor Lance Henriksen, from a previous fatal encounter with death, nothing could have saved him this time. He is one of the first to go.

One by one, as Predators kill the second team, a new enemy emerges, even deadlier than Predators—Aliens. Aliens kill the remnant of the humans, while Predators hunt the Aliens, and on and on this fun circle goes.

Lex realizes she’s stepped in the middle of a war. When confronted face to face by the last surviving Predator, she bows her head to the ground in humility, and provides the entity the weapon it needs to defeat the Aliens.

And this is the best part. Just when we think it’s lights out for Lex, Predator turns its back on her to fight an oncoming hoard of Aliens. But one of them makes it through to reach Lex. Predator spots this and throws her its spear. This gesture solidifies their warrior kinship. Lex kills the Alien, running it through with the spear. Once the dust clears, Predator fashions for Lex a spear from the tail, and a shield from the skull of a dead Alien. Predator then marks Lex’s cheek with warrior markings with the acidic blood of her conquest. Lex earns the rite of passage from Predator.

She was now one of them.

*** End of spoilers. ***

The Indians who lived in our part of Canada more than two hundred years ago believed that if they ate the heart of the bravest enemy, they would in turn become brave. Lex didn’t have to eat the heart of an Alien, but she certainly earned her right of passage as a true warrior.

What are your thoughts about the reluctant hero, Lex?

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